Getting back

Well, Christmas is over, and we're getting close to a new year. Eventhough I haven't been blogging, I've kept track of the previous year through my planner. A lot of stuff actually happened though at times, it felt like nothing much went on.

It's quiet at work today since everyone's pretty much out which is a good thing. I need to do some stuff before the year's over but thought I'd take a moment to gather my thoughts, and write them down somewhere.

Yesterday was a good day overall, well it completely turned around since during the morning, I was so upset having to pick up somebody else's slack that I about cried and want to leave my job. I calmed down a bit after getting back to the office though, and normally I'd sulk and not talk to anybody, but with it being just my boss and I, it just felt like the wrong thing to do. Not so much wrong, but it's unfair at times to other people when I take out things on them when they didn't do anything to me. Sometimes, we need to have a social face that eventhough we're close to breaking down, we have to show otherwise to other people. I'll have to post something I read about this....

Going back to yesterday, my friend and I planned to see a movie at one of my fave places, the Drafthouse. It's a theater but they serve food and drinks before the show/event, and I've gone there numerous times since moving here. My coworker ended up coming along, will call her G-, along with my friends H- and L-. It was fun, we just had little banters until the movie started, them making fun of my 'indecisiveness' and how it should be my middle name...thing is it's true.

I've been making some changes in my life little by little. One of the main things was that I moved out of the apartment I was sharing with a roommate and found a place to myself. This is the first time in 4 years I've lived alone, and I did miss it. I'm still getting the apartment set up, but it sure is nice to have "my" place again. Will post pics eventually.

Will keep it short for now, since I figured I had to start somewhere. Hope everyone had a nice Christmas :)

Changes

Well, a year has passed and it's time to move again, granted it'll be like within a 20 mile radius, I think even less but still. My intent was to stay at this apartment I'm in for 2 years but somehow these past six months, things kinda changed that. I got tired of the surroundings, and the people upstairs are just real loud walkers, no matter what time of day it is.

Today was good overall. A conversation with a coworker enlightened me over a decision I brewing on for a whole week. It was work related but still, it was doing me in. I'm given more responsibility at work now, and granted I do well, that thing known as doubt rears its head and makes me question my abilities.

I ended up not living work til 5, so much for living early! I ended up talking to one of the field guys for a good hour about work and our pasts. He's going through a divorce right now which breaks my heart, since it's never easy. But then what do I know, at times it's necessary to happen before the one.

Will write more tomorrow since I'm sleepy. Nite!

Miike Snow - Burial (Live, In the Woods)

Will be seeing them next month :D

Spoon or Fork

Found this a while ago but sharing to those who hasn't read it

INT. SILVERWARE DRAWER - NIGHT

A SPOON creeps toward an empty slot in a cutlery caddy.

A lamp flickers on.

The Spoon GASPS.

The FORK scowls at the Spoon, his tines shaking in anger. FORK

Where have you been?

SPOON

Um ... I was taking a midnight dip ... in the sink.

FORK

Alone?

SPOON

I suppose you're going to accuse me of sneaking off with one of the knives from the butcher block again. And that you imagined that you heard us clinking together in the dark.

The Fork hands the Spoon a manila file folder.

FORK

I hired the spatula to follow you. He took these pictures.

The Spoon slowly opens the folder. She finds photographs of herself frolicking with a dish on the dish rack.FORK

Is it true? Are you diddlin' the Dish?

SPOON

Forky ...

FORK

(turning away)

Oh god ...

SPOON

I didn't plan it. I was just lying in the spoon rest, and the next thing I knew, I found myself plunged into his hot, sticky --

FORK

You can tell me he dipped you. You can tell me he's stirred you, but please, please, tell me he didn't ...

SPOON

Spoon me?

The Forks looks directly at her, but now the Spoon turns away.

FORK

We were happy once. Remember the night when you first ran your fingers through my tines ... What happened?

SPOON

I could say it's not you. I could say it's me, but it'd be a lie.

FORK

It's my agoraphobia, isn't it?

SPOON

I can't spend the rest of my life shut away in this drawer, Forky. I want to see the world before I'm too tarnished to go anywhere.

FORK

I'll change. I'll ... I'll ...

The Spoon smiles sadly, her oval head drooping.

SPOON

I'd better go.

The Spoon pushes the drawer open and hops out.

The Fork crawls after her.

FORK

Spoonie! Spoonie, come back!

The Fork tries to follow her, but freezes at the edge of the drawer. He folds over as if touched by the invisible hands of Uri Geller, collapsing into a sobbing heap of metal and tines.

Armour love

Hearing this song kinda shook me since during the time I was with C-, I did just that except the part believing I belonged to somebody else. I don't know if I've grown a lot since the split, or I'm just managing better since I'm alone again but things don't get to me like they used to anymore. Not sure if it's a conscious decision or not.

You pull on your armour And put up defences
Why do you want to? Because I'm here to protect you
So take it easy I'll make it so easy
You can lay your head down And we'll leave it til tomorrow

You seem to believe you belong to somebody else
When you leave me alone in this world You know that I'm in hell
When you know what it's like To be lonely and by yourself

When your life is tangled You wear your disguises
But why do you need to When I'm standing here beside you?
So take it easy I'll make it so easy
You can lay your head down And we'll leave it til tomorrow

You seem to believe you belong to somebody else
When you leave me alone in this world You know that I'm in hell
When you know what it's like To be lonely and by yourself

Slipping through my fingers And into another's
Tell me why won't you turn back?

You seem to believe you belong to somebody else
(You know what it's like you shouldn't have to be told)
When you leave me alone in this world
You know that I'm in hell
(It's hard enough when you're alone in the world)
When you know what it's like
To be lonely and by yourself
(x2)

You'll find a way

Well, guess I missed putting my thoughts down on something after all and found myself wanting to write and share things. The DC area has seen its most snow in a while so the offices have been closed for two days now so it's definitely been a looong weekend. There's another one coming so will see about that. I was worrying since I got tickets to see La Roux and I might not be able to get in to DC with the snow and all but will see. Last week, I got to see The Magnetic Fields after missing their show the last time. I did buy tickets but forgot it somehow and realized when the concert was underway. They certainly did not disappoint, though it's weird how you would not have paid them anymind if you passed any of them in the streets. I've listened to them going on six years now after hearing this song from a movie. It just went from there, and that's when I found out about 69 Love Songs. It's interesting how the lyrics change their meaning after you've experienced love. So with Feb, it's a season of concerts since I had 3 to go to this month.

Work-wise, it's been going good. I've enjoyed being at my current job. I might have said it before but the folks are really awesome, and I'm given more responsibilities which I'm trying to do really well in. There's definitely room for growth so can see myself being there for a while. They have offices throughout the country so I'm gonna try to get reassigned somewhere warmer in the West Coast, or even Texas so will see.

Here comes the snow again. Gotta get cooking in case the power dies again.

Leaving a mark

Thanks to all the friendships I've made along the way but for a while, I've taken the role of an observer and a quiet reader instead of posting and commenting. Eventhough I haven't commented, I'm still here, and always will be. I think I've met pretty much most of my blogger friends, except one or two. It's a promise I've made to myself from the beginning and pretty much has been successful. It makes me sad when people just up and abandon their blogs, so chose not to do that. After all this time, I'm alright with the one I got.

Life's a never-ending cycle. You laugh, you cry, you get hurt, you knowingly/unknowingly hurt others. You hate, and of course, you love. One can't exist without the other, just a matter of finding a balance and making peace with one's self. It's interesting how time changes you, things you thought that mattered, doesn't always in the end and vice versa, though it's not always easy to figure out which is which. I think I've come along since I started this blog few years ago, and am thankful for having a way to just let things out of my mind and my heart. I feel lighter on my shoulders now. I find myself censoring what to write and I didn't want to get to that point where I don't write about things that matter...even if it was just to me.

"Everybody wants to leave something behind them, some impression, some mark upon the world. And then you think, you've left a mark on the world if you just get through it and a few people remember your name. Then you've left a mark. You don't have to bend the world. I think it's better just to enjoy it. Pay your dues and enjoy it. If you shoot an arrow and it goes real high, hooray for you."

I am more me

I remember when, when i first moved here, a long time ago,
'cause i heard some song i used to hear back then, a lone time ago.
I remember when, even further back, in another town,
'cause i saw something written i used to say back then, hard to comprehend

and the question is, was i more alive then than I am now?
I happily have to disagree;
I laugh more often now, i cry more often now, I am more me.

but of cause some days, i just lie around and hardly exist,
and can´t tell apart what i´m eating from my hand or my wrist.
'cause flesh is flesh, flesh as flesh as flesh, the difference is thin.
but life has a certian ability or breating new life into me, so i breathe it in.
it says here we are, and we all are here, and you still can make sense,
if you just show up and present an honest face, instead of that grin.

and the other day, this new friend of mine said something to me
just because something starts differently,
doesn´t mean it's worth less,
and i soaked it in, how i soaked it in, how i soaked it in
and just as to prove how right he was, then you came.
so i'm gonna give, yes i´m gonna give, i'm gonna give you a try