This blogsite has been acting funky from what I've been told so will have to look into it more later on the day.
This was me on my drive back from the reunion on my dad's side I went to two weeks ago. My hair was going to be longer now but I bothced the top of my head shaving it the week before, so ended up going with a skinhead.
I actually had a great time, knowing a little bit more about our background. Got to meet family from all over, even have family up in Brooklyn, and finally met my first cousins which was my main concern. One of them was cute too hahaha I wanted to hug him but had to settle for a handshake since he was eating when I woke up and met him in the kitchen damnit damnit damnit. I'm over it now *siicck Some of the pics are a bit blurry but my mom has yet to send me the rest. OOpps, almost forgot, here's the link
Have a great Thursday of what it's left for some!!!
31 August 2006
29 August 2006
Best buy..
Ok, I went to Best Buy this morning to grab one of my all time favorite shows, Arrested Development :D If you haven't watched it, give me a reason why not hahaha People who knew me in person would know how much I loved this show, I was a spokesperson for this show at my old workplace. I had people sit down and watch some episodes and they ended up liking the whole thing. How great is that!! I just have this thing where if I enjoy something, I make sure people I know check it out as well. I get pissed if they don't hehe
When I was at the store, I saw that all the Seinfeld boxed sets are on sale too. Each box was selling for $19.99 so now I'm tempted to get the whole thing. I've seen the syndication and find myself laughing when I watch it on telly (sounds smoother than saying tv) I'm really thinking of picking some up along with Strangers with Candy. I gotta stop being a harharhar
I've been tagged by JaG and would have to get back to her with that. I have to put down things that she doesn't know about me, so here's one of the those. Something I do when I'm bored. Maybe some others too, if they'd admit to it. It's history lesson time, here's what it says:
When Philippines was discovered by Magellan
They were sailing day and night across the big ocean
Until they saw a small Limasawa island
When I was at the store, I saw that all the Seinfeld boxed sets are on sale too. Each box was selling for $19.99 so now I'm tempted to get the whole thing. I've seen the syndication and find myself laughing when I watch it on telly (sounds smoother than saying tv) I'm really thinking of picking some up along with Strangers with Candy. I gotta stop being a harharhar
I've been tagged by JaG and would have to get back to her with that. I have to put down things that she doesn't know about me, so here's one of the those. Something I do when I'm bored. Maybe some others too, if they'd admit to it. It's history lesson time, here's what it says:
When Philippines was discovered by Magellan
They were sailing day and night across the big ocean
Until they saw a small Limasawa island
Magellan landed in Limasawa at noon
The people met him very welcome on the shore
They did not understand the speaking they have done
Because Kastila gid at Waray-Waray man
When Magellan landed in Cebu City
Rajah Humabon met him, they were very happy
All people were baptized and built the church of Christ
And that’s the beginning of our Catholic life
When Magellan visited in Mactan
To christianize them everyone
But Lapu-Lapu met him on the shore
and drive Magellan to go back home
Then Magellan got so mad
Ordered his men to camouflage
“Mactan island we could not grab
‘Cause Lapu Lapu is very hard”
Then the battle began at dawn
Bolos and spears versus guns and cannons
When Magellan was hit on his neck
He stumble down and cried and cried
Oh, mother mother I am sick
Call the doctor very quick
Doctor, doctor shall I die?
Tell my mama do not cry
Tell my mama do not cry
Tell my mama do not cry
That’s the end of Magellan
in the island of Mactan long time ago
ladies and gentlemen
26 August 2006
Breaks my heart to say
A flood of emotion rushed over me after receiving an e-mail from my mom yesterday. Well, she sent me an e-mail since she thought there was something funky with the ATM card that she has. It's actually my card that I gave her so that she can get some cash out when she needs it on one of my accounts. I just do transfers to it every month insted of sending through Western Union and paying about a 10 % fee everytime. What happened was she checked the balance and saw that 6, 000 pesos (about $55) got deducted from it since the last time she took some money out around the middle of July. It really would not have bothered me too much just seeing what had happened so far. However, when she mentioned that she about went mad trying to figure out where the money went and just cried and cried not knowing what to do. Normally, I would feel bad hearing about that but instead, all that welled up inside me was anger which doesn't happen too often. It's rare that I get really angry but with the mother situation, it has been bottling up since the beginning of last year. I'm gonna write, I wouldn't say a bit, since I tend to spill my heart out when I do post.
As some would know, I was born to a Filipina mother and an American father twenty three years ago, July '83. My dad was in the Navy at that time, and got stationed in Korea few months after I was born. During his time in Korea, he met an American woman, P which soon became my stepmother, a year and a half after I was born. I don't remember the exact dates but after they got married, they ended up staying in Korea/Guam (?) until it was time for them to move back to the states in '87. My mom on the other hand moved back to her parent's house, a single mom with a son from a G.I. The only memory I have of my dad is swimming at a hotel pool with him, while I swim under the water while someone throws a lollipop and I try to get it. I think that was when I was about 2 yrs old, and it so happens to be my first memory as well. After they moved to California, my dad got out of the Navy and that's when he stopped supporting us. You'd think by then, my mom would get a job at least, to provide food for the table but instead she came to an agreement with my Grandma that she'll be the housekeep when my Grandma left for Norway to work. My Grandpa (the one that just died) used to be in the merchant marines and that was how he acquired Norwegian citizenship which he passed on to my Grandma. That is an Asian culture thing, some family members go abroad to help provide to their family which what happened in my case though the ones who were left behind didn't even get a job. In the house that we moved back to, I have two uncles, one younger auntie, an older auntie, with her husband and three kids in one part of the house and my grandpa and of course my mom. So that's all of us living together in one house. It had its ups and downs, and drama that went along with it.
One of the main things was my mom who had me, but with no husband. Add to that, that it was with a foreign guy who married somebody else after I was born. So that made me a bastard who in noooo way could pass for a Filipino. I think when I realized that I don't look like everybody else, that's when the sense of not belonging start to creep in. I did know my father, but after '87 the communication pretty much stopped. He never wrote after that, and it would always have to be us that initiates the phone calls on holidays and such. I didn't know anything about him, didn't know what his likes or dislikes were, didn't even know what he did for a living after he got out of the military. That kinda bothered me, I felt embarrassed getting asked by people what I'm doing in the Philippines if I was American, or what is it that my father does. Anyway, getting back to my Mom she pretty much took my Grandma's role, taking care of the house, cooking food, doing laundry, etc etc pretty much something a maid does now that I think about it. She says she did this so she can provide for me which I did believe and was thankful for at one point.
During those years we lived with the rest of the family, there'll be times that my grandpa or my uncle would get drunk and verbally abuse my mom, or even slap her or kick her out of the house. I don't remember being verbally abused but even if I was, I might just have blocked those times to protect myself. We stayed at other relatives' house for a bit, though a few days after, my mom would make the choice to come back to the house since she had "nowhere to go." This went on until I was about 13 yrs old. If you would have seen me at school, you wouldn't think that this kind of stuff was going on at my house. I kept a brave face, and I think I was too busy trying to please my dad. Trying to elicit some sort of response saying Hey, you're doing well in school son, I'm proud of you or even something to acknowledge my existence. I did really well in school, winning all sort of competitions, math, history, journalism, even part of the school dance team. There really was little I can do about the things that were happening. I just stayed out of everyone's way and kept my mouth shut.
I was hurting. I remember very vividly, being in the second grade and crying about the way my life was. There's a song that they used to play every morning before the flag ceremony called Maghintay Ka Lamang (Just Wait) by Ted Ito and there you'd see me in the corridors, looking out to the square, head over my arms, crying and telling myself to hold on, that things will get better. It was growing up that I put my mom up on a pedestal, and vowed to make her life better than the way it was. She blamed my dad for everything that had happened, if he hadn't done this, if he wouldn't have done that, our lives would be so much better. If he sent us money, it wouldn't have to be like this. Money money money. She used to tell me how she was getting ready to go abroad when she met my father, and how everything turned out the way it was after that happened. She used to tell me that she loved me so, but I think being told that her life would have been a lot different had she not met him, what does that tell me exactly? Eventhough she said she loved me, I felt responsible for the way things turned out and felt a little guilt in being born. I wished I would not have been born to prevent all of these, the pain, the despair, the heartbreak. Well, I blamed my dad too. How could he let this happen to his own son. I even hated God. Eventhough I prayed, I was questioning the existence if there even was God. Why would he let a kid go through all that pain? He's just a child, he didn't do anything to deserve this. Why can't he just have a 'normal life?
I moved to the US when I was 16 and was supposed to live with my dad permanently. It was an amazing feeling, finally getting to meet him after for so long. Weird how I still loved him in spite of all the things he did or did not do. I resented them though, him, my stepmom and my little brother seeing the way they lived. All I could think was fuck this, you guys are living real nice while I had to live in a 11' x 12 ' room with my mom and her husband. Having to take a shower with the rest of the tenants, having to get water from a pumping well. It didn't really bother me before but was a bit annoyed by it I guess after moving to the States. So......
As some would know, I was born to a Filipina mother and an American father twenty three years ago, July '83. My dad was in the Navy at that time, and got stationed in Korea few months after I was born. During his time in Korea, he met an American woman, P which soon became my stepmother, a year and a half after I was born. I don't remember the exact dates but after they got married, they ended up staying in Korea/Guam (?) until it was time for them to move back to the states in '87. My mom on the other hand moved back to her parent's house, a single mom with a son from a G.I. The only memory I have of my dad is swimming at a hotel pool with him, while I swim under the water while someone throws a lollipop and I try to get it. I think that was when I was about 2 yrs old, and it so happens to be my first memory as well. After they moved to California, my dad got out of the Navy and that's when he stopped supporting us. You'd think by then, my mom would get a job at least, to provide food for the table but instead she came to an agreement with my Grandma that she'll be the housekeep when my Grandma left for Norway to work. My Grandpa (the one that just died) used to be in the merchant marines and that was how he acquired Norwegian citizenship which he passed on to my Grandma. That is an Asian culture thing, some family members go abroad to help provide to their family which what happened in my case though the ones who were left behind didn't even get a job. In the house that we moved back to, I have two uncles, one younger auntie, an older auntie, with her husband and three kids in one part of the house and my grandpa and of course my mom. So that's all of us living together in one house. It had its ups and downs, and drama that went along with it.
One of the main things was my mom who had me, but with no husband. Add to that, that it was with a foreign guy who married somebody else after I was born. So that made me a bastard who in noooo way could pass for a Filipino. I think when I realized that I don't look like everybody else, that's when the sense of not belonging start to creep in. I did know my father, but after '87 the communication pretty much stopped. He never wrote after that, and it would always have to be us that initiates the phone calls on holidays and such. I didn't know anything about him, didn't know what his likes or dislikes were, didn't even know what he did for a living after he got out of the military. That kinda bothered me, I felt embarrassed getting asked by people what I'm doing in the Philippines if I was American, or what is it that my father does. Anyway, getting back to my Mom she pretty much took my Grandma's role, taking care of the house, cooking food, doing laundry, etc etc pretty much something a maid does now that I think about it. She says she did this so she can provide for me which I did believe and was thankful for at one point.
During those years we lived with the rest of the family, there'll be times that my grandpa or my uncle would get drunk and verbally abuse my mom, or even slap her or kick her out of the house. I don't remember being verbally abused but even if I was, I might just have blocked those times to protect myself. We stayed at other relatives' house for a bit, though a few days after, my mom would make the choice to come back to the house since she had "nowhere to go." This went on until I was about 13 yrs old. If you would have seen me at school, you wouldn't think that this kind of stuff was going on at my house. I kept a brave face, and I think I was too busy trying to please my dad. Trying to elicit some sort of response saying Hey, you're doing well in school son, I'm proud of you or even something to acknowledge my existence. I did really well in school, winning all sort of competitions, math, history, journalism, even part of the school dance team. There really was little I can do about the things that were happening. I just stayed out of everyone's way and kept my mouth shut.
I was hurting. I remember very vividly, being in the second grade and crying about the way my life was. There's a song that they used to play every morning before the flag ceremony called Maghintay Ka Lamang (Just Wait) by Ted Ito and there you'd see me in the corridors, looking out to the square, head over my arms, crying and telling myself to hold on, that things will get better. It was growing up that I put my mom up on a pedestal, and vowed to make her life better than the way it was. She blamed my dad for everything that had happened, if he hadn't done this, if he wouldn't have done that, our lives would be so much better. If he sent us money, it wouldn't have to be like this. Money money money. She used to tell me how she was getting ready to go abroad when she met my father, and how everything turned out the way it was after that happened. She used to tell me that she loved me so, but I think being told that her life would have been a lot different had she not met him, what does that tell me exactly? Eventhough she said she loved me, I felt responsible for the way things turned out and felt a little guilt in being born. I wished I would not have been born to prevent all of these, the pain, the despair, the heartbreak. Well, I blamed my dad too. How could he let this happen to his own son. I even hated God. Eventhough I prayed, I was questioning the existence if there even was God. Why would he let a kid go through all that pain? He's just a child, he didn't do anything to deserve this. Why can't he just have a 'normal life?
I moved to the US when I was 16 and was supposed to live with my dad permanently. It was an amazing feeling, finally getting to meet him after for so long. Weird how I still loved him in spite of all the things he did or did not do. I resented them though, him, my stepmom and my little brother seeing the way they lived. All I could think was fuck this, you guys are living real nice while I had to live in a 11' x 12 ' room with my mom and her husband. Having to take a shower with the rest of the tenants, having to get water from a pumping well. It didn't really bother me before but was a bit annoyed by it I guess after moving to the States. So......
14 August 2006
Guess we'll never know
It's been a good week settling back to day shift once again. I don't feel like a vampire any longer being awake during the night when I was working mids. After getting back from NY, I had to work that Monday and was off the next three days for my transition to days. I really don't remember doing much, I think I pretty much relaxed at home and not do a whole lot of things. Watch movies, get on the net, read a book? Some movies I saw was Beauty Shop which I thought was funny. I wasn't liking it at first but it was catfish Rita that won me over EEEEEEP! I giggle whenever I remember that scene. Hmm, other movies are Ikiru which has one of the most haunting scenes I've seen so far. It's about this one government worker Kanji who found out that he had six months to live for having stomach cancer. He's been pretty much a workaholic his whole life, and after coming across one of his subordinates Toyo, he tried to actually live with the little time that he had. Splurging his savings (well more of treating himself, not splurge), doing something good for others, and having passion once again for things that matter, and just having fun. It was a good movie , though I got freaked out a bit by the lead actor's eyes in some scenes. I cried obviously, since it's a sad movie and makes you reassess about things in your life. One "joke" in the movie went:
"You've never had a day off, have you?"
"No."
"Why? Are you indispensable?"
"No. I don't want them to find out they can do without me."
Got to see Little Miss Sunshine too, for free! They had a screening at Va Beach and I got to go, though ended up going by myself. I asked some guy a while back to check out the preview to see if it's something he might wanna see, but dunno what happened. Err, I deleted my account from this one site and that's where I kinda spoke to him but yea, his loss. Hahaha It was kinda dark, but hilarious nonetheless. It looks like I enjoy just about every movie that Toni Collette is a part of, though About a Boy is still my favorite with her in it. Her role reminded me of my mom who sorta was the same way but getting back. I believe Little Miss Sunshine is just coming out in some cities so check it out if you may. If you like it great, if not, at least you can say you got to see it (If you didn't, I owe you a movie if I'm EVER in your town)
And saw Strr...strraanngg.. Strangers with... guess you'll never know ;) It's great to finally see Strangers with Candy after waiting close to two months after it came out. It's a prequel to the tv show that came out back in 99 so guess that might be why not too many people are familiar with it. Here's a preview for you lot if you've never seen it. Give you an idea of what the humor is like.
Aside from that, hmm, I really can't say I had a quiet week. I met some new people which was good. It's been a while since I made acquaintances with people that live in the area. I spoke with three people on a Wednesday and ended up meeting two which wasn't bad. I really wouldn't call it a date since it's not. The first one I spoke to was D though he lived about an hour away. It's cool he loved Arrested Development [one of my fave shows EVER] but that's about it, hmm. I just hope he didn't blue* himself. I asked for his number but he said his phone is turned off at the moment. Maybe it was after all but who exactly goes around without a phone these days. He gave me his AOL ID and his e-mail add, so I guess that's still something.
The other one, W wanted to have lunch that same day I talked to him. I got too hungry though so ended up finishing cooking the pot roast which I had prepared the night before. I didn't get to eat 'til 3 something hours after W asked me to have lunch haha. Errr, I didn't think he was cute when he sent me his picture, so I was Hmmm, I'm eating in today! I jus went ahead and gave him my number, see how he is. He was an alright guy after all. I ended up meeting him later on the day when I was at the mall. I was at the mall since I had to pick up a book I had reserved at Barnes and Noble, Feel the fear and do it anyway by Susan Jeffers which I didn't realize until now is 18 years old. So off I went to the mall, but ended up stopping at JC Penney to check out some suits. W said he just happens to be in the area since he had to go pick up a furniture, so figured might as well meet and greet in person. Which we did, probably just for 30 mins or so, as we were checking out the suits, kinda asking the introductory questions. I think I'll be friends with him if nothing else. He said the same thing too, so I guess that's good. He's one who actually hosts little gatherings of friends which is soo not like me. I would, but don't expect me to cook.
The second one, A, he called me up the next day, Thursday to see what I was doing. I didn't get to pick up the first time since I was getting ready to go to a briefing. Just listened to his voicemail message, and I swear he sounded like he's high. I didn't call him back until 90 mins later after getting out of the briefing. We just talked about what I'm up to, what he's doing etc etc. He was trying to find his way to get to the Oceanfront but sorta got lost. I really wasn't much of a help either since I get lost myself around the area. When he said Oceanfront, I thought he meant just walking by the ocean and having lunch or something since it was overcast that day. Instead of going home, I just went straight to Va Beach which is about 20-30 mins from where I was. This made me happy. I kinda got excited meeting new people which is kinda odd. I guess I have my shy moment and aggressive moment coz there are times where I'd up and just ask for somebody's phone number the first time I spoke with them.
Getting back, so made my way to VA Beach and had jeans, polo shirt on because of the briefing. Well with A said going to the Oceanfront, it actually meant getting into the water and going swimming. I didn't intend to swim that day, but after passing by a store, all I thought was I'm here, might as well go all the way (not with the guy!) so went ahead and bought the cheapest swimming shorts and a pair of flip flops. Off back to the parking lot I went, and got changed in my car. Ended up moving to a different parking building since A was about sixteen blocks from where I was. I had to go commando since I didn't have a spare underwear either.
Off to the Oceanfront I walk, but now it was just a matter of finding A. I've been trying to call him for half an hour (probably less) but he's not picking up. If he doesn't call back at this time, I'm just gonna call it a day and go home. I stayed around though, since I didn't wanna waste all that driving and it be in vain. I went down to the area where A said he will be and I was just looking at the people ou in the sun, trying to pick A out. Saw this one guy got out of the water and heading back to the shore. I had a feeling it was A, but really can't be too sure either. Niice, he's cute hahaha The guy went to his spot and sat down. I actually came up to him and uttered Ummm, Are you? Nevermind and walked away. I got nervous since it felt like I was trying to pick the guy up and I wasn't even sure it was him so I went by the lifeguard station and stood there glancing at the guy I briefly talked to. I saw him messing with his cellphone, and seconds later my phone rang. I looked over and the guy had a grin on his face. I knew it was him. I'm just good like that [kiddin!]. I had a great time, well WE did, just letting the waves carry us, swimming, and splashing each other with water. He's really funny so I was laughing most of the time we hang out. Find it funny though, how at first he commented how I didn't look like I did in the picture. He said I looked more buff from the pic which was taken three years ago, which I'll post one of these days. These are things I don't recognize, I've stayed around the same weight for the past three/four years and didn't see much difference really. It's odd, friends and family will say You're skinny, gain some weight. Then, You're fat, go running and do exercise. After A said that, You think so? was all I could utter. I'm fine with my built really, though I got a bit self-conscious after he said that.
After that weird comment, we just went about swimming in the ocean again. A was really friendly, I'd look and he'd be talking to people from all ages, kids, couples, teenagers, grandparents which I thought was sweet. He kinda grew on me, and he was someone I felt I could be friends with, if nothing else. He kept calling me sexy which is a surefire way to make me blush. So there I was, tanned and blushing walking along the shore with A. It was nice, we walked down a good half a mile I'd say just asking each other questions, and talking about random things. He mentioned how my pic doesn't do me justice. All I could say was thanks but I still felt like a fatty hahaha after he said so at the beginning. Ju on beach!! He had to go meet his friend later on the day so we went our separate ways. He said, Give me a hug which I obligingly did, in spite of all the people at the boardwalk. Told him I had a great time which I really did. Spoke to him a little bit after that since he called to let him know he got a parking ticket. His meter ran out and those Va Beach Cops sure do their jobs. Then he called since he didn't know how to get to Olive Garden so looked it up for him. I swear he uttered, That's really sweet like ten times during our two-hour meeting. I probably am, without realizing, but I cringe when people call it out haha I just do what comes natural and I've never been sure as what the line is between doing regular things and being sweet about doing 'em. After I gave him the directions, he had to hang up so that he can concentrate on the road. He said that the traffic's backed up, so on my way home, I stopped by Chic Fil A and grabbed a sandwich. Oh my god! Chic Fil A is sooo good. That was my first time ever having their sandwich and the potato thingies yum yum yum.. Dip it in a mixed ketchup and mayonnaise
sauce, mmm it's sooo good. I was grinning ear to ear driving as I was eating since it was damn good.
I didn't bring my cell with me since it really wasn't gonna take long. It was at that brief period that he called and with me not picking up, assumed that I was angry or something. I'm not avoiding you, I just have to find my way around that's why I had to go. I understood completely about him having to end the convo, but I didn't think of it as him avoiding me. Really haven't spoken to him since then, so will probably call him sometime this week and see if he's paid his ticket yet, or just say hey. He lives three hours away, though he mentioned he's considering moving to the area :D He's thought about this before we met so yeahh..And I might be moving some place else come December anyways.....I'm a bit nervous about calling, Gahh he might think I like him too much.. If I don't call though...guess we'll never know
Ohh..Dad and 'Mom' is coming tomorrow too *Shuxxxx I thought it wouldn't be until midweek at least but will tell more later on. Time conflict and what not.. Got to see a girl I went to tech school with back in '02, eventhough she left VA just this past weekend. Spoke with a friend I haven't talked to for about eight months Gooood times Good times Oh, and Daniel resurfaced too (-_-)
Gotta get some sleep now.
"You've never had a day off, have you?"
"No."
"Why? Are you indispensable?"
"No. I don't want them to find out they can do without me."
Got to see Little Miss Sunshine too, for free! They had a screening at Va Beach and I got to go, though ended up going by myself. I asked some guy a while back to check out the preview to see if it's something he might wanna see, but dunno what happened. Err, I deleted my account from this one site and that's where I kinda spoke to him but yea, his loss. Hahaha It was kinda dark, but hilarious nonetheless. It looks like I enjoy just about every movie that Toni Collette is a part of, though About a Boy is still my favorite with her in it. Her role reminded me of my mom who sorta was the same way but getting back. I believe Little Miss Sunshine is just coming out in some cities so check it out if you may. If you like it great, if not, at least you can say you got to see it (If you didn't, I owe you a movie if I'm EVER in your town)
And saw Strr...strraanngg.. Strangers with... guess you'll never know ;) It's great to finally see Strangers with Candy after waiting close to two months after it came out. It's a prequel to the tv show that came out back in 99 so guess that might be why not too many people are familiar with it. Here's a preview for you lot if you've never seen it. Give you an idea of what the humor is like.
Aside from that, hmm, I really can't say I had a quiet week. I met some new people which was good. It's been a while since I made acquaintances with people that live in the area. I spoke with three people on a Wednesday and ended up meeting two which wasn't bad. I really wouldn't call it a date since it's not. The first one I spoke to was D though he lived about an hour away. It's cool he loved Arrested Development [one of my fave shows EVER] but that's about it, hmm. I just hope he didn't blue* himself. I asked for his number but he said his phone is turned off at the moment. Maybe it was after all but who exactly goes around without a phone these days. He gave me his AOL ID and his e-mail add, so I guess that's still something.
The other one, W wanted to have lunch that same day I talked to him. I got too hungry though so ended up finishing cooking the pot roast which I had prepared the night before. I didn't get to eat 'til 3 something hours after W asked me to have lunch haha. Errr, I didn't think he was cute when he sent me his picture, so I was Hmmm, I'm eating in today! I jus went ahead and gave him my number, see how he is. He was an alright guy after all. I ended up meeting him later on the day when I was at the mall. I was at the mall since I had to pick up a book I had reserved at Barnes and Noble, Feel the fear and do it anyway by Susan Jeffers which I didn't realize until now is 18 years old. So off I went to the mall, but ended up stopping at JC Penney to check out some suits. W said he just happens to be in the area since he had to go pick up a furniture, so figured might as well meet and greet in person. Which we did, probably just for 30 mins or so, as we were checking out the suits, kinda asking the introductory questions. I think I'll be friends with him if nothing else. He said the same thing too, so I guess that's good. He's one who actually hosts little gatherings of friends which is soo not like me. I would, but don't expect me to cook.
The second one, A, he called me up the next day, Thursday to see what I was doing. I didn't get to pick up the first time since I was getting ready to go to a briefing. Just listened to his voicemail message, and I swear he sounded like he's high. I didn't call him back until 90 mins later after getting out of the briefing. We just talked about what I'm up to, what he's doing etc etc. He was trying to find his way to get to the Oceanfront but sorta got lost. I really wasn't much of a help either since I get lost myself around the area. When he said Oceanfront, I thought he meant just walking by the ocean and having lunch or something since it was overcast that day. Instead of going home, I just went straight to Va Beach which is about 20-30 mins from where I was. This made me happy. I kinda got excited meeting new people which is kinda odd. I guess I have my shy moment and aggressive moment coz there are times where I'd up and just ask for somebody's phone number the first time I spoke with them.
Getting back, so made my way to VA Beach and had jeans, polo shirt on because of the briefing. Well with A said going to the Oceanfront, it actually meant getting into the water and going swimming. I didn't intend to swim that day, but after passing by a store, all I thought was I'm here, might as well go all the way (not with the guy!) so went ahead and bought the cheapest swimming shorts and a pair of flip flops. Off back to the parking lot I went, and got changed in my car. Ended up moving to a different parking building since A was about sixteen blocks from where I was. I had to go commando since I didn't have a spare underwear either.
Off to the Oceanfront I walk, but now it was just a matter of finding A. I've been trying to call him for half an hour (probably less) but he's not picking up. If he doesn't call back at this time, I'm just gonna call it a day and go home. I stayed around though, since I didn't wanna waste all that driving and it be in vain. I went down to the area where A said he will be and I was just looking at the people ou in the sun, trying to pick A out. Saw this one guy got out of the water and heading back to the shore. I had a feeling it was A, but really can't be too sure either. Niice, he's cute hahaha The guy went to his spot and sat down. I actually came up to him and uttered Ummm, Are you? Nevermind and walked away. I got nervous since it felt like I was trying to pick the guy up and I wasn't even sure it was him so I went by the lifeguard station and stood there glancing at the guy I briefly talked to. I saw him messing with his cellphone, and seconds later my phone rang. I looked over and the guy had a grin on his face. I knew it was him. I'm just good like that [kiddin!]. I had a great time, well WE did, just letting the waves carry us, swimming, and splashing each other with water. He's really funny so I was laughing most of the time we hang out. Find it funny though, how at first he commented how I didn't look like I did in the picture. He said I looked more buff from the pic which was taken three years ago, which I'll post one of these days. These are things I don't recognize, I've stayed around the same weight for the past three/four years and didn't see much difference really. It's odd, friends and family will say You're skinny, gain some weight. Then, You're fat, go running and do exercise. After A said that, You think so? was all I could utter. I'm fine with my built really, though I got a bit self-conscious after he said that.
After that weird comment, we just went about swimming in the ocean again. A was really friendly, I'd look and he'd be talking to people from all ages, kids, couples, teenagers, grandparents which I thought was sweet. He kinda grew on me, and he was someone I felt I could be friends with, if nothing else. He kept calling me sexy which is a surefire way to make me blush. So there I was, tanned and blushing walking along the shore with A. It was nice, we walked down a good half a mile I'd say just asking each other questions, and talking about random things. He mentioned how my pic doesn't do me justice. All I could say was thanks but I still felt like a fatty hahaha after he said so at the beginning. Ju on beach!! He had to go meet his friend later on the day so we went our separate ways. He said, Give me a hug which I obligingly did, in spite of all the people at the boardwalk. Told him I had a great time which I really did. Spoke to him a little bit after that since he called to let him know he got a parking ticket. His meter ran out and those Va Beach Cops sure do their jobs. Then he called since he didn't know how to get to Olive Garden so looked it up for him. I swear he uttered, That's really sweet like ten times during our two-hour meeting. I probably am, without realizing, but I cringe when people call it out haha I just do what comes natural and I've never been sure as what the line is between doing regular things and being sweet about doing 'em. After I gave him the directions, he had to hang up so that he can concentrate on the road. He said that the traffic's backed up, so on my way home, I stopped by Chic Fil A and grabbed a sandwich. Oh my god! Chic Fil A is sooo good. That was my first time ever having their sandwich and the potato thingies yum yum yum.. Dip it in a mixed ketchup and mayonnaise
sauce, mmm it's sooo good. I was grinning ear to ear driving as I was eating since it was damn good.
I didn't bring my cell with me since it really wasn't gonna take long. It was at that brief period that he called and with me not picking up, assumed that I was angry or something. I'm not avoiding you, I just have to find my way around that's why I had to go. I understood completely about him having to end the convo, but I didn't think of it as him avoiding me. Really haven't spoken to him since then, so will probably call him sometime this week and see if he's paid his ticket yet, or just say hey. He lives three hours away, though he mentioned he's considering moving to the area :D He's thought about this before we met so yeahh..And I might be moving some place else come December anyways.....I'm a bit nervous about calling, Gahh he might think I like him too much.. If I don't call though...guess we'll never know
Ohh..Dad and 'Mom' is coming tomorrow too *Shuxxxx I thought it wouldn't be until midweek at least but will tell more later on. Time conflict and what not.. Got to see a girl I went to tech school with back in '02, eventhough she left VA just this past weekend. Spoke with a friend I haven't talked to for about eight months Gooood times Good times Oh, and Daniel resurfaced too (-_-)
Gotta get some sleep now.
04 August 2006
Snake Pit
Gosh, I came across this and it brought me back four years ago to Basic training. I tried with all my might not to get pulled into this 'Snake Pit' as we called it. This is where the instructors try to fuck with your head lol, I laugh about it now but gosh, the horror of just being there.
I remember shaking the whole time I was having meals, legs closed together, face down to your plate, not even a word to the guys in the table you eat in.
I remember shaking the whole time I was having meals, legs closed together, face down to your plate, not even a word to the guys in the table you eat in.
03 August 2006
Not so new New York
I actually turned 23 this past 27th instead of 22 like I miscalculated hehe. I can't believe it's been a week now but it has been. It was nice. Definitely a complete turn around from my birthday last year which sucked, no other way to put it. But then when I took a walk and got to think about it, that the was the first time that I didn't have a family around EVER, not even a single one of them. So much has changed in one year, new home, new job (sort of), new environment, everything just completely different. As you can tell, I do reminisce quite a lot. I like that word, reminisce, I oughta be the reminisce man ala da Vinci the renaissance man, except all I do is think and not actually make or produce things.
I spent my birthday sleeping since I had to work that evening before I get to have my 3 days off. There's this policy where we couldn't be off for more than 72 hrs so didn't get my free pass yet. I got off work at 0300 Friday morning, but didn't leave my house 'til about 0600 to make my drive to New York. Figured I'd take a little trip instead of just buying something such as a computer like I was considering. I guess I don't wanna look back later and when I think of what I did for my 23rd, all I can say I did was I bought a computer and played with it all day. Great! Experiences are nicer since you always (well most of the time), you can try to relive that moment, and remember the way you felt, the joy of being alive, or being surrounded by people you love or care about (both old, or new in some cases). So yea, made the 6-hour drive to VA, dozing off for a sec on the road (not a good thing), but made it there fine. Excited, and nervous since I'm gonna have to figure out how the subway system worked. Arrived in New York 90 mins later after parking back in Jersey and catching the train. I have this thing where I think everything will work out as planned, but it's not often the case. I got to the Hamilton Station, where I intended to park and ride, and come to find out that ALL the parking spots were taken. Hmm, right on a working day, smart move Dee. So I had to drive around, and parking by a restaurant and asking a man how to get to the Trenton station. Finally made my way to Trenton, parked, paid for two nights of parking, and hopped on the Northeast Corridor Line. Naks, I feel like a veteran hehe. Well not after going to the wrong line, and having to cross the street to get to where I needed to go. Thank goodness for angels dressed in the form of humans.
One of them took shape in a blogger named Jon. I do not know what I would have done without his expertise in just about anything New York. Gaaaahhh! was all I could think of when I imagined getting around the subway, but he walked me through it and made sure I got on the right line. I looked a bit touristy trying to figure out how to get a ticket that I ended up chitchatting with a lady, telling me how the system worked, directions to where I was going, etc etc That was before she asked me if I'm mixed Filipino. I was a bit stunned that she guessed, so I asked if it was because of the way I talked. She said no, It just looked like you're mixed with it Don't you realize? I said Not really and just smiled, batting my eyes at her.
I reserved a bed at a hostel so made my way there, after trying to figure out where it was located. I walked one block down, then went back the other direction after I realized how the system works. If the street number goes up, go the other way if you need to get to a lower street number. The info was a bit misleading since it said they're just a block away from the subway, but in actuality it was more like 3 blocks down, 2 to the left. It was alright, if you just need somewhere to sleep in, it's not too bad for the price. I thought I was gonna have the room all to myself, since it was all just me when I got up there. Took off my pants and laid down since my eyes just wanted to close since I've been up for 24 hrs by the time I arrived. Fighting it off though since I'll spoil my trip if I end up sleeping during the day. I was laying down, when I heard someone trying to enter the room. Door unlocked, two guys walked in that's gonna be staying in the same room which is set up for six people. Kinda weird, trying to put on shorts, and shaking hands and introducing yourself to the newcomers. Didn't talk to them much after that since my brain wasn't functioning right until after I ended up napping. Forced myself to get up, and wandered around Union Square for a bit, trying to find Yoshinoya which I come to find out was 28 blocks from where I was. I got to witness a group performing Capoeira as well, which I found really intriguing. Just listening to the beat made me wanna up and move up there, the vibe was just really great. All the audience just encircling them, clapping along to the beat of the drums. Funny thing I found too, was I looking around and some of the faces looked familiar. I can't explain how and where but it felt like I've seen a bunch of them before. I think I stood there close to an hour just watching the performance and had this good feeling inside, just being there at the moment and experiencing something new.
Well, come Saturday I met up with Jon around noon at Union Square. I was there the previous night, just to be sure I'd know where I needed to be and not be late. We did a bit of walking, wait I take that back, it was a LOT of walking but it was nice. We went to different neighborhoods, and he explained what makes one different from another. Downtown, SoHo, Chinatown, The Village, etc. I was really giddy and in awe just listening to him. The man sure loves his city. We went to a ramen place for lunch (eventhough it was hot) and they actually have Calpis. Umm, Calpico is what it's called outside Japan. I used to get looks when I told my coworkers what I was drinking. Here's a picture, but don't let the name fool ya. It doesn't taste like pis (not that I'd know) but it is goooood. I can send ya one if you wanna try hehe We also stopped by to the business district, and that was a nice touch that between all the high-rising buildings is the St Patrick's Cathedral. I've never gone to a cathedral before, so I was just in awe once again. (Yea, I get amazed easily) I just felt at ease just walking inside it. After a stop at H&M which was our main reason heading midtown, I didn't buy anything though since there's too much stuff that I got overwhelmed. My indecisiveness kicks in and I never know what to get.
We then went back to The Village and had a meal at a yakitori (barbecue) restaurant Yakitori Taisho. It is sooo good, and walking in, you'll be transported to Japan. That's what it really felt like, took me right back to the streets of Japan. It just had a nice atmosphere to it. I about cried but I didn't since I'm out in public. We had yakitori obviously, okonomiyaki (japanese pizza) and had Asahi cold beer (which I never had until that evening). Goood times, good times. On our way to meet Jon's blogger friends, we stopped by the Japanese grocery so I can pick up some Calpis. I got two bottles of the concentrated ones. I only had a messenger bag so that's where I put them in, though a backpack probably would have felt lighter carrying them around.
We then met up with his blogger friends, Freddie and Just a Girl, with her friend Naz. I normally would not have gone, but I'm trying to come out of the shell more. I'm cool with meeting new people, but if it's meeting their friends, bf's/gf's or whatever, I freak out. Oh my god, they might not like me. Gosh, I'm gonna bore these people is what comes to mind. But I fought it, and ended up having a good time. Jon didn't go to the Roxy with us, since he was tired, and I got close to just going back to the hostel and getting some rest for the next day. But figured, what the heck, I can sleep when I get back to VA which I sure did. Twelve hours straight. It was fun. Just dancing along, having a few drinks but I think I came to the realization I might not be a big fan of clubs after all. Sure, I do like to dance but I prefer just 'avin a drink or two with friends, just talking about what random things that come to mind. Just a girl suuure can dance, and both her and Naz is pretty. There were gay? boys chatting 'em up and everything which I found quite funny.
Come 0330, we made our way back to own's haven to get rested for Sunday. They had flights to catch, whilst I had to drive home. I had a good time overall, and the trip is sure worth it.
Yours with a happy face
I spent my birthday sleeping since I had to work that evening before I get to have my 3 days off. There's this policy where we couldn't be off for more than 72 hrs so didn't get my free pass yet. I got off work at 0300 Friday morning, but didn't leave my house 'til about 0600 to make my drive to New York. Figured I'd take a little trip instead of just buying something such as a computer like I was considering. I guess I don't wanna look back later and when I think of what I did for my 23rd, all I can say I did was I bought a computer and played with it all day. Great! Experiences are nicer since you always (well most of the time), you can try to relive that moment, and remember the way you felt, the joy of being alive, or being surrounded by people you love or care about (both old, or new in some cases). So yea, made the 6-hour drive to VA, dozing off for a sec on the road (not a good thing), but made it there fine. Excited, and nervous since I'm gonna have to figure out how the subway system worked. Arrived in New York 90 mins later after parking back in Jersey and catching the train. I have this thing where I think everything will work out as planned, but it's not often the case. I got to the Hamilton Station, where I intended to park and ride, and come to find out that ALL the parking spots were taken. Hmm, right on a working day, smart move Dee. So I had to drive around, and parking by a restaurant and asking a man how to get to the Trenton station. Finally made my way to Trenton, parked, paid for two nights of parking, and hopped on the Northeast Corridor Line. Naks, I feel like a veteran hehe. Well not after going to the wrong line, and having to cross the street to get to where I needed to go. Thank goodness for angels dressed in the form of humans.
One of them took shape in a blogger named Jon. I do not know what I would have done without his expertise in just about anything New York. Gaaaahhh! was all I could think of when I imagined getting around the subway, but he walked me through it and made sure I got on the right line. I looked a bit touristy trying to figure out how to get a ticket that I ended up chitchatting with a lady, telling me how the system worked, directions to where I was going, etc etc That was before she asked me if I'm mixed Filipino. I was a bit stunned that she guessed, so I asked if it was because of the way I talked. She said no, It just looked like you're mixed with it Don't you realize? I said Not really and just smiled, batting my eyes at her.
I reserved a bed at a hostel so made my way there, after trying to figure out where it was located. I walked one block down, then went back the other direction after I realized how the system works. If the street number goes up, go the other way if you need to get to a lower street number. The info was a bit misleading since it said they're just a block away from the subway, but in actuality it was more like 3 blocks down, 2 to the left. It was alright, if you just need somewhere to sleep in, it's not too bad for the price. I thought I was gonna have the room all to myself, since it was all just me when I got up there. Took off my pants and laid down since my eyes just wanted to close since I've been up for 24 hrs by the time I arrived. Fighting it off though since I'll spoil my trip if I end up sleeping during the day. I was laying down, when I heard someone trying to enter the room. Door unlocked, two guys walked in that's gonna be staying in the same room which is set up for six people. Kinda weird, trying to put on shorts, and shaking hands and introducing yourself to the newcomers. Didn't talk to them much after that since my brain wasn't functioning right until after I ended up napping. Forced myself to get up, and wandered around Union Square for a bit, trying to find Yoshinoya which I come to find out was 28 blocks from where I was. I got to witness a group performing Capoeira as well, which I found really intriguing. Just listening to the beat made me wanna up and move up there, the vibe was just really great. All the audience just encircling them, clapping along to the beat of the drums. Funny thing I found too, was I looking around and some of the faces looked familiar. I can't explain how and where but it felt like I've seen a bunch of them before. I think I stood there close to an hour just watching the performance and had this good feeling inside, just being there at the moment and experiencing something new.
Well, come Saturday I met up with Jon around noon at Union Square. I was there the previous night, just to be sure I'd know where I needed to be and not be late. We did a bit of walking, wait I take that back, it was a LOT of walking but it was nice. We went to different neighborhoods, and he explained what makes one different from another. Downtown, SoHo, Chinatown, The Village, etc. I was really giddy and in awe just listening to him. The man sure loves his city. We went to a ramen place for lunch (eventhough it was hot) and they actually have Calpis. Umm, Calpico is what it's called outside Japan. I used to get looks when I told my coworkers what I was drinking. Here's a picture, but don't let the name fool ya. It doesn't taste like pis (not that I'd know) but it is goooood. I can send ya one if you wanna try hehe We also stopped by to the business district, and that was a nice touch that between all the high-rising buildings is the St Patrick's Cathedral. I've never gone to a cathedral before, so I was just in awe once again. (Yea, I get amazed easily) I just felt at ease just walking inside it. After a stop at H&M which was our main reason heading midtown, I didn't buy anything though since there's too much stuff that I got overwhelmed. My indecisiveness kicks in and I never know what to get.
We then went back to The Village and had a meal at a yakitori (barbecue) restaurant Yakitori Taisho. It is sooo good, and walking in, you'll be transported to Japan. That's what it really felt like, took me right back to the streets of Japan. It just had a nice atmosphere to it. I about cried but I didn't since I'm out in public. We had yakitori obviously, okonomiyaki (japanese pizza) and had Asahi cold beer (which I never had until that evening). Goood times, good times. On our way to meet Jon's blogger friends, we stopped by the Japanese grocery so I can pick up some Calpis. I got two bottles of the concentrated ones. I only had a messenger bag so that's where I put them in, though a backpack probably would have felt lighter carrying them around.
We then met up with his blogger friends, Freddie and Just a Girl, with her friend Naz. I normally would not have gone, but I'm trying to come out of the shell more. I'm cool with meeting new people, but if it's meeting their friends, bf's/gf's or whatever, I freak out. Oh my god, they might not like me. Gosh, I'm gonna bore these people is what comes to mind. But I fought it, and ended up having a good time. Jon didn't go to the Roxy with us, since he was tired, and I got close to just going back to the hostel and getting some rest for the next day. But figured, what the heck, I can sleep when I get back to VA which I sure did. Twelve hours straight. It was fun. Just dancing along, having a few drinks but I think I came to the realization I might not be a big fan of clubs after all. Sure, I do like to dance but I prefer just 'avin a drink or two with friends, just talking about what random things that come to mind. Just a girl suuure can dance, and both her and Naz is pretty. There were gay? boys chatting 'em up and everything which I found quite funny.
Come 0330, we made our way back to own's haven to get rested for Sunday. They had flights to catch, whilst I had to drive home. I had a good time overall, and the trip is sure worth it.
Yours with a happy face
28 July 2006
I started a trend
merely 22 years ago *ehem I wasn't gonna post but then I realized it's all about me today hahaha Had to work though but it's all good. Got to speak to the family at least so that's all that matters. And my dad actually called!! Unlike before where I called and asked him if he remembered what day it was. I'm thankful I got to see this day, and looking forward to more of this thing called life. Places to see, things to experience, and people to meet.
23 July 2006
Close to Heaven II
I don't remember much of what else happened that Friday evening. Come Saturday, one of my friends Avon came out to see us. She's one of my dearest friends since we go way back. I've known her since I was 7, since we went to the same elementary school and were in the same class for the six years we spent there. I actually had a crush on her the first three years, though the closest I got was to kiss her on the hand when we were riding the school bus. We really didn't become too close until we were in the 6th grade (this is what they told me), along with two other folks Victor and Liezel. Here's the four of us seven years ago a before I left for the U.S. She's in the yellow t-shirt, with me standing next to her hahaha. It was certainly nice to see her again. Oh god, I just remembered how we used to call ourselves Spicer's Company. I'm not gonna say who it was after, even if you ask, I will not tell you what you want, what you really really want. We caught about what each other has been up to, she being with like her sixth or seventh gf, and me nothing; laughing about the younger days; and telling me what the other two has been up to. I do miss all four. We had all these plans, renting a place and living together, have fun just singing and dancing, those kind of things. Liezel and Avon get their girly moments singing along to the Spice Girls and dancing to it as well. Errm, I can say I have a knack for learning choreographies from music videos and so I teach them the steps when we used to get together after school or during the weekend.
So going back.. Avon and I were at the funeral home though, so I excused us from the family and told them we're gonna go up in the hotel room so I can get showered. I think I might have showered earlier that day, but it was soooo hot and humid. We went up to the room, and ended up staying there for a while, watching some Spongebob episodes and talking some more. Only time I took a shower was when my cousin Haunani came to check on us, since I told the family I won't be gone for long. After some coaxing, I got Avon to converse with my cousin eventhough she was a bit shy. My cousin only spoke English so yea, Avon had no choice really hehe They got along pretty well though so that's a good thing. One of my uncles thought that Avon was my girlfriend which was really funny. Well maybe, the baggy clothes gave it away but still. My mom's side of the family knows better hehe, even my grandma. When my uncle made that comment, my grandma said softly to my cousin there's nothing that will happen between those two, she's a tomboy and Dee's a billyboy (that's my nickname to the family, dee of course not billyboy!!)
We made our way back to the funeral home which was just across the street. Some of the old neighbors were there too so it was really nice. You changed so much you look so different you're so manly now is pretty much what I heard coming across them. And the questions are you married yet? got any kids? do you have a girlfriend how many I just kept on smiling and say naw, I'm too young or no not at the moment.. though thinking and never will. A lot of them are surprised how I turned out. Umm thing is I used to be really feminine when I was kid now that I think about it. I never thought much of it, but I guess people around me were otherwise. Some would comment when I had my backs on them, or when they thought they couldn't hear me Buti hindi bumigay ( Wowww, I'm glad he didn't go gay all the way) I'm not sure how to say this in English. I really didn't find those questions too personal or maybe that's just me, but my cousin got aggravated getting asked those the majority of the trip. She felt a bit out of place too (she confided) since she really can't speak Tagalog. She was getting bored too, so I asked her if she'd wanna go somewhere like the mall or something. She did, so after getting permission from my mom, and the aunts we were able to go.
There was a shopping center Ayala, not too far from where we were. It was me, my cousin Haunani and Avon that went. We just walked around Greenbelt which is an outdoor mall, and looked at some of the shops. They have all these restaurants as well, but we, well more like I decided that we'll go to a Japanese restaurant to try it out. They both had dinner back at the home, so really didn't wanna get a heavy meal. I ordered some sashimi for them, but they really didn't eat it. I had my tempura and sushi so I was all set. During the course of the meal, we got to talking about this one guy I briefly dated when I visited back in 2004. Haunani was kinda curious about him too, since she thought he was cute. To do a little test, Avon texted him and asked if he remembers a guy named Kris
Which Chris? I know a couple
You met him back in '04
Oh the mixed black
Yea him
Is he here? Where is he?
Close to where you guys met, he's in front of me having dinner
He said he'll be heading out then, to come see. I was kinda laughing but got nervous when Avon said that he would actually come. Oh man, you're an idiot What am I gonna do now!? Just talk to him my cousin said What am I gonna say!!? You'll figure it out I was really nervous, that I laid down on the bench around this one fountain with my head on my cousin's lap trying to duck so Gary won't spot me. He eventually showed and so, shook hands, then sat down and had a bit of a talk. The usual hey, how have you been? at the beginning. After a while we actually discussed about what happened between us.
You see, I met him when I was visiting back in '04. We only got to see each other twice however. First, was when we had coffee where I actually met him for the first time, then second was when he joined me and my friends for dinner on my birthday. After that dinner on my birthday, we all five of us walked around and just made the time pass, talking, goofing off and taking pictures. While it was just us two, he mentioned something about really liking me a lot, perhaps even being in love, and that he thinks I'm the one. I told myself to not expect anything out of this really since I'm just on a holiday. I'll admit, I liked the feeling of liking someone and them liking me back. I just didn't think anything would come out of it really since what, I've only met him one time prior to that, and since I don't even live in the same country, let alone.
I think he was either 24 or 25 at that time, and was a teacher at a technical college. I thought he was cute too hehe, especially on the one who sent me the first time we spoke (which he ended up giving me a laminated copy of, and I still keep to this day) I was just nodding along, since I'm not gonna confess that I feel the same way when I don't. The big mistake I did though was promising that I would keep in contact when I knew that I wouldn't. He gave me his phone number, and three e-mail address just to be sure it'll get through if I did e-mail. I didn't throw it away, or anything. It's still in my little notebook but I just didn't do anything with it. I considered getting in contact but then a few months have passed already, so I thought what's the use, you've let months pass already without getting in contact with the guy. I never contacted him again, until now. I was an ass for doing that, and I knew what I did was wrong.
He pretty much asked me things that I knew he would. Why did you that, how come you never got in touch like you promised. All I can say was you know, I'm not sure why either, I'm really sorry for what I did. That was a messed up thing to do, and I apologize. He said it was alright, you were young, probably just confused I did love you, you know. I can't say yep, sure did. I'd feel arrogant saying that, so did what I do best and just smiled sheepishly at him. He ended up leaving few minutes after since him and his friend were gonna go out clubbing. Wished each other the best, and a meeting of just the two us again came up briefly. It never materialized but then, it was probably better not to after all.
So going back.. Avon and I were at the funeral home though, so I excused us from the family and told them we're gonna go up in the hotel room so I can get showered. I think I might have showered earlier that day, but it was soooo hot and humid. We went up to the room, and ended up staying there for a while, watching some Spongebob episodes and talking some more. Only time I took a shower was when my cousin Haunani came to check on us, since I told the family I won't be gone for long. After some coaxing, I got Avon to converse with my cousin eventhough she was a bit shy. My cousin only spoke English so yea, Avon had no choice really hehe They got along pretty well though so that's a good thing. One of my uncles thought that Avon was my girlfriend which was really funny. Well maybe, the baggy clothes gave it away but still. My mom's side of the family knows better hehe, even my grandma. When my uncle made that comment, my grandma said softly to my cousin there's nothing that will happen between those two, she's a tomboy and Dee's a billyboy (that's my nickname to the family, dee of course not billyboy!!)
We made our way back to the funeral home which was just across the street. Some of the old neighbors were there too so it was really nice. You changed so much you look so different you're so manly now is pretty much what I heard coming across them. And the questions are you married yet? got any kids? do you have a girlfriend how many I just kept on smiling and say naw, I'm too young or no not at the moment.. though thinking and never will. A lot of them are surprised how I turned out. Umm thing is I used to be really feminine when I was kid now that I think about it. I never thought much of it, but I guess people around me were otherwise. Some would comment when I had my backs on them, or when they thought they couldn't hear me Buti hindi bumigay ( Wowww, I'm glad he didn't go gay all the way) I'm not sure how to say this in English. I really didn't find those questions too personal or maybe that's just me, but my cousin got aggravated getting asked those the majority of the trip. She felt a bit out of place too (she confided) since she really can't speak Tagalog. She was getting bored too, so I asked her if she'd wanna go somewhere like the mall or something. She did, so after getting permission from my mom, and the aunts we were able to go.
There was a shopping center Ayala, not too far from where we were. It was me, my cousin Haunani and Avon that went. We just walked around Greenbelt which is an outdoor mall, and looked at some of the shops. They have all these restaurants as well, but we, well more like I decided that we'll go to a Japanese restaurant to try it out. They both had dinner back at the home, so really didn't wanna get a heavy meal. I ordered some sashimi for them, but they really didn't eat it. I had my tempura and sushi so I was all set. During the course of the meal, we got to talking about this one guy I briefly dated when I visited back in 2004. Haunani was kinda curious about him too, since she thought he was cute. To do a little test, Avon texted him and asked if he remembers a guy named Kris
Which Chris? I know a couple
You met him back in '04
Oh the mixed black
Yea him
Is he here? Where is he?
Close to where you guys met, he's in front of me having dinner
He said he'll be heading out then, to come see. I was kinda laughing but got nervous when Avon said that he would actually come. Oh man, you're an idiot What am I gonna do now!? Just talk to him my cousin said What am I gonna say!!? You'll figure it out I was really nervous, that I laid down on the bench around this one fountain with my head on my cousin's lap trying to duck so Gary won't spot me. He eventually showed and so, shook hands, then sat down and had a bit of a talk. The usual hey, how have you been? at the beginning. After a while we actually discussed about what happened between us.
You see, I met him when I was visiting back in '04. We only got to see each other twice however. First, was when we had coffee where I actually met him for the first time, then second was when he joined me and my friends for dinner on my birthday. After that dinner on my birthday, we all five of us walked around and just made the time pass, talking, goofing off and taking pictures. While it was just us two, he mentioned something about really liking me a lot, perhaps even being in love, and that he thinks I'm the one. I told myself to not expect anything out of this really since I'm just on a holiday. I'll admit, I liked the feeling of liking someone and them liking me back. I just didn't think anything would come out of it really since what, I've only met him one time prior to that, and since I don't even live in the same country, let alone.
I think he was either 24 or 25 at that time, and was a teacher at a technical college. I thought he was cute too hehe, especially on the one who sent me the first time we spoke (which he ended up giving me a laminated copy of, and I still keep to this day) I was just nodding along, since I'm not gonna confess that I feel the same way when I don't. The big mistake I did though was promising that I would keep in contact when I knew that I wouldn't. He gave me his phone number, and three e-mail address just to be sure it'll get through if I did e-mail. I didn't throw it away, or anything. It's still in my little notebook but I just didn't do anything with it. I considered getting in contact but then a few months have passed already, so I thought what's the use, you've let months pass already without getting in contact with the guy. I never contacted him again, until now. I was an ass for doing that, and I knew what I did was wrong.
He pretty much asked me things that I knew he would. Why did you that, how come you never got in touch like you promised. All I can say was you know, I'm not sure why either, I'm really sorry for what I did. That was a messed up thing to do, and I apologize. He said it was alright, you were young, probably just confused I did love you, you know. I can't say yep, sure did. I'd feel arrogant saying that, so did what I do best and just smiled sheepishly at him. He ended up leaving few minutes after since him and his friend were gonna go out clubbing. Wished each other the best, and a meeting of just the two us again came up briefly. It never materialized but then, it was probably better not to after all.
19 July 2006
Close to Heaven Pt I
It's been a little over a month since I left and came back from the Philippines. As some of you were aware, it was due to a recent death in the family, my Tatay (grandpa) to be exact. During my brief stay in LA at Robert's, I was able to secure a flight that will let me catch the same flight as my cousin's. We left the US on Tuesday 6 Jun and off we flew to Manila. We ended up losing two days, arriving there on a Thursday morning, eventhough the flight was just around 15 hrs. Got to the airport alright, though we didn't get out of the terminal for another hour waiting for our luggage to arrive.
It was my mom, my stepdad and one of my aunts that came out to pick us up. It was nice getting to see them again though I thought they looked differentl the last time I saw them. Well, they thought the same too, since they commented how 'skinny' I was which was kind of funny. [Months earlier, they saw my pictures and mentioned how I probably should be should be going to the gym since I've gotten kinda fat] I swear I'll develop a disorder if I listen to them! It was the usual, hugs and kisses, nice to see you again stuff, though they commented on the T-shirt that I had on. It was a red one, and they say it's not a good idea to be wearing one since it's not exactly a joyous occassion that I came back home for. I'm not even sure what the colors stood for, but I just put on a white one after getting on the van that'll take us back to Laguna which is about an hour outside Manila, the capital. It kinda felt odd being there, especially for the reason we came home for. This was the first time that something like this has hit home, so it's a bit of a shock really.
We finally got to the house and a couple of the family is up already eventhough it was only 7 am. Hugged one of them one by one, kisses, and let some of them, mostly my aunts, cry on my shoulder. I really didn't think I'd be crying but it's completely different after actually being put into that position. [Oh one thing, the wake was actually being held at the house in the time being. My grandpa's remains has been there for about a week, and would be moved to a funeral home later on that same day] A couple of them are awake to keep the remains company, so to speak. I looked at my grandpa and I was just thinking that wow, he's really gone. The usual went on, having a little breakfast, and waiting on the rest of the household to get up, and just talking to the family. We were really happy at the same time, just laughing and joking, making fun of each other, the usual things a family does. Some of us haven't seen each other in seven to eight years even so it definitely was a good thing. Picture taking, with some sleeping, since they've been awake all night. The rest got up the next hour or so, so played around with the young cousins, walked around the neighborhood a little bit. Sort of an odd thing, during this time, a butterfly landed on my sleeves and stayed there for close to an hour. Tried shaking my arms but to no avail, it just stayed put. Filipinos have this belief that a brown butterfly during a wake is actually the spirit of the deceased and so, the family told me to just leave it alone and let it fly off on its own.
In between all this, Sonny the oldest cousin, hasn't been feeling well and been running back and forth to the bathroom. He then went back to the living room, laid down on the couch, and just started shaking so some of the family laid a blanket on him, trying to keep him warm. I'm not exactly sure what was happening after just having arrived there a couple of hours ago. But there was something definitely wrong. I look at my cousin when he passed me by, and it was as if he doesn't even recognize some of us any longer. He has changed too, from the last time that I saw him. There's just been some issues going on, and they were saying how the night before, he drank two long neck liquor. I'm not exactly sure what long neck is, but I think it's this bigger bottle of alcohol that they sell for about a $1. People I've known usually drank just hard liquor, no chasers or anything, just put some ice and nothing else. They said that's what he had the previous night which obviously just worsened his condition, since he was sick already as it is. He ended up getting rushed to the hospital later on that morning.
2 pm rolled around, and that when my Tatay's remains is going to get moved to a funeral home in Makati City (where I grew up) so our old neighbors can pay their respect. It took a bit longer for us to get there since it was raining. We arrived, and ended up renting two rooms in the motel across the street, somewhere to sleep in when some of us get tired or just a place for some to take a shower in. The 'grown ups' usually stayed with my Tatay since somebody has to keep it company usually, even during the night time. It's still good however, reminiscing about the old times or they talk about just random things that they think of throughout the night. After that, some of us went to McDonald's nearby so that the kids can eat, kids being my younger cousins aged between 3-10 yrs. I'm familiar with the area so I was pretty much the navigator for the rest hehe since some of my family lives abroad, and not too familiar with the area. It was fun, the kids all playing with their new toys since Cars just came out, and McDonald's has toys that came with the Happy Meals. Took a bunch of video clips which I uploaded in youtube (for anyone who cares) Left and went back to the funeral home, hanging around with the family. Come 6 pm, Norman (Sonny's younger brother) got a phone call from his Mom. We thought it was just so my Aunt can tell us how Sonny was doing.. Thing is that wasn't the case. With tears in his eyes, he said Kuya's gone! (Kuya = older brother) Everybody got quiet, and just started crying. It was awful. My aunts, grandma, especially my Mom. She took care of Sonny when he was growing up and he's the one she was closest to. She sorta froze, and just kept repeating He's gone over and over I sat down and held onto one of my cousins, and was just thinking wow, this is really happening. It went on like this for a bit, and everybody finally calmed down. Just listened while the grown ups talked about things, the why's what if's if only's what could have been's
Sonny's sister Milani was at a friend's house during this time, and my mom and I went to go get her. We really didn't have any problem finding her since she was sitting outside when the tricycle passed us by. Mama told her 'ning just come back with us. On the way back she kept asking What happened tita? Is there something I should know? Is it bad? We were just about 10 minutes away from the funeral home. The tricycle got there, we got out, and Norman met her on the entrance and told her that their brother's gone. This was even worse than all the others combined. Her knees just buckled, and she ended up sitting on the stairs outside not crying but wailing I knew that nothing I can say would be comforting at that instant. I just hugged her though she was stomach level, muffling some of her screams at least. It was seeing her like this that did it for me. I didn't cry upon hearing my cousin's death a while ago, I was kinda annoyed I'll admit seeing how my mom reacted. This time though, that's when it finally hit me. Just listening to her cry out I don't have my brother anymore, what's gonna happen to me now? that my shoulders started shaking, then tears started falling from my eyes. He was only 30.
It was my mom, my stepdad and one of my aunts that came out to pick us up. It was nice getting to see them again though I thought they looked differentl the last time I saw them. Well, they thought the same too, since they commented how 'skinny' I was which was kind of funny. [Months earlier, they saw my pictures and mentioned how I probably should be should be going to the gym since I've gotten kinda fat] I swear I'll develop a disorder if I listen to them! It was the usual, hugs and kisses, nice to see you again stuff, though they commented on the T-shirt that I had on. It was a red one, and they say it's not a good idea to be wearing one since it's not exactly a joyous occassion that I came back home for. I'm not even sure what the colors stood for, but I just put on a white one after getting on the van that'll take us back to Laguna which is about an hour outside Manila, the capital. It kinda felt odd being there, especially for the reason we came home for. This was the first time that something like this has hit home, so it's a bit of a shock really.
We finally got to the house and a couple of the family is up already eventhough it was only 7 am. Hugged one of them one by one, kisses, and let some of them, mostly my aunts, cry on my shoulder. I really didn't think I'd be crying but it's completely different after actually being put into that position. [Oh one thing, the wake was actually being held at the house in the time being. My grandpa's remains has been there for about a week, and would be moved to a funeral home later on that same day] A couple of them are awake to keep the remains company, so to speak. I looked at my grandpa and I was just thinking that wow, he's really gone. The usual went on, having a little breakfast, and waiting on the rest of the household to get up, and just talking to the family. We were really happy at the same time, just laughing and joking, making fun of each other, the usual things a family does. Some of us haven't seen each other in seven to eight years even so it definitely was a good thing. Picture taking, with some sleeping, since they've been awake all night. The rest got up the next hour or so, so played around with the young cousins, walked around the neighborhood a little bit. Sort of an odd thing, during this time, a butterfly landed on my sleeves and stayed there for close to an hour. Tried shaking my arms but to no avail, it just stayed put. Filipinos have this belief that a brown butterfly during a wake is actually the spirit of the deceased and so, the family told me to just leave it alone and let it fly off on its own.
In between all this, Sonny the oldest cousin, hasn't been feeling well and been running back and forth to the bathroom. He then went back to the living room, laid down on the couch, and just started shaking so some of the family laid a blanket on him, trying to keep him warm. I'm not exactly sure what was happening after just having arrived there a couple of hours ago. But there was something definitely wrong. I look at my cousin when he passed me by, and it was as if he doesn't even recognize some of us any longer. He has changed too, from the last time that I saw him. There's just been some issues going on, and they were saying how the night before, he drank two long neck liquor. I'm not exactly sure what long neck is, but I think it's this bigger bottle of alcohol that they sell for about a $1. People I've known usually drank just hard liquor, no chasers or anything, just put some ice and nothing else. They said that's what he had the previous night which obviously just worsened his condition, since he was sick already as it is. He ended up getting rushed to the hospital later on that morning.
2 pm rolled around, and that when my Tatay's remains is going to get moved to a funeral home in Makati City (where I grew up) so our old neighbors can pay their respect. It took a bit longer for us to get there since it was raining. We arrived, and ended up renting two rooms in the motel across the street, somewhere to sleep in when some of us get tired or just a place for some to take a shower in. The 'grown ups' usually stayed with my Tatay since somebody has to keep it company usually, even during the night time. It's still good however, reminiscing about the old times or they talk about just random things that they think of throughout the night. After that, some of us went to McDonald's nearby so that the kids can eat, kids being my younger cousins aged between 3-10 yrs. I'm familiar with the area so I was pretty much the navigator for the rest hehe since some of my family lives abroad, and not too familiar with the area. It was fun, the kids all playing with their new toys since Cars just came out, and McDonald's has toys that came with the Happy Meals. Took a bunch of video clips which I uploaded in youtube (for anyone who cares) Left and went back to the funeral home, hanging around with the family. Come 6 pm, Norman (Sonny's younger brother) got a phone call from his Mom. We thought it was just so my Aunt can tell us how Sonny was doing.. Thing is that wasn't the case. With tears in his eyes, he said Kuya's gone! (Kuya = older brother) Everybody got quiet, and just started crying. It was awful. My aunts, grandma, especially my Mom. She took care of Sonny when he was growing up and he's the one she was closest to. She sorta froze, and just kept repeating He's gone over and over I sat down and held onto one of my cousins, and was just thinking wow, this is really happening. It went on like this for a bit, and everybody finally calmed down. Just listened while the grown ups talked about things, the why's what if's if only's what could have been's
Sonny's sister Milani was at a friend's house during this time, and my mom and I went to go get her. We really didn't have any problem finding her since she was sitting outside when the tricycle passed us by. Mama told her 'ning just come back with us. On the way back she kept asking What happened tita? Is there something I should know? Is it bad? We were just about 10 minutes away from the funeral home. The tricycle got there, we got out, and Norman met her on the entrance and told her that their brother's gone. This was even worse than all the others combined. Her knees just buckled, and she ended up sitting on the stairs outside not crying but wailing I knew that nothing I can say would be comforting at that instant. I just hugged her though she was stomach level, muffling some of her screams at least. It was seeing her like this that did it for me. I didn't cry upon hearing my cousin's death a while ago, I was kinda annoyed I'll admit seeing how my mom reacted. This time though, that's when it finally hit me. Just listening to her cry out I don't have my brother anymore, what's gonna happen to me now? that my shoulders started shaking, then tears started falling from my eyes. He was only 30.
17 July 2006
I would go along with someone like you
If I told you things I did before told you how I used to be Would you go along with someone like me?
The opening to a song, Young Folks by Peter Bjorn and John. Forgot where I came across it but enjoy.
if i told you things i did before
old you how i used to be
would you go along with someone like me
if you knew my story word for word
had all of my history
would you go along with someone like me
i did before and had my share
it didn't lead nowhere
i would go along with someone like you
it doesn't matter what you did
who you were hanging with
we could stick around and see this night through
and we don't care about the young folks
talkin' bout the young style
and we don't care about the old folks
talkin' 'bout the old style too
and we don't care about their own faults
talkin' 'bout our own style
all we care 'bout is talking
talking only me and you
usually when things has gone this far
people tend to disappear
no-one will surprise me unless you do
i can tell there's something goin' on
hours seems to disappear
everyone is leaving i'm still with you
it doesn't matter what we do
where we are going to
we can stick around and see this night through
and we don't care about the young folks
talkin' bout the young style
and we don't care about the old folks
talkin' 'bout the old style too
and we don't care about their own faults
talkin' 'bout our own style
all we care 'bout is talking
talking only me and you
and we don't care about the young folks
talkin' bout the young style
and we don't care about the old folks
talkin' 'bout the old style too
and we don't care about their own faults
talkin' 'bout our own style
all we care 'bout is talking
talking only me and you
talking only me and you
talking only me and you
talking only me and you
The opening to a song, Young Folks by Peter Bjorn and John. Forgot where I came across it but enjoy.
if i told you things i did before
old you how i used to be
would you go along with someone like me
if you knew my story word for word
had all of my history
would you go along with someone like me
i did before and had my share
it didn't lead nowhere
i would go along with someone like you
it doesn't matter what you did
who you were hanging with
we could stick around and see this night through
and we don't care about the young folks
talkin' bout the young style
and we don't care about the old folks
talkin' 'bout the old style too
and we don't care about their own faults
talkin' 'bout our own style
all we care 'bout is talking
talking only me and you
usually when things has gone this far
people tend to disappear
no-one will surprise me unless you do
i can tell there's something goin' on
hours seems to disappear
everyone is leaving i'm still with you
it doesn't matter what we do
where we are going to
we can stick around and see this night through
and we don't care about the young folks
talkin' bout the young style
and we don't care about the old folks
talkin' 'bout the old style too
and we don't care about their own faults
talkin' 'bout our own style
all we care 'bout is talking
talking only me and you
and we don't care about the young folks
talkin' bout the young style
and we don't care about the old folks
talkin' 'bout the old style too
and we don't care about their own faults
talkin' 'bout our own style
all we care 'bout is talking
talking only me and you
talking only me and you
talking only me and you
talking only me and you
10 July 2006
(^_^)/ Hi!
I'm still here!! Finally getting around to doing this after being off for three days. I've spent most of it sleeping though, I'm becoming a bear for a change. Well thing is I've been getting headaches the past week, and it has rendered me incapable lol I still had to go to work coz I can't just call in and tell them I'm sick. I still got to do my job, creating accounts, fixing things here and there, but that's about it. All other times, I just sat there and read, no write. Read up on the lives of people I love Awwwwwww, aren't I just sweeet!!?? ( ^_^)(^_^ ) Just kiddin..
As most of you are aware, I've been back now for a little over two weeks after going back to the Philippines (which deserves its own post) Some might even have seen the pics already, if not, you'll know where to look *winks That just reminded me of some guy I met back in Japan. He ended just about every sentence in his e-mail with *winks I only hang out with him once but it was still fun, I remember we ended up waiting on each other for like an hour the first day we were going to meet since we were waiting on the opposite sides of this building. We had a good time. That was the first time I stayed out all night in Tokyo, after having been there two years prior to that. Except the two or three times I got wasted in bar row, but that was just a few blocks from the base though. I just wasn't much of a drinker, thanks to my family members
Thanks to that experience, I spent a lot of times going back, just hanging around the station and getting a buzz with a good friend of mine which I sorely miss, damn it I need to write about Japan
So hmm, two weeks I've been back, I've mostly been working really. I think I might have a lost a friend or two when I was gone, kinda sucky, but hey that's life ;) I know that life is good! Some bad things might happen, but it has a way of balancing itself out. Taking the bad with the good, do what you can, and pray for better. Going back to Manila for instance, it might not be for a joyous occasion, but I still had a good time. So even if I MIGHT have lost someone, there's usually a new one that comes in. I reconnected with two old friends I had in Japan, and got introduced to a fella by a mutual friend of ours. I've been talking to him a lot, so guess that's a good thing. First time we spoke, we barely said anything so I was just thinking that'll be the last of it. But the next night, he texted asking if he could call. Errmm okayyyy.. I said he could, and it's been smooth sailing since then. Why am I even writing about this?? It's not like we're bf's or anything. Hmm, dunno, guess it was nice listening to his voicemail <^_^; - when he tried calling six times one night. I
This update's taking longer than I thought. Ended up being on the phone with the cuzz for the past hour so kinda got distracted. Anyways, will fill in more later as to what's going on. Headache's been my main concern this past week, that's about it. It hasn't set in today yet so, hopefully it's gone for good. I'm not really up to doing anything when it hurts..I just lay there, wishing my mom's around to make me a meal or something. Oh I meant a bf haha. Can I get one please?
Have a good week!! Hope I made sense :D
27 June 2006
Had I known...
Read last night that they played in Norfolk just a month ago (T_T) and I missed it. Didn't know how good The Fray's CD was. The song their album title was taken from, How To Save A Life.
Here's a song off of a Japanese animated show, Voltes V back in the 70's, Chichi wo Motomete. I didn't know the words back then but loved it nonetheless. That's music though.
Hope you enjoy it just as much.
Here's a song off of a Japanese animated show, Voltes V back in the 70's, Chichi wo Motomete. I didn't know the words back then but loved it nonetheless. That's music though.
Hope you enjoy it just as much.
Flowers in the attic
It's been close to a month now since my world kinda got shaken all about. Parts of it might be bittersweet, but it still was great. Excitement over getting to meet a friend, seeing the family once again, seeing an ex-lover?, talking to the neighbors just like the old times.
Well after my last post, I was thinking that everything would be set come that Monday. Fly out to LA, spend the night there, and then head down to the Philippines. But that all changed when I got a phone call Saturday afternoon when the booking agency left a voicemail saying that my reservation has been cancelled and I won't be getting on the plane, AT ALL. Philippine Airlines apparently only issues paper tickets, and the lady that called said she has my tickets right in her hand back in California, with not enough time to ship it to me. She said I can fly out Wednesday.
I was at the outlet mall when they called, since I thought about picking up some things for the family, well after I get a backpack that is. I've been meaning to get one for years, and never got around to it for some reason. I called them right when I heard the message, five minutes after they called, but they didn't pick up. So drove right back to the house trying to figure out what to do. That is after encountering someone in the road who had exactly the same car. Oh darn, they'll probably try to race me since when I saw them in the rear view mirror, they were gonna switch lanes to pass me. So they got on the faster lane, knowing that they did, I started fiddling with nothing in the passenger seat, so I'd be looking away from the left side. I was doing that too for a few seconds, but saw that they were going the same speed as I was. Awww feck, so I just looked up and right when I did, you'd just see a white guy sticking half of his body out in the window with a big grin in his face. It made me laugh so just waved back and smiled back at him. He was cute too, but it was a female driving so anyways....
Made it back home and called my cousin up and told her what the dilemma was. Spent a while on the phone with her, looking up other flights that I might be able to catch. We actually toyed with the idea of spending two nights in Tokyo at least, before flying to Manila. But thing is, I would not be able to stop by Los Angeles doing so. I've been to Japan and all but Mr HappySad isn't there. I just thought it'll be nice to finally meet him in person. I was in L.A. half a year ago but I was more afraid back then. What if I bore him? What am I gonna talk to him about? I just about froze thinking of hanging out with him. But I made a vow I'll go see him next time I'm in the area. Oh gah, I'm starting to sound like a stalker lol It's nothing like that. It just so happen that you encounter people online that you grow to admire, and care about. And I wanted to be able to say one day "Hey, I got to meet him in person" with a smile on my face.
I was just sitting in the computer, talking away with my cousin, looking at flights that were taking off for the West Coast one by one. At first, I was thinking of just waiting it out til Monday. Called Robert up briefly and told him the situation since he was expecting me. He said he wouldn't mind if I end up staying an extra day or two and just text him with whatever plan I came up with. So went upstairs and packed up some things. I really didn't wanna bring a suitcase around so grabbed pretty much a carry on and packed my things. Just minimum, two pair of jeans, slacks, tee, shirts, just about three at the max. Well I was looking at some Airtran flights that were leaving at an airport nearby, and saw one for leaving around 0530, and arriving at LAX right about noon. I was actually gonna try to get some sleep, but this whole affair was making me antsy so 2 am came and there I was still debating whether to fly out that morning or not. 3 am rolls around and saw that the Airtran flight is still there. So I went on and continued packing just in case I wanted to catch that one. I checked once more and it's now gone on their website.. Grrreat, now you'll have to wait Dee.
I looked up their number and gave them a call, asking if they still had flights for the plane that leaves in 2 hrs. The lady said they still have three seats, so eventhough it said that you were supposed to check in 120 mins before flight, I thought ahh heck, I'll probably just be bored sitting around the house all day so might as well be in LA. So finally zipped up my suitcase and the backpack, running around the house making sure I didn't forget anything. Hopped right on the shower, called the cab company before I put on some clothes, so it'll be waiting by the time I got dressed. So was all set, excited and nervous since I wasn't even sure there'd be seats left by the time I got to the airport. The taxi got there, and eventhough it was just a 10-min drive or so to the airport, it felt too long that I wanted to smack him and tell him to hurry up. Sheeeshh, what are you taking your sweet ass time for!
We finally got to the airport and had to fall in line. Oh oh, there might not be any seats left. But I got to the counter, and the woman said that yea, I can still get on the flight leaving in 30 mins. So paid and checked my bags in and walked towards the gate all smiling. Probably looking a bit silly with a big grin on my face, walking by myself. Hey I was happy :D So sent Rob a text saying I was gonna be in LA right about noon. Kinda was worried I was gonna be a bother, but nah, didn't feel like I was at all when I finally got there. (I think!)
I got nervous a little bit, but it all went away when we were driving up to WeHo. I was just thinking Wowww, I'm really here sitting next to Robert. Yeah, I sorta was like a starstruck fan. He talked about our little adventure here. Like he mentioned, we went to a French Restaurant and walked around Melrose Ave. That was the first one place I've gone to that mostly catered to the gay community. It's nice seeing a mixture of people though. Family on one end, gay couple on the other. I even saw a guy in a revealing denim hot pants ala-Kylie. I liked Melrose Ave a lot, but was holding back a bit before I go off on a shopping spree without even having left the country yet. It was nice to just be able to walk around like that, just checking stores out, or just watching people go about doing their own thing. I got to have my first Jamba Juice shake ever too. Rob probably had a feeling I liked this one shirt at a clothing store. I've seen this tee a year or two ago when I stumbled upon Cool Hunting while idly surfing at work. Kinda liked it but it was already sold out when I looked so kinda forgot about it, until I saw it again here in L.A. Debating whether to really get it or not, but we passed by the place on the way to the car so ended up buying the t-shirt. This guy is wearing it in a picture. I didn't think it was suitable for a wake but the family made him change his tee after flying in with a bright red tee which they thought wasn't apppropriate.
So after walking around Melrose, we headed back to their house where I got to meet Alec. It was during that time where I really got nervous. I wanted to get off the car hehe But Alec was such a darling. Robert introduced us and I reached out my hand but Alec stepped forward and gave me a hug. That was really neat. It was silly of me being reticent even for a second. These were two genuinely great guys I was around with. It's fun just hanging around them , with their joking around and all, I pretty much was laughing most of the time. This helped to keep me smiling even after flying to Manila. Thank you guys..
Well after my last post, I was thinking that everything would be set come that Monday. Fly out to LA, spend the night there, and then head down to the Philippines. But that all changed when I got a phone call Saturday afternoon when the booking agency left a voicemail saying that my reservation has been cancelled and I won't be getting on the plane, AT ALL. Philippine Airlines apparently only issues paper tickets, and the lady that called said she has my tickets right in her hand back in California, with not enough time to ship it to me. She said I can fly out Wednesday.
I was at the outlet mall when they called, since I thought about picking up some things for the family, well after I get a backpack that is. I've been meaning to get one for years, and never got around to it for some reason. I called them right when I heard the message, five minutes after they called, but they didn't pick up. So drove right back to the house trying to figure out what to do. That is after encountering someone in the road who had exactly the same car. Oh darn, they'll probably try to race me since when I saw them in the rear view mirror, they were gonna switch lanes to pass me. So they got on the faster lane, knowing that they did, I started fiddling with nothing in the passenger seat, so I'd be looking away from the left side. I was doing that too for a few seconds, but saw that they were going the same speed as I was. Awww feck, so I just looked up and right when I did, you'd just see a white guy sticking half of his body out in the window with a big grin in his face. It made me laugh so just waved back and smiled back at him. He was cute too, but it was a female driving so anyways....
Made it back home and called my cousin up and told her what the dilemma was. Spent a while on the phone with her, looking up other flights that I might be able to catch. We actually toyed with the idea of spending two nights in Tokyo at least, before flying to Manila. But thing is, I would not be able to stop by Los Angeles doing so. I've been to Japan and all but Mr HappySad isn't there. I just thought it'll be nice to finally meet him in person. I was in L.A. half a year ago but I was more afraid back then. What if I bore him? What am I gonna talk to him about? I just about froze thinking of hanging out with him. But I made a vow I'll go see him next time I'm in the area. Oh gah, I'm starting to sound like a stalker lol It's nothing like that. It just so happen that you encounter people online that you grow to admire, and care about. And I wanted to be able to say one day "Hey, I got to meet him in person" with a smile on my face.
I was just sitting in the computer, talking away with my cousin, looking at flights that were taking off for the West Coast one by one. At first, I was thinking of just waiting it out til Monday. Called Robert up briefly and told him the situation since he was expecting me. He said he wouldn't mind if I end up staying an extra day or two and just text him with whatever plan I came up with. So went upstairs and packed up some things. I really didn't wanna bring a suitcase around so grabbed pretty much a carry on and packed my things. Just minimum, two pair of jeans, slacks, tee, shirts, just about three at the max. Well I was looking at some Airtran flights that were leaving at an airport nearby, and saw one for leaving around 0530, and arriving at LAX right about noon. I was actually gonna try to get some sleep, but this whole affair was making me antsy so 2 am came and there I was still debating whether to fly out that morning or not. 3 am rolls around and saw that the Airtran flight is still there. So I went on and continued packing just in case I wanted to catch that one. I checked once more and it's now gone on their website.. Grrreat, now you'll have to wait Dee.
I looked up their number and gave them a call, asking if they still had flights for the plane that leaves in 2 hrs. The lady said they still have three seats, so eventhough it said that you were supposed to check in 120 mins before flight, I thought ahh heck, I'll probably just be bored sitting around the house all day so might as well be in LA. So finally zipped up my suitcase and the backpack, running around the house making sure I didn't forget anything. Hopped right on the shower, called the cab company before I put on some clothes, so it'll be waiting by the time I got dressed. So was all set, excited and nervous since I wasn't even sure there'd be seats left by the time I got to the airport. The taxi got there, and eventhough it was just a 10-min drive or so to the airport, it felt too long that I wanted to smack him and tell him to hurry up. Sheeeshh, what are you taking your sweet ass time for!
We finally got to the airport and had to fall in line. Oh oh, there might not be any seats left. But I got to the counter, and the woman said that yea, I can still get on the flight leaving in 30 mins. So paid and checked my bags in and walked towards the gate all smiling. Probably looking a bit silly with a big grin on my face, walking by myself. Hey I was happy :D So sent Rob a text saying I was gonna be in LA right about noon. Kinda was worried I was gonna be a bother, but nah, didn't feel like I was at all when I finally got there. (I think!)
I got nervous a little bit, but it all went away when we were driving up to WeHo. I was just thinking Wowww, I'm really here sitting next to Robert. Yeah, I sorta was like a starstruck fan. He talked about our little adventure here. Like he mentioned, we went to a French Restaurant and walked around Melrose Ave. That was the first one place I've gone to that mostly catered to the gay community. It's nice seeing a mixture of people though. Family on one end, gay couple on the other. I even saw a guy in a revealing denim hot pants ala-Kylie. I liked Melrose Ave a lot, but was holding back a bit before I go off on a shopping spree without even having left the country yet. It was nice to just be able to walk around like that, just checking stores out, or just watching people go about doing their own thing. I got to have my first Jamba Juice shake ever too. Rob probably had a feeling I liked this one shirt at a clothing store. I've seen this tee a year or two ago when I stumbled upon Cool Hunting while idly surfing at work. Kinda liked it but it was already sold out when I looked so kinda forgot about it, until I saw it again here in L.A. Debating whether to really get it or not, but we passed by the place on the way to the car so ended up buying the t-shirt. This guy is wearing it in a picture. I didn't think it was suitable for a wake but the family made him change his tee after flying in with a bright red tee which they thought wasn't apppropriate.
So after walking around Melrose, we headed back to their house where I got to meet Alec. It was during that time where I really got nervous. I wanted to get off the car hehe But Alec was such a darling. Robert introduced us and I reached out my hand but Alec stepped forward and gave me a hug. That was really neat. It was silly of me being reticent even for a second. These were two genuinely great guys I was around with. It's fun just hanging around them , with their joking around and all, I pretty much was laughing most of the time. This helped to keep me smiling even after flying to Manila. Thank you guys..
21 June 2006
Found
I went to a Found Magazine event with a friend back in May and had a really great time. Here's what they sent as their five all time favorites under 20 words. Ain't the second one just sweet!!
*Am back stateside and will update when I get back to VA. I'm sorta home now but will tell more later. Take care you guys..
Lil' Jim
I'm in Cyotie (cross street) getin WASTED! NAAAA! I'm callin you
cuz it's 1:00
SEAN
-- FOUND by Sue Eggen, Pittsburgh PA
* *
If you decide that you love me anytime today, please call me
-- FOUND by Anna Caramanna, Phoenix AZ
* *
I took some ho's
to get some burritos
-- FOUND by Drew Maran, San Jose CA
* *
more buns
more cups
less lies
-- a note FOUND by Danielle Meyer, San Francisco CA
* *
CHX RAMEN NOODLS
CHX RAMEN NOODLS
CHX RAMEN NOODLS
CHX RAMEN NOODLS
CHX RAMEN NOODLS
CHX RAMEN NOODLS
12-PAK LUBR CNDOMS
-- a receipt FOUND by D. Tucker in Ann Arbor MI
*Am back stateside and will update when I get back to VA. I'm sorta home now but will tell more later. Take care you guys..
02 June 2006
So I'd be leaving...
Well everything's set and me and my cousin will be flying out this Tuesday for Manila. She wanted to catch the same flight, and good thing we found one where we can fly together considering she's leaving from Colorado while I, from Virginia on the other hand. We're finally good to go though we were having second thoughts here and there about coming.
I had to let the people at work know that I'm gonna be taking an emergency leave. At first, had a bit of an issue trying to get a plane ticket and my boss sort of, let the higher ups know what was going on. I didn't realize what was going on behind the scenes, but come to find out, they were actually gonna cover the plane ticket. Thing is, it would have to only be with Northwest and when I stopped by to check for any flights I could take, the earliest one they had was on the 12th. I really didn't want to get a flight with them either, since I'd have to fly directly to Manila from Detroit. With going commercial, I'm gonna be able to spend a night or so in California which is just what's going to be happening. I'll stay one night in LA, then wait for my cousin to come in Tuesday and fly the same day. On my way back, will be making a stop in San Francisco for a few days.
I really wasn't considering stopping at my dad's but my stepmom's voicemail kinda made me want to go see them now. Ended up crying a bit before I went to bed just listening to her message. I WAS gonna try to get some sleep. However, I had to come by work to sign documents saying I'll be going on emergency leave etc etc Figured ok, I'll just have to sign and go right back home and sleep. But that wasn't the case. Ended up staying around for three more hours trying to figure out a game plan for my leaving. I was really surprised they were gonna cover the cost of the trip, well parts of it at least. What ended up happening is I pay out of pocket and will get parts of it reimbursed when I get back. If they did, great, if not I'll live. I really wasn't expecting that from them, but it was thoughtful of my squadron to do so. After getting that done, I just went back to the house and tried to get some sleep. But with it being two hours away from the start of my shift, I was a bit nervous about not waking up on time.
So now, 5 am and 36 hours since I've been awake, it was taking a bit of a toll. I got to take a nap for a bit in the conference room. Before that though, I was actually taking care of customer requests on our inbox. One of them was from a lady who needs one of her users to have permission to a mailbox. I did give him permission, and wrote back to her saying it's been completed. I didn't know how lack of sleep can really do, until I saw what I sent to her:
He's been given permission f it. Watched y ou struggle oldie.. there's :P
I can't even imagine what her reaction would be seeing something like that. Just laugh it off, or tell on me.
So will be packing up later on today after waking up from my much needed sleep. Still debating whether to get a backpack since the luggage that I'm thinking of getting is just about the size flight attendants use. I'll be pretty much gone for two weeks, making stops in Cali to and fro. Doubt I'd get to go to Castro and all hehe, but oh well. I'd live. I don't think my mom works in the financial district any longer so really no excuse to be leaving with her in the morning and wander around until she gets out in the afternoon. I'll be staying with them only for three days, and just went on a little panic mode right now wondering why I'm stopping in the bay area after all.. Hmmm
Have a good weekend!
I had to let the people at work know that I'm gonna be taking an emergency leave. At first, had a bit of an issue trying to get a plane ticket and my boss sort of, let the higher ups know what was going on. I didn't realize what was going on behind the scenes, but come to find out, they were actually gonna cover the plane ticket. Thing is, it would have to only be with Northwest and when I stopped by to check for any flights I could take, the earliest one they had was on the 12th. I really didn't want to get a flight with them either, since I'd have to fly directly to Manila from Detroit. With going commercial, I'm gonna be able to spend a night or so in California which is just what's going to be happening. I'll stay one night in LA, then wait for my cousin to come in Tuesday and fly the same day. On my way back, will be making a stop in San Francisco for a few days.
I really wasn't considering stopping at my dad's but my stepmom's voicemail kinda made me want to go see them now. Ended up crying a bit before I went to bed just listening to her message. I WAS gonna try to get some sleep. However, I had to come by work to sign documents saying I'll be going on emergency leave etc etc Figured ok, I'll just have to sign and go right back home and sleep. But that wasn't the case. Ended up staying around for three more hours trying to figure out a game plan for my leaving. I was really surprised they were gonna cover the cost of the trip, well parts of it at least. What ended up happening is I pay out of pocket and will get parts of it reimbursed when I get back. If they did, great, if not I'll live. I really wasn't expecting that from them, but it was thoughtful of my squadron to do so. After getting that done, I just went back to the house and tried to get some sleep. But with it being two hours away from the start of my shift, I was a bit nervous about not waking up on time.
So now, 5 am and 36 hours since I've been awake, it was taking a bit of a toll. I got to take a nap for a bit in the conference room. Before that though, I was actually taking care of customer requests on our inbox. One of them was from a lady who needs one of her users to have permission to a mailbox. I did give him permission, and wrote back to her saying it's been completed. I didn't know how lack of sleep can really do, until I saw what I sent to her:
He's been given permission f it. Watched y ou struggle oldie.. there's :P
I can't even imagine what her reaction would be seeing something like that. Just laugh it off, or tell on me.
So will be packing up later on today after waking up from my much needed sleep. Still debating whether to get a backpack since the luggage that I'm thinking of getting is just about the size flight attendants use. I'll be pretty much gone for two weeks, making stops in Cali to and fro. Doubt I'd get to go to Castro and all hehe, but oh well. I'd live. I don't think my mom works in the financial district any longer so really no excuse to be leaving with her in the morning and wander around until she gets out in the afternoon. I'll be staying with them only for three days, and just went on a little panic mode right now wondering why I'm stopping in the bay area after all.. Hmmm
Have a good weekend!
31 May 2006
One day they're here...
Might be a bit of a downer to some, sorry...
Got a phone call around 8 am, but didn't get to pick my cell up until after the caller hang up. Waited for a voicemail, and there it was. Message from my aunt saying my grandfather just passed away this evening (morning for the U.S, night time in the Philippines) Tried calling her back but I realized they had their phone number changed just recently.
So went ahead and called my grandma's cell and my cousin picked up, saying that my Tatay (it's actually Lolo and Lola for grandparents, but I call mine Nanay and Tatay which equivalents Mom and Dad) died. I just started crying while she went yelled out for my mom since I was on the phone. We were talking and was quite surprised that she was calm, and didn't start sobbing at all. She's the drama queen of the family, well crier would more describe her, so that's quite something to listen to her tell me what happened and not cry. I felt like a child again when she told me not to cry anymore, it's his time and it was probably for the best so that he wouldn't suffer any longer. It really was a shock since the doctor said that he had about 3-6 months at least and yet, it happened not even a month later. She let a distant relative of ours talk to me for a bit, though I kinda chuckled listening to him. He KNOWS that I spoke Tagalog and has even met me in person before, but yet there he was English spokening asking if I'd go home since my Tatay's dead. I haven't actually considered going home at this point.
So hang up the phone with my mom, and texted my cousin asking her if she's heard.. "heard what?' so just went ahead and called her and explained that I got a voicemail and everything saying Tatay's dead. She said no, she didn't know yet but will go ahead and check if her mom knows. She called back saying the line was busy so my Tita Akang (in Denmark) is probably talking to her by now. So went ahead and called my other aunt, Tita Marrissa (in Norway). She picked up and just started crying when she knew that it was me calling. I was laying when I called, but sat straight up listening to her 'Couldn't he have waited until the weekend!!' "I told him we'll be there soon enough!' 'Dee, he's gone!!' Those were pretty much the words that was coming from her. She said she just got done talking to Tita Akang which was screaming, wailing seems more fitting, after learning of my grandfather's death. Being told those things are just what broke my heart. It didn't hit me completely until after this conversation. My uncle got their flight scheduled changed so they'll be flying out tomorrow instead of this Saturday.
She mentioned she hasn't spoken to my Aunt Fely (in Florida) so went ahead to do a three-way. It appeared she knows about it already since her first words were "Dee, patay na si Tatay." (Dee, Tatay's dead) I told her that my other Aunt was on the line too, so sat the phone down and let them talk for a bit. The earliest my Aunt Fely could leave was on Monday, and they won't arrive til Wednesday so that's gonna be one loooong flight. I hope they can have it changed and book an earlier one. My cousin started crying so Aunt Fely told my Tita to go ahead and tend to the kid so did just that, and they said their goodbyes to each other, and to me.
I was chatting with my friend Caleb too, and ended up telling him what happened. It was a bit odd saying this kind of things through IM's so talked to him on Skype. Had to talk to someone since I just didn't wanna bottle it in. He's a good friend, we started talking about other things so that made me smile and laught at least. I mentioned that I was supposed to go have lunch with somebody today, and not so sure if I'd still want to go. He said it might do me good, take my mind off of things even for a bit. So just didn't cancel the lunch meeting. It ended up not materializing though since the guy wanted to just grab some food and bring it by my place. I said I'd prefer meeting him outside today, but guess he didn't want that. Well, he's been over once but good thing he forgot where I live haha
So I was still skyping with Caleb, but had to get off to answer my cell since somebody was calling which was probably my aunt. And sure enough, it was my Tita Akang. She was joking, and everything since she said, she didn't want to be gloomy talking to me. She's trying, though she mentioned she about smashed her head in the kitchen table after she got the text message about this. That she dropped the phone right after and blacked out for a bit. I thought it was kinda stupid texting something of that nature to people, but it just is waayy cheaper than calling long distance.. from the Philippines at least, to the rest of the world. I really thought that was funny, picturing her smashing her head. That made me laugh since that's just what she was trying to do. She's gonna be flying out either this weekend also, or come Monday to go back home as well. She asked if I'd be going too but told her I'm not quite sure yet. I might have to check with the chain of command if I could go without doing all the paperwork that comes along with it. Normally, for servicemembers to go, you have to submit all this documents that has your information. Who you'll be going with, where you're gonnabe staying, the reason of the visit, the current terrorist threat level, amongst other things. The plane ticket cost too.. It's a little bit over a month's salary grrreat. Everybody's been saying they'd understand if me and my cousin end up not going (She's in the Air Force at the moment too) but I know they'd prefer otherwise. It'll be a bit of a reunion as well, since some haven't seen each other since 1997. This will be the first time all the siblings will get together so that'll be really nice, despite of it being an unfortunate time. Seems some of them are handling it well, saying it was probably for the best. I thought heh, they're grown, they'd manage without me having to come. Now, I wouldn't want more than anything but to just be there for them.
Got a phone call around 8 am, but didn't get to pick my cell up until after the caller hang up. Waited for a voicemail, and there it was. Message from my aunt saying my grandfather just passed away this evening (morning for the U.S, night time in the Philippines) Tried calling her back but I realized they had their phone number changed just recently.
So went ahead and called my grandma's cell and my cousin picked up, saying that my Tatay (it's actually Lolo and Lola for grandparents, but I call mine Nanay and Tatay which equivalents Mom and Dad) died. I just started crying while she went yelled out for my mom since I was on the phone. We were talking and was quite surprised that she was calm, and didn't start sobbing at all. She's the drama queen of the family, well crier would more describe her, so that's quite something to listen to her tell me what happened and not cry. I felt like a child again when she told me not to cry anymore, it's his time and it was probably for the best so that he wouldn't suffer any longer. It really was a shock since the doctor said that he had about 3-6 months at least and yet, it happened not even a month later. She let a distant relative of ours talk to me for a bit, though I kinda chuckled listening to him. He KNOWS that I spoke Tagalog and has even met me in person before, but yet there he was English spokening asking if I'd go home since my Tatay's dead. I haven't actually considered going home at this point.
So hang up the phone with my mom, and texted my cousin asking her if she's heard.. "heard what?' so just went ahead and called her and explained that I got a voicemail and everything saying Tatay's dead. She said no, she didn't know yet but will go ahead and check if her mom knows. She called back saying the line was busy so my Tita Akang (in Denmark) is probably talking to her by now. So went ahead and called my other aunt, Tita Marrissa (in Norway). She picked up and just started crying when she knew that it was me calling. I was laying when I called, but sat straight up listening to her 'Couldn't he have waited until the weekend!!' "I told him we'll be there soon enough!' 'Dee, he's gone!!' Those were pretty much the words that was coming from her. She said she just got done talking to Tita Akang which was screaming, wailing seems more fitting, after learning of my grandfather's death. Being told those things are just what broke my heart. It didn't hit me completely until after this conversation. My uncle got their flight scheduled changed so they'll be flying out tomorrow instead of this Saturday.
She mentioned she hasn't spoken to my Aunt Fely (in Florida) so went ahead to do a three-way. It appeared she knows about it already since her first words were "Dee, patay na si Tatay." (Dee, Tatay's dead) I told her that my other Aunt was on the line too, so sat the phone down and let them talk for a bit. The earliest my Aunt Fely could leave was on Monday, and they won't arrive til Wednesday so that's gonna be one loooong flight. I hope they can have it changed and book an earlier one. My cousin started crying so Aunt Fely told my Tita to go ahead and tend to the kid so did just that, and they said their goodbyes to each other, and to me.
I was chatting with my friend Caleb too, and ended up telling him what happened. It was a bit odd saying this kind of things through IM's so talked to him on Skype. Had to talk to someone since I just didn't wanna bottle it in. He's a good friend, we started talking about other things so that made me smile and laught at least. I mentioned that I was supposed to go have lunch with somebody today, and not so sure if I'd still want to go. He said it might do me good, take my mind off of things even for a bit. So just didn't cancel the lunch meeting. It ended up not materializing though since the guy wanted to just grab some food and bring it by my place. I said I'd prefer meeting him outside today, but guess he didn't want that. Well, he's been over once but good thing he forgot where I live haha
So I was still skyping with Caleb, but had to get off to answer my cell since somebody was calling which was probably my aunt. And sure enough, it was my Tita Akang. She was joking, and everything since she said, she didn't want to be gloomy talking to me. She's trying, though she mentioned she about smashed her head in the kitchen table after she got the text message about this. That she dropped the phone right after and blacked out for a bit. I thought it was kinda stupid texting something of that nature to people, but it just is waayy cheaper than calling long distance.. from the Philippines at least, to the rest of the world. I really thought that was funny, picturing her smashing her head. That made me laugh since that's just what she was trying to do. She's gonna be flying out either this weekend also, or come Monday to go back home as well. She asked if I'd be going too but told her I'm not quite sure yet. I might have to check with the chain of command if I could go without doing all the paperwork that comes along with it. Normally, for servicemembers to go, you have to submit all this documents that has your information. Who you'll be going with, where you're gonnabe staying, the reason of the visit, the current terrorist threat level, amongst other things. The plane ticket cost too.. It's a little bit over a month's salary grrreat. Everybody's been saying they'd understand if me and my cousin end up not going (She's in the Air Force at the moment too) but I know they'd prefer otherwise. It'll be a bit of a reunion as well, since some haven't seen each other since 1997. This will be the first time all the siblings will get together so that'll be really nice, despite of it being an unfortunate time. Seems some of them are handling it well, saying it was probably for the best. I thought heh, they're grown, they'd manage without me having to come. Now, I wouldn't want more than anything but to just be there for them.
29 May 2006
Damn it
Someone was gonna move in temporarily in the spare room that I have. We've agreed already, but now he's probably gonna try to move some place else. My car got towed on our way back from showing him around, and now he went to check out some other place. The towing fee was freaking $95!!!!! I was trying to be nice but I guess that doesn't work. My neighbor could have tried finding out who was in their spot, and ask me to move but nope, they just went ahead and called it in anyways. Fuckers.. From now on, there's no more Mr Nice Guy. I'll call in E-V-E-R-Y-T-I-M-E somebody else is in my spots Assholes!!!
23 May 2006
Everybody's changing....
That's what I thought, but maybe it's me. Read this
A friend mentioned to do something good for your mom, no matter wherever she is. So did just that, though the most I can do is pick up the phone and call. I really didn't speak to her for long since I was just getting annoyed by her questions. How's this or that friend doing..Have you had dinner yet. Have you spoken to so and so lately, How's work, typical conversations between mother and son. I really was trying to be nice, just answering nicely to every questions, but seriously hearing those questions about drove me nuts. I'm not sure what's been happening, but there's just this whole shift of emotions I've been dealing with lately. I have to let this all out somehow, so hence here I am writing about this, writing as I go along with whatever comes to mind.
My mom was in my grandpa's house, so with that, my grandma, so is my aunt, my cousin and everybody else will be there. I spoke to them real briefly, the usual how are you, i'm fine, happy mother's day. Then called another aunt later on the day (well morning since Europe's ahead) and for a sec, I got close to being happy about calling them up, like I usually have been on different occasions. Guess last weekend wasn't one of those days. I called two other aunts, and was sorta glad it was the machine that picked up and with the last one, I think she was in a chatty mood but I wasn't so five minutes through, told her I'll go get some sleep since I'm tired now yawn. She probably felt that I was lying (which I was) since she hasn't called ever since. We're just starting to know each other. I'm sure it'll be real nice to develop a relationship with the other side of the family, but at times, I'm not sure if I'd be up for it. On my good days, I get all excited about that but get apathetic on some days and just think why even bother, things are just fine the way they are.
After I got to meet my dad's family the first time, it made me happy. It was one of those things that I can say I was dreaming of my whole life, what it was like to meet them, to actually interact in person, more than just letters and phone calls. I remember crying about it growing up, wondering if they even loved me, and if they actually cared that I existed somewhere in the world. Apparently they did, so I guess that's something though they never were there to back the claim up. I suppose I have conditions on how to be loved, but who doesn't really? I try not to but it's a bit hard. I can't say I love someone and just leave it at that. Not ever calling or writing them. I've gotten better at it, but it was hard, not picking up the phone, not calling my friends to see how they're doing. It happens though so guess that it's just part of life. I'm getting to a point where I'm okay with it, finally after being close to 23.
Getting back to last week, I had to take a promotion test on Monday eventhough I was off from work. It lasted for about 3 1/2 hours but it was kinda good in a sense since I got to talk to some guy I sorta knew, but not really. To learn about our job as a 3C... we have to go to what is called technical school which lasts for twelve weeks down at Biloxi, Mississippi. There's usually new batch of people coming in every week and I found out I arrived after he did two weeks prior. He looked familiar but I wasn't able to pinpoint from where so I just didn't say anything, but I guess that's good he initiated the conversation. It's not like we'll be hanging out or anything because of it, he just got tied down, errr married, two/three months ago and work in a different shop so yea...that was that.
I had an actual weekend off for a change so that was nice though I ended up not getting to come over to my friend's house since I slept through Friday night. I tried staying up during the day, but only managed 'til about 2 pm. So fell asleep, set the alarm for 6 pm, but didn't wake up til 3 am the next morning. Saturday,
I hang out with S (oh well, I'm naming names okay) over the weekend and he showed me around Williamsburg. That was the first time I actually did something touristy here in Virginia since arriving here months ago. I've been too lazy to go anywhere, unlike before where I got on the train pretty much every weekend back in Japan. I took some pictures as you'll see on that link so, I probably will be found. I actually put a picture, but got scared so took it down, put it up again, then down but here for those some who hasn't seen me. That pic was taken this time around last year, morning after spending the night out and about, staying at a capsule hotel which oughtta be tried at least once (I stayed twice)
Today (well Tuesday morning) my Speech class started and it's been good so far. I was having second thoughts about taking a class since we're still working 12 hrs, and I am on the night shift. So after getting off, I'd have to stay up for about three more hours. It's only for eight weeks so I should manage. The teacher's pretty funny, so that should help make the summer session go by. We actually got tricked this morning. The teacher was going to be a bit late since he got help up in traffic so 0830 rolls, and some guy walked in and mentioned that he's gonna be our new teacher, calling himself with a Yugoslavian name and everything. He went on, about how the previous teacher hasn't been performing up to the school's standards, etc etc and so him, being part of the board, decided it'll be best to let go of our teacher for good. It was a bit of a shock. He went on and told us his expectations for us students, and how he really wants us to do real good in learning, and so we'll be doing 16-18 speeches during the 8-week run of the class. You can just hear the sigh throughout the students, and we were probably thinking the same thing.. WHAT DID I GET MYSELF INTO!!!? I know I was, I was just like shit, why'd I even bother taking this class. Mannn, it's supposed to be easy, it's the summer session!!!
He told us a bit of his background, and it wasn't until he later let us on the fact that he's really our teacher, and just messing around the whole time. He's actually Brit, though he's been living in the US for quite sometime now. He's taught classes back in California as well. I just sat there amazed when he told us his background and that he has four degrees, four effing degrees!! That's awesome... I just need to figure out how he went about getting his. Working full time, and taking night classes? Going to school full time or what. So first day of class was good so far. I just need to come up with two topics by Thursday for an informative speech we'd have to give soon. Was thinking of doing Arrested Development and don't know what else yet. Guess I'll sleep on it and hopefully come up with something by tonight.
A friend mentioned to do something good for your mom, no matter wherever she is. So did just that, though the most I can do is pick up the phone and call. I really didn't speak to her for long since I was just getting annoyed by her questions. How's this or that friend doing..Have you had dinner yet. Have you spoken to so and so lately, How's work, typical conversations between mother and son. I really was trying to be nice, just answering nicely to every questions, but seriously hearing those questions about drove me nuts. I'm not sure what's been happening, but there's just this whole shift of emotions I've been dealing with lately. I have to let this all out somehow, so hence here I am writing about this, writing as I go along with whatever comes to mind.
My mom was in my grandpa's house, so with that, my grandma, so is my aunt, my cousin and everybody else will be there. I spoke to them real briefly, the usual how are you, i'm fine, happy mother's day. Then called another aunt later on the day (well morning since Europe's ahead) and for a sec, I got close to being happy about calling them up, like I usually have been on different occasions. Guess last weekend wasn't one of those days. I called two other aunts, and was sorta glad it was the machine that picked up and with the last one, I think she was in a chatty mood but I wasn't so five minutes through, told her I'll go get some sleep since I'm tired now yawn. She probably felt that I was lying (which I was) since she hasn't called ever since. We're just starting to know each other. I'm sure it'll be real nice to develop a relationship with the other side of the family, but at times, I'm not sure if I'd be up for it. On my good days, I get all excited about that but get apathetic on some days and just think why even bother, things are just fine the way they are.
After I got to meet my dad's family the first time, it made me happy. It was one of those things that I can say I was dreaming of my whole life, what it was like to meet them, to actually interact in person, more than just letters and phone calls. I remember crying about it growing up, wondering if they even loved me, and if they actually cared that I existed somewhere in the world. Apparently they did, so I guess that's something though they never were there to back the claim up. I suppose I have conditions on how to be loved, but who doesn't really? I try not to but it's a bit hard. I can't say I love someone and just leave it at that. Not ever calling or writing them. I've gotten better at it, but it was hard, not picking up the phone, not calling my friends to see how they're doing. It happens though so guess that it's just part of life. I'm getting to a point where I'm okay with it, finally after being close to 23.
Getting back to last week, I had to take a promotion test on Monday eventhough I was off from work. It lasted for about 3 1/2 hours but it was kinda good in a sense since I got to talk to some guy I sorta knew, but not really. To learn about our job as a 3C... we have to go to what is called technical school which lasts for twelve weeks down at Biloxi, Mississippi. There's usually new batch of people coming in every week and I found out I arrived after he did two weeks prior. He looked familiar but I wasn't able to pinpoint from where so I just didn't say anything, but I guess that's good he initiated the conversation. It's not like we'll be hanging out or anything because of it, he just got tied down, errr married, two/three months ago and work in a different shop so yea...that was that.
I had an actual weekend off for a change so that was nice though I ended up not getting to come over to my friend's house since I slept through Friday night. I tried staying up during the day, but only managed 'til about 2 pm. So fell asleep, set the alarm for 6 pm, but didn't wake up til 3 am the next morning. Saturday,
I hang out with S (oh well, I'm naming names okay) over the weekend and he showed me around Williamsburg. That was the first time I actually did something touristy here in Virginia since arriving here months ago. I've been too lazy to go anywhere, unlike before where I got on the train pretty much every weekend back in Japan. I took some pictures as you'll see on that link so, I probably will be found. I actually put a picture, but got scared so took it down, put it up again, then down but here for those some who hasn't seen me. That pic was taken this time around last year, morning after spending the night out and about, staying at a capsule hotel which oughtta be tried at least once (I stayed twice)
Today (well Tuesday morning) my Speech class started and it's been good so far. I was having second thoughts about taking a class since we're still working 12 hrs, and I am on the night shift. So after getting off, I'd have to stay up for about three more hours. It's only for eight weeks so I should manage. The teacher's pretty funny, so that should help make the summer session go by. We actually got tricked this morning. The teacher was going to be a bit late since he got help up in traffic so 0830 rolls, and some guy walked in and mentioned that he's gonna be our new teacher, calling himself with a Yugoslavian name and everything. He went on, about how the previous teacher hasn't been performing up to the school's standards, etc etc and so him, being part of the board, decided it'll be best to let go of our teacher for good. It was a bit of a shock. He went on and told us his expectations for us students, and how he really wants us to do real good in learning, and so we'll be doing 16-18 speeches during the 8-week run of the class. You can just hear the sigh throughout the students, and we were probably thinking the same thing.. WHAT DID I GET MYSELF INTO!!!? I know I was, I was just like shit, why'd I even bother taking this class. Mannn, it's supposed to be easy, it's the summer session!!!
He told us a bit of his background, and it wasn't until he later let us on the fact that he's really our teacher, and just messing around the whole time. He's actually Brit, though he's been living in the US for quite sometime now. He's taught classes back in California as well. I just sat there amazed when he told us his background and that he has four degrees, four effing degrees!! That's awesome... I just need to figure out how he went about getting his. Working full time, and taking night classes? Going to school full time or what. So first day of class was good so far. I just need to come up with two topics by Thursday for an informative speech we'd have to give soon. Was thinking of doing Arrested Development and don't know what else yet. Guess I'll sleep on it and hopefully come up with something by tonight.
14 May 2006
100 i's
Since it's quiet here at work, figured I'd try this out in less than an hour. Just typing it up in random
1. No one really called me Kris until I moved to the US in 2000
2. I was called by my last name the whole time before that
3. Family and close friends call me De (though they often write it as Dee)
4. My favorite color is blue
5. I am patient
6. I don't get annoyed easily
7. I still consider myself an only child, despite of having a half-brother
8. I had no idea what he looked like until I met them in the US
9. I didn't see my dad in person until I was 16
10. We only spoke on the phone the whole time before that
11. I missed him though I'm not sure why, I did not know who he was
12. I believe there's good in everybody
13. I often rely on the kindness of strangers
14. I got lost in Tallahassee and ended up hitchhiking to get back to FSU
15. I didn't know that thumbs up was the sign for it until weeks later
16. I was in FSU to attend Boys' State
17. I barely spoke the first two years I moved to the US
18. I had good command of the language,my accent was what bothered me
19. I smiled a lot junior and senior year to compensate for it
20. Smiled a bit too much I got nicknamed 'Smiley'
21. I sometimes act like I don't know my mom when we go out and about, she'd strike conversations with about anybody which freaked me out
22. I stand far, far away when she haggled for things
23. I am of mixed heritage, Filipino and Black
24. I identify with my Asian side more (my friend described me Blackish)
25. I enjoy reading
26. I have a box full of quotations, short stories and jokes
27. I was born on this day in July
28. The first sushi I had was in Japan *yum yum
29. I had my first beer at 19
30. I love English
31. I treat people the way I want to be treated
32. I'm never rude to people in the service industry
33. I worked at McDonald's my senior year in high school
34. My coworkers freaked out when I don't utter a single word for the entire shift
35. It made me chuckle on the inside
36. I got offered a bj by a lesbian coworker ( I didn't take her up on it)
37. I had my first one when I was 15, though I still considered myself a virgin after that
38. I have a notebook's worth of sayings, though it's just a duplicate (gave the original to a guy I've never met)
39. I still think about him often and wonder how he's doing
40. I was gaga over his voice and I loved his middle name too, Rivers
41. I have three best friends back in the Philippines, one other gay guy and two lesbians (i used to have a crush on one of the girls, can see why it didn't work)
42. Out of us four, I'm the only who hasn't been in a relationship
43. I'm happy for them, but why can't that be me *le sigh
44. I'm a bit reserved the first time I meet somebody
45. I'm an introvert, but possess extrovert traits
46. I've met up with people from online on a whim
47. I like talking on the phone
48. I took on a girl persona and became phone pal with my teacher's son (Codename: Tricia)
49. I don't like leaving messages on answering machines, yet hate it when people don't do so
50. People tell me I'm funny even when I'm just talking to them (dunno if that's a good thing)
51. I usually bring a backpack/messenger bag everywhere I go (feel naked without it)
52. Some of my favorite shows are Arrested Development, Family Guy, Strangers with Candy, Spaced, The Office,
53. I know some of the episodes by heart and slip one-liners in conversations with people
54. I thought Tracy Chapman was a man (you gotta admit, she sounded like one. Love her though)
55. People fascinate me
56. I cry easily
57. I'm pretty jumpy (My friends make it a point of seeing it in action)
58. My favorite dessert is leche flan or just flan as some people know it
59. I got close to eating a whole galloon of cheese-flavored ice cream when I was 12
60. I always won soda-drinking contests
61. I got punched in the right eye when I was in the 4th grade
62. When I secretly wish that a person would become my friend, it usually happens (yes, even online)
63. First time I got wasted was over a guy I wasn't even in a relationship with
64. It was the talk of the office for a while since that was not my character to get drunk
65. I blacked out that first time, two glasses of coke and rum is the culprit
66. My favorite book is obviously The Little Prince
67. I didn't 'get it' the first time I read it for an English class
68. I love math and thought about being an accountant at some point
69. I never turned in any book reports we've had to do, I still managed to get good grades for our English course
70. I told dirty jokes to the whole class, taking the teacher's post in between period
71. I haven't been in any accident for the past seventeen years
72. My worst accident was when a pointed metal fence went through my chin
73. I still have the scar to this day (but then, scars don't really go away)
74. I thought it'll be a breeze doing this, it's actually not
75. My mom had me banned from all the video arcades in the neighborhood
76. I miss being a kid sometimes
77. I never imagined ever joining the military, yet here I am
78. I've always wanted to be a doctor
79. I try to do a deed of kindness once a day, when I can
80. I'm a legs man, put me in a sea full of joggers with short shorts oo lala
81. I'm a Leo, but I don't think I have Leo qualities at all
82. I'm very neat, and organized
83. I love to walk around the city
84. I have a great memory. I'd remember you, even if we've never spoken
85. I sometimes wish I was forgetful
86. I reminisce a lot
87. I had a collection of jack'n stones and cried when an Arab guy stepped and broke a piece
88. I'm not jaded
89. I'm trusting, sometimes too easily
90. I have the notion that no one would do me harm, though that's probably not the case
91. I'm reliable, and was the go-to guy for classmates/coworkers
92. I was obssessed with Power Rangers
93. I wanted to be Ranma at one point (become a boy/girl when doused with water)
94. I can't draw
95. I sang a christmas song, When a Child Is Born, in front of the whole class (had to since we got graded for it) 96. I try to avoid hanging out in three's or with an odd number of people
97. I've never gone camping
98. I don't know how to swim
99. I can learn choreographies from music videos in a short period of time
100. I love karaoke
1. No one really called me Kris until I moved to the US in 2000
2. I was called by my last name the whole time before that
3. Family and close friends call me De (though they often write it as Dee)
4. My favorite color is blue
5. I am patient
6. I don't get annoyed easily
7. I still consider myself an only child, despite of having a half-brother
8. I had no idea what he looked like until I met them in the US
9. I didn't see my dad in person until I was 16
10. We only spoke on the phone the whole time before that
11. I missed him though I'm not sure why, I did not know who he was
12. I believe there's good in everybody
13. I often rely on the kindness of strangers
14. I got lost in Tallahassee and ended up hitchhiking to get back to FSU
15. I didn't know that thumbs up was the sign for it until weeks later
16. I was in FSU to attend Boys' State
17. I barely spoke the first two years I moved to the US
18. I had good command of the language,my accent was what bothered me
19. I smiled a lot junior and senior year to compensate for it
20. Smiled a bit too much I got nicknamed 'Smiley'
21. I sometimes act like I don't know my mom when we go out and about, she'd strike conversations with about anybody which freaked me out
22. I stand far, far away when she haggled for things
23. I am of mixed heritage, Filipino and Black
24. I identify with my Asian side more (my friend described me Blackish)
25. I enjoy reading
26. I have a box full of quotations, short stories and jokes
27. I was born on this day in July
28. The first sushi I had was in Japan *yum yum
29. I had my first beer at 19
30. I love English
31. I treat people the way I want to be treated
32. I'm never rude to people in the service industry
33. I worked at McDonald's my senior year in high school
34. My coworkers freaked out when I don't utter a single word for the entire shift
35. It made me chuckle on the inside
36. I got offered a bj by a lesbian coworker ( I didn't take her up on it)
37. I had my first one when I was 15, though I still considered myself a virgin after that
38. I have a notebook's worth of sayings, though it's just a duplicate (gave the original to a guy I've never met)
39. I still think about him often and wonder how he's doing
40. I was gaga over his voice and I loved his middle name too, Rivers
41. I have three best friends back in the Philippines, one other gay guy and two lesbians (i used to have a crush on one of the girls, can see why it didn't work)
42. Out of us four, I'm the only who hasn't been in a relationship
43. I'm happy for them, but why can't that be me *le sigh
44. I'm a bit reserved the first time I meet somebody
45. I'm an introvert, but possess extrovert traits
46. I've met up with people from online on a whim
47. I like talking on the phone
48. I took on a girl persona and became phone pal with my teacher's son (Codename: Tricia)
49. I don't like leaving messages on answering machines, yet hate it when people don't do so
50. People tell me I'm funny even when I'm just talking to them (dunno if that's a good thing)
51. I usually bring a backpack/messenger bag everywhere I go (feel naked without it)
52. Some of my favorite shows are Arrested Development, Family Guy, Strangers with Candy, Spaced, The Office,
53. I know some of the episodes by heart and slip one-liners in conversations with people
54. I thought Tracy Chapman was a man (you gotta admit, she sounded like one. Love her though)
55. People fascinate me
56. I cry easily
57. I'm pretty jumpy (My friends make it a point of seeing it in action)
58. My favorite dessert is leche flan or just flan as some people know it
59. I got close to eating a whole galloon of cheese-flavored ice cream when I was 12
60. I always won soda-drinking contests
61. I got punched in the right eye when I was in the 4th grade
62. When I secretly wish that a person would become my friend, it usually happens (yes, even online)
63. First time I got wasted was over a guy I wasn't even in a relationship with
64. It was the talk of the office for a while since that was not my character to get drunk
65. I blacked out that first time, two glasses of coke and rum is the culprit
66. My favorite book is obviously The Little Prince
67. I didn't 'get it' the first time I read it for an English class
68. I love math and thought about being an accountant at some point
69. I never turned in any book reports we've had to do, I still managed to get good grades for our English course
70. I told dirty jokes to the whole class, taking the teacher's post in between period
71. I haven't been in any accident for the past seventeen years
72. My worst accident was when a pointed metal fence went through my chin
73. I still have the scar to this day (but then, scars don't really go away)
74. I thought it'll be a breeze doing this, it's actually not
75. My mom had me banned from all the video arcades in the neighborhood
76. I miss being a kid sometimes
77. I never imagined ever joining the military, yet here I am
78. I've always wanted to be a doctor
79. I try to do a deed of kindness once a day, when I can
80. I'm a legs man, put me in a sea full of joggers with short shorts oo lala
81. I'm a Leo, but I don't think I have Leo qualities at all
82. I'm very neat, and organized
83. I love to walk around the city
84. I have a great memory. I'd remember you, even if we've never spoken
85. I sometimes wish I was forgetful
86. I reminisce a lot
87. I had a collection of jack'n stones and cried when an Arab guy stepped and broke a piece
88. I'm not jaded
89. I'm trusting, sometimes too easily
90. I have the notion that no one would do me harm, though that's probably not the case
91. I'm reliable, and was the go-to guy for classmates/coworkers
92. I was obssessed with Power Rangers
93. I wanted to be Ranma at one point (become a boy/girl when doused with water)
94. I can't draw
95. I sang a christmas song, When a Child Is Born, in front of the whole class (had to since we got graded for it) 96. I try to avoid hanging out in three's or with an odd number of people
97. I've never gone camping
98. I don't know how to swim
99. I can learn choreographies from music videos in a short period of time
100. I love karaoke
13 May 2006
Taking the bad with the good....
I heard from my cousin that my Grandpa on my mom's side has cancer. Of what? I did not know until tonight. I really didn't feel like talking, but my aunt called and left a message telling me to call my mama. The cell was right next to me when she rang, but since it was 'unknown' i decided to just let the voice mail pick up.
I was debating whether to call the Philippines, but I ended up doing so. But that was after trying to get through calling acellphone for about 30 minutes. Philippines has got to have one of the suckiest mobile services I've come across with, either it'll cut off or will say that the person you are trying to reach is out of the coverage area, so please try your call later. Well finally got through, after so much frustration I got close to just texting and telling them that I heard about what's going on, and sorry I couldn't speak with them since I can't get through. I was gonna say I just didn't have a phone card but that could be taken care of real easy.
It was my aunt that first picked up and the reception wasn't very clear so she handed the phone to my grandma who passed it on to my mom. It was my mom who told me to try calling the other number they have so that we can get a better reception. At first, I said just don't worry about it since I really didn't feel like knowing the 'details.' Not sure what changed my mind but went ahead and wrote down the new number, and called them right after. Cutting off my mom while she was telling me she loves me, and all the rest. Figured she will say it again anyways so what was the point of hearing it.
So dialled the new number that they gave me, though when it was a guy that picked up, I wasn't sure who it was for a second. It was my stepdad that picked up, the usual how you doin, fine thanks, here's your mom. Said the same thing to her, then after that I asked what exactly what was happening. I sorta have an idea of what it is, but elaborate please. She explained that yes, my grandpa has cancer indeed, and that it has spread through his lungs. I don't know if there's an English word for it, but she said that my grandpa has taning, limited time left. In his case, give or take six months the doctor told them. She wasn't crying or anything though, but then why would they be considering he's still alive. She mentioned how death is a part of life, so it's something to be accepted when it does happen. In a way, it would have been avoided in a sense since it was smoking that brought this upon my grandpa. He's been in some sort of medication when I left six years ago, yet he never actually quit smoking. Smoking, and taking medication at the same time so doubt that would have done him any good. My mom said my aunts are probably gonna fly home in a moment's notice if/when my grandpa dies. I have three aunts that are living abroad, one in Norway, one in Denmark and the other that lives down in Florida. My mom asked me if my cousin and I would do the same when the time comes, though I told her that I doubt I would be. It'll be a must for them since it's their parent, but not for me really since I'm only a grandson. My mom understood, though I have a feeling they'd still want us there when the time comes. I spoke to my grandma also, and she kinda joked about the situation, that they're just hanging around there waiting for him to pass away.
Ever since my cousin has told me about this last week, either it just hasn't sunk in or it's not getting to me as I thought it would if I learn of a family dying. It's my grandpa though, and there really isn't much I can say as far as a relationship between us. Me and my mom lived with him, so did my Aunt and her family (husband, three kids), my uncle and eventually his wife, and my adopted aunt and uncle. I really don't know much of my grandpa until I was about 6 or 7 yrs old when he finally retired from being a merchant marine and became a pensioner. All I can remember is that he drank a lot. He would get drunk and just start trouble around the house, yelling obscenities and calling people names and all. I really can't recall the exact period but it did happen a lot, that me and my mom would sometimes leave and just stay the night at the neighbor's or a relative's house. Sneak back to the house either when everyone's asleep or in the morning, just in time for me to get ready for school. Me being of a mixed race played a role too. Eventhough he never actually hurt me physically, just seeing what was happening or hearing the things said stays, even now that I've grown. I can say that I'm not angry anymore, yet I don't love him either. It's just that sense of respect I suppose since he's my grandfather after all..
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