Well the 'war game' ended right on Midnight Thursday so got to go home right after coming back for lunch. We worked twelve hours shifts this week, and were given two hour lunches so it wasn't too bad. The first night was kinda funny how we didn't have any tables, chairs or anything. So we had to sit on the ground struggling to stay awake. We just had 'simulated' chairs, while I had a simulated bed since I was sprawled out on the grass. We were inside a tent though so it helped keep the breeze out since it got really cold.
I brought in my laptop the second night so that helped to pass time. There would be influx of people around 4-7 pm which is usually when shift change happens. Then die down for a bit, then some come in around midnight. It's around this time that the 'attacks' usually happen. Since I'm a non player (doesn't participate in the exercise), I don't need to do anything but for those who are, they had to put on their gas mask and gloves and hide (usually under a desk if you're in the office or under a roof/concrete (if you're outdoors). During that time, you'll have to stay in the same spot and not do anything. Not even walk around the office like everything was fine. You've been attacked, take cover!! I remember how at my old base that we usually end up napping during these times. The attack mode would last a few hours at times, and napping's the most that we could do, for the night shifters.
It wasn't bad at all, eventhough it felt like temping. I had to work with people I didn't know, so crash course in getting to know them and find things to talk about. Surprisingly it was fun though I was quiet at first but broke out of the shell eventually. I had to work with four other people, so had to take it slow though and talk to only one of them at first. I'm not a big fan of group conversations where it's like playing ping pong, somebody picking right up where another one left off. I got a bit annoyed since one kid kept calling me out when I was quiet or kinda keeping to myself. Why are you quiet (last name!?) What are you doing __!? What's that you're reading ?! What are you thinking!? Gah, leave me alone but at the same time glad he's asking me. Yea, I can be a weirdo. He was the one who loved Arrested Development and Strangers with Candy though so he earned bonus points for that. That was all I had on my laptop, well Spongebob too. So it's not really something "guys" would wanna watch. During the attacks, since the tent was a transition point, some people opted to hang around instead of donning on their mask. Pretty much all of them ended up liking the show, though the first thing out of their mouths is "God!! Her face!!" Even people who were sitting behind the laptop ended up moving their chairs to see what Jerril was all about (smiles).
I stayed up 'til about 5 a.m. just talking to my cousin after getting home four and a half hours prior. I don't even remember what we talk about sometimes. Just different things, what we think about our situation, things that happened, family, relationships, just about anything really. Some people find our relationship weird but I can say she's a friend of mine too. We bonded after I stayed with them for two years. Then after me joining the military, her following suit about a year and a half later. Her job sucked though so feel bad for her but all I can tell her it'll be all over in the morning. Like Iyanla said, even if that morning lasts for months or even years, things eventually get better. At one point though, I put a damp on our relationship when she was with me in Japan. She ended up "vacationing" for three months. So it's us two, in a 10x1 5 room. It drove me nuts after a while. And I just go silent and not speak to her in that little space we are in. After she left, I regretted doing that to her. That was the same thing that about killed me when her dad did that, and there I was doing the same thing that I told myself I would never do to people. I apologized over it, and we're okay now. When my emotions get the best of me though, I still cry about the past and the things I did and didn't do. I've asked for forgiveness, and it's up to the people I've made amends to whether to accept it or reject it. I can only move on.
It was a good weekend though. That Thursday evening, I've also been texting this one girl Rav-. We've been e-mailing each other couple of weeks prior when she was still in Washington, before she made the move here to the area to be with her boyfriend. That's lovely, moving cross country to be with the one you love (smiles)
Well we kinda got to know each other after she e-mailed about the mattress I was selling. With my impending move (which I thought was gonnabe Florida), I was gonna get rid of my furnitures and just keep the essential things. It's silly how sometimes I get the idea of trying to get it down to a suitcase worth, and have a new beginning. A suitcase is all I had when I moved to the U.S. and sometimes when I look around, I wonder in amazement how I've accumulated all these things. Of course, I'm thankful though I try not to get attached to them. Most of the things we 'think' we need, we really don't. Everything that's important is kept in a place that no one else can take away from you.
Oh dear. Come Friday, I woke up around noon and got a phone call from my manager asking why I didn't come in to work that morning. He heard that it ENDEX (exercise ended) around midnight, and so I should have gone to work like some folks that he knew. Explained to him that even though it ended 12 am, I can't expect to just go home and fall right to sleep and wake up the next day to work a regular shift. All I can say is sorry since it's a no-win situation. He's higher ranking than I am, and that's pretty much all that matters with my current field of work. He's a good guy otherwise, though guess he get stressed out with the way things go at work. So after that, I kinda was cursing the mil. I had to get ready though since I was meeting Rav- later on that afternoon. For the life of me, I was regretting asking her to hang out. This is someone I've never met and wasn't even sure if we had anything in common. But hey, only one way to find out right? She's new here, so I thought I'd show her around or something with whatever knowledge I have of the area. And it went well! We hang out for about four hours (not that I'm keeping track of time). Just walked around the mall, then took her with me to the Apple store to get a video iPod since my older one died (it started working the day after, but M-'s buying it now so it's all good) I asked her if I should get warranty, and she looked at me like I was crazy. Ah yea, you definitely would want that was what she told me. So off to the cashier I went, and paid it off. Reminding him during that I get a discount since I'm affilated with so and so.... After that, we made our way out to the parking lot. But that was before we passed by a father and son as we neared the exit.
I'd say Filipino since there's tons in this area because of the naval base. The dad had his son sitting on his shoulder, the kid probably around 3 or 4 yrs old. The kid looked at me and right when we met each other's gaze, the first thing out of his mouth was "What's up Dawg!?" It was soo adorable, him covering his mouth right after he said it. All three of us adults just busted out laughing since that just came out of nowhere. That made me glad I went to hang with Rav- since none of this would have happened if I wasn't with her. After leaving the mall, drove her around Downtown Norfolk, then took her to Ghent (a neighborhood I've come to love). They have these cafes and restaurants around the neighborhood, though what got me was the Naro Cinema. One of those theaters that show independent films and subtitled movies. Yay. It was where I got to see Strangers With Candy, and Mrs Palfrey at the Claremont. Then in the upcoming weekend, Rocky Horror Picture Show? Ra- told me that I should go after I let her in to the fact I've never watched the movie. We were trying to find in the pamphlet as to when they'll show it, though we felt silly looking up and saw in bold black letters in front of us the days it'll be playing. We walked around the neighborhood for a bit, checking out crafts store where you get to paint your own ceramic, and a store that had home decors, and random knick knacks. After that, we left and headed back to the mall where we met up. Stood around the parking lot just talking, her telling me what happened to their truck that got messed up by a pole. A good time was had by both of us, and I felt good when she said that she's glad to have made a friend on her own, and not through her boyfriend. I raq! Hehe
Ra- drove off and inside the mall I went and phoned M- so I can see him....
23 October 2006
18 October 2006
Nights....
After working days last Sunday, I had to adapt right the next day and do the evening shift. It'll just be for this week though, working twelve hours which can be a drag at times. They had to have even one person at work over the weekend and I volunteered for Sunday to get it over it, earning me a comp day which I got to use last Friday for the interview instead of taking leave/vacation.
It's weird how this whole time I kept wishing if I could just be at work all by myself, I'll be happy. Won't let that happen again!! It wasn't as great as I had it envisioned. It got lonely just sitting there with nobody to talk to. I brought some DVD's to watch, and books to re-read bu really didn't get to any of them. I watched Wallace and Gromit's first 10 minutes but stopped it since I didn't want something playing in the background while I ate. I like the quiet sometimes. Just sitthing there thoughts running through my head, wondering about things.
I pretty much stayed the same spot those 12 hours I worked. At one point, I got close to calling people I know just so I can have somebody to talk to. The feeling went away so that was a good thing. Mostly spent the rest of the day tweaking my iPod which is now dead, working on my mom's paperwork, setting up some spreadsheets, and just going through a bud's archive. I thought about posting with ALL that downtime I had but just sat there, and endeed up not writing anything. Funny how sometimes I think my life's too boring I'll fall asleep just writing about goings-on or the lack of it. It's all in my head though, and I think that happens when I think the others are living a more exciting life. But at the same time, what brings us joy and/or happiness varies from one person to another so it can't really be compared. That's stupid when I do that.
Anyways, with the mom thing, I'm just trying to get her paperwork done and over with which hopefully is in the very last stages. She's more than likely gonna be staying with my aunt (her sister) instead of me. This warrants a post of it's own, to go along with one I started two months ago. I wish I can go back to a day where I didn't judge my parents, and just love them for who they are. I tell myself they tried the best they can with what they have, but sometimes I can't help to think differently. Maybe it wasn't as easy as I think it was, or it might have been, there's really no way of knowing.
Anyway, for this week I'm part of an exercise where we 'play war.' Good thing I'm a non-player though which means I don't have to put on a gas mask or anything if we get 'attacked.' I'm an entry control point guy, making sure that people have all their equipment, and that it's labelled correctly. Lots of people go through the tent, and it's fun getting to look at some. Cute guys, and gals (mostly guys :). We have to brief them as to what's been happening, and advice them on what gears to wear. With the labelling, one goes on the right breast pocket and I've had to actually write their names down on a tape, then stick it on their chest. Ooolala. Especially if they're cute. I develop like 20-sec crushes but it kinda goes away so that's a good thing. Though I'd have to admit I have a thing when someone that wears a flight suit. I remember it making my goal to sleep with one who does, but I'm kinda over that. It hasn't been too bad though, working the entry control point. Though sometimes like today, I just wanted to stretch out on the floor and sleep. Hey, at least now we had chairs and tables! Last night, we didn't have any so ended up sitting on the grass. It's 4 pm to 4 am and it's a little over 5 so I'm going to bed now.
I actually haven't talked with the company I interviewed for. It was supposed to be Monday, but the recruiter e-mailed saying he didn't know anything yet so will get back to me when he does. Come Tuesday, he called twice but I ended up missing his calls since I was busy letting people in. He said he'll call again tomorrow so will see. It's a bit hard to say what the outcome was because it was hard to tell with his voice. So will see tomorrow.
My eyes is about ready to shut so will go to bed now before I type up random letters that doesn't make sense.
P.S.
I finally got to talk to the recruiter today, 1321 after playing tag all day yesterday and he said that the agency's having a tough time making their decision. It's down to me and one other guy so yea, they will make the final decision later on today. The recruiter said he has a good feeling they'd pick me, but really can't get my hopes. I'm thinking positive, but at the same time, not having high expectations. If that makes sense. Having expectations is a sure way to disappointment, and I think not having any, or barely any makes life more surprising since you never know what's around the corner.
It's weird how this whole time I kept wishing if I could just be at work all by myself, I'll be happy. Won't let that happen again!! It wasn't as great as I had it envisioned. It got lonely just sitting there with nobody to talk to. I brought some DVD's to watch, and books to re-read bu really didn't get to any of them. I watched Wallace and Gromit's first 10 minutes but stopped it since I didn't want something playing in the background while I ate. I like the quiet sometimes. Just sitthing there thoughts running through my head, wondering about things.
I pretty much stayed the same spot those 12 hours I worked. At one point, I got close to calling people I know just so I can have somebody to talk to. The feeling went away so that was a good thing. Mostly spent the rest of the day tweaking my iPod which is now dead, working on my mom's paperwork, setting up some spreadsheets, and just going through a bud's archive. I thought about posting with ALL that downtime I had but just sat there, and endeed up not writing anything. Funny how sometimes I think my life's too boring I'll fall asleep just writing about goings-on or the lack of it. It's all in my head though, and I think that happens when I think the others are living a more exciting life. But at the same time, what brings us joy and/or happiness varies from one person to another so it can't really be compared. That's stupid when I do that.
Anyways, with the mom thing, I'm just trying to get her paperwork done and over with which hopefully is in the very last stages. She's more than likely gonna be staying with my aunt (her sister) instead of me. This warrants a post of it's own, to go along with one I started two months ago. I wish I can go back to a day where I didn't judge my parents, and just love them for who they are. I tell myself they tried the best they can with what they have, but sometimes I can't help to think differently. Maybe it wasn't as easy as I think it was, or it might have been, there's really no way of knowing.
Anyway, for this week I'm part of an exercise where we 'play war.' Good thing I'm a non-player though which means I don't have to put on a gas mask or anything if we get 'attacked.' I'm an entry control point guy, making sure that people have all their equipment, and that it's labelled correctly. Lots of people go through the tent, and it's fun getting to look at some. Cute guys, and gals (mostly guys :). We have to brief them as to what's been happening, and advice them on what gears to wear. With the labelling, one goes on the right breast pocket and I've had to actually write their names down on a tape, then stick it on their chest. Ooolala. Especially if they're cute. I develop like 20-sec crushes but it kinda goes away so that's a good thing. Though I'd have to admit I have a thing when someone that wears a flight suit. I remember it making my goal to sleep with one who does, but I'm kinda over that. It hasn't been too bad though, working the entry control point. Though sometimes like today, I just wanted to stretch out on the floor and sleep. Hey, at least now we had chairs and tables! Last night, we didn't have any so ended up sitting on the grass. It's 4 pm to 4 am and it's a little over 5 so I'm going to bed now.
I actually haven't talked with the company I interviewed for. It was supposed to be Monday, but the recruiter e-mailed saying he didn't know anything yet so will get back to me when he does. Come Tuesday, he called twice but I ended up missing his calls since I was busy letting people in. He said he'll call again tomorrow so will see. It's a bit hard to say what the outcome was because it was hard to tell with his voice. So will see tomorrow.
My eyes is about ready to shut so will go to bed now before I type up random letters that doesn't make sense.
P.S.
I finally got to talk to the recruiter today, 1321 after playing tag all day yesterday and he said that the agency's having a tough time making their decision. It's down to me and one other guy so yea, they will make the final decision later on today. The recruiter said he has a good feeling they'd pick me, but really can't get my hopes. I'm thinking positive, but at the same time, not having high expectations. If that makes sense. Having expectations is a sure way to disappointment, and I think not having any, or barely any makes life more surprising since you never know what's around the corner.
15 October 2006
Me soo hor... sleepy
I'm trying to stay awake since I will be working night shift tomorrow but I can't hold it any longer. The bed's calling me. Interview went okay last Friday. I wasn't sure if I wanted the position, then I saw the area and kinda fell for it. It was just lovely. Park right across the building, with a fountain that you can just sit by during whenever. Tomorrow is when they're gonna make a decision as to who they'll be wanting to come aboard. My friend JT said they'll call whether I'll get an offer or not. I probably won't answer when somebody calls since I gotta run some errands anyways.. It's like I wanna get it but I don't. Yep, way to confuse the universe. More when I wake up early.. If a guy say 'that's my boy' and calls me baby, does that make it official? Teehee
Have a good week ahead of ya.
Have a good week ahead of ya.
11 October 2006
I've got something to say...
Last week was the start of our regular schedule and I'm gonna have to say that it's been kicking my ass.. Monday, I woke up 0630 when I should have been at work 30 minutes prior. Called in and told my Staff Sergeant (SSgt) that I'm gonnabe a just a little bit late. So got showered, put on my uniform, grabbed some oatmeal and off to work I went. Kinda good that I live only about 10 mins away from the base. The most traffic I would encounter is people trying to get on base, which can take 10-20 mins just to get through the gates. I finally got to come in at 0715, and I was actually forgiven since the SSgt said that it was our first day with the new schedule so it's okay.
Our new hours is 0600-1500 so it's not too bad. Got home, and kinda forced myself to run. I usually follow the road leading to downtown, though it seems that it's a non-exciting one. There's barely any businesses/company's even in the area so yea. It's nice though running through the bridge over the river, so that's a reason why I run there. Though the chances of running into people doing the same thing, is slim to none. When I was crossing the street, despite of the no crossing sign, I was trying to do it too quickly that I ended up losing my footing for a brief moment. I kinda giggled thinking how silly that was, and went on as if nothing happened. After getting to the other side however, I looked at this one car with the guy yelling HAH! I SAW THAT!!! so I just grinned and kept on running.
Well Tuesday, I woke up early with a lot of time to spare and was really glad about
that. I arrived at work early, though when I was crossing the street, I saw my coworker walking in and all I can utter was Ooops. With it being a Tuesday, we were supposed to come in to work with this uniform with my camouflage on, instead of wearing the blues which pretty much everybody hates. I like it on the other hand, since I feel all professional going to work in a tie. Will post a pic later on to show the difference between the two.
Last, last weekend was actually good, not that my days off have been bad. I usually just stay home when I'm off, and watch movies or just lay around and do nothing. That's the greatest! I'm not much of a busy bee guy, and don't try to find stuff to do just because. (Two weeks ago) So Friday, after finding out I have the weekend free and coming home, I was really antsy and didn't know what to do. I had one of those days where I was wanting to do something, no matter what as long as it got me out of the house. I could have called my friends but I didn't. Instead I got on g.com, and went to the chatroom to see how it'll go. I log in, but really don't initiate conversations since I kinda suck at it. I'd start talking to someone and just run out of things to say sooo yea.. M- messaged greeting me 'Hi! Happy Friday :D' so that made me laugh. We probably talked for about two hours, though he got quiet here and there. And me having that antsy feeling, I kept on talking and talking and trying to get him to hang out. It's not that I like like him, but I just had that feeling of wanting to get out of the house, yet not be myself if I do so. It's not that I don't like my company, but it's nice to step out of the bubble and meet some new folks. I was even singing Abba's song Take a chance on me, well just the Take a chance take a chance take a take a chance since he was hesitant about meeting me.
He actually told me later on that the reason was that he thought I was just coming over so I can drink some of his wine, and that'll be it. He said since after he mentioned wine, that's when it looked like I got all excited over going to his house and hanging out.. Jeeez. Written words sure can be misinterpreted sometime.. Will tell more later but I've finally broken out of the one-meet policy I seem to have with guys. I've actually seen him twice after our first meeting. Second time was that Sunday where I got lost for an hour and a half going back and forth on the interstate. But I still stopped by. At one point, wherever I was was really close to where I lived that M- told me to just go home and call it a night. I said no, I've been driving all this time so might as well stop by. It would have been all in vain if I just went home, ya know. Though that happening frustrated me, I felt better after seeing him. I was at his place 'til about midnight which brought about me being late to work as previously mentioned.
There's been other things in my mind lately, and will tell more one of the next few days. Just things going through my head. Family, friends, career change..Actually this Friday, I'm going back up to the DC area to do another interview with this one company. The first time was with the manager of the hiring company (oh which by the way surprised me how good I did at the interview) I can't even imagine the thoughts popping up in my head as I was driving. Oh my god, what's gonna happen if my car breaks down? What if I get into accident and would have to call them to cancel? So much for positive thinking!! Hahaha I did well enough to warrant a second interview :) This second time around though, I'll be meeting up with the hiring manager once again, to go to the actual agency i MIGHT be working for. See what the actual workcenter is going to be, though I have a feeling it'll be another windowless office (T_T) They tend to drive me nuts sometimes since it makes me miss just looking at the sun or the things going on outside. I'm gonna be meeting the actual people I will be working with/for. Somehow I really feel good about this position. The past week or so though, sorta questioning whether I wouldn't mind doing tech support once again. Sorta getting frustrated at work, which was a rare thing for me to happen. I get easily contented wherever I'm put, but it's being kept out of the loop that was driving me nuts.
But I think, with being a civilian, I'll feel freer knowing that I can up and quit if I'm not happy with the way things are going. Coz with the current situation, they'll pretty much tell ya to get over it since you knew what you're getting into after joining. Ha! If I knew, I wouldn't have joined in the first place. Haha It's been good in the long run. Five weeks to go before I'm out. Woohooo!!
It's actually been about a year now since I first started this good ole. And for that, I'm glad that I kept on though I got really close to getting rid of it right after I started it. I freaked out when I thought I might have pissed a blogger over something I wrote. But anyways, though there hasn't been more entries as there could have been. Just thought I'd say thanks to you guys, and gals namely: Robert, Matt, Rey, Jon, Mush, Dessie, Cesar, Joy, and Mike. Thanks for letting us peek into your lives. It's great to have known you so far :) And also, for reading mine, of course. Taking notice of a boy, and giving him a sense of belonging in this cyberspace. Thanks!
Our new hours is 0600-1500 so it's not too bad. Got home, and kinda forced myself to run. I usually follow the road leading to downtown, though it seems that it's a non-exciting one. There's barely any businesses/company's even in the area so yea. It's nice though running through the bridge over the river, so that's a reason why I run there. Though the chances of running into people doing the same thing, is slim to none. When I was crossing the street, despite of the no crossing sign, I was trying to do it too quickly that I ended up losing my footing for a brief moment. I kinda giggled thinking how silly that was, and went on as if nothing happened. After getting to the other side however, I looked at this one car with the guy yelling HAH! I SAW THAT!!! so I just grinned and kept on running.
Well Tuesday, I woke up early with a lot of time to spare and was really glad about
that. I arrived at work early, though when I was crossing the street, I saw my coworker walking in and all I can utter was Ooops. With it being a Tuesday, we were supposed to come in to work with this uniform with my camouflage on, instead of wearing the blues which pretty much everybody hates. I like it on the other hand, since I feel all professional going to work in a tie. Will post a pic later on to show the difference between the two.
Last, last weekend was actually good, not that my days off have been bad. I usually just stay home when I'm off, and watch movies or just lay around and do nothing. That's the greatest! I'm not much of a busy bee guy, and don't try to find stuff to do just because. (Two weeks ago) So Friday, after finding out I have the weekend free and coming home, I was really antsy and didn't know what to do. I had one of those days where I was wanting to do something, no matter what as long as it got me out of the house. I could have called my friends but I didn't. Instead I got on g.com, and went to the chatroom to see how it'll go. I log in, but really don't initiate conversations since I kinda suck at it. I'd start talking to someone and just run out of things to say sooo yea.. M- messaged greeting me 'Hi! Happy Friday :D' so that made me laugh. We probably talked for about two hours, though he got quiet here and there. And me having that antsy feeling, I kept on talking and talking and trying to get him to hang out. It's not that I like like him, but I just had that feeling of wanting to get out of the house, yet not be myself if I do so. It's not that I don't like my company, but it's nice to step out of the bubble and meet some new folks. I was even singing Abba's song Take a chance on me, well just the Take a chance take a chance take a take a chance since he was hesitant about meeting me.
He actually told me later on that the reason was that he thought I was just coming over so I can drink some of his wine, and that'll be it. He said since after he mentioned wine, that's when it looked like I got all excited over going to his house and hanging out.. Jeeez. Written words sure can be misinterpreted sometime.. Will tell more later but I've finally broken out of the one-meet policy I seem to have with guys. I've actually seen him twice after our first meeting. Second time was that Sunday where I got lost for an hour and a half going back and forth on the interstate. But I still stopped by. At one point, wherever I was was really close to where I lived that M- told me to just go home and call it a night. I said no, I've been driving all this time so might as well stop by. It would have been all in vain if I just went home, ya know. Though that happening frustrated me, I felt better after seeing him. I was at his place 'til about midnight which brought about me being late to work as previously mentioned.
There's been other things in my mind lately, and will tell more one of the next few days. Just things going through my head. Family, friends, career change..Actually this Friday, I'm going back up to the DC area to do another interview with this one company. The first time was with the manager of the hiring company (oh which by the way surprised me how good I did at the interview) I can't even imagine the thoughts popping up in my head as I was driving. Oh my god, what's gonna happen if my car breaks down? What if I get into accident and would have to call them to cancel? So much for positive thinking!! Hahaha I did well enough to warrant a second interview :) This second time around though, I'll be meeting up with the hiring manager once again, to go to the actual agency i MIGHT be working for. See what the actual workcenter is going to be, though I have a feeling it'll be another windowless office (T_T) They tend to drive me nuts sometimes since it makes me miss just looking at the sun or the things going on outside. I'm gonna be meeting the actual people I will be working with/for. Somehow I really feel good about this position. The past week or so though, sorta questioning whether I wouldn't mind doing tech support once again. Sorta getting frustrated at work, which was a rare thing for me to happen. I get easily contented wherever I'm put, but it's being kept out of the loop that was driving me nuts.
But I think, with being a civilian, I'll feel freer knowing that I can up and quit if I'm not happy with the way things are going. Coz with the current situation, they'll pretty much tell ya to get over it since you knew what you're getting into after joining. Ha! If I knew, I wouldn't have joined in the first place. Haha It's been good in the long run. Five weeks to go before I'm out. Woohooo!!
It's actually been about a year now since I first started this good ole. And for that, I'm glad that I kept on though I got really close to getting rid of it right after I started it. I freaked out when I thought I might have pissed a blogger over something I wrote. But anyways, though there hasn't been more entries as there could have been. Just thought I'd say thanks to you guys, and gals namely: Robert, Matt, Rey, Jon, Mush, Dessie, Cesar, Joy, and Mike. Thanks for letting us peek into your lives. It's great to have known you so far :) And also, for reading mine, of course. Taking notice of a boy, and giving him a sense of belonging in this cyberspace. Thanks!
08 October 2006
You hear me!?
This is going around the internet. Might be funny to some, might not be... Everybody want a piece of my chicken...
05 October 2006
02 October 2006
Suddenly I See
Ok, been working on breaking the habit of being a love 'em and leave 'em guy. After getting some insights from a few folks, I'm starting to realize that that's what I've actually been doing. Me and my friend MJ talked about it more when we were having lunch at Panera Bread. We actually haven't seen each other in months which is partly my fault for not making it clear that I've changed my cellphone number and so she's been sending messages on my old phone, wondering why I wasn't responding. And here I was, thinking doesn't she wanna be friends with me anymore? That beach!! Everything's clear now and we pretty much spent the whole Sudnay together. Have lunch (after debating for an hour where to go), walk around and just talk about what's been going on in our lives.
I actually had the weekend off for a change, and I feel 'normal' again having a regular weekend off. I was gonna go out Friday evening, but ended up meeting this one guy I spoke with that afternoon. I really didn't think of it as a date, it's just hanging out in my book, but it lasted for hmm, a whole day and a half? The whole Friday night and all day Saturday. I went home Saturday evening and saw MJ Sunday. I told her about M-, the guy that I met and she was actually excited over it. She had to coax me to text him back after he sent me a message since I have a history of meeting a guy once, and leaving it at that. Pretty much cutting ties right after when I sense that they like me. It's not so nice thing to do, but trying to break out of it. It's insecurity issues, MJ said which is probably true. What it comes down to is that if somebody shows interest in me, I get away from them as far as they could. With the guys I've gone to dates with, I'm a bit freaked out when they like me already after going out once. All I can think of is if that's even possible? Of course it is. But I can't wrap my head around the notion that someone would fall for me after just having met me once. It's silly but I can't help it. MJ labeled me a heartbreaker which is something I try to avoid at all cost. I've had mine broken once and it was someone that I wasn't even in a relationship with. Yea, that really stung I got wasted over him since it hurt really bad when he didn't see me when he came back to Japan. Businessmen tsk tsk tsk
Just spoke to M- an hour ago. Ended up speaking to him for half an hour, he mentioned that he told his peeps at work about the guy that he just went out on a 25-hr date this past weekend lol. So hmm.. It's kinda odd how I let my cousin Nani, and my friend MJ speak to him on the phone at different times, and they actually like him. Just trying to keep this short since y'all know how I get carried away *wink Oh, M doesn't know I MIGHT be leaving come 7 weeks from now.
I actually had the weekend off for a change, and I feel 'normal' again having a regular weekend off. I was gonna go out Friday evening, but ended up meeting this one guy I spoke with that afternoon. I really didn't think of it as a date, it's just hanging out in my book, but it lasted for hmm, a whole day and a half? The whole Friday night and all day Saturday. I went home Saturday evening and saw MJ Sunday. I told her about M-, the guy that I met and she was actually excited over it. She had to coax me to text him back after he sent me a message since I have a history of meeting a guy once, and leaving it at that. Pretty much cutting ties right after when I sense that they like me. It's not so nice thing to do, but trying to break out of it. It's insecurity issues, MJ said which is probably true. What it comes down to is that if somebody shows interest in me, I get away from them as far as they could. With the guys I've gone to dates with, I'm a bit freaked out when they like me already after going out once. All I can think of is if that's even possible? Of course it is. But I can't wrap my head around the notion that someone would fall for me after just having met me once. It's silly but I can't help it. MJ labeled me a heartbreaker which is something I try to avoid at all cost. I've had mine broken once and it was someone that I wasn't even in a relationship with. Yea, that really stung I got wasted over him since it hurt really bad when he didn't see me when he came back to Japan. Businessmen tsk tsk tsk
Just spoke to M- an hour ago. Ended up speaking to him for half an hour, he mentioned that he told his peeps at work about the guy that he just went out on a 25-hr date this past weekend lol. So hmm.. It's kinda odd how I let my cousin Nani, and my friend MJ speak to him on the phone at different times, and they actually like him. Just trying to keep this short since y'all know how I get carried away *wink Oh, M doesn't know I MIGHT be leaving come 7 weeks from now.
29 September 2006
Another day
Hmm, was off the past three days. Came in today, and just got informed I didn't have to work the weekend any longer but just show up Monday morning. It's my first weekend off in about five months nowand I've no clue what to do. Maybe I'll go out tonight, that is if I get this one girl to come out..Haven't seen her in ages, actually close to half a year. I'd leave her voicemail but she doesn't call back, yet leave comments on myspace. Gyaaaa, myspace is evil. But guess it's one of those necessary ones. Just about everyone I know uses it.
Anywho, here's a shot of the sky today. It might have been sunny throughout but it's just nice to look at again. Wish everyone a good weekend. And here's a view of what I pass by daily, on my way to and fro work.
Anywho, here's a shot of the sky today. It might have been sunny throughout but it's just nice to look at again. Wish everyone a good weekend. And here's a view of what I pass by daily, on my way to and fro work.
28 September 2006
Does anyone know?
I got an e-mail back from the manager I interviewed for about the Help Desk position last week. They've been a bit busy and haven't had a chance to speak with the actual organization I'm going to be working for. I feel good about this though at the same time, I'm second guessing myself as to whether this is something I'd want to do. Of course, with taking this position, I'm gonnabe relocating in the DC area and would have to remain in the east coast. At one point, I was really gung ho about this idea, since living in DC, I could just catch a train that'll take me to New York, a city that I've come to love.
This past week though, I've been catching up with some old friends and has kinda been reassessing as far as to where I would move. First was Ja- that I went to high school with when I was still in the Philippines. She's been living in Hawaii for a few years, and is happily married to a Navy guy. It was really nice to catch up with her again though it's only been months since I spoke to her. She's pregnant and will be giving birth to a baby girl in early 2007. We talked about different things, what's been going on in our lives, me with my pending separation from the mil. Somehow I ended up speaking with her husband since he had some computer problems he's trying to fix. We spoke for a little bit, and it came up that they're actually gonnabe relocating soon to San Diego, California. He's a bit worried, with the baby on the way, and the stress of moving, he's gonna have to head out to sea come January. I was quite shocked when he mentioned that we can all rent a house together and become housemates.
I'm quite flattered that he would offer something like that, considering we've never even met. It appears Ja- has told him about me through the years, and she even mentioned that he knows I'm a homo.... a homosapien that is. I got a bit nervous when she said this, but she said he really has no problem with it. I guess it's good that he would trust me completely to look after his family while he's away. That's one option I've kinda considered but hmm, would really have to give this some thought.
These past few weeks, I've also been talking to another friend C- about me moving to Washington. I knew him during my 3-year tour in Japan, though we became really, really good friends during my last year over there. I'll admit I kinda held back when I just started living there, since I tried not to get attached to people knowing that they're gonna have to leave sooner or later. He's a cool guy though. He actually took me out the first weekend I started work, and showed me around Tachikawa which is a city nearby Yokota AB. That was my first taste of gyudon (beef bowl) which I've come to love during my stay there.
C- just came back to after spending four years in Japan. We've joked about being roommates a few times, and I've been considering it more and more as I'm nearing my separation date. I got really close to even changing my pay statement and have it reflect WA as my home state. However, after reading up on the topic, it would not have done me any good yet since I would have to have been living there for a year before I can get considered for in-state tuition rates as far as going to school which he and I are planning to do. I also spoke just today with our other friend Jo- which just separated from the mil as well, and will be moving to Cali from Jersey where he was stationed this past 18 months. It was good speaking with him again, considering he doesn't like talking on the phone. I'm glad he picked up instead of letting it go to voicemail which he usually does. He's another one C- is considering rooming with though we'll have to see since he's gonna head out to Cali for a bit.
I was a bit surprised that I was pretty honest with him on the phone earlier. I told him how I missed the old crew, and how it's been a bit rough trying to make friends with our stateside assignments. Maybe I just haven't tried hard enough these past nine months I've been in Virginia, but I've barely made friends here. I've some people though it kinda fizzled after a little while. With one, the friendship appeared to have stopped right after we got to attend a PostSecret/Found event in Alexandria which was what brought us together in the first place. Guess that was the embodiment of when they say that people show up in your life for a reason, or when someone has served their purpose.
Getting back to Jo-, he said that he felt the same way as well. He's not definite yet as to whether he'll move up to Washington just yet, but he's considering it. It was actually his and C-'s idea about this whole living together things, and I just chuckle when they'd mention it to me and thinking Ha! Like I'd want to see you guys again after we get out of the military. Yet now, I definitely do and get excited over it. I mentioned to Jo- that I was actually just gonna go back to Florida and finish my school there. But he said no! Florida's too far. He said you'd have to be in the West Coast, or you can even move to Colorado. I said do i know anybody there? He said it doesn't matter, Colorado's close enough but not Florida. Heck, you could even move to Cali. He went on how I'd fit in no problem moving down to California since I dress well, and cares about how I look. He reiterated the fact that I'm into fashion, while he on the other hand, just puts on a t-shirt and pants and be all set.
Well, I was buying Men's Health and GQ magazine here and there when we were all in Yokota and somehow he got this thought that I'm sooo up to date with the latest fashion trends (really not true). I got embarrassed one time when he told some acquaintances that I'm all about fashion, and has all these magazines, and I pretty much smiled and told him to shut up. There's a reason to this though which I'll delve more into later on, but it was because of a guy that I fell for (dare I say one that broke my heart and didn't know it) But yea, I'm not really too concerned as far as looks go. I don't have a chiseled chest, a washboard abs even. It'll be nice for it to be flat, but it'll take a bit of work. That I have yet to figure out. I've been trying but it won't go away haha, guess I'll have to keep at it for a while before I see a change. I'm an instant gratification kinda person, and wants to see the effects immediately and not have to wait a few weeks for my abs to show, for instance.
As far as Florida goes, I'm still considering moving there. However, it wouldn't be to where my family lives. If I do move, it'll be in Orlando which is about six hours away at least Pensacola. There's really nothing for me in the area since I didn't have a life during the two years I stayed there. Well, I went to finish high school but that's about it. Really didn't make any friends since everybody's in their own little groups already. Oh and I was shy too. Orlando is another option of mine, though what will end up happening is that I'm gonna drive down there from here and more than likely, stay in a cheap ho... excuse me.. economical hotel while I try to find a place to live. I would e-mail some people before I arrived and would check them out one by one and go from there. I don't know anybody in the area, well except one guy (introduced to each other through a mutual net friend) I've been talking to since June after coming back from the Philippines. I've sometimes toyed about the idea of moving some place far away where nobody knew me, and just start over. No history for people to be judged, just that moment I plant roots in that city/town, and writing a new chapter in my life. I haven't had those feelings lately, but with that idea, it's mostly the family that would push me into it. They drive me nuts sometimes, as much as I love them. Though as we're nearing the completion of what I set out to do for them, I can finally take a seat back and start thinking more of me.
I'll be going to school full time if I do go back to Florida. As to what field, I do not know yet. Was considering just sticking with computers but it doesn't look like it's really what I'd want to get into too much. C- mentioned that he figured I'll get into the medical field, which I think I might have talked to him about. My mom told me how I used to go on and on about becoming a doctor when I was young since I felt bad for the kids that I saw at the hospital since some of the doctors tended to me first instead of the other kids. She said this was due to me speaking only English when I was a kid. I don't recall telling her that, but like she said, I don't remember a lot of things we talked about haha. Only way for me to find out though is by doing it so guess I'll see once I start taking some courses in the medical science. I'd probably minor in Psychology and major in I don't know yet. That's why I'm having second thoughts about just jumping into technical job after I get out. Going to school will be the time that I can figure out what I want, or get an idea of it at least since who really knows what they want?
When I think about it though, it mostly comes down to being able to do something good for others. I kinda get that right now with what I'm doing. It's mostly the reason why I've stuck with Helpdesk positions since it brings me that good feeling, being able to help out the customers any way I can. Of course, I get those days where I just wanna strangle the customer or just don't want to deal with another call. It's been good. I think I'd want to do something where I can deal with people on a more personal level. I don't get it too much with my present position, but has found a way to make it work. That's what happens sometimes though, we get put in circumstances where we have to make do with what we have. Just gotta find a way for that something to give you joy, no matter what it takes. I would say happiness but that's fleeting so joy it is, since one would want something that is long lasting.
It is difficult to be happy when everyone around you is sad. This is why we need joy. It can be quite challenging to remain happy when you face the unknown, unexpected, unplanned events of life. This is why we must develop a sense of inner joy. When the job disappears, the marriage goes sour, the children act up, the car breaks down, all in one day--a day when there is fifteen inches of snow on the ground, and your best friend is out of town--you will have to reach real far to find something to be happy about. If, on the other hand, all of this is going on and you have joy in your heart, you will remember the words of the spiritual, "It will be all over in the morning!" Even if the morning is days, weeks, months, or years in coming, joy can sustain you as long as it takes. When you get right down to it, happiness is a sense of feeling full in response to the circumstances and events of life. Joy is a state of being fulfilled simply because you are alive. - One day my soul just opened up, by Iyanla Vanzant
And so I wish you joy.
This past week though, I've been catching up with some old friends and has kinda been reassessing as far as to where I would move. First was Ja- that I went to high school with when I was still in the Philippines. She's been living in Hawaii for a few years, and is happily married to a Navy guy. It was really nice to catch up with her again though it's only been months since I spoke to her. She's pregnant and will be giving birth to a baby girl in early 2007. We talked about different things, what's been going on in our lives, me with my pending separation from the mil. Somehow I ended up speaking with her husband since he had some computer problems he's trying to fix. We spoke for a little bit, and it came up that they're actually gonnabe relocating soon to San Diego, California. He's a bit worried, with the baby on the way, and the stress of moving, he's gonna have to head out to sea come January. I was quite shocked when he mentioned that we can all rent a house together and become housemates.
I'm quite flattered that he would offer something like that, considering we've never even met. It appears Ja- has told him about me through the years, and she even mentioned that he knows I'm a homo.... a homosapien that is. I got a bit nervous when she said this, but she said he really has no problem with it. I guess it's good that he would trust me completely to look after his family while he's away. That's one option I've kinda considered but hmm, would really have to give this some thought.
These past few weeks, I've also been talking to another friend C- about me moving to Washington. I knew him during my 3-year tour in Japan, though we became really, really good friends during my last year over there. I'll admit I kinda held back when I just started living there, since I tried not to get attached to people knowing that they're gonna have to leave sooner or later. He's a cool guy though. He actually took me out the first weekend I started work, and showed me around Tachikawa which is a city nearby Yokota AB. That was my first taste of gyudon (beef bowl) which I've come to love during my stay there.
C- just came back to after spending four years in Japan. We've joked about being roommates a few times, and I've been considering it more and more as I'm nearing my separation date. I got really close to even changing my pay statement and have it reflect WA as my home state. However, after reading up on the topic, it would not have done me any good yet since I would have to have been living there for a year before I can get considered for in-state tuition rates as far as going to school which he and I are planning to do. I also spoke just today with our other friend Jo- which just separated from the mil as well, and will be moving to Cali from Jersey where he was stationed this past 18 months. It was good speaking with him again, considering he doesn't like talking on the phone. I'm glad he picked up instead of letting it go to voicemail which he usually does. He's another one C- is considering rooming with though we'll have to see since he's gonna head out to Cali for a bit.
I was a bit surprised that I was pretty honest with him on the phone earlier. I told him how I missed the old crew, and how it's been a bit rough trying to make friends with our stateside assignments. Maybe I just haven't tried hard enough these past nine months I've been in Virginia, but I've barely made friends here. I've some people though it kinda fizzled after a little while. With one, the friendship appeared to have stopped right after we got to attend a PostSecret/Found event in Alexandria which was what brought us together in the first place. Guess that was the embodiment of when they say that people show up in your life for a reason, or when someone has served their purpose.
Getting back to Jo-, he said that he felt the same way as well. He's not definite yet as to whether he'll move up to Washington just yet, but he's considering it. It was actually his and C-'s idea about this whole living together things, and I just chuckle when they'd mention it to me and thinking Ha! Like I'd want to see you guys again after we get out of the military. Yet now, I definitely do and get excited over it. I mentioned to Jo- that I was actually just gonna go back to Florida and finish my school there. But he said no! Florida's too far. He said you'd have to be in the West Coast, or you can even move to Colorado. I said do i know anybody there? He said it doesn't matter, Colorado's close enough but not Florida. Heck, you could even move to Cali. He went on how I'd fit in no problem moving down to California since I dress well, and cares about how I look. He reiterated the fact that I'm into fashion, while he on the other hand, just puts on a t-shirt and pants and be all set.
Well, I was buying Men's Health and GQ magazine here and there when we were all in Yokota and somehow he got this thought that I'm sooo up to date with the latest fashion trends (really not true). I got embarrassed one time when he told some acquaintances that I'm all about fashion, and has all these magazines, and I pretty much smiled and told him to shut up. There's a reason to this though which I'll delve more into later on, but it was because of a guy that I fell for (dare I say one that broke my heart and didn't know it) But yea, I'm not really too concerned as far as looks go. I don't have a chiseled chest, a washboard abs even. It'll be nice for it to be flat, but it'll take a bit of work. That I have yet to figure out. I've been trying but it won't go away haha, guess I'll have to keep at it for a while before I see a change. I'm an instant gratification kinda person, and wants to see the effects immediately and not have to wait a few weeks for my abs to show, for instance.
As far as Florida goes, I'm still considering moving there. However, it wouldn't be to where my family lives. If I do move, it'll be in Orlando which is about six hours away at least Pensacola. There's really nothing for me in the area since I didn't have a life during the two years I stayed there. Well, I went to finish high school but that's about it. Really didn't make any friends since everybody's in their own little groups already. Oh and I was shy too. Orlando is another option of mine, though what will end up happening is that I'm gonna drive down there from here and more than likely, stay in a cheap ho... excuse me.. economical hotel while I try to find a place to live. I would e-mail some people before I arrived and would check them out one by one and go from there. I don't know anybody in the area, well except one guy (introduced to each other through a mutual net friend) I've been talking to since June after coming back from the Philippines. I've sometimes toyed about the idea of moving some place far away where nobody knew me, and just start over. No history for people to be judged, just that moment I plant roots in that city/town, and writing a new chapter in my life. I haven't had those feelings lately, but with that idea, it's mostly the family that would push me into it. They drive me nuts sometimes, as much as I love them. Though as we're nearing the completion of what I set out to do for them, I can finally take a seat back and start thinking more of me.
I'll be going to school full time if I do go back to Florida. As to what field, I do not know yet. Was considering just sticking with computers but it doesn't look like it's really what I'd want to get into too much. C- mentioned that he figured I'll get into the medical field, which I think I might have talked to him about. My mom told me how I used to go on and on about becoming a doctor when I was young since I felt bad for the kids that I saw at the hospital since some of the doctors tended to me first instead of the other kids. She said this was due to me speaking only English when I was a kid. I don't recall telling her that, but like she said, I don't remember a lot of things we talked about haha. Only way for me to find out though is by doing it so guess I'll see once I start taking some courses in the medical science. I'd probably minor in Psychology and major in I don't know yet. That's why I'm having second thoughts about just jumping into technical job after I get out. Going to school will be the time that I can figure out what I want, or get an idea of it at least since who really knows what they want?
When I think about it though, it mostly comes down to being able to do something good for others. I kinda get that right now with what I'm doing. It's mostly the reason why I've stuck with Helpdesk positions since it brings me that good feeling, being able to help out the customers any way I can. Of course, I get those days where I just wanna strangle the customer or just don't want to deal with another call. It's been good. I think I'd want to do something where I can deal with people on a more personal level. I don't get it too much with my present position, but has found a way to make it work. That's what happens sometimes though, we get put in circumstances where we have to make do with what we have. Just gotta find a way for that something to give you joy, no matter what it takes. I would say happiness but that's fleeting so joy it is, since one would want something that is long lasting.
It is difficult to be happy when everyone around you is sad. This is why we need joy. It can be quite challenging to remain happy when you face the unknown, unexpected, unplanned events of life. This is why we must develop a sense of inner joy. When the job disappears, the marriage goes sour, the children act up, the car breaks down, all in one day--a day when there is fifteen inches of snow on the ground, and your best friend is out of town--you will have to reach real far to find something to be happy about. If, on the other hand, all of this is going on and you have joy in your heart, you will remember the words of the spiritual, "It will be all over in the morning!" Even if the morning is days, weeks, months, or years in coming, joy can sustain you as long as it takes. When you get right down to it, happiness is a sense of feeling full in response to the circumstances and events of life. Joy is a state of being fulfilled simply because you are alive. - One day my soul just opened up, by Iyanla Vanzant
And so I wish you joy.
In the morning....
I got an e-mail back from the manager I interviewed for about the Help Desk position last week. They've been a bit busy and haven't had a chance to speak with the actual organization I'm going to be working for. I feel good about this though at the same time, I'm second guessing myself as to whether this is something I'd want to do. Of course, with taking this position, I'm gonnabe relocating in the DC area and would have to remain in the east coast. At one point, I was really gung ho about this idea, since living in DC, I could just catch a train that'll take me to New York, a city that I've come to love.
This past week though, I've been catching up with some old friends and has kinda been reassessing as far as to where I would move. First was Ja- that I went to high school with when I was still in the Philippines. She's been living in Hawaii for a few years, and is happily married to a Navy guy. It was really nice to catch up with her again though it's only been months since I spoke to her. She's pregnant and will be giving birth to a baby girl in early 2007. We talked about different things, what's been going on in our lives, me with my pending separation from the mil. Somehow I ended up speaking with her husband since he had some computer problems he's trying to fix. We spoke for a little bit, and it came up that they're actually gonnabe relocating soon to San Diego, California. He's a bit worried, with the baby on the way, and the stress of moving, he's gonna have to head out to sea come January. I was quite shocked when he mentioned that we can all rent a house together and become housemates.
I'm quite flattered that he would offer something like that, considering we've never even met. It appears Ja- has told him about me through the years, and she even mentioned that he knows I'm a homo.... a homosapien that is. I got a bit nervous when she said this, but she said he really has no problem with it. I guess it's good that he would trust me completely to look after his family while he's away. That's one option I've kinda considered but hmm, would really have to give this some thought.
These past few weeks, I've also been talking to another friend C- about me moving to Washington. I knew him during my 3-year tour in Japan, though we became really, really good friends during my last year over there. I'll admit I kinda held back when I just started living there, since I tried not to get attached to people knowing that they're gonna have to leave sooner or later. He's a cool guy though. He actually took me out the first weekend I started work, and showed me around Tachikawa which is a city nearby Yokota AB. That was my first taste of gyudon (beef bowl) which I've come to love during my stay there.
C- just came back to after spending four years in Japan. We've joked about being roommates a few times, and I've been considering it more and more as I'm nearing my separation date. I got really close to even changing my pay statement and have it reflect WA as my home state. However, after reading up on the topic, it would not have done me any good yet since I would have to have been living there for a year before I can get considered for in-state tuition rates as far as going to school which he and I are planning to do. I also spoke just today with our other friend Jo- which just separated from the mil as well, and will be moving to Cali from Jersey where he was stationed this past 18 months. It was good speaking with him again, considering he doesn't like talking on the phone. I'm glad he picked up instead of letting it go to voicemail which he usually does. He's another one C- is considering rooming with though we'll have to see since he's gonna head out to Cali for a bit.
I was a bit surprised that I was pretty honest with him on the phone earlier. I told him how I missed the old crew, and how it's been a bit rough trying to make friends with our stateside assignments. Maybe I just haven't tried hard enough these past nine months I've been in Virginia, but I've barely made friends here. I've some people though it kinda fizzled after a little while. With one, the friendship appeared to have stopped right after we got to attend a PostSecret/Found event in Alexandria which was what brought us together in the first place. Guess that was the embodiment of when they say that people show up in your life for a reason, or when someone has served their purpose.
Getting back to Jo-, he said that he felt the same way as well. He's not definite yet as to whether he'll move up to Washington just yet, but he's considering it. It was actually his and C-'s idea about this whole living together things, and I just chuckle when they'd mention it to me and thinking Ha! Like I'd want to see you guys again after we get out of the military. Yet now, I definitely do and get excited over it. I mentioned to Jo- that I was actually just gonna go back to Florida and finish my school there. But he said no! Florida's too far. He said you'd have to be in the West Coast, or you can even move to Colorado. I said do i know anybody there? He said it doesn't matter, Colorado's close enough but not Florida. Heck, you could even move to Cali. He went on how I'd fit in no problem moving down to California since I dress well, and cares about how I look. He reiterated the fact that I'm into fashion, while he on the other hand, just puts on a t-shirt and pants and be all set.
Well, I was buying Men's Health and GQ magazine here and there when we were all in Yokota and somehow he got this thought that I'm sooo up to date with the latest fashion trends (really not true). I got embarrassed one time when he told some acquaintances that I'm all about fashion, and has all these magazines, and I pretty much smiled and told him to shut up. There's a reason to this though which I'll delve more into later on, but it was because of a guy that I fell for (dare I say one that broke my heart and didn't know it) But yea, I'm not really too concerned as far as looks go. I don't have a chiseled chest, a washboard abs even. It'll be nice for it to be flat, but it'll take a bit of work. That I have yet to figure out. I've been trying but it won't go away haha, guess I'll have to keep at it for a while before I see a change. I'm an instant gratification kinda person, and wants to see the effects immediately and not have to wait a few weeks for my abs to show, for instance.
As far as Florida goes, I'm still considering moving there. However, it wouldn't be to where my family lives. If I do move, it'll be in Orlando which is about six hours away at least Pensacola. There's really nothing for me in the area since I didn't have a life during the two years I stayed there. Well, I went to finish high school but that's about it. Really didn't make any friends since everybody's in their own little groups already. Oh and I was shy too. Orlando is another option of mine, though what will end up happening is that I'm gonna drive down there from here and more than likely, stay in a cheap ho... excuse me.. economical hotel while I try to find a place to live. I would e-mail some people before I arrived and would check them out one by one and go from there. I don't know anybody in the area, well except one guy (introduced to each other through a mutual net friend) I've been talking to since June after coming back from the Philippines. I've sometimes toyed about the idea of moving some place far away where nobody knew me, and just start over. No history for people to be judged, just that moment I plant roots in that city/town, and writing a new chapter in my life. I haven't had those feelings lately, but with that idea, it's mostly the family that would push me into it. They drive me nuts sometimes, as much as I love them. Though as we're nearing the completion of what I set out to do for them, I can finally take a seat back and start thinking more of me.
I'll be going to school full time if I do go back to Florida. As to what field, I do not know yet. Was considering just sticking with computers but it doesn't look like it's really what I'd want to get into too much. C- mentioned that he figured I'll get into the medical field, which I think I might have talked to him about. My mom told me how I used to go on and on about becoming a doctor when I was young since I felt bad for the kids that I saw at the hospital since some of the doctors tended to me first instead of the other kids. She said this was due to me speaking only English when I was a kid. I don't recall telling her that, but like she said, I don't remember a lot of things we talked about haha. Only way for me to find out though is by doing it so guess I'll see once I start taking some courses in the medical science. I'd probably minor in Psychology and major in I don't know yet. That's why I'm having second thoughts about just jumping into technical job after I get out. Going to school will be the time that I can figure out what I want, or get an idea of it at least since who really knows what they want?
When I think about it though, it mostly comes down to being able to do something good for others. I kinda get that right now with what I'm doing. It's mostly the reason why I've stuck with Helpdesk positions since it brings me that good feeling, being able to help out the customers any way I can. Of course, I get those days where I just wanna strangle the customer or just don't want to deal with another call. It's been good. I think I'd want to do something where I can deal with people on a more personal level. I don't get it too much with my present position, but has found a way to make it work. That's what happens sometimes though, we get put in circumstances where we have to make do with what we have. Just gotta find a way for that something to give you joy, no matter what it takes. I would say happiness but that's fleeting so joy it is, since one would want something that is long lasting.
It is difficult to be happy when everyone around you is sad. This is why we need joy. It can be quite challenging to remain happy when you face the unknown, unexpected, unplanned events of life. This is why we must develop a sense of inner joy. When the job disappears, the marriage goes sour, the children act up, the car breaks down, all in one day--a day when there is fifteen inches of snow on the ground, and your best friend is out of town--you will have to reach real far to find something to be happy about. If, on the other hand, all of this is going on and you have joy in your heart, you will remember the words of the spiritual, "It will be all over in the morning!" Even if the morning is days, weeks, months, or years in coming, joy can sustain you as long as it takes. When you get right down to it, happiness is a sense of feeling full in response to the circumstances and events of life. Joy is a state of being fulfilled simply because you are alive. - One day my soul just opened up, by Iyanla Vanzant
And so I wish you joy!
This past week though, I've been catching up with some old friends and has kinda been reassessing as far as to where I would move. First was Ja- that I went to high school with when I was still in the Philippines. She's been living in Hawaii for a few years, and is happily married to a Navy guy. It was really nice to catch up with her again though it's only been months since I spoke to her. She's pregnant and will be giving birth to a baby girl in early 2007. We talked about different things, what's been going on in our lives, me with my pending separation from the mil. Somehow I ended up speaking with her husband since he had some computer problems he's trying to fix. We spoke for a little bit, and it came up that they're actually gonnabe relocating soon to San Diego, California. He's a bit worried, with the baby on the way, and the stress of moving, he's gonna have to head out to sea come January. I was quite shocked when he mentioned that we can all rent a house together and become housemates.
I'm quite flattered that he would offer something like that, considering we've never even met. It appears Ja- has told him about me through the years, and she even mentioned that he knows I'm a homo.... a homosapien that is. I got a bit nervous when she said this, but she said he really has no problem with it. I guess it's good that he would trust me completely to look after his family while he's away. That's one option I've kinda considered but hmm, would really have to give this some thought.
These past few weeks, I've also been talking to another friend C- about me moving to Washington. I knew him during my 3-year tour in Japan, though we became really, really good friends during my last year over there. I'll admit I kinda held back when I just started living there, since I tried not to get attached to people knowing that they're gonna have to leave sooner or later. He's a cool guy though. He actually took me out the first weekend I started work, and showed me around Tachikawa which is a city nearby Yokota AB. That was my first taste of gyudon (beef bowl) which I've come to love during my stay there.
C- just came back to after spending four years in Japan. We've joked about being roommates a few times, and I've been considering it more and more as I'm nearing my separation date. I got really close to even changing my pay statement and have it reflect WA as my home state. However, after reading up on the topic, it would not have done me any good yet since I would have to have been living there for a year before I can get considered for in-state tuition rates as far as going to school which he and I are planning to do. I also spoke just today with our other friend Jo- which just separated from the mil as well, and will be moving to Cali from Jersey where he was stationed this past 18 months. It was good speaking with him again, considering he doesn't like talking on the phone. I'm glad he picked up instead of letting it go to voicemail which he usually does. He's another one C- is considering rooming with though we'll have to see since he's gonna head out to Cali for a bit.
I was a bit surprised that I was pretty honest with him on the phone earlier. I told him how I missed the old crew, and how it's been a bit rough trying to make friends with our stateside assignments. Maybe I just haven't tried hard enough these past nine months I've been in Virginia, but I've barely made friends here. I've some people though it kinda fizzled after a little while. With one, the friendship appeared to have stopped right after we got to attend a PostSecret/Found event in Alexandria which was what brought us together in the first place. Guess that was the embodiment of when they say that people show up in your life for a reason, or when someone has served their purpose.
Getting back to Jo-, he said that he felt the same way as well. He's not definite yet as to whether he'll move up to Washington just yet, but he's considering it. It was actually his and C-'s idea about this whole living together things, and I just chuckle when they'd mention it to me and thinking Ha! Like I'd want to see you guys again after we get out of the military. Yet now, I definitely do and get excited over it. I mentioned to Jo- that I was actually just gonna go back to Florida and finish my school there. But he said no! Florida's too far. He said you'd have to be in the West Coast, or you can even move to Colorado. I said do i know anybody there? He said it doesn't matter, Colorado's close enough but not Florida. Heck, you could even move to Cali. He went on how I'd fit in no problem moving down to California since I dress well, and cares about how I look. He reiterated the fact that I'm into fashion, while he on the other hand, just puts on a t-shirt and pants and be all set.
Well, I was buying Men's Health and GQ magazine here and there when we were all in Yokota and somehow he got this thought that I'm sooo up to date with the latest fashion trends (really not true). I got embarrassed one time when he told some acquaintances that I'm all about fashion, and has all these magazines, and I pretty much smiled and told him to shut up. There's a reason to this though which I'll delve more into later on, but it was because of a guy that I fell for (dare I say one that broke my heart and didn't know it) But yea, I'm not really too concerned as far as looks go. I don't have a chiseled chest, a washboard abs even. It'll be nice for it to be flat, but it'll take a bit of work. That I have yet to figure out. I've been trying but it won't go away haha, guess I'll have to keep at it for a while before I see a change. I'm an instant gratification kinda person, and wants to see the effects immediately and not have to wait a few weeks for my abs to show, for instance.
As far as Florida goes, I'm still considering moving there. However, it wouldn't be to where my family lives. If I do move, it'll be in Orlando which is about six hours away at least Pensacola. There's really nothing for me in the area since I didn't have a life during the two years I stayed there. Well, I went to finish high school but that's about it. Really didn't make any friends since everybody's in their own little groups already. Oh and I was shy too. Orlando is another option of mine, though what will end up happening is that I'm gonna drive down there from here and more than likely, stay in a cheap ho... excuse me.. economical hotel while I try to find a place to live. I would e-mail some people before I arrived and would check them out one by one and go from there. I don't know anybody in the area, well except one guy (introduced to each other through a mutual net friend) I've been talking to since June after coming back from the Philippines. I've sometimes toyed about the idea of moving some place far away where nobody knew me, and just start over. No history for people to be judged, just that moment I plant roots in that city/town, and writing a new chapter in my life. I haven't had those feelings lately, but with that idea, it's mostly the family that would push me into it. They drive me nuts sometimes, as much as I love them. Though as we're nearing the completion of what I set out to do for them, I can finally take a seat back and start thinking more of me.
I'll be going to school full time if I do go back to Florida. As to what field, I do not know yet. Was considering just sticking with computers but it doesn't look like it's really what I'd want to get into too much. C- mentioned that he figured I'll get into the medical field, which I think I might have talked to him about. My mom told me how I used to go on and on about becoming a doctor when I was young since I felt bad for the kids that I saw at the hospital since some of the doctors tended to me first instead of the other kids. She said this was due to me speaking only English when I was a kid. I don't recall telling her that, but like she said, I don't remember a lot of things we talked about haha. Only way for me to find out though is by doing it so guess I'll see once I start taking some courses in the medical science. I'd probably minor in Psychology and major in I don't know yet. That's why I'm having second thoughts about just jumping into technical job after I get out. Going to school will be the time that I can figure out what I want, or get an idea of it at least since who really knows what they want?
When I think about it though, it mostly comes down to being able to do something good for others. I kinda get that right now with what I'm doing. It's mostly the reason why I've stuck with Helpdesk positions since it brings me that good feeling, being able to help out the customers any way I can. Of course, I get those days where I just wanna strangle the customer or just don't want to deal with another call. It's been good. I think I'd want to do something where I can deal with people on a more personal level. I don't get it too much with my present position, but has found a way to make it work. That's what happens sometimes though, we get put in circumstances where we have to make do with what we have. Just gotta find a way for that something to give you joy, no matter what it takes. I would say happiness but that's fleeting so joy it is, since one would want something that is long lasting.
It is difficult to be happy when everyone around you is sad. This is why we need joy. It can be quite challenging to remain happy when you face the unknown, unexpected, unplanned events of life. This is why we must develop a sense of inner joy. When the job disappears, the marriage goes sour, the children act up, the car breaks down, all in one day--a day when there is fifteen inches of snow on the ground, and your best friend is out of town--you will have to reach real far to find something to be happy about. If, on the other hand, all of this is going on and you have joy in your heart, you will remember the words of the spiritual, "It will be all over in the morning!" Even if the morning is days, weeks, months, or years in coming, joy can sustain you as long as it takes. When you get right down to it, happiness is a sense of feeling full in response to the circumstances and events of life. Joy is a state of being fulfilled simply because you are alive. - One day my soul just opened up, by Iyanla Vanzant
And so I wish you joy!
24 September 2006
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
An hour and a half out before I go home, and good thing I've finally calmed down since earlier. I got a little upset since I saw on the schedule that they have me working on Tuesday which is my usual day off. I took Friday off (used my 'free' day I earned on my birthday) since I had to go to the DC area to do a face to face interview with this one company. Well, somehow they felt the need to have me working an extra day to make it up so don't even see the point of using my comp day. Oh well, I really didn't even need Friday off but it was still nice to not do anything.
The past few weeks have been relatively quiet. At the beginning of the month, I was pretty much cooped in and just watched Seinfeld most of the time. Not that there's anything wrong with that!! However, during that time, I barely made any contacts to the outside world which worried my family a little bit. My cousin kept sending me text messages saying hi stranger, love you cousin and I don't remember responding back to any of them. It just seemed silly hearing those from her since I'm usually the one who gets sentimental, randomly calling people up and letting them know I think about them, etc etc. I just didn't have the energy. It's not that I was depressed or anything, but I just needed the time to unplug from everything I suppose. I can't be depressed and laughing to hysterics watching the Seinfeld episodes. I knocked out six seasons in a month, not bad not bad. I have so much catching up to do, well considering the series is over already, I would say I am pretty late. But I just find it really funny that it was enough to make me happy.
I pretty much was corresponding with a few people about job opportunities that they might have for me. After attending the Transition Assistance Program (TAP) seminar last month, I kinda kicked it a gear as far as job hunting go. It was actually a week long seminar that people who are separating or retiring are adviced to take. It teaches us different things: how to write resumes, job search resources, dressing up for an interview and preparing for it, negotiating and other things. We got to wear casual business attire for a whole week which kinda got me excited about being a civilian. Though I know it'll be a bitch just picking out what to wear, it was nice to dress up. And I'd have to say, as vain as this might sound, I liked what I see when I looked in the mirror. I was in this seminar the week prior to the family reunion, and was actually supposed to be off since my dad and my (step) mom came by. I don't think I wrote about their visit though it was just for a day. It was nice having them that I ended up staying up 'til about 3 am just talking to them, eventhogh I had to get up at 0600 the next day. I do love them, in spite of the things that went on. I tried to be apathetic about family but I suck at it.
So that's that, as far as the beginning of the month. Oh yea, the first two weeks also, I had two four days off because of labor day. So I worked 4 days, off for 3, work 2 days (12-hrs), then was off for 4 days. It was nice. Did I go anywhere? Most definitely not. I considered but decided against it. I really didn't feel like driving to go on a little road trip. Wasn't even sure where to go or what places to see so I stayed home mostly. I even posted on craigslist to try and meet up with some folks down at this city which is an hour away from where I lived. Some things came up that I needed to take care of so ended up not going. As to what they were, I can't remember now that I think about it. Just got lazy more than likely.
Though around the 10th, I got on g.com and talked to a few guys. I agreed to meet with one of them, K- the next day, without even seeing his picture. Though after I saw it on yahoo, I had second thoughts about catching a movie but that would have been mean. We got along fine on the phone and thought I really shouldn't let appearances get in the way of making new acquaintances. So off I went to meet him the next day. We met up around 4, and ended up just hanging out at his place. K- is an alright guy and he was funny. We mostly hang around the house and had dinner while watching the movie, The Door in the Floor. He made chicken parmesan since I really didn't know where to go for dinner, so told him I'll eat whatever. I thought the movie was good though I'm gonna have to watch it some other time and give it my full attention. K- kept playing footsie and I had to keep adjusting my legs to block him. I might have even told him 'Quit, I'm still watching the movie' He said some things throughout the time that I do not know whether to take as naivety or what. He was asking some really silly questions, that he should probably know considering he has Filipino friends like he mentioned. He was asking whether they had jeans in the Philippines, or fastfoods, or even a mall. I just smiled and answered his questions though it felt like he was overdoing it as far as being 'curious' about things. He even told me about this one observation how the back of my head is flat, just like every Filipino he knows. He asked if I've noticed it before and I told him that No, I've never made it a point of staring at the back of people's heads. Wow, I don't know how to take it now that I think about it. The whole time we were hanging out, he complimented me over and over. I guess that was nice, but I get irritated after a while and try to make him stop. He said Oh my god, you're just like my Filipino friend. He does that too!! He even runs and hides when I compliment him. So finished watching a movie, and not 20 mins later I told him that I'm gonna have to get going. During the time I was there, he tried to kiss me a few times but I kept it ducking. He asked don't I kiss and I told him that I don't which really wasn't true. He went on So you're one of the guys who waits a few dates to even kiss? Yep, I'm one of those. That was a bold faced lie since I LOVE kissing. I just didn't wanna kiss him period. He also asked me what I thought about how he looked. Of course, I didn't answer that either. It's not that he was ugly, but still. Heck, I would never ask somebody that in my lifetime. Hey ya think I'm good looking?? Yeah rrrright..
[Maybe it's insecurity on my end, but it feels a bit awkward hearing compliments over and over when I'm with someone in person. A guy I previously met did the same, and I got worried at one point since I misheard him call me abnormal, but actually said adorable. Oh, I oughta to write about this separately. I've met up with a bunch of guys but yet, only once did I see one of them on a separate occassion and that was just to retrieve my skull cap and gloves 15 months later. Will explain more later.]
Just went back home and forgot to turn my ringer on so missed it when my dad called. Was wondering what he was calling for, but then saw that he left a voicemail. It was the Monday football play offs.
Hey just thought about you man, decided to call you see what's going on. Nothing major, just calling to holla at you. You've been on my mind for the last two hours.... Okay man, talk to you later. Bye.
And that was it. Know what I did? I sat down and cried, replaying the message again and again. That was the first time he left that kind of message and I was glad I missed that call. It was a big deal to actually hear him say outloud that he thinks of me. Usually, we 'assume' that our loved ones know that we love them and think about them? Sometimes though, it makes a huge difference actually hearing those words. As some of you know, I grew up with him not being around, and always questioned his love for me. He was never there to back that claim up, but it still felt good listening hearing him say it. Oh dear, I'm trying to keep this upbeat but I'm getting teary just thinking about it.
Anyways, I called him back eventually, well two days later and nonchalantly said that I'm sorry (but I'm not) that I missed his call. Then he said how it was nothing, he mentioned how he often thinks about me but never follows through as to even make a phone call, but that evening he just felt the need to call. We spoke for a little bit, him joking that he was wondering how his baby was. I was grinning ear to ear during the conversation. He actually has a back injury and it's been a while since he felt well enough to do the things that he used to do. Exercising, lifting weights, doing things around the house. He mentioned this and it saddened me a little, seeing that he's become a bit vulnerable because of it. I told him that he'll be okay, and will get better eventually.
The 13th ended up spending the night at somebody's house. Had to get back to the house since I had a phone interview at noon.
Come 12 pm, I did a phone interview with a company for this Desktop Support Engineer in the DC area. A recruiter contacted me late August and it took me a week to respond back, the 5th of Sept. We spoke on the phone later on that week, and the company he submitted my information contacted me that Friday. I missed the call and listened to their voicemail telling me to call them back to set up a phone interview. I got too excited and instead of pressing 9 to save it, pressed 7 instead which deleted it, and that was with me not even having written the number down. I just contacted the recruiter that Monday and told him what happened. He was really nice about it though that really didn't help with me feeling like an idiot over what happened. I did alright on the phone interview, I stumbled with some of the questions but I did okay for a first timer, I think. Though midway through, I lost signal and the interview got cut off. That's not good. They had to call me back to continue. The interview lasted about 25 mins and they told me they'll give me a call back after they've made a decision for another phone interview, this time with the IT director. It's been close to two weeks and I haven't heard back but it's alright. I didn't get to send a thank you note either since I didn't catch the names of the three people that interviewed me.
18th - I got into a conversation with a fellow blogger who enlightened me on some things. So trying to make amends, I texted one of the guys I met and asked him if he'd want to hang out. I met him back in August a few days before the mom incident which kinda caused me to pull away from the world. I told him that I would call that Friday but after that e-mail from my mom, I didn't even have the energy to stay jovial in a conversation. I know I told him that I would call, and I really considered it since I said that I'd call, but doing that, I would not have honored what I was feeling so I put me first. And anyways, he could have just called if he wanted to. He texted the next saturday how i neva called. We texted a few more times but he said this one thing and I stopped responding. Few days later, he texted Haven't heard from you in a while, guess you didn't like me. I get irritated when guys get insecure like that (this coming from an insecure king), so just deleted his message, and never contacted again until tonight, thanks to Kai.
The past few weeks have been relatively quiet. At the beginning of the month, I was pretty much cooped in and just watched Seinfeld most of the time. Not that there's anything wrong with that!! However, during that time, I barely made any contacts to the outside world which worried my family a little bit. My cousin kept sending me text messages saying hi stranger, love you cousin and I don't remember responding back to any of them. It just seemed silly hearing those from her since I'm usually the one who gets sentimental, randomly calling people up and letting them know I think about them, etc etc. I just didn't have the energy. It's not that I was depressed or anything, but I just needed the time to unplug from everything I suppose. I can't be depressed and laughing to hysterics watching the Seinfeld episodes. I knocked out six seasons in a month, not bad not bad. I have so much catching up to do, well considering the series is over already, I would say I am pretty late. But I just find it really funny that it was enough to make me happy.
I pretty much was corresponding with a few people about job opportunities that they might have for me. After attending the Transition Assistance Program (TAP) seminar last month, I kinda kicked it a gear as far as job hunting go. It was actually a week long seminar that people who are separating or retiring are adviced to take. It teaches us different things: how to write resumes, job search resources, dressing up for an interview and preparing for it, negotiating and other things. We got to wear casual business attire for a whole week which kinda got me excited about being a civilian. Though I know it'll be a bitch just picking out what to wear, it was nice to dress up. And I'd have to say, as vain as this might sound, I liked what I see when I looked in the mirror. I was in this seminar the week prior to the family reunion, and was actually supposed to be off since my dad and my (step) mom came by. I don't think I wrote about their visit though it was just for a day. It was nice having them that I ended up staying up 'til about 3 am just talking to them, eventhogh I had to get up at 0600 the next day. I do love them, in spite of the things that went on. I tried to be apathetic about family but I suck at it.
So that's that, as far as the beginning of the month. Oh yea, the first two weeks also, I had two four days off because of labor day. So I worked 4 days, off for 3, work 2 days (12-hrs), then was off for 4 days. It was nice. Did I go anywhere? Most definitely not. I considered but decided against it. I really didn't feel like driving to go on a little road trip. Wasn't even sure where to go or what places to see so I stayed home mostly. I even posted on craigslist to try and meet up with some folks down at this city which is an hour away from where I lived. Some things came up that I needed to take care of so ended up not going. As to what they were, I can't remember now that I think about it. Just got lazy more than likely.
Though around the 10th, I got on g.com and talked to a few guys. I agreed to meet with one of them, K- the next day, without even seeing his picture. Though after I saw it on yahoo, I had second thoughts about catching a movie but that would have been mean. We got along fine on the phone and thought I really shouldn't let appearances get in the way of making new acquaintances. So off I went to meet him the next day. We met up around 4, and ended up just hanging out at his place. K- is an alright guy and he was funny. We mostly hang around the house and had dinner while watching the movie, The Door in the Floor. He made chicken parmesan since I really didn't know where to go for dinner, so told him I'll eat whatever. I thought the movie was good though I'm gonna have to watch it some other time and give it my full attention. K- kept playing footsie and I had to keep adjusting my legs to block him. I might have even told him 'Quit, I'm still watching the movie' He said some things throughout the time that I do not know whether to take as naivety or what. He was asking some really silly questions, that he should probably know considering he has Filipino friends like he mentioned. He was asking whether they had jeans in the Philippines, or fastfoods, or even a mall. I just smiled and answered his questions though it felt like he was overdoing it as far as being 'curious' about things. He even told me about this one observation how the back of my head is flat, just like every Filipino he knows. He asked if I've noticed it before and I told him that No, I've never made it a point of staring at the back of people's heads. Wow, I don't know how to take it now that I think about it. The whole time we were hanging out, he complimented me over and over. I guess that was nice, but I get irritated after a while and try to make him stop. He said Oh my god, you're just like my Filipino friend. He does that too!! He even runs and hides when I compliment him. So finished watching a movie, and not 20 mins later I told him that I'm gonna have to get going. During the time I was there, he tried to kiss me a few times but I kept it ducking. He asked don't I kiss and I told him that I don't which really wasn't true. He went on So you're one of the guys who waits a few dates to even kiss? Yep, I'm one of those. That was a bold faced lie since I LOVE kissing. I just didn't wanna kiss him period. He also asked me what I thought about how he looked. Of course, I didn't answer that either. It's not that he was ugly, but still. Heck, I would never ask somebody that in my lifetime. Hey ya think I'm good looking?? Yeah rrrright..
[Maybe it's insecurity on my end, but it feels a bit awkward hearing compliments over and over when I'm with someone in person. A guy I previously met did the same, and I got worried at one point since I misheard him call me abnormal, but actually said adorable. Oh, I oughta to write about this separately. I've met up with a bunch of guys but yet, only once did I see one of them on a separate occassion and that was just to retrieve my skull cap and gloves 15 months later. Will explain more later.]
Just went back home and forgot to turn my ringer on so missed it when my dad called. Was wondering what he was calling for, but then saw that he left a voicemail. It was the Monday football play offs.
Hey just thought about you man, decided to call you see what's going on. Nothing major, just calling to holla at you. You've been on my mind for the last two hours.... Okay man, talk to you later. Bye.
And that was it. Know what I did? I sat down and cried, replaying the message again and again. That was the first time he left that kind of message and I was glad I missed that call. It was a big deal to actually hear him say outloud that he thinks of me. Usually, we 'assume' that our loved ones know that we love them and think about them? Sometimes though, it makes a huge difference actually hearing those words. As some of you know, I grew up with him not being around, and always questioned his love for me. He was never there to back that claim up, but it still felt good listening hearing him say it. Oh dear, I'm trying to keep this upbeat but I'm getting teary just thinking about it.
Anyways, I called him back eventually, well two days later and nonchalantly said that I'm sorry (but I'm not) that I missed his call. Then he said how it was nothing, he mentioned how he often thinks about me but never follows through as to even make a phone call, but that evening he just felt the need to call. We spoke for a little bit, him joking that he was wondering how his baby was. I was grinning ear to ear during the conversation. He actually has a back injury and it's been a while since he felt well enough to do the things that he used to do. Exercising, lifting weights, doing things around the house. He mentioned this and it saddened me a little, seeing that he's become a bit vulnerable because of it. I told him that he'll be okay, and will get better eventually.
The 13th ended up spending the night at somebody's house. Had to get back to the house since I had a phone interview at noon.
Come 12 pm, I did a phone interview with a company for this Desktop Support Engineer in the DC area. A recruiter contacted me late August and it took me a week to respond back, the 5th of Sept. We spoke on the phone later on that week, and the company he submitted my information contacted me that Friday. I missed the call and listened to their voicemail telling me to call them back to set up a phone interview. I got too excited and instead of pressing 9 to save it, pressed 7 instead which deleted it, and that was with me not even having written the number down. I just contacted the recruiter that Monday and told him what happened. He was really nice about it though that really didn't help with me feeling like an idiot over what happened. I did alright on the phone interview, I stumbled with some of the questions but I did okay for a first timer, I think. Though midway through, I lost signal and the interview got cut off. That's not good. They had to call me back to continue. The interview lasted about 25 mins and they told me they'll give me a call back after they've made a decision for another phone interview, this time with the IT director. It's been close to two weeks and I haven't heard back but it's alright. I didn't get to send a thank you note either since I didn't catch the names of the three people that interviewed me.
18th - I got into a conversation with a fellow blogger who enlightened me on some things. So trying to make amends, I texted one of the guys I met and asked him if he'd want to hang out. I met him back in August a few days before the mom incident which kinda caused me to pull away from the world. I told him that I would call that Friday but after that e-mail from my mom, I didn't even have the energy to stay jovial in a conversation. I know I told him that I would call, and I really considered it since I said that I'd call, but doing that, I would not have honored what I was feeling so I put me first. And anyways, he could have just called if he wanted to. He texted the next saturday how i neva called. We texted a few more times but he said this one thing and I stopped responding. Few days later, he texted Haven't heard from you in a while, guess you didn't like me. I get irritated when guys get insecure like that (this coming from an insecure king), so just deleted his message, and never contacted again until tonight, thanks to Kai.
21 September 2006
He got it from his mama... mama's side of the family
I felt like a grown man walking around in a suit. I went for a job interview after a 3-hr drive to the DC area and managing not to get lost. Yay me. I brought a change of clothes and got suited up about an hour before the interview. It turned out pretty well, though I slipped a little come salary requirement time. I told him a figure instead of saying I'm open for negotiations. Yeouch.. I'm now glad I went since I sure as heck wasn't on my the drive up. It was a good experience and to get a better feel of what to expect since it was the first interview I've ever gone to. Thanks to my friend for believing, know that your message was a boost in my confidence. At least, I didn't go in and took my top off if I would have gone in with a low self-esteem (Arrested Development ref)
As far as hairlines go, guys are supposed to get theirs from the mother's side of the family from what I've read. Mine sure has receeded, looking at some pictures 4 years ago. It's funny how some people bring it up, as if we're not aware of it already happening. Just trying to grow my hair out and this in between period kind sucks. These are pics I took on our first day of 'freedom' from basic training (bootcamp). We got to go to a store and walk around the base ON OUR OWN! I'll write about that one day to give a feel as to what it was like. I can now look back and smile but that was the longest six weeks I ever had.
I have a notebook worth of quotations I've started writing down when I was 16. Thought I'd share:
Happiness comes to those who give love freely and who don't demand that others love them first. Be generous like the sun's rays, which shine witout asking first whether people deserve their warmth.
19 September 2006
Got a callback
Wow, I got a callback for a company I phone interviewed with last week. The recruiter who contacted me for this position called and said that the company would want to do another interview, this time in person. It's in the DC area which is about three hours away from where I live at the moment. Will write more later.
Hope everyone's having a Great Tuesday \(^_^)/
Errr.. it's 3 am as I'm adding this and would have to sleep soon. Hmm will elaborate later, but a last minute face interview I got scheduled for..THIS THURSDAY!!! Ended up cancelling on a date? so I can pick put a suit. I've bought shirts and slacks before but didn't get around to buying a suit until today. It'll be a three-hour drive for a 30-min interview, and not sure yet if I'll have to make my way right back home for work come Friday. Will call my office and see if I can use a freebie. Hmm, ended up hanging out with a different guy come evening.. Barnes and Noble.. Phone call from a fellow blogger (that was unexpected! Really glad you did!)
Hope everyone's having a Great Tuesday \(^_^)/
Errr.. it's 3 am as I'm adding this and would have to sleep soon. Hmm will elaborate later, but a last minute face interview I got scheduled for..THIS THURSDAY!!! Ended up cancelling on a date? so I can pick put a suit. I've bought shirts and slacks before but didn't get around to buying a suit until today. It'll be a three-hour drive for a 30-min interview, and not sure yet if I'll have to make my way right back home for work come Friday. Will call my office and see if I can use a freebie. Hmm, ended up hanging out with a different guy come evening.. Barnes and Noble.. Phone call from a fellow blogger (that was unexpected! Really glad you did!)
17 September 2006
Getting around to it
JaG (a blogger I hang out with back in July) tagged me a month ago and I'm just getting around to it. Sorry!
I have to write a post with 8 facts/things/habits about myself and say who tagged me. In the end, you will need to choose the 6 people to tag and list their names. I'm not going to (^_^) I don't know that much bloggers any longer.
She wants me to list EIGHT things she doesn't already know about me, which I thought was pretty easy. Lemme see....
1. I pooped in my pants when I was in the first grade. Ms Lorena, my teacher wouldn't let me go to the bathroom after my pleading and begging. We were grading our tests that morning which was apparently more important than letting a student use the bathroom. I was only able to hold it so long hehe
2. For a field trip, we went to a children's game show and I was part of the winning team. It ended up being a different kid that got my prize since I didn't know where to go to claim it
3. I know the choreography to the performance below by heart. It was my anthem for quite a while when I lived in the dormitories back in '04. My suitemate (guy I shared the bathroom with) ended up liking the song he asked me what the name of it was so he can get it
4. There was a time I was wishing for a brown baby powder so this won't happen
5. I was a purikura whore when I lived in Japan. It's a type of photo booth but you can do soooo much more on your picture, like this one
6. My friend's plant almost died when he had me take care of it
7. I blacked out the first time I drank rum and coke. I was 20 (legal age since I was at an overseas base)
8. I've written a more extensive list once
I have to write a post with 8 facts/things/habits about myself and say who tagged me. In the end, you will need to choose the 6 people to tag and list their names. I'm not going to (^_^) I don't know that much bloggers any longer.
She wants me to list EIGHT things she doesn't already know about me, which I thought was pretty easy. Lemme see....
1. I pooped in my pants when I was in the first grade. Ms Lorena, my teacher wouldn't let me go to the bathroom after my pleading and begging. We were grading our tests that morning which was apparently more important than letting a student use the bathroom. I was only able to hold it so long hehe
2. For a field trip, we went to a children's game show and I was part of the winning team. It ended up being a different kid that got my prize since I didn't know where to go to claim it
3. I know the choreography to the performance below by heart. It was my anthem for quite a while when I lived in the dormitories back in '04. My suitemate (guy I shared the bathroom with) ended up liking the song he asked me what the name of it was so he can get it
4. There was a time I was wishing for a brown baby powder so this won't happen
5. I was a purikura whore when I lived in Japan. It's a type of photo booth but you can do soooo much more on your picture, like this one
6. My friend's plant almost died when he had me take care of it
7. I blacked out the first time I drank rum and coke. I was 20 (legal age since I was at an overseas base)
8. I've written a more extensive list once
10 September 2006
It's Only Vid...Yoyoy
JaG tagged me with a meme I have yet to do, here's one of the things she doesn't know about me. It's something I do when I get bored.. This one's a Filipino song called Butsekik by Yoyoy Villame, however it's just made up words through out.
This one's a song by The Magnetic Fields' It's Only Time. One of my friend's favorite song :):(
This one's a song by The Magnetic Fields' It's Only Time. One of my friend's favorite song :):(
07 September 2006
To the world you might be one person...
It's 2 am and I still haven't gone to bed. I was feeling sleepy but it sorta went away once I started getting ready for bed. There's just been so much going on inside me that I just have to let it out. I just feel a bit sad and kinda wish someone's here to hug me and tell me that it's going to be alright. I didn't think I'd ever write these thoughts down, and yet here I am. I was thinking how embarassing it'll be for others to kinda peek into my mind, but then that was why I started this blog, something that I could put them down in and help me kinda figure out where I stand at this point in my life. I sometimes wish I was still anonymous nowadays, but at the same time, if I was, I would have wanted to be acknowledged even by a single person out in the world.
I've just kinda been thinking how everything's going to be in a couple of months. Thing is I'm three months out of separating from the military, and a bit nervous how it'll turn out. I guess I can't not say that I'm not worried about it, because if I was, it wouldn't have kept me up at this wee hour. I think it might have been hanging out with my friend that kinda threw me off a little. He made a comment as to how it looked like I was so calm about all the changes that will be happening come the end of this year. I kinda felt bad that he's trying to get me to stay here in the area, but I highly doubt it. Even if I do end up moving to the DC area which is three hours away, I'm not really sure if I would keep in contact with him. I've become good friends with him, but sometimes when I get to think about how I met him, I get second thoughts about our friendship. It's kinda complicated how we became friends with how that came about, but it was something based on a lie on his part, not mine. It hasn't been too bad living here in VA but there's nothing really here that will make me stay. I've made friends since arriving here, but those relationships have ceased existing it would seem like, since I haven't seen some of them in months. It's a bit hard having friends that live in another city. Maybe I just tell myself that as an excuse. Either that is the case, or I've kinda stopped caring. I just find ways to keep myself occupied. I make plans with them, but it kinda fizzles after a lack of follow through. They'd leave comments on myspace but not respond to my calls or text messages, stupid myspace. I just find ways to keep myself busy, read a book, watch movies, or do some chores around the house, things to keep me busy. I hate it when I ask people how they're doing and respond that they're bored. Instead of me offering to hang out with them which I know would help make it go away, I get annoyed instead and just think read a book or something [this only applies to ones I would encounter if I choose to]. We probably would have had a good time but at times, it happens where they'd make a remark that just turns me off completely and makes me regret seeing them in the first place. It might be something in me though which I am aware of, so can't really always blame that person for what they say. Hence shutting myself out, and sorting things through.
I love and hate being still since it gets me thinking about all sorts of things when I do. It happens even when I'm at work which I'm not too fond of. I could just be sitting there waiting for the phone to ring again, and I'd think about people. I'd wonder how my family's doing, what this or that friend is doing at that instant, what's happening to this or that blogger's life, things of that sort. I sometimes wish I can just stop caring, and just think about me, and no one else. It makes me angry sometimes knowing that will probably never happen. It's just one of those things I've learned to accept though still hope from time to time, that it would change. I think I'm getting close though, with turning 23 playing a role in it. I've kinda become at peace with the way things are, and has barely spoken with the family or friends. It worries them I'm sure but it can't be helped any longer. I've put them ahead of my needs, and where does it get me? That proud feeling I have is no longer there, it's felt more like a burden that I just want lifted off of my shoulders. I can sense the change, and it worries me sometimes. I've barely spoken to my cousin which I used to talk to on hours end on the telephone. We've made plans before of me moving to Colorado once I get out of the military, but I'm not so sure any longer.
It's going to be happening in three months, and I'm a bit torn as to where to go to. I suppose I can move back to Florida for a little bit to get my footing, but I don't think I'd want to move back in at my aunt's and uncle's. As much as they're good people, I told myself I'll never live in that house ever again. Sometimes you have to step backward to take a leap forward but it won't be in my case. Staying with them would make me feel like 16 all over again which is something I don't wanna go back to. I have grown a lot since then, but that kid will always be in me and I'm sure that coming back to the same environment, he's bound to come out and take me back to a time and place that has passed.
I can perhaps stay with my dad in the East Coast which he's kinda expecting will happen come December. I'll admit I still yearn for that sometime, to actually live with them, make up for all the time lost. It makes me glad that it's a possibility that it could happen. I actually bring it up every time I'm on the phone with him which I didn't realize until he mentioned it. I guess I just wanted reassurance, that eventhough I'm not gonna actually do it, knowing that he's okay with me staying with them makes me glad. There is the child in me playing a role once again. Me and my dad has a running joke where I was only 6 yrs old when I moved to the US back in '99, so that makes me 13 at this time (will explain this later). We're working on building a relationship, with him along with his side of the family, as some of you are aware of.
I'm considering actually going to school full time which I was meaning to do, hence coming back stateside on my last year in the military to kinda give me a feel of how things work here. It'll be one of the states in the Pacific, and possibly living together with one of my good friends from Yokota. I'm kinda excited about that happening. One of my friends back in Japan will be coming back stateside and it was him that I've talked to about being roommates. We get along really well, so it shouldn't be a problem. I know we can't duplicate the Japan experience, but we can have more fun times. Going to the same school, maybe even drive to Canada or go backpacking to Europe even. G- loves Japan too, so we might actually find ways to go back there.
However, I've kinda been tempted to just work full time once again after my separation (end of contract). The paycheck is enticing, and I suppose I can take classes part time, but yet it's not going to be the same. It's probably gonna be different being a civilian, then going to school part time, but I kinda wanna experience what it's like otherwise. Being a full time student, and just working on the side. I could have had an Associate's by now at least, but I wasn't on top of it as I should have been. This past four years has been a learning experience, and looking back, I think I could have done things a bit different. I could have taken more classes, etc etc. It's not really laziness, but I became apathetic back when I was living in Japan. There was just so much going on inside me, that it got hard to even focus on the classes I'm taking. It was like I developed an ADD of some sort. Living by myself for the first time gave me a lot of time to think things through and actually try to make sense of it all. Despite of it, I think I still did pretty good, well except for saving up *smiles I got along with everybody I worked with, and I think I was liked. I never really got into trouble of sorts, and the leadership tended to leave me alone since I was good at what I do. Doing my job, keeping my dorm room clean, amongst other things. I just did what I can to the best that I could.
I smiled a lot too which has helped in it's own way. My superiors were amazing in trying to help me in anyway that they can when I needed it. One of them commented how I always have a smile on my face whenever she sees me. I tried to make it a point of smiling whenever I pass someone by. I really think a smile is a gift you can keep on giving to anybody, even to strangers and it doesn't even cost a thing. I could be close to breaking down on some days, and yet kept on smiling. We all have our own story, and someone else can be having a worse day than you are and might need that simple act to get them through the day. You never know who can that be. I'm sure you've felt lost or invisible at some point in your life. I know I have. ''To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world." It's so cliche hearing and reading that quotation, but it rings true, when you sit and think about it.
It was a blessing really, getting paid to live in Japan and not having to worry about a roof over my head, or as to where my meal will be coming from. With that, I'm really thankful. I sometimes forget how lucky I am, to even have the things I do now and to be where I currently am. I seriously pinch myself from time to time to remind myself that the life I'm living is just not a dream. There was no way in hell I ever thought I'd be where I am right now. I just wasn't much of a dreamer, I just try to live one day at a time, never knowing what life will bring.
I've just kinda been thinking how everything's going to be in a couple of months. Thing is I'm three months out of separating from the military, and a bit nervous how it'll turn out. I guess I can't not say that I'm not worried about it, because if I was, it wouldn't have kept me up at this wee hour. I think it might have been hanging out with my friend that kinda threw me off a little. He made a comment as to how it looked like I was so calm about all the changes that will be happening come the end of this year. I kinda felt bad that he's trying to get me to stay here in the area, but I highly doubt it. Even if I do end up moving to the DC area which is three hours away, I'm not really sure if I would keep in contact with him. I've become good friends with him, but sometimes when I get to think about how I met him, I get second thoughts about our friendship. It's kinda complicated how we became friends with how that came about, but it was something based on a lie on his part, not mine. It hasn't been too bad living here in VA but there's nothing really here that will make me stay. I've made friends since arriving here, but those relationships have ceased existing it would seem like, since I haven't seen some of them in months. It's a bit hard having friends that live in another city. Maybe I just tell myself that as an excuse. Either that is the case, or I've kinda stopped caring. I just find ways to keep myself occupied. I make plans with them, but it kinda fizzles after a lack of follow through. They'd leave comments on myspace but not respond to my calls or text messages, stupid myspace. I just find ways to keep myself busy, read a book, watch movies, or do some chores around the house, things to keep me busy. I hate it when I ask people how they're doing and respond that they're bored. Instead of me offering to hang out with them which I know would help make it go away, I get annoyed instead and just think read a book or something [this only applies to ones I would encounter if I choose to]. We probably would have had a good time but at times, it happens where they'd make a remark that just turns me off completely and makes me regret seeing them in the first place. It might be something in me though which I am aware of, so can't really always blame that person for what they say. Hence shutting myself out, and sorting things through.
I love and hate being still since it gets me thinking about all sorts of things when I do. It happens even when I'm at work which I'm not too fond of. I could just be sitting there waiting for the phone to ring again, and I'd think about people. I'd wonder how my family's doing, what this or that friend is doing at that instant, what's happening to this or that blogger's life, things of that sort. I sometimes wish I can just stop caring, and just think about me, and no one else. It makes me angry sometimes knowing that will probably never happen. It's just one of those things I've learned to accept though still hope from time to time, that it would change. I think I'm getting close though, with turning 23 playing a role in it. I've kinda become at peace with the way things are, and has barely spoken with the family or friends. It worries them I'm sure but it can't be helped any longer. I've put them ahead of my needs, and where does it get me? That proud feeling I have is no longer there, it's felt more like a burden that I just want lifted off of my shoulders. I can sense the change, and it worries me sometimes. I've barely spoken to my cousin which I used to talk to on hours end on the telephone. We've made plans before of me moving to Colorado once I get out of the military, but I'm not so sure any longer.
It's going to be happening in three months, and I'm a bit torn as to where to go to. I suppose I can move back to Florida for a little bit to get my footing, but I don't think I'd want to move back in at my aunt's and uncle's. As much as they're good people, I told myself I'll never live in that house ever again. Sometimes you have to step backward to take a leap forward but it won't be in my case. Staying with them would make me feel like 16 all over again which is something I don't wanna go back to. I have grown a lot since then, but that kid will always be in me and I'm sure that coming back to the same environment, he's bound to come out and take me back to a time and place that has passed.
I can perhaps stay with my dad in the East Coast which he's kinda expecting will happen come December. I'll admit I still yearn for that sometime, to actually live with them, make up for all the time lost. It makes me glad that it's a possibility that it could happen. I actually bring it up every time I'm on the phone with him which I didn't realize until he mentioned it. I guess I just wanted reassurance, that eventhough I'm not gonna actually do it, knowing that he's okay with me staying with them makes me glad. There is the child in me playing a role once again. Me and my dad has a running joke where I was only 6 yrs old when I moved to the US back in '99, so that makes me 13 at this time (will explain this later). We're working on building a relationship, with him along with his side of the family, as some of you are aware of.
I'm considering actually going to school full time which I was meaning to do, hence coming back stateside on my last year in the military to kinda give me a feel of how things work here. It'll be one of the states in the Pacific, and possibly living together with one of my good friends from Yokota. I'm kinda excited about that happening. One of my friends back in Japan will be coming back stateside and it was him that I've talked to about being roommates. We get along really well, so it shouldn't be a problem. I know we can't duplicate the Japan experience, but we can have more fun times. Going to the same school, maybe even drive to Canada or go backpacking to Europe even. G- loves Japan too, so we might actually find ways to go back there.
However, I've kinda been tempted to just work full time once again after my separation (end of contract). The paycheck is enticing, and I suppose I can take classes part time, but yet it's not going to be the same. It's probably gonna be different being a civilian, then going to school part time, but I kinda wanna experience what it's like otherwise. Being a full time student, and just working on the side. I could have had an Associate's by now at least, but I wasn't on top of it as I should have been. This past four years has been a learning experience, and looking back, I think I could have done things a bit different. I could have taken more classes, etc etc. It's not really laziness, but I became apathetic back when I was living in Japan. There was just so much going on inside me, that it got hard to even focus on the classes I'm taking. It was like I developed an ADD of some sort. Living by myself for the first time gave me a lot of time to think things through and actually try to make sense of it all. Despite of it, I think I still did pretty good, well except for saving up *smiles I got along with everybody I worked with, and I think I was liked. I never really got into trouble of sorts, and the leadership tended to leave me alone since I was good at what I do. Doing my job, keeping my dorm room clean, amongst other things. I just did what I can to the best that I could.
I smiled a lot too which has helped in it's own way. My superiors were amazing in trying to help me in anyway that they can when I needed it. One of them commented how I always have a smile on my face whenever she sees me. I tried to make it a point of smiling whenever I pass someone by. I really think a smile is a gift you can keep on giving to anybody, even to strangers and it doesn't even cost a thing. I could be close to breaking down on some days, and yet kept on smiling. We all have our own story, and someone else can be having a worse day than you are and might need that simple act to get them through the day. You never know who can that be. I'm sure you've felt lost or invisible at some point in your life. I know I have. ''To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world." It's so cliche hearing and reading that quotation, but it rings true, when you sit and think about it.
It was a blessing really, getting paid to live in Japan and not having to worry about a roof over my head, or as to where my meal will be coming from. With that, I'm really thankful. I sometimes forget how lucky I am, to even have the things I do now and to be where I currently am. I seriously pinch myself from time to time to remind myself that the life I'm living is just not a dream. There was no way in hell I ever thought I'd be where I am right now. I just wasn't much of a dreamer, I just try to live one day at a time, never knowing what life will bring.
02 September 2006
Under the Water
It was a start of the long weekend for the rest of the people that work here on base. Whenever a holiday falls on a Monday, this is usually what happens. We get a family day to kick things off early. It doesn't really apply to us since we have to have people at the helpdesk 24/7. Actually, I've been working a different schedule since the beginning of August. I gave up my weekends so I can have three days off. I work Fridays to Mondays, having to do 12-hr shifts on Sat and Sunday. It's been good.
I was expecting it to be an uneventful shift yesterday because of the down day but that wasn't so. There was a storm that hit VA early yesterday so we had to deal with power outages, buildings losing connectivity. It was pretty much raining nonstop the whole day, and around noon, the fire alarm went off for reasons we do not know. Of course, we had to evacuate and go across the street to the parking lot. When it rains, it pours and when it pours, it floods. It was about a foot high but which we had to go through to get to the other side. I had an umbrella which really didn't do much good, cause of the strong wind so kinda got soaked before getting to sit at my coworker's truck. The firemen came and did the sweeps and we got to go back in after about 20 mins. Took my boots and my socks off and was walking around the office barefoot. I'm not really supposed to since that's considered out of uniform but did it anyways. It just felt really gross, with it squeeshing everytime I walked. I wear a different kind of boots, where instead of it being leather combat boots, I have a pair made of canvas.
The rest of the shift, we watched more episodes of 24. I've been getting into 24 more and more after watching some of it on DVD here at work which we pretty much do on the weekends. My coworker finds it funny when I yell at the tv, as if the characters could hear me. Him and I ended up staying about an hour and a half than we were supposed to. The guy who was working the mid-shift didn't realize he had to come in at 1845, instead of 2345 which was his usual time to go to work.
Finally got to go home, had my dinner and watched more episodes of Seinfeld. The boxed sets were on sale for $20 each and ended up grabbing three seasons so got some dvd watching sessions to go. 'tis a really funny show though the laugh track can be annoying from time to time. I got used to not hearing any after watching the gem Arrested Development the past two years. Had to pause the dvd though to prepare my meal for the next few days. I TRY to get to bed around 10 but that us yet to happen. I've been sleeping about 4-5 hours during work days and just can't sleep early enough to get my required hours of rest.
That was how my day was. How was your Fridee?
I was expecting it to be an uneventful shift yesterday because of the down day but that wasn't so. There was a storm that hit VA early yesterday so we had to deal with power outages, buildings losing connectivity. It was pretty much raining nonstop the whole day, and around noon, the fire alarm went off for reasons we do not know. Of course, we had to evacuate and go across the street to the parking lot. When it rains, it pours and when it pours, it floods. It was about a foot high but which we had to go through to get to the other side. I had an umbrella which really didn't do much good, cause of the strong wind so kinda got soaked before getting to sit at my coworker's truck. The firemen came and did the sweeps and we got to go back in after about 20 mins. Took my boots and my socks off and was walking around the office barefoot. I'm not really supposed to since that's considered out of uniform but did it anyways. It just felt really gross, with it squeeshing everytime I walked. I wear a different kind of boots, where instead of it being leather combat boots, I have a pair made of canvas.
The rest of the shift, we watched more episodes of 24. I've been getting into 24 more and more after watching some of it on DVD here at work which we pretty much do on the weekends. My coworker finds it funny when I yell at the tv, as if the characters could hear me. Him and I ended up staying about an hour and a half than we were supposed to. The guy who was working the mid-shift didn't realize he had to come in at 1845, instead of 2345 which was his usual time to go to work.
Finally got to go home, had my dinner and watched more episodes of Seinfeld. The boxed sets were on sale for $20 each and ended up grabbing three seasons so got some dvd watching sessions to go. 'tis a really funny show though the laugh track can be annoying from time to time. I got used to not hearing any after watching the gem Arrested Development the past two years. Had to pause the dvd though to prepare my meal for the next few days. I TRY to get to bed around 10 but that us yet to happen. I've been sleeping about 4-5 hours during work days and just can't sleep early enough to get my required hours of rest.
That was how my day was. How was your Fridee?
31 August 2006
Family pictures
This blogsite has been acting funky from what I've been told so will have to look into it more later on the day.
This was me on my drive back from the reunion on my dad's side I went to two weeks ago. My hair was going to be longer now but I bothced the top of my head shaving it the week before, so ended up going with a skinhead.
I actually had a great time, knowing a little bit more about our background. Got to meet family from all over, even have family up in Brooklyn, and finally met my first cousins which was my main concern. One of them was cute too hahaha I wanted to hug him but had to settle for a handshake since he was eating when I woke up and met him in the kitchen damnit damnit damnit. I'm over it now *siicck Some of the pics are a bit blurry but my mom has yet to send me the rest. OOpps, almost forgot, here's the link
Have a great Thursday of what it's left for some!!!
This was me on my drive back from the reunion on my dad's side I went to two weeks ago. My hair was going to be longer now but I bothced the top of my head shaving it the week before, so ended up going with a skinhead.
I actually had a great time, knowing a little bit more about our background. Got to meet family from all over, even have family up in Brooklyn, and finally met my first cousins which was my main concern. One of them was cute too hahaha I wanted to hug him but had to settle for a handshake since he was eating when I woke up and met him in the kitchen damnit damnit damnit. I'm over it now *siicck Some of the pics are a bit blurry but my mom has yet to send me the rest. OOpps, almost forgot, here's the link
Have a great Thursday of what it's left for some!!!
29 August 2006
Best buy..
Ok, I went to Best Buy this morning to grab one of my all time favorite shows, Arrested Development :D If you haven't watched it, give me a reason why not hahaha People who knew me in person would know how much I loved this show, I was a spokesperson for this show at my old workplace. I had people sit down and watch some episodes and they ended up liking the whole thing. How great is that!! I just have this thing where if I enjoy something, I make sure people I know check it out as well. I get pissed if they don't hehe
When I was at the store, I saw that all the Seinfeld boxed sets are on sale too. Each box was selling for $19.99 so now I'm tempted to get the whole thing. I've seen the syndication and find myself laughing when I watch it on telly (sounds smoother than saying tv) I'm really thinking of picking some up along with Strangers with Candy. I gotta stop being a harharhar
I've been tagged by JaG and would have to get back to her with that. I have to put down things that she doesn't know about me, so here's one of the those. Something I do when I'm bored. Maybe some others too, if they'd admit to it. It's history lesson time, here's what it says:
When Philippines was discovered by Magellan
They were sailing day and night across the big ocean
Until they saw a small Limasawa island
When I was at the store, I saw that all the Seinfeld boxed sets are on sale too. Each box was selling for $19.99 so now I'm tempted to get the whole thing. I've seen the syndication and find myself laughing when I watch it on telly (sounds smoother than saying tv) I'm really thinking of picking some up along with Strangers with Candy. I gotta stop being a harharhar
I've been tagged by JaG and would have to get back to her with that. I have to put down things that she doesn't know about me, so here's one of the those. Something I do when I'm bored. Maybe some others too, if they'd admit to it. It's history lesson time, here's what it says:
When Philippines was discovered by Magellan
They were sailing day and night across the big ocean
Until they saw a small Limasawa island
Magellan landed in Limasawa at noon
The people met him very welcome on the shore
They did not understand the speaking they have done
Because Kastila gid at Waray-Waray man
When Magellan landed in Cebu City
Rajah Humabon met him, they were very happy
All people were baptized and built the church of Christ
And that’s the beginning of our Catholic life
When Magellan visited in Mactan
To christianize them everyone
But Lapu-Lapu met him on the shore
and drive Magellan to go back home
Then Magellan got so mad
Ordered his men to camouflage
“Mactan island we could not grab
‘Cause Lapu Lapu is very hard”
Then the battle began at dawn
Bolos and spears versus guns and cannons
When Magellan was hit on his neck
He stumble down and cried and cried
Oh, mother mother I am sick
Call the doctor very quick
Doctor, doctor shall I die?
Tell my mama do not cry
Tell my mama do not cry
Tell my mama do not cry
That’s the end of Magellan
in the island of Mactan long time ago
ladies and gentlemen
26 August 2006
Breaks my heart to say
A flood of emotion rushed over me after receiving an e-mail from my mom yesterday. Well, she sent me an e-mail since she thought there was something funky with the ATM card that she has. It's actually my card that I gave her so that she can get some cash out when she needs it on one of my accounts. I just do transfers to it every month insted of sending through Western Union and paying about a 10 % fee everytime. What happened was she checked the balance and saw that 6, 000 pesos (about $55) got deducted from it since the last time she took some money out around the middle of July. It really would not have bothered me too much just seeing what had happened so far. However, when she mentioned that she about went mad trying to figure out where the money went and just cried and cried not knowing what to do. Normally, I would feel bad hearing about that but instead, all that welled up inside me was anger which doesn't happen too often. It's rare that I get really angry but with the mother situation, it has been bottling up since the beginning of last year. I'm gonna write, I wouldn't say a bit, since I tend to spill my heart out when I do post.
As some would know, I was born to a Filipina mother and an American father twenty three years ago, July '83. My dad was in the Navy at that time, and got stationed in Korea few months after I was born. During his time in Korea, he met an American woman, P which soon became my stepmother, a year and a half after I was born. I don't remember the exact dates but after they got married, they ended up staying in Korea/Guam (?) until it was time for them to move back to the states in '87. My mom on the other hand moved back to her parent's house, a single mom with a son from a G.I. The only memory I have of my dad is swimming at a hotel pool with him, while I swim under the water while someone throws a lollipop and I try to get it. I think that was when I was about 2 yrs old, and it so happens to be my first memory as well. After they moved to California, my dad got out of the Navy and that's when he stopped supporting us. You'd think by then, my mom would get a job at least, to provide food for the table but instead she came to an agreement with my Grandma that she'll be the housekeep when my Grandma left for Norway to work. My Grandpa (the one that just died) used to be in the merchant marines and that was how he acquired Norwegian citizenship which he passed on to my Grandma. That is an Asian culture thing, some family members go abroad to help provide to their family which what happened in my case though the ones who were left behind didn't even get a job. In the house that we moved back to, I have two uncles, one younger auntie, an older auntie, with her husband and three kids in one part of the house and my grandpa and of course my mom. So that's all of us living together in one house. It had its ups and downs, and drama that went along with it.
One of the main things was my mom who had me, but with no husband. Add to that, that it was with a foreign guy who married somebody else after I was born. So that made me a bastard who in noooo way could pass for a Filipino. I think when I realized that I don't look like everybody else, that's when the sense of not belonging start to creep in. I did know my father, but after '87 the communication pretty much stopped. He never wrote after that, and it would always have to be us that initiates the phone calls on holidays and such. I didn't know anything about him, didn't know what his likes or dislikes were, didn't even know what he did for a living after he got out of the military. That kinda bothered me, I felt embarrassed getting asked by people what I'm doing in the Philippines if I was American, or what is it that my father does. Anyway, getting back to my Mom she pretty much took my Grandma's role, taking care of the house, cooking food, doing laundry, etc etc pretty much something a maid does now that I think about it. She says she did this so she can provide for me which I did believe and was thankful for at one point.
During those years we lived with the rest of the family, there'll be times that my grandpa or my uncle would get drunk and verbally abuse my mom, or even slap her or kick her out of the house. I don't remember being verbally abused but even if I was, I might just have blocked those times to protect myself. We stayed at other relatives' house for a bit, though a few days after, my mom would make the choice to come back to the house since she had "nowhere to go." This went on until I was about 13 yrs old. If you would have seen me at school, you wouldn't think that this kind of stuff was going on at my house. I kept a brave face, and I think I was too busy trying to please my dad. Trying to elicit some sort of response saying Hey, you're doing well in school son, I'm proud of you or even something to acknowledge my existence. I did really well in school, winning all sort of competitions, math, history, journalism, even part of the school dance team. There really was little I can do about the things that were happening. I just stayed out of everyone's way and kept my mouth shut.
I was hurting. I remember very vividly, being in the second grade and crying about the way my life was. There's a song that they used to play every morning before the flag ceremony called Maghintay Ka Lamang (Just Wait) by Ted Ito and there you'd see me in the corridors, looking out to the square, head over my arms, crying and telling myself to hold on, that things will get better. It was growing up that I put my mom up on a pedestal, and vowed to make her life better than the way it was. She blamed my dad for everything that had happened, if he hadn't done this, if he wouldn't have done that, our lives would be so much better. If he sent us money, it wouldn't have to be like this. Money money money. She used to tell me how she was getting ready to go abroad when she met my father, and how everything turned out the way it was after that happened. She used to tell me that she loved me so, but I think being told that her life would have been a lot different had she not met him, what does that tell me exactly? Eventhough she said she loved me, I felt responsible for the way things turned out and felt a little guilt in being born. I wished I would not have been born to prevent all of these, the pain, the despair, the heartbreak. Well, I blamed my dad too. How could he let this happen to his own son. I even hated God. Eventhough I prayed, I was questioning the existence if there even was God. Why would he let a kid go through all that pain? He's just a child, he didn't do anything to deserve this. Why can't he just have a 'normal life?
I moved to the US when I was 16 and was supposed to live with my dad permanently. It was an amazing feeling, finally getting to meet him after for so long. Weird how I still loved him in spite of all the things he did or did not do. I resented them though, him, my stepmom and my little brother seeing the way they lived. All I could think was fuck this, you guys are living real nice while I had to live in a 11' x 12 ' room with my mom and her husband. Having to take a shower with the rest of the tenants, having to get water from a pumping well. It didn't really bother me before but was a bit annoyed by it I guess after moving to the States. So......
As some would know, I was born to a Filipina mother and an American father twenty three years ago, July '83. My dad was in the Navy at that time, and got stationed in Korea few months after I was born. During his time in Korea, he met an American woman, P which soon became my stepmother, a year and a half after I was born. I don't remember the exact dates but after they got married, they ended up staying in Korea/Guam (?) until it was time for them to move back to the states in '87. My mom on the other hand moved back to her parent's house, a single mom with a son from a G.I. The only memory I have of my dad is swimming at a hotel pool with him, while I swim under the water while someone throws a lollipop and I try to get it. I think that was when I was about 2 yrs old, and it so happens to be my first memory as well. After they moved to California, my dad got out of the Navy and that's when he stopped supporting us. You'd think by then, my mom would get a job at least, to provide food for the table but instead she came to an agreement with my Grandma that she'll be the housekeep when my Grandma left for Norway to work. My Grandpa (the one that just died) used to be in the merchant marines and that was how he acquired Norwegian citizenship which he passed on to my Grandma. That is an Asian culture thing, some family members go abroad to help provide to their family which what happened in my case though the ones who were left behind didn't even get a job. In the house that we moved back to, I have two uncles, one younger auntie, an older auntie, with her husband and three kids in one part of the house and my grandpa and of course my mom. So that's all of us living together in one house. It had its ups and downs, and drama that went along with it.
One of the main things was my mom who had me, but with no husband. Add to that, that it was with a foreign guy who married somebody else after I was born. So that made me a bastard who in noooo way could pass for a Filipino. I think when I realized that I don't look like everybody else, that's when the sense of not belonging start to creep in. I did know my father, but after '87 the communication pretty much stopped. He never wrote after that, and it would always have to be us that initiates the phone calls on holidays and such. I didn't know anything about him, didn't know what his likes or dislikes were, didn't even know what he did for a living after he got out of the military. That kinda bothered me, I felt embarrassed getting asked by people what I'm doing in the Philippines if I was American, or what is it that my father does. Anyway, getting back to my Mom she pretty much took my Grandma's role, taking care of the house, cooking food, doing laundry, etc etc pretty much something a maid does now that I think about it. She says she did this so she can provide for me which I did believe and was thankful for at one point.
During those years we lived with the rest of the family, there'll be times that my grandpa or my uncle would get drunk and verbally abuse my mom, or even slap her or kick her out of the house. I don't remember being verbally abused but even if I was, I might just have blocked those times to protect myself. We stayed at other relatives' house for a bit, though a few days after, my mom would make the choice to come back to the house since she had "nowhere to go." This went on until I was about 13 yrs old. If you would have seen me at school, you wouldn't think that this kind of stuff was going on at my house. I kept a brave face, and I think I was too busy trying to please my dad. Trying to elicit some sort of response saying Hey, you're doing well in school son, I'm proud of you or even something to acknowledge my existence. I did really well in school, winning all sort of competitions, math, history, journalism, even part of the school dance team. There really was little I can do about the things that were happening. I just stayed out of everyone's way and kept my mouth shut.
I was hurting. I remember very vividly, being in the second grade and crying about the way my life was. There's a song that they used to play every morning before the flag ceremony called Maghintay Ka Lamang (Just Wait) by Ted Ito and there you'd see me in the corridors, looking out to the square, head over my arms, crying and telling myself to hold on, that things will get better. It was growing up that I put my mom up on a pedestal, and vowed to make her life better than the way it was. She blamed my dad for everything that had happened, if he hadn't done this, if he wouldn't have done that, our lives would be so much better. If he sent us money, it wouldn't have to be like this. Money money money. She used to tell me how she was getting ready to go abroad when she met my father, and how everything turned out the way it was after that happened. She used to tell me that she loved me so, but I think being told that her life would have been a lot different had she not met him, what does that tell me exactly? Eventhough she said she loved me, I felt responsible for the way things turned out and felt a little guilt in being born. I wished I would not have been born to prevent all of these, the pain, the despair, the heartbreak. Well, I blamed my dad too. How could he let this happen to his own son. I even hated God. Eventhough I prayed, I was questioning the existence if there even was God. Why would he let a kid go through all that pain? He's just a child, he didn't do anything to deserve this. Why can't he just have a 'normal life?
I moved to the US when I was 16 and was supposed to live with my dad permanently. It was an amazing feeling, finally getting to meet him after for so long. Weird how I still loved him in spite of all the things he did or did not do. I resented them though, him, my stepmom and my little brother seeing the way they lived. All I could think was fuck this, you guys are living real nice while I had to live in a 11' x 12 ' room with my mom and her husband. Having to take a shower with the rest of the tenants, having to get water from a pumping well. It didn't really bother me before but was a bit annoyed by it I guess after moving to the States. So......
14 August 2006
Guess we'll never know
It's been a good week settling back to day shift once again. I don't feel like a vampire any longer being awake during the night when I was working mids. After getting back from NY, I had to work that Monday and was off the next three days for my transition to days. I really don't remember doing much, I think I pretty much relaxed at home and not do a whole lot of things. Watch movies, get on the net, read a book? Some movies I saw was Beauty Shop which I thought was funny. I wasn't liking it at first but it was catfish Rita that won me over EEEEEEP! I giggle whenever I remember that scene. Hmm, other movies are Ikiru which has one of the most haunting scenes I've seen so far. It's about this one government worker Kanji who found out that he had six months to live for having stomach cancer. He's been pretty much a workaholic his whole life, and after coming across one of his subordinates Toyo, he tried to actually live with the little time that he had. Splurging his savings (well more of treating himself, not splurge), doing something good for others, and having passion once again for things that matter, and just having fun. It was a good movie , though I got freaked out a bit by the lead actor's eyes in some scenes. I cried obviously, since it's a sad movie and makes you reassess about things in your life. One "joke" in the movie went:
"You've never had a day off, have you?"
"No."
"Why? Are you indispensable?"
"No. I don't want them to find out they can do without me."
Got to see Little Miss Sunshine too, for free! They had a screening at Va Beach and I got to go, though ended up going by myself. I asked some guy a while back to check out the preview to see if it's something he might wanna see, but dunno what happened. Err, I deleted my account from this one site and that's where I kinda spoke to him but yea, his loss. Hahaha It was kinda dark, but hilarious nonetheless. It looks like I enjoy just about every movie that Toni Collette is a part of, though About a Boy is still my favorite with her in it. Her role reminded me of my mom who sorta was the same way but getting back. I believe Little Miss Sunshine is just coming out in some cities so check it out if you may. If you like it great, if not, at least you can say you got to see it (If you didn't, I owe you a movie if I'm EVER in your town)
And saw Strr...strraanngg.. Strangers with... guess you'll never know ;) It's great to finally see Strangers with Candy after waiting close to two months after it came out. It's a prequel to the tv show that came out back in 99 so guess that might be why not too many people are familiar with it. Here's a preview for you lot if you've never seen it. Give you an idea of what the humor is like.
Aside from that, hmm, I really can't say I had a quiet week. I met some new people which was good. It's been a while since I made acquaintances with people that live in the area. I spoke with three people on a Wednesday and ended up meeting two which wasn't bad. I really wouldn't call it a date since it's not. The first one I spoke to was D though he lived about an hour away. It's cool he loved Arrested Development [one of my fave shows EVER] but that's about it, hmm. I just hope he didn't blue* himself. I asked for his number but he said his phone is turned off at the moment. Maybe it was after all but who exactly goes around without a phone these days. He gave me his AOL ID and his e-mail add, so I guess that's still something.
The other one, W wanted to have lunch that same day I talked to him. I got too hungry though so ended up finishing cooking the pot roast which I had prepared the night before. I didn't get to eat 'til 3 something hours after W asked me to have lunch haha. Errr, I didn't think he was cute when he sent me his picture, so I was Hmmm, I'm eating in today! I jus went ahead and gave him my number, see how he is. He was an alright guy after all. I ended up meeting him later on the day when I was at the mall. I was at the mall since I had to pick up a book I had reserved at Barnes and Noble, Feel the fear and do it anyway by Susan Jeffers which I didn't realize until now is 18 years old. So off I went to the mall, but ended up stopping at JC Penney to check out some suits. W said he just happens to be in the area since he had to go pick up a furniture, so figured might as well meet and greet in person. Which we did, probably just for 30 mins or so, as we were checking out the suits, kinda asking the introductory questions. I think I'll be friends with him if nothing else. He said the same thing too, so I guess that's good. He's one who actually hosts little gatherings of friends which is soo not like me. I would, but don't expect me to cook.
The second one, A, he called me up the next day, Thursday to see what I was doing. I didn't get to pick up the first time since I was getting ready to go to a briefing. Just listened to his voicemail message, and I swear he sounded like he's high. I didn't call him back until 90 mins later after getting out of the briefing. We just talked about what I'm up to, what he's doing etc etc. He was trying to find his way to get to the Oceanfront but sorta got lost. I really wasn't much of a help either since I get lost myself around the area. When he said Oceanfront, I thought he meant just walking by the ocean and having lunch or something since it was overcast that day. Instead of going home, I just went straight to Va Beach which is about 20-30 mins from where I was. This made me happy. I kinda got excited meeting new people which is kinda odd. I guess I have my shy moment and aggressive moment coz there are times where I'd up and just ask for somebody's phone number the first time I spoke with them.
Getting back, so made my way to VA Beach and had jeans, polo shirt on because of the briefing. Well with A said going to the Oceanfront, it actually meant getting into the water and going swimming. I didn't intend to swim that day, but after passing by a store, all I thought was I'm here, might as well go all the way (not with the guy!) so went ahead and bought the cheapest swimming shorts and a pair of flip flops. Off back to the parking lot I went, and got changed in my car. Ended up moving to a different parking building since A was about sixteen blocks from where I was. I had to go commando since I didn't have a spare underwear either.
Off to the Oceanfront I walk, but now it was just a matter of finding A. I've been trying to call him for half an hour (probably less) but he's not picking up. If he doesn't call back at this time, I'm just gonna call it a day and go home. I stayed around though, since I didn't wanna waste all that driving and it be in vain. I went down to the area where A said he will be and I was just looking at the people ou in the sun, trying to pick A out. Saw this one guy got out of the water and heading back to the shore. I had a feeling it was A, but really can't be too sure either. Niice, he's cute hahaha The guy went to his spot and sat down. I actually came up to him and uttered Ummm, Are you? Nevermind and walked away. I got nervous since it felt like I was trying to pick the guy up and I wasn't even sure it was him so I went by the lifeguard station and stood there glancing at the guy I briefly talked to. I saw him messing with his cellphone, and seconds later my phone rang. I looked over and the guy had a grin on his face. I knew it was him. I'm just good like that [kiddin!]. I had a great time, well WE did, just letting the waves carry us, swimming, and splashing each other with water. He's really funny so I was laughing most of the time we hang out. Find it funny though, how at first he commented how I didn't look like I did in the picture. He said I looked more buff from the pic which was taken three years ago, which I'll post one of these days. These are things I don't recognize, I've stayed around the same weight for the past three/four years and didn't see much difference really. It's odd, friends and family will say You're skinny, gain some weight. Then, You're fat, go running and do exercise. After A said that, You think so? was all I could utter. I'm fine with my built really, though I got a bit self-conscious after he said that.
After that weird comment, we just went about swimming in the ocean again. A was really friendly, I'd look and he'd be talking to people from all ages, kids, couples, teenagers, grandparents which I thought was sweet. He kinda grew on me, and he was someone I felt I could be friends with, if nothing else. He kept calling me sexy which is a surefire way to make me blush. So there I was, tanned and blushing walking along the shore with A. It was nice, we walked down a good half a mile I'd say just asking each other questions, and talking about random things. He mentioned how my pic doesn't do me justice. All I could say was thanks but I still felt like a fatty hahaha after he said so at the beginning. Ju on beach!! He had to go meet his friend later on the day so we went our separate ways. He said, Give me a hug which I obligingly did, in spite of all the people at the boardwalk. Told him I had a great time which I really did. Spoke to him a little bit after that since he called to let him know he got a parking ticket. His meter ran out and those Va Beach Cops sure do their jobs. Then he called since he didn't know how to get to Olive Garden so looked it up for him. I swear he uttered, That's really sweet like ten times during our two-hour meeting. I probably am, without realizing, but I cringe when people call it out haha I just do what comes natural and I've never been sure as what the line is between doing regular things and being sweet about doing 'em. After I gave him the directions, he had to hang up so that he can concentrate on the road. He said that the traffic's backed up, so on my way home, I stopped by Chic Fil A and grabbed a sandwich. Oh my god! Chic Fil A is sooo good. That was my first time ever having their sandwich and the potato thingies yum yum yum.. Dip it in a mixed ketchup and mayonnaise
sauce, mmm it's sooo good. I was grinning ear to ear driving as I was eating since it was damn good.
I didn't bring my cell with me since it really wasn't gonna take long. It was at that brief period that he called and with me not picking up, assumed that I was angry or something. I'm not avoiding you, I just have to find my way around that's why I had to go. I understood completely about him having to end the convo, but I didn't think of it as him avoiding me. Really haven't spoken to him since then, so will probably call him sometime this week and see if he's paid his ticket yet, or just say hey. He lives three hours away, though he mentioned he's considering moving to the area :D He's thought about this before we met so yeahh..And I might be moving some place else come December anyways.....I'm a bit nervous about calling, Gahh he might think I like him too much.. If I don't call though...guess we'll never know
Ohh..Dad and 'Mom' is coming tomorrow too *Shuxxxx I thought it wouldn't be until midweek at least but will tell more later on. Time conflict and what not.. Got to see a girl I went to tech school with back in '02, eventhough she left VA just this past weekend. Spoke with a friend I haven't talked to for about eight months Gooood times Good times Oh, and Daniel resurfaced too (-_-)
Gotta get some sleep now.
"You've never had a day off, have you?"
"No."
"Why? Are you indispensable?"
"No. I don't want them to find out they can do without me."
Got to see Little Miss Sunshine too, for free! They had a screening at Va Beach and I got to go, though ended up going by myself. I asked some guy a while back to check out the preview to see if it's something he might wanna see, but dunno what happened. Err, I deleted my account from this one site and that's where I kinda spoke to him but yea, his loss. Hahaha It was kinda dark, but hilarious nonetheless. It looks like I enjoy just about every movie that Toni Collette is a part of, though About a Boy is still my favorite with her in it. Her role reminded me of my mom who sorta was the same way but getting back. I believe Little Miss Sunshine is just coming out in some cities so check it out if you may. If you like it great, if not, at least you can say you got to see it (If you didn't, I owe you a movie if I'm EVER in your town)
And saw Strr...strraanngg.. Strangers with... guess you'll never know ;) It's great to finally see Strangers with Candy after waiting close to two months after it came out. It's a prequel to the tv show that came out back in 99 so guess that might be why not too many people are familiar with it. Here's a preview for you lot if you've never seen it. Give you an idea of what the humor is like.
Aside from that, hmm, I really can't say I had a quiet week. I met some new people which was good. It's been a while since I made acquaintances with people that live in the area. I spoke with three people on a Wednesday and ended up meeting two which wasn't bad. I really wouldn't call it a date since it's not. The first one I spoke to was D though he lived about an hour away. It's cool he loved Arrested Development [one of my fave shows EVER] but that's about it, hmm. I just hope he didn't blue* himself. I asked for his number but he said his phone is turned off at the moment. Maybe it was after all but who exactly goes around without a phone these days. He gave me his AOL ID and his e-mail add, so I guess that's still something.
The other one, W wanted to have lunch that same day I talked to him. I got too hungry though so ended up finishing cooking the pot roast which I had prepared the night before. I didn't get to eat 'til 3 something hours after W asked me to have lunch haha. Errr, I didn't think he was cute when he sent me his picture, so I was Hmmm, I'm eating in today! I jus went ahead and gave him my number, see how he is. He was an alright guy after all. I ended up meeting him later on the day when I was at the mall. I was at the mall since I had to pick up a book I had reserved at Barnes and Noble, Feel the fear and do it anyway by Susan Jeffers which I didn't realize until now is 18 years old. So off I went to the mall, but ended up stopping at JC Penney to check out some suits. W said he just happens to be in the area since he had to go pick up a furniture, so figured might as well meet and greet in person. Which we did, probably just for 30 mins or so, as we were checking out the suits, kinda asking the introductory questions. I think I'll be friends with him if nothing else. He said the same thing too, so I guess that's good. He's one who actually hosts little gatherings of friends which is soo not like me. I would, but don't expect me to cook.
The second one, A, he called me up the next day, Thursday to see what I was doing. I didn't get to pick up the first time since I was getting ready to go to a briefing. Just listened to his voicemail message, and I swear he sounded like he's high. I didn't call him back until 90 mins later after getting out of the briefing. We just talked about what I'm up to, what he's doing etc etc. He was trying to find his way to get to the Oceanfront but sorta got lost. I really wasn't much of a help either since I get lost myself around the area. When he said Oceanfront, I thought he meant just walking by the ocean and having lunch or something since it was overcast that day. Instead of going home, I just went straight to Va Beach which is about 20-30 mins from where I was. This made me happy. I kinda got excited meeting new people which is kinda odd. I guess I have my shy moment and aggressive moment coz there are times where I'd up and just ask for somebody's phone number the first time I spoke with them.
Getting back, so made my way to VA Beach and had jeans, polo shirt on because of the briefing. Well with A said going to the Oceanfront, it actually meant getting into the water and going swimming. I didn't intend to swim that day, but after passing by a store, all I thought was I'm here, might as well go all the way (not with the guy!) so went ahead and bought the cheapest swimming shorts and a pair of flip flops. Off back to the parking lot I went, and got changed in my car. Ended up moving to a different parking building since A was about sixteen blocks from where I was. I had to go commando since I didn't have a spare underwear either.
Off to the Oceanfront I walk, but now it was just a matter of finding A. I've been trying to call him for half an hour (probably less) but he's not picking up. If he doesn't call back at this time, I'm just gonna call it a day and go home. I stayed around though, since I didn't wanna waste all that driving and it be in vain. I went down to the area where A said he will be and I was just looking at the people ou in the sun, trying to pick A out. Saw this one guy got out of the water and heading back to the shore. I had a feeling it was A, but really can't be too sure either. Niice, he's cute hahaha The guy went to his spot and sat down. I actually came up to him and uttered Ummm, Are you? Nevermind and walked away. I got nervous since it felt like I was trying to pick the guy up and I wasn't even sure it was him so I went by the lifeguard station and stood there glancing at the guy I briefly talked to. I saw him messing with his cellphone, and seconds later my phone rang. I looked over and the guy had a grin on his face. I knew it was him. I'm just good like that [kiddin!]. I had a great time, well WE did, just letting the waves carry us, swimming, and splashing each other with water. He's really funny so I was laughing most of the time we hang out. Find it funny though, how at first he commented how I didn't look like I did in the picture. He said I looked more buff from the pic which was taken three years ago, which I'll post one of these days. These are things I don't recognize, I've stayed around the same weight for the past three/four years and didn't see much difference really. It's odd, friends and family will say You're skinny, gain some weight. Then, You're fat, go running and do exercise. After A said that, You think so? was all I could utter. I'm fine with my built really, though I got a bit self-conscious after he said that.
After that weird comment, we just went about swimming in the ocean again. A was really friendly, I'd look and he'd be talking to people from all ages, kids, couples, teenagers, grandparents which I thought was sweet. He kinda grew on me, and he was someone I felt I could be friends with, if nothing else. He kept calling me sexy which is a surefire way to make me blush. So there I was, tanned and blushing walking along the shore with A. It was nice, we walked down a good half a mile I'd say just asking each other questions, and talking about random things. He mentioned how my pic doesn't do me justice. All I could say was thanks but I still felt like a fatty hahaha after he said so at the beginning. Ju on beach!! He had to go meet his friend later on the day so we went our separate ways. He said, Give me a hug which I obligingly did, in spite of all the people at the boardwalk. Told him I had a great time which I really did. Spoke to him a little bit after that since he called to let him know he got a parking ticket. His meter ran out and those Va Beach Cops sure do their jobs. Then he called since he didn't know how to get to Olive Garden so looked it up for him. I swear he uttered, That's really sweet like ten times during our two-hour meeting. I probably am, without realizing, but I cringe when people call it out haha I just do what comes natural and I've never been sure as what the line is between doing regular things and being sweet about doing 'em. After I gave him the directions, he had to hang up so that he can concentrate on the road. He said that the traffic's backed up, so on my way home, I stopped by Chic Fil A and grabbed a sandwich. Oh my god! Chic Fil A is sooo good. That was my first time ever having their sandwich and the potato thingies yum yum yum.. Dip it in a mixed ketchup and mayonnaise
sauce, mmm it's sooo good. I was grinning ear to ear driving as I was eating since it was damn good.
I didn't bring my cell with me since it really wasn't gonna take long. It was at that brief period that he called and with me not picking up, assumed that I was angry or something. I'm not avoiding you, I just have to find my way around that's why I had to go. I understood completely about him having to end the convo, but I didn't think of it as him avoiding me. Really haven't spoken to him since then, so will probably call him sometime this week and see if he's paid his ticket yet, or just say hey. He lives three hours away, though he mentioned he's considering moving to the area :D He's thought about this before we met so yeahh..And I might be moving some place else come December anyways.....I'm a bit nervous about calling, Gahh he might think I like him too much.. If I don't call though...guess we'll never know
Ohh..Dad and 'Mom' is coming tomorrow too *Shuxxxx I thought it wouldn't be until midweek at least but will tell more later on. Time conflict and what not.. Got to see a girl I went to tech school with back in '02, eventhough she left VA just this past weekend. Spoke with a friend I haven't talked to for about eight months Gooood times Good times Oh, and Daniel resurfaced too (-_-)
Gotta get some sleep now.
04 August 2006
Snake Pit
Gosh, I came across this and it brought me back four years ago to Basic training. I tried with all my might not to get pulled into this 'Snake Pit' as we called it. This is where the instructors try to fuck with your head lol, I laugh about it now but gosh, the horror of just being there.
I remember shaking the whole time I was having meals, legs closed together, face down to your plate, not even a word to the guys in the table you eat in.
I remember shaking the whole time I was having meals, legs closed together, face down to your plate, not even a word to the guys in the table you eat in.
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