Anywho, here's a shot of the sky today. It might have been sunny throughout but it's just nice to look at again. Wish everyone a good weekend. And here's a view of what I pass by daily, on my way to and fro work.
29 September 2006
Another day
Hmm, was off the past three days. Came in today, and just got informed I didn't have to work the weekend any longer but just show up Monday morning. It's my first weekend off in about five months nowand I've no clue what to do. Maybe I'll go out tonight, that is if I get this one girl to come out..Haven't seen her in ages, actually close to half a year. I'd leave her voicemail but she doesn't call back, yet leave comments on myspace. Gyaaaa, myspace is evil. But guess it's one of those necessary ones. Just about everyone I know uses it.
Anywho, here's a shot of the sky today. It might have been sunny throughout but it's just nice to look at again. Wish everyone a good weekend. And here's a view of what I pass by daily, on my way to and fro work.
Anywho, here's a shot of the sky today. It might have been sunny throughout but it's just nice to look at again. Wish everyone a good weekend. And here's a view of what I pass by daily, on my way to and fro work.
28 September 2006
Does anyone know?
I got an e-mail back from the manager I interviewed for about the Help Desk position last week. They've been a bit busy and haven't had a chance to speak with the actual organization I'm going to be working for. I feel good about this though at the same time, I'm second guessing myself as to whether this is something I'd want to do. Of course, with taking this position, I'm gonnabe relocating in the DC area and would have to remain in the east coast. At one point, I was really gung ho about this idea, since living in DC, I could just catch a train that'll take me to New York, a city that I've come to love.
This past week though, I've been catching up with some old friends and has kinda been reassessing as far as to where I would move. First was Ja- that I went to high school with when I was still in the Philippines. She's been living in Hawaii for a few years, and is happily married to a Navy guy. It was really nice to catch up with her again though it's only been months since I spoke to her. She's pregnant and will be giving birth to a baby girl in early 2007. We talked about different things, what's been going on in our lives, me with my pending separation from the mil. Somehow I ended up speaking with her husband since he had some computer problems he's trying to fix. We spoke for a little bit, and it came up that they're actually gonnabe relocating soon to San Diego, California. He's a bit worried, with the baby on the way, and the stress of moving, he's gonna have to head out to sea come January. I was quite shocked when he mentioned that we can all rent a house together and become housemates.
I'm quite flattered that he would offer something like that, considering we've never even met. It appears Ja- has told him about me through the years, and she even mentioned that he knows I'm a homo.... a homosapien that is. I got a bit nervous when she said this, but she said he really has no problem with it. I guess it's good that he would trust me completely to look after his family while he's away. That's one option I've kinda considered but hmm, would really have to give this some thought.
These past few weeks, I've also been talking to another friend C- about me moving to Washington. I knew him during my 3-year tour in Japan, though we became really, really good friends during my last year over there. I'll admit I kinda held back when I just started living there, since I tried not to get attached to people knowing that they're gonna have to leave sooner or later. He's a cool guy though. He actually took me out the first weekend I started work, and showed me around Tachikawa which is a city nearby Yokota AB. That was my first taste of gyudon (beef bowl) which I've come to love during my stay there.
C- just came back to after spending four years in Japan. We've joked about being roommates a few times, and I've been considering it more and more as I'm nearing my separation date. I got really close to even changing my pay statement and have it reflect WA as my home state. However, after reading up on the topic, it would not have done me any good yet since I would have to have been living there for a year before I can get considered for in-state tuition rates as far as going to school which he and I are planning to do. I also spoke just today with our other friend Jo- which just separated from the mil as well, and will be moving to Cali from Jersey where he was stationed this past 18 months. It was good speaking with him again, considering he doesn't like talking on the phone. I'm glad he picked up instead of letting it go to voicemail which he usually does. He's another one C- is considering rooming with though we'll have to see since he's gonna head out to Cali for a bit.
I was a bit surprised that I was pretty honest with him on the phone earlier. I told him how I missed the old crew, and how it's been a bit rough trying to make friends with our stateside assignments. Maybe I just haven't tried hard enough these past nine months I've been in Virginia, but I've barely made friends here. I've some people though it kinda fizzled after a little while. With one, the friendship appeared to have stopped right after we got to attend a PostSecret/Found event in Alexandria which was what brought us together in the first place. Guess that was the embodiment of when they say that people show up in your life for a reason, or when someone has served their purpose.
Getting back to Jo-, he said that he felt the same way as well. He's not definite yet as to whether he'll move up to Washington just yet, but he's considering it. It was actually his and C-'s idea about this whole living together things, and I just chuckle when they'd mention it to me and thinking Ha! Like I'd want to see you guys again after we get out of the military. Yet now, I definitely do and get excited over it. I mentioned to Jo- that I was actually just gonna go back to Florida and finish my school there. But he said no! Florida's too far. He said you'd have to be in the West Coast, or you can even move to Colorado. I said do i know anybody there? He said it doesn't matter, Colorado's close enough but not Florida. Heck, you could even move to Cali. He went on how I'd fit in no problem moving down to California since I dress well, and cares about how I look. He reiterated the fact that I'm into fashion, while he on the other hand, just puts on a t-shirt and pants and be all set.
Well, I was buying Men's Health and GQ magazine here and there when we were all in Yokota and somehow he got this thought that I'm sooo up to date with the latest fashion trends (really not true). I got embarrassed one time when he told some acquaintances that I'm all about fashion, and has all these magazines, and I pretty much smiled and told him to shut up. There's a reason to this though which I'll delve more into later on, but it was because of a guy that I fell for (dare I say one that broke my heart and didn't know it) But yea, I'm not really too concerned as far as looks go. I don't have a chiseled chest, a washboard abs even. It'll be nice for it to be flat, but it'll take a bit of work. That I have yet to figure out. I've been trying but it won't go away haha, guess I'll have to keep at it for a while before I see a change. I'm an instant gratification kinda person, and wants to see the effects immediately and not have to wait a few weeks for my abs to show, for instance.
As far as Florida goes, I'm still considering moving there. However, it wouldn't be to where my family lives. If I do move, it'll be in Orlando which is about six hours away at least Pensacola. There's really nothing for me in the area since I didn't have a life during the two years I stayed there. Well, I went to finish high school but that's about it. Really didn't make any friends since everybody's in their own little groups already. Oh and I was shy too. Orlando is another option of mine, though what will end up happening is that I'm gonna drive down there from here and more than likely, stay in a cheap ho... excuse me.. economical hotel while I try to find a place to live. I would e-mail some people before I arrived and would check them out one by one and go from there. I don't know anybody in the area, well except one guy (introduced to each other through a mutual net friend) I've been talking to since June after coming back from the Philippines. I've sometimes toyed about the idea of moving some place far away where nobody knew me, and just start over. No history for people to be judged, just that moment I plant roots in that city/town, and writing a new chapter in my life. I haven't had those feelings lately, but with that idea, it's mostly the family that would push me into it. They drive me nuts sometimes, as much as I love them. Though as we're nearing the completion of what I set out to do for them, I can finally take a seat back and start thinking more of me.
I'll be going to school full time if I do go back to Florida. As to what field, I do not know yet. Was considering just sticking with computers but it doesn't look like it's really what I'd want to get into too much. C- mentioned that he figured I'll get into the medical field, which I think I might have talked to him about. My mom told me how I used to go on and on about becoming a doctor when I was young since I felt bad for the kids that I saw at the hospital since some of the doctors tended to me first instead of the other kids. She said this was due to me speaking only English when I was a kid. I don't recall telling her that, but like she said, I don't remember a lot of things we talked about haha. Only way for me to find out though is by doing it so guess I'll see once I start taking some courses in the medical science. I'd probably minor in Psychology and major in I don't know yet. That's why I'm having second thoughts about just jumping into technical job after I get out. Going to school will be the time that I can figure out what I want, or get an idea of it at least since who really knows what they want?
When I think about it though, it mostly comes down to being able to do something good for others. I kinda get that right now with what I'm doing. It's mostly the reason why I've stuck with Helpdesk positions since it brings me that good feeling, being able to help out the customers any way I can. Of course, I get those days where I just wanna strangle the customer or just don't want to deal with another call. It's been good. I think I'd want to do something where I can deal with people on a more personal level. I don't get it too much with my present position, but has found a way to make it work. That's what happens sometimes though, we get put in circumstances where we have to make do with what we have. Just gotta find a way for that something to give you joy, no matter what it takes. I would say happiness but that's fleeting so joy it is, since one would want something that is long lasting.
It is difficult to be happy when everyone around you is sad. This is why we need joy. It can be quite challenging to remain happy when you face the unknown, unexpected, unplanned events of life. This is why we must develop a sense of inner joy. When the job disappears, the marriage goes sour, the children act up, the car breaks down, all in one day--a day when there is fifteen inches of snow on the ground, and your best friend is out of town--you will have to reach real far to find something to be happy about. If, on the other hand, all of this is going on and you have joy in your heart, you will remember the words of the spiritual, "It will be all over in the morning!" Even if the morning is days, weeks, months, or years in coming, joy can sustain you as long as it takes. When you get right down to it, happiness is a sense of feeling full in response to the circumstances and events of life. Joy is a state of being fulfilled simply because you are alive. - One day my soul just opened up, by Iyanla Vanzant
And so I wish you joy.
This past week though, I've been catching up with some old friends and has kinda been reassessing as far as to where I would move. First was Ja- that I went to high school with when I was still in the Philippines. She's been living in Hawaii for a few years, and is happily married to a Navy guy. It was really nice to catch up with her again though it's only been months since I spoke to her. She's pregnant and will be giving birth to a baby girl in early 2007. We talked about different things, what's been going on in our lives, me with my pending separation from the mil. Somehow I ended up speaking with her husband since he had some computer problems he's trying to fix. We spoke for a little bit, and it came up that they're actually gonnabe relocating soon to San Diego, California. He's a bit worried, with the baby on the way, and the stress of moving, he's gonna have to head out to sea come January. I was quite shocked when he mentioned that we can all rent a house together and become housemates.
I'm quite flattered that he would offer something like that, considering we've never even met. It appears Ja- has told him about me through the years, and she even mentioned that he knows I'm a homo.... a homosapien that is. I got a bit nervous when she said this, but she said he really has no problem with it. I guess it's good that he would trust me completely to look after his family while he's away. That's one option I've kinda considered but hmm, would really have to give this some thought.
These past few weeks, I've also been talking to another friend C- about me moving to Washington. I knew him during my 3-year tour in Japan, though we became really, really good friends during my last year over there. I'll admit I kinda held back when I just started living there, since I tried not to get attached to people knowing that they're gonna have to leave sooner or later. He's a cool guy though. He actually took me out the first weekend I started work, and showed me around Tachikawa which is a city nearby Yokota AB. That was my first taste of gyudon (beef bowl) which I've come to love during my stay there.
C- just came back to after spending four years in Japan. We've joked about being roommates a few times, and I've been considering it more and more as I'm nearing my separation date. I got really close to even changing my pay statement and have it reflect WA as my home state. However, after reading up on the topic, it would not have done me any good yet since I would have to have been living there for a year before I can get considered for in-state tuition rates as far as going to school which he and I are planning to do. I also spoke just today with our other friend Jo- which just separated from the mil as well, and will be moving to Cali from Jersey where he was stationed this past 18 months. It was good speaking with him again, considering he doesn't like talking on the phone. I'm glad he picked up instead of letting it go to voicemail which he usually does. He's another one C- is considering rooming with though we'll have to see since he's gonna head out to Cali for a bit.
I was a bit surprised that I was pretty honest with him on the phone earlier. I told him how I missed the old crew, and how it's been a bit rough trying to make friends with our stateside assignments. Maybe I just haven't tried hard enough these past nine months I've been in Virginia, but I've barely made friends here. I've some people though it kinda fizzled after a little while. With one, the friendship appeared to have stopped right after we got to attend a PostSecret/Found event in Alexandria which was what brought us together in the first place. Guess that was the embodiment of when they say that people show up in your life for a reason, or when someone has served their purpose.
Getting back to Jo-, he said that he felt the same way as well. He's not definite yet as to whether he'll move up to Washington just yet, but he's considering it. It was actually his and C-'s idea about this whole living together things, and I just chuckle when they'd mention it to me and thinking Ha! Like I'd want to see you guys again after we get out of the military. Yet now, I definitely do and get excited over it. I mentioned to Jo- that I was actually just gonna go back to Florida and finish my school there. But he said no! Florida's too far. He said you'd have to be in the West Coast, or you can even move to Colorado. I said do i know anybody there? He said it doesn't matter, Colorado's close enough but not Florida. Heck, you could even move to Cali. He went on how I'd fit in no problem moving down to California since I dress well, and cares about how I look. He reiterated the fact that I'm into fashion, while he on the other hand, just puts on a t-shirt and pants and be all set.
Well, I was buying Men's Health and GQ magazine here and there when we were all in Yokota and somehow he got this thought that I'm sooo up to date with the latest fashion trends (really not true). I got embarrassed one time when he told some acquaintances that I'm all about fashion, and has all these magazines, and I pretty much smiled and told him to shut up. There's a reason to this though which I'll delve more into later on, but it was because of a guy that I fell for (dare I say one that broke my heart and didn't know it) But yea, I'm not really too concerned as far as looks go. I don't have a chiseled chest, a washboard abs even. It'll be nice for it to be flat, but it'll take a bit of work. That I have yet to figure out. I've been trying but it won't go away haha, guess I'll have to keep at it for a while before I see a change. I'm an instant gratification kinda person, and wants to see the effects immediately and not have to wait a few weeks for my abs to show, for instance.
As far as Florida goes, I'm still considering moving there. However, it wouldn't be to where my family lives. If I do move, it'll be in Orlando which is about six hours away at least Pensacola. There's really nothing for me in the area since I didn't have a life during the two years I stayed there. Well, I went to finish high school but that's about it. Really didn't make any friends since everybody's in their own little groups already. Oh and I was shy too. Orlando is another option of mine, though what will end up happening is that I'm gonna drive down there from here and more than likely, stay in a cheap ho... excuse me.. economical hotel while I try to find a place to live. I would e-mail some people before I arrived and would check them out one by one and go from there. I don't know anybody in the area, well except one guy (introduced to each other through a mutual net friend) I've been talking to since June after coming back from the Philippines. I've sometimes toyed about the idea of moving some place far away where nobody knew me, and just start over. No history for people to be judged, just that moment I plant roots in that city/town, and writing a new chapter in my life. I haven't had those feelings lately, but with that idea, it's mostly the family that would push me into it. They drive me nuts sometimes, as much as I love them. Though as we're nearing the completion of what I set out to do for them, I can finally take a seat back and start thinking more of me.
I'll be going to school full time if I do go back to Florida. As to what field, I do not know yet. Was considering just sticking with computers but it doesn't look like it's really what I'd want to get into too much. C- mentioned that he figured I'll get into the medical field, which I think I might have talked to him about. My mom told me how I used to go on and on about becoming a doctor when I was young since I felt bad for the kids that I saw at the hospital since some of the doctors tended to me first instead of the other kids. She said this was due to me speaking only English when I was a kid. I don't recall telling her that, but like she said, I don't remember a lot of things we talked about haha. Only way for me to find out though is by doing it so guess I'll see once I start taking some courses in the medical science. I'd probably minor in Psychology and major in I don't know yet. That's why I'm having second thoughts about just jumping into technical job after I get out. Going to school will be the time that I can figure out what I want, or get an idea of it at least since who really knows what they want?
When I think about it though, it mostly comes down to being able to do something good for others. I kinda get that right now with what I'm doing. It's mostly the reason why I've stuck with Helpdesk positions since it brings me that good feeling, being able to help out the customers any way I can. Of course, I get those days where I just wanna strangle the customer or just don't want to deal with another call. It's been good. I think I'd want to do something where I can deal with people on a more personal level. I don't get it too much with my present position, but has found a way to make it work. That's what happens sometimes though, we get put in circumstances where we have to make do with what we have. Just gotta find a way for that something to give you joy, no matter what it takes. I would say happiness but that's fleeting so joy it is, since one would want something that is long lasting.
It is difficult to be happy when everyone around you is sad. This is why we need joy. It can be quite challenging to remain happy when you face the unknown, unexpected, unplanned events of life. This is why we must develop a sense of inner joy. When the job disappears, the marriage goes sour, the children act up, the car breaks down, all in one day--a day when there is fifteen inches of snow on the ground, and your best friend is out of town--you will have to reach real far to find something to be happy about. If, on the other hand, all of this is going on and you have joy in your heart, you will remember the words of the spiritual, "It will be all over in the morning!" Even if the morning is days, weeks, months, or years in coming, joy can sustain you as long as it takes. When you get right down to it, happiness is a sense of feeling full in response to the circumstances and events of life. Joy is a state of being fulfilled simply because you are alive. - One day my soul just opened up, by Iyanla Vanzant
And so I wish you joy.
In the morning....
I got an e-mail back from the manager I interviewed for about the Help Desk position last week. They've been a bit busy and haven't had a chance to speak with the actual organization I'm going to be working for. I feel good about this though at the same time, I'm second guessing myself as to whether this is something I'd want to do. Of course, with taking this position, I'm gonnabe relocating in the DC area and would have to remain in the east coast. At one point, I was really gung ho about this idea, since living in DC, I could just catch a train that'll take me to New York, a city that I've come to love.
This past week though, I've been catching up with some old friends and has kinda been reassessing as far as to where I would move. First was Ja- that I went to high school with when I was still in the Philippines. She's been living in Hawaii for a few years, and is happily married to a Navy guy. It was really nice to catch up with her again though it's only been months since I spoke to her. She's pregnant and will be giving birth to a baby girl in early 2007. We talked about different things, what's been going on in our lives, me with my pending separation from the mil. Somehow I ended up speaking with her husband since he had some computer problems he's trying to fix. We spoke for a little bit, and it came up that they're actually gonnabe relocating soon to San Diego, California. He's a bit worried, with the baby on the way, and the stress of moving, he's gonna have to head out to sea come January. I was quite shocked when he mentioned that we can all rent a house together and become housemates.
I'm quite flattered that he would offer something like that, considering we've never even met. It appears Ja- has told him about me through the years, and she even mentioned that he knows I'm a homo.... a homosapien that is. I got a bit nervous when she said this, but she said he really has no problem with it. I guess it's good that he would trust me completely to look after his family while he's away. That's one option I've kinda considered but hmm, would really have to give this some thought.
These past few weeks, I've also been talking to another friend C- about me moving to Washington. I knew him during my 3-year tour in Japan, though we became really, really good friends during my last year over there. I'll admit I kinda held back when I just started living there, since I tried not to get attached to people knowing that they're gonna have to leave sooner or later. He's a cool guy though. He actually took me out the first weekend I started work, and showed me around Tachikawa which is a city nearby Yokota AB. That was my first taste of gyudon (beef bowl) which I've come to love during my stay there.
C- just came back to after spending four years in Japan. We've joked about being roommates a few times, and I've been considering it more and more as I'm nearing my separation date. I got really close to even changing my pay statement and have it reflect WA as my home state. However, after reading up on the topic, it would not have done me any good yet since I would have to have been living there for a year before I can get considered for in-state tuition rates as far as going to school which he and I are planning to do. I also spoke just today with our other friend Jo- which just separated from the mil as well, and will be moving to Cali from Jersey where he was stationed this past 18 months. It was good speaking with him again, considering he doesn't like talking on the phone. I'm glad he picked up instead of letting it go to voicemail which he usually does. He's another one C- is considering rooming with though we'll have to see since he's gonna head out to Cali for a bit.
I was a bit surprised that I was pretty honest with him on the phone earlier. I told him how I missed the old crew, and how it's been a bit rough trying to make friends with our stateside assignments. Maybe I just haven't tried hard enough these past nine months I've been in Virginia, but I've barely made friends here. I've some people though it kinda fizzled after a little while. With one, the friendship appeared to have stopped right after we got to attend a PostSecret/Found event in Alexandria which was what brought us together in the first place. Guess that was the embodiment of when they say that people show up in your life for a reason, or when someone has served their purpose.
Getting back to Jo-, he said that he felt the same way as well. He's not definite yet as to whether he'll move up to Washington just yet, but he's considering it. It was actually his and C-'s idea about this whole living together things, and I just chuckle when they'd mention it to me and thinking Ha! Like I'd want to see you guys again after we get out of the military. Yet now, I definitely do and get excited over it. I mentioned to Jo- that I was actually just gonna go back to Florida and finish my school there. But he said no! Florida's too far. He said you'd have to be in the West Coast, or you can even move to Colorado. I said do i know anybody there? He said it doesn't matter, Colorado's close enough but not Florida. Heck, you could even move to Cali. He went on how I'd fit in no problem moving down to California since I dress well, and cares about how I look. He reiterated the fact that I'm into fashion, while he on the other hand, just puts on a t-shirt and pants and be all set.
Well, I was buying Men's Health and GQ magazine here and there when we were all in Yokota and somehow he got this thought that I'm sooo up to date with the latest fashion trends (really not true). I got embarrassed one time when he told some acquaintances that I'm all about fashion, and has all these magazines, and I pretty much smiled and told him to shut up. There's a reason to this though which I'll delve more into later on, but it was because of a guy that I fell for (dare I say one that broke my heart and didn't know it) But yea, I'm not really too concerned as far as looks go. I don't have a chiseled chest, a washboard abs even. It'll be nice for it to be flat, but it'll take a bit of work. That I have yet to figure out. I've been trying but it won't go away haha, guess I'll have to keep at it for a while before I see a change. I'm an instant gratification kinda person, and wants to see the effects immediately and not have to wait a few weeks for my abs to show, for instance.
As far as Florida goes, I'm still considering moving there. However, it wouldn't be to where my family lives. If I do move, it'll be in Orlando which is about six hours away at least Pensacola. There's really nothing for me in the area since I didn't have a life during the two years I stayed there. Well, I went to finish high school but that's about it. Really didn't make any friends since everybody's in their own little groups already. Oh and I was shy too. Orlando is another option of mine, though what will end up happening is that I'm gonna drive down there from here and more than likely, stay in a cheap ho... excuse me.. economical hotel while I try to find a place to live. I would e-mail some people before I arrived and would check them out one by one and go from there. I don't know anybody in the area, well except one guy (introduced to each other through a mutual net friend) I've been talking to since June after coming back from the Philippines. I've sometimes toyed about the idea of moving some place far away where nobody knew me, and just start over. No history for people to be judged, just that moment I plant roots in that city/town, and writing a new chapter in my life. I haven't had those feelings lately, but with that idea, it's mostly the family that would push me into it. They drive me nuts sometimes, as much as I love them. Though as we're nearing the completion of what I set out to do for them, I can finally take a seat back and start thinking more of me.
I'll be going to school full time if I do go back to Florida. As to what field, I do not know yet. Was considering just sticking with computers but it doesn't look like it's really what I'd want to get into too much. C- mentioned that he figured I'll get into the medical field, which I think I might have talked to him about. My mom told me how I used to go on and on about becoming a doctor when I was young since I felt bad for the kids that I saw at the hospital since some of the doctors tended to me first instead of the other kids. She said this was due to me speaking only English when I was a kid. I don't recall telling her that, but like she said, I don't remember a lot of things we talked about haha. Only way for me to find out though is by doing it so guess I'll see once I start taking some courses in the medical science. I'd probably minor in Psychology and major in I don't know yet. That's why I'm having second thoughts about just jumping into technical job after I get out. Going to school will be the time that I can figure out what I want, or get an idea of it at least since who really knows what they want?
When I think about it though, it mostly comes down to being able to do something good for others. I kinda get that right now with what I'm doing. It's mostly the reason why I've stuck with Helpdesk positions since it brings me that good feeling, being able to help out the customers any way I can. Of course, I get those days where I just wanna strangle the customer or just don't want to deal with another call. It's been good. I think I'd want to do something where I can deal with people on a more personal level. I don't get it too much with my present position, but has found a way to make it work. That's what happens sometimes though, we get put in circumstances where we have to make do with what we have. Just gotta find a way for that something to give you joy, no matter what it takes. I would say happiness but that's fleeting so joy it is, since one would want something that is long lasting.
It is difficult to be happy when everyone around you is sad. This is why we need joy. It can be quite challenging to remain happy when you face the unknown, unexpected, unplanned events of life. This is why we must develop a sense of inner joy. When the job disappears, the marriage goes sour, the children act up, the car breaks down, all in one day--a day when there is fifteen inches of snow on the ground, and your best friend is out of town--you will have to reach real far to find something to be happy about. If, on the other hand, all of this is going on and you have joy in your heart, you will remember the words of the spiritual, "It will be all over in the morning!" Even if the morning is days, weeks, months, or years in coming, joy can sustain you as long as it takes. When you get right down to it, happiness is a sense of feeling full in response to the circumstances and events of life. Joy is a state of being fulfilled simply because you are alive. - One day my soul just opened up, by Iyanla Vanzant
And so I wish you joy!
This past week though, I've been catching up with some old friends and has kinda been reassessing as far as to where I would move. First was Ja- that I went to high school with when I was still in the Philippines. She's been living in Hawaii for a few years, and is happily married to a Navy guy. It was really nice to catch up with her again though it's only been months since I spoke to her. She's pregnant and will be giving birth to a baby girl in early 2007. We talked about different things, what's been going on in our lives, me with my pending separation from the mil. Somehow I ended up speaking with her husband since he had some computer problems he's trying to fix. We spoke for a little bit, and it came up that they're actually gonnabe relocating soon to San Diego, California. He's a bit worried, with the baby on the way, and the stress of moving, he's gonna have to head out to sea come January. I was quite shocked when he mentioned that we can all rent a house together and become housemates.
I'm quite flattered that he would offer something like that, considering we've never even met. It appears Ja- has told him about me through the years, and she even mentioned that he knows I'm a homo.... a homosapien that is. I got a bit nervous when she said this, but she said he really has no problem with it. I guess it's good that he would trust me completely to look after his family while he's away. That's one option I've kinda considered but hmm, would really have to give this some thought.
These past few weeks, I've also been talking to another friend C- about me moving to Washington. I knew him during my 3-year tour in Japan, though we became really, really good friends during my last year over there. I'll admit I kinda held back when I just started living there, since I tried not to get attached to people knowing that they're gonna have to leave sooner or later. He's a cool guy though. He actually took me out the first weekend I started work, and showed me around Tachikawa which is a city nearby Yokota AB. That was my first taste of gyudon (beef bowl) which I've come to love during my stay there.
C- just came back to after spending four years in Japan. We've joked about being roommates a few times, and I've been considering it more and more as I'm nearing my separation date. I got really close to even changing my pay statement and have it reflect WA as my home state. However, after reading up on the topic, it would not have done me any good yet since I would have to have been living there for a year before I can get considered for in-state tuition rates as far as going to school which he and I are planning to do. I also spoke just today with our other friend Jo- which just separated from the mil as well, and will be moving to Cali from Jersey where he was stationed this past 18 months. It was good speaking with him again, considering he doesn't like talking on the phone. I'm glad he picked up instead of letting it go to voicemail which he usually does. He's another one C- is considering rooming with though we'll have to see since he's gonna head out to Cali for a bit.
I was a bit surprised that I was pretty honest with him on the phone earlier. I told him how I missed the old crew, and how it's been a bit rough trying to make friends with our stateside assignments. Maybe I just haven't tried hard enough these past nine months I've been in Virginia, but I've barely made friends here. I've some people though it kinda fizzled after a little while. With one, the friendship appeared to have stopped right after we got to attend a PostSecret/Found event in Alexandria which was what brought us together in the first place. Guess that was the embodiment of when they say that people show up in your life for a reason, or when someone has served their purpose.
Getting back to Jo-, he said that he felt the same way as well. He's not definite yet as to whether he'll move up to Washington just yet, but he's considering it. It was actually his and C-'s idea about this whole living together things, and I just chuckle when they'd mention it to me and thinking Ha! Like I'd want to see you guys again after we get out of the military. Yet now, I definitely do and get excited over it. I mentioned to Jo- that I was actually just gonna go back to Florida and finish my school there. But he said no! Florida's too far. He said you'd have to be in the West Coast, or you can even move to Colorado. I said do i know anybody there? He said it doesn't matter, Colorado's close enough but not Florida. Heck, you could even move to Cali. He went on how I'd fit in no problem moving down to California since I dress well, and cares about how I look. He reiterated the fact that I'm into fashion, while he on the other hand, just puts on a t-shirt and pants and be all set.
Well, I was buying Men's Health and GQ magazine here and there when we were all in Yokota and somehow he got this thought that I'm sooo up to date with the latest fashion trends (really not true). I got embarrassed one time when he told some acquaintances that I'm all about fashion, and has all these magazines, and I pretty much smiled and told him to shut up. There's a reason to this though which I'll delve more into later on, but it was because of a guy that I fell for (dare I say one that broke my heart and didn't know it) But yea, I'm not really too concerned as far as looks go. I don't have a chiseled chest, a washboard abs even. It'll be nice for it to be flat, but it'll take a bit of work. That I have yet to figure out. I've been trying but it won't go away haha, guess I'll have to keep at it for a while before I see a change. I'm an instant gratification kinda person, and wants to see the effects immediately and not have to wait a few weeks for my abs to show, for instance.
As far as Florida goes, I'm still considering moving there. However, it wouldn't be to where my family lives. If I do move, it'll be in Orlando which is about six hours away at least Pensacola. There's really nothing for me in the area since I didn't have a life during the two years I stayed there. Well, I went to finish high school but that's about it. Really didn't make any friends since everybody's in their own little groups already. Oh and I was shy too. Orlando is another option of mine, though what will end up happening is that I'm gonna drive down there from here and more than likely, stay in a cheap ho... excuse me.. economical hotel while I try to find a place to live. I would e-mail some people before I arrived and would check them out one by one and go from there. I don't know anybody in the area, well except one guy (introduced to each other through a mutual net friend) I've been talking to since June after coming back from the Philippines. I've sometimes toyed about the idea of moving some place far away where nobody knew me, and just start over. No history for people to be judged, just that moment I plant roots in that city/town, and writing a new chapter in my life. I haven't had those feelings lately, but with that idea, it's mostly the family that would push me into it. They drive me nuts sometimes, as much as I love them. Though as we're nearing the completion of what I set out to do for them, I can finally take a seat back and start thinking more of me.
I'll be going to school full time if I do go back to Florida. As to what field, I do not know yet. Was considering just sticking with computers but it doesn't look like it's really what I'd want to get into too much. C- mentioned that he figured I'll get into the medical field, which I think I might have talked to him about. My mom told me how I used to go on and on about becoming a doctor when I was young since I felt bad for the kids that I saw at the hospital since some of the doctors tended to me first instead of the other kids. She said this was due to me speaking only English when I was a kid. I don't recall telling her that, but like she said, I don't remember a lot of things we talked about haha. Only way for me to find out though is by doing it so guess I'll see once I start taking some courses in the medical science. I'd probably minor in Psychology and major in I don't know yet. That's why I'm having second thoughts about just jumping into technical job after I get out. Going to school will be the time that I can figure out what I want, or get an idea of it at least since who really knows what they want?
When I think about it though, it mostly comes down to being able to do something good for others. I kinda get that right now with what I'm doing. It's mostly the reason why I've stuck with Helpdesk positions since it brings me that good feeling, being able to help out the customers any way I can. Of course, I get those days where I just wanna strangle the customer or just don't want to deal with another call. It's been good. I think I'd want to do something where I can deal with people on a more personal level. I don't get it too much with my present position, but has found a way to make it work. That's what happens sometimes though, we get put in circumstances where we have to make do with what we have. Just gotta find a way for that something to give you joy, no matter what it takes. I would say happiness but that's fleeting so joy it is, since one would want something that is long lasting.
It is difficult to be happy when everyone around you is sad. This is why we need joy. It can be quite challenging to remain happy when you face the unknown, unexpected, unplanned events of life. This is why we must develop a sense of inner joy. When the job disappears, the marriage goes sour, the children act up, the car breaks down, all in one day--a day when there is fifteen inches of snow on the ground, and your best friend is out of town--you will have to reach real far to find something to be happy about. If, on the other hand, all of this is going on and you have joy in your heart, you will remember the words of the spiritual, "It will be all over in the morning!" Even if the morning is days, weeks, months, or years in coming, joy can sustain you as long as it takes. When you get right down to it, happiness is a sense of feeling full in response to the circumstances and events of life. Joy is a state of being fulfilled simply because you are alive. - One day my soul just opened up, by Iyanla Vanzant
And so I wish you joy!
24 September 2006
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game
An hour and a half out before I go home, and good thing I've finally calmed down since earlier. I got a little upset since I saw on the schedule that they have me working on Tuesday which is my usual day off. I took Friday off (used my 'free' day I earned on my birthday) since I had to go to the DC area to do a face to face interview with this one company. Well, somehow they felt the need to have me working an extra day to make it up so don't even see the point of using my comp day. Oh well, I really didn't even need Friday off but it was still nice to not do anything.
The past few weeks have been relatively quiet. At the beginning of the month, I was pretty much cooped in and just watched Seinfeld most of the time. Not that there's anything wrong with that!! However, during that time, I barely made any contacts to the outside world which worried my family a little bit. My cousin kept sending me text messages saying hi stranger, love you cousin and I don't remember responding back to any of them. It just seemed silly hearing those from her since I'm usually the one who gets sentimental, randomly calling people up and letting them know I think about them, etc etc. I just didn't have the energy. It's not that I was depressed or anything, but I just needed the time to unplug from everything I suppose. I can't be depressed and laughing to hysterics watching the Seinfeld episodes. I knocked out six seasons in a month, not bad not bad. I have so much catching up to do, well considering the series is over already, I would say I am pretty late. But I just find it really funny that it was enough to make me happy.
I pretty much was corresponding with a few people about job opportunities that they might have for me. After attending the Transition Assistance Program (TAP) seminar last month, I kinda kicked it a gear as far as job hunting go. It was actually a week long seminar that people who are separating or retiring are adviced to take. It teaches us different things: how to write resumes, job search resources, dressing up for an interview and preparing for it, negotiating and other things. We got to wear casual business attire for a whole week which kinda got me excited about being a civilian. Though I know it'll be a bitch just picking out what to wear, it was nice to dress up. And I'd have to say, as vain as this might sound, I liked what I see when I looked in the mirror. I was in this seminar the week prior to the family reunion, and was actually supposed to be off since my dad and my (step) mom came by. I don't think I wrote about their visit though it was just for a day. It was nice having them that I ended up staying up 'til about 3 am just talking to them, eventhogh I had to get up at 0600 the next day. I do love them, in spite of the things that went on. I tried to be apathetic about family but I suck at it.
So that's that, as far as the beginning of the month. Oh yea, the first two weeks also, I had two four days off because of labor day. So I worked 4 days, off for 3, work 2 days (12-hrs), then was off for 4 days. It was nice. Did I go anywhere? Most definitely not. I considered but decided against it. I really didn't feel like driving to go on a little road trip. Wasn't even sure where to go or what places to see so I stayed home mostly. I even posted on craigslist to try and meet up with some folks down at this city which is an hour away from where I lived. Some things came up that I needed to take care of so ended up not going. As to what they were, I can't remember now that I think about it. Just got lazy more than likely.
Though around the 10th, I got on g.com and talked to a few guys. I agreed to meet with one of them, K- the next day, without even seeing his picture. Though after I saw it on yahoo, I had second thoughts about catching a movie but that would have been mean. We got along fine on the phone and thought I really shouldn't let appearances get in the way of making new acquaintances. So off I went to meet him the next day. We met up around 4, and ended up just hanging out at his place. K- is an alright guy and he was funny. We mostly hang around the house and had dinner while watching the movie, The Door in the Floor. He made chicken parmesan since I really didn't know where to go for dinner, so told him I'll eat whatever. I thought the movie was good though I'm gonna have to watch it some other time and give it my full attention. K- kept playing footsie and I had to keep adjusting my legs to block him. I might have even told him 'Quit, I'm still watching the movie' He said some things throughout the time that I do not know whether to take as naivety or what. He was asking some really silly questions, that he should probably know considering he has Filipino friends like he mentioned. He was asking whether they had jeans in the Philippines, or fastfoods, or even a mall. I just smiled and answered his questions though it felt like he was overdoing it as far as being 'curious' about things. He even told me about this one observation how the back of my head is flat, just like every Filipino he knows. He asked if I've noticed it before and I told him that No, I've never made it a point of staring at the back of people's heads. Wow, I don't know how to take it now that I think about it. The whole time we were hanging out, he complimented me over and over. I guess that was nice, but I get irritated after a while and try to make him stop. He said Oh my god, you're just like my Filipino friend. He does that too!! He even runs and hides when I compliment him. So finished watching a movie, and not 20 mins later I told him that I'm gonna have to get going. During the time I was there, he tried to kiss me a few times but I kept it ducking. He asked don't I kiss and I told him that I don't which really wasn't true. He went on So you're one of the guys who waits a few dates to even kiss? Yep, I'm one of those. That was a bold faced lie since I LOVE kissing. I just didn't wanna kiss him period. He also asked me what I thought about how he looked. Of course, I didn't answer that either. It's not that he was ugly, but still. Heck, I would never ask somebody that in my lifetime. Hey ya think I'm good looking?? Yeah rrrright..
[Maybe it's insecurity on my end, but it feels a bit awkward hearing compliments over and over when I'm with someone in person. A guy I previously met did the same, and I got worried at one point since I misheard him call me abnormal, but actually said adorable. Oh, I oughta to write about this separately. I've met up with a bunch of guys but yet, only once did I see one of them on a separate occassion and that was just to retrieve my skull cap and gloves 15 months later. Will explain more later.]
Just went back home and forgot to turn my ringer on so missed it when my dad called. Was wondering what he was calling for, but then saw that he left a voicemail. It was the Monday football play offs.
Hey just thought about you man, decided to call you see what's going on. Nothing major, just calling to holla at you. You've been on my mind for the last two hours.... Okay man, talk to you later. Bye.
And that was it. Know what I did? I sat down and cried, replaying the message again and again. That was the first time he left that kind of message and I was glad I missed that call. It was a big deal to actually hear him say outloud that he thinks of me. Usually, we 'assume' that our loved ones know that we love them and think about them? Sometimes though, it makes a huge difference actually hearing those words. As some of you know, I grew up with him not being around, and always questioned his love for me. He was never there to back that claim up, but it still felt good listening hearing him say it. Oh dear, I'm trying to keep this upbeat but I'm getting teary just thinking about it.
Anyways, I called him back eventually, well two days later and nonchalantly said that I'm sorry (but I'm not) that I missed his call. Then he said how it was nothing, he mentioned how he often thinks about me but never follows through as to even make a phone call, but that evening he just felt the need to call. We spoke for a little bit, him joking that he was wondering how his baby was. I was grinning ear to ear during the conversation. He actually has a back injury and it's been a while since he felt well enough to do the things that he used to do. Exercising, lifting weights, doing things around the house. He mentioned this and it saddened me a little, seeing that he's become a bit vulnerable because of it. I told him that he'll be okay, and will get better eventually.
The 13th ended up spending the night at somebody's house. Had to get back to the house since I had a phone interview at noon.
Come 12 pm, I did a phone interview with a company for this Desktop Support Engineer in the DC area. A recruiter contacted me late August and it took me a week to respond back, the 5th of Sept. We spoke on the phone later on that week, and the company he submitted my information contacted me that Friday. I missed the call and listened to their voicemail telling me to call them back to set up a phone interview. I got too excited and instead of pressing 9 to save it, pressed 7 instead which deleted it, and that was with me not even having written the number down. I just contacted the recruiter that Monday and told him what happened. He was really nice about it though that really didn't help with me feeling like an idiot over what happened. I did alright on the phone interview, I stumbled with some of the questions but I did okay for a first timer, I think. Though midway through, I lost signal and the interview got cut off. That's not good. They had to call me back to continue. The interview lasted about 25 mins and they told me they'll give me a call back after they've made a decision for another phone interview, this time with the IT director. It's been close to two weeks and I haven't heard back but it's alright. I didn't get to send a thank you note either since I didn't catch the names of the three people that interviewed me.
18th - I got into a conversation with a fellow blogger who enlightened me on some things. So trying to make amends, I texted one of the guys I met and asked him if he'd want to hang out. I met him back in August a few days before the mom incident which kinda caused me to pull away from the world. I told him that I would call that Friday but after that e-mail from my mom, I didn't even have the energy to stay jovial in a conversation. I know I told him that I would call, and I really considered it since I said that I'd call, but doing that, I would not have honored what I was feeling so I put me first. And anyways, he could have just called if he wanted to. He texted the next saturday how i neva called. We texted a few more times but he said this one thing and I stopped responding. Few days later, he texted Haven't heard from you in a while, guess you didn't like me. I get irritated when guys get insecure like that (this coming from an insecure king), so just deleted his message, and never contacted again until tonight, thanks to Kai.
The past few weeks have been relatively quiet. At the beginning of the month, I was pretty much cooped in and just watched Seinfeld most of the time. Not that there's anything wrong with that!! However, during that time, I barely made any contacts to the outside world which worried my family a little bit. My cousin kept sending me text messages saying hi stranger, love you cousin and I don't remember responding back to any of them. It just seemed silly hearing those from her since I'm usually the one who gets sentimental, randomly calling people up and letting them know I think about them, etc etc. I just didn't have the energy. It's not that I was depressed or anything, but I just needed the time to unplug from everything I suppose. I can't be depressed and laughing to hysterics watching the Seinfeld episodes. I knocked out six seasons in a month, not bad not bad. I have so much catching up to do, well considering the series is over already, I would say I am pretty late. But I just find it really funny that it was enough to make me happy.
I pretty much was corresponding with a few people about job opportunities that they might have for me. After attending the Transition Assistance Program (TAP) seminar last month, I kinda kicked it a gear as far as job hunting go. It was actually a week long seminar that people who are separating or retiring are adviced to take. It teaches us different things: how to write resumes, job search resources, dressing up for an interview and preparing for it, negotiating and other things. We got to wear casual business attire for a whole week which kinda got me excited about being a civilian. Though I know it'll be a bitch just picking out what to wear, it was nice to dress up. And I'd have to say, as vain as this might sound, I liked what I see when I looked in the mirror. I was in this seminar the week prior to the family reunion, and was actually supposed to be off since my dad and my (step) mom came by. I don't think I wrote about their visit though it was just for a day. It was nice having them that I ended up staying up 'til about 3 am just talking to them, eventhogh I had to get up at 0600 the next day. I do love them, in spite of the things that went on. I tried to be apathetic about family but I suck at it.
So that's that, as far as the beginning of the month. Oh yea, the first two weeks also, I had two four days off because of labor day. So I worked 4 days, off for 3, work 2 days (12-hrs), then was off for 4 days. It was nice. Did I go anywhere? Most definitely not. I considered but decided against it. I really didn't feel like driving to go on a little road trip. Wasn't even sure where to go or what places to see so I stayed home mostly. I even posted on craigslist to try and meet up with some folks down at this city which is an hour away from where I lived. Some things came up that I needed to take care of so ended up not going. As to what they were, I can't remember now that I think about it. Just got lazy more than likely.
Though around the 10th, I got on g.com and talked to a few guys. I agreed to meet with one of them, K- the next day, without even seeing his picture. Though after I saw it on yahoo, I had second thoughts about catching a movie but that would have been mean. We got along fine on the phone and thought I really shouldn't let appearances get in the way of making new acquaintances. So off I went to meet him the next day. We met up around 4, and ended up just hanging out at his place. K- is an alright guy and he was funny. We mostly hang around the house and had dinner while watching the movie, The Door in the Floor. He made chicken parmesan since I really didn't know where to go for dinner, so told him I'll eat whatever. I thought the movie was good though I'm gonna have to watch it some other time and give it my full attention. K- kept playing footsie and I had to keep adjusting my legs to block him. I might have even told him 'Quit, I'm still watching the movie' He said some things throughout the time that I do not know whether to take as naivety or what. He was asking some really silly questions, that he should probably know considering he has Filipino friends like he mentioned. He was asking whether they had jeans in the Philippines, or fastfoods, or even a mall. I just smiled and answered his questions though it felt like he was overdoing it as far as being 'curious' about things. He even told me about this one observation how the back of my head is flat, just like every Filipino he knows. He asked if I've noticed it before and I told him that No, I've never made it a point of staring at the back of people's heads. Wow, I don't know how to take it now that I think about it. The whole time we were hanging out, he complimented me over and over. I guess that was nice, but I get irritated after a while and try to make him stop. He said Oh my god, you're just like my Filipino friend. He does that too!! He even runs and hides when I compliment him. So finished watching a movie, and not 20 mins later I told him that I'm gonna have to get going. During the time I was there, he tried to kiss me a few times but I kept it ducking. He asked don't I kiss and I told him that I don't which really wasn't true. He went on So you're one of the guys who waits a few dates to even kiss? Yep, I'm one of those. That was a bold faced lie since I LOVE kissing. I just didn't wanna kiss him period. He also asked me what I thought about how he looked. Of course, I didn't answer that either. It's not that he was ugly, but still. Heck, I would never ask somebody that in my lifetime. Hey ya think I'm good looking?? Yeah rrrright..
[Maybe it's insecurity on my end, but it feels a bit awkward hearing compliments over and over when I'm with someone in person. A guy I previously met did the same, and I got worried at one point since I misheard him call me abnormal, but actually said adorable. Oh, I oughta to write about this separately. I've met up with a bunch of guys but yet, only once did I see one of them on a separate occassion and that was just to retrieve my skull cap and gloves 15 months later. Will explain more later.]
Just went back home and forgot to turn my ringer on so missed it when my dad called. Was wondering what he was calling for, but then saw that he left a voicemail. It was the Monday football play offs.
Hey just thought about you man, decided to call you see what's going on. Nothing major, just calling to holla at you. You've been on my mind for the last two hours.... Okay man, talk to you later. Bye.
And that was it. Know what I did? I sat down and cried, replaying the message again and again. That was the first time he left that kind of message and I was glad I missed that call. It was a big deal to actually hear him say outloud that he thinks of me. Usually, we 'assume' that our loved ones know that we love them and think about them? Sometimes though, it makes a huge difference actually hearing those words. As some of you know, I grew up with him not being around, and always questioned his love for me. He was never there to back that claim up, but it still felt good listening hearing him say it. Oh dear, I'm trying to keep this upbeat but I'm getting teary just thinking about it.
Anyways, I called him back eventually, well two days later and nonchalantly said that I'm sorry (but I'm not) that I missed his call. Then he said how it was nothing, he mentioned how he often thinks about me but never follows through as to even make a phone call, but that evening he just felt the need to call. We spoke for a little bit, him joking that he was wondering how his baby was. I was grinning ear to ear during the conversation. He actually has a back injury and it's been a while since he felt well enough to do the things that he used to do. Exercising, lifting weights, doing things around the house. He mentioned this and it saddened me a little, seeing that he's become a bit vulnerable because of it. I told him that he'll be okay, and will get better eventually.
The 13th ended up spending the night at somebody's house. Had to get back to the house since I had a phone interview at noon.
Come 12 pm, I did a phone interview with a company for this Desktop Support Engineer in the DC area. A recruiter contacted me late August and it took me a week to respond back, the 5th of Sept. We spoke on the phone later on that week, and the company he submitted my information contacted me that Friday. I missed the call and listened to their voicemail telling me to call them back to set up a phone interview. I got too excited and instead of pressing 9 to save it, pressed 7 instead which deleted it, and that was with me not even having written the number down. I just contacted the recruiter that Monday and told him what happened. He was really nice about it though that really didn't help with me feeling like an idiot over what happened. I did alright on the phone interview, I stumbled with some of the questions but I did okay for a first timer, I think. Though midway through, I lost signal and the interview got cut off. That's not good. They had to call me back to continue. The interview lasted about 25 mins and they told me they'll give me a call back after they've made a decision for another phone interview, this time with the IT director. It's been close to two weeks and I haven't heard back but it's alright. I didn't get to send a thank you note either since I didn't catch the names of the three people that interviewed me.
18th - I got into a conversation with a fellow blogger who enlightened me on some things. So trying to make amends, I texted one of the guys I met and asked him if he'd want to hang out. I met him back in August a few days before the mom incident which kinda caused me to pull away from the world. I told him that I would call that Friday but after that e-mail from my mom, I didn't even have the energy to stay jovial in a conversation. I know I told him that I would call, and I really considered it since I said that I'd call, but doing that, I would not have honored what I was feeling so I put me first. And anyways, he could have just called if he wanted to. He texted the next saturday how i neva called. We texted a few more times but he said this one thing and I stopped responding. Few days later, he texted Haven't heard from you in a while, guess you didn't like me. I get irritated when guys get insecure like that (this coming from an insecure king), so just deleted his message, and never contacted again until tonight, thanks to Kai.
21 September 2006
He got it from his mama... mama's side of the family
I felt like a grown man walking around in a suit. I went for a job interview after a 3-hr drive to the DC area and managing not to get lost. Yay me. I brought a change of clothes and got suited up about an hour before the interview. It turned out pretty well, though I slipped a little come salary requirement time. I told him a figure instead of saying I'm open for negotiations. Yeouch.. I'm now glad I went since I sure as heck wasn't on my the drive up. It was a good experience and to get a better feel of what to expect since it was the first interview I've ever gone to. Thanks to my friend for believing, know that your message was a boost in my confidence. At least, I didn't go in and took my top off if I would have gone in with a low self-esteem (Arrested Development ref)
As far as hairlines go, guys are supposed to get theirs from the mother's side of the family from what I've read. Mine sure has receeded, looking at some pictures 4 years ago. It's funny how some people bring it up, as if we're not aware of it already happening. Just trying to grow my hair out and this in between period kind sucks. These are pics I took on our first day of 'freedom' from basic training (bootcamp). We got to go to a store and walk around the base ON OUR OWN! I'll write about that one day to give a feel as to what it was like. I can now look back and smile but that was the longest six weeks I ever had.
I have a notebook worth of quotations I've started writing down when I was 16. Thought I'd share:
Happiness comes to those who give love freely and who don't demand that others love them first. Be generous like the sun's rays, which shine witout asking first whether people deserve their warmth.
19 September 2006
Got a callback
Wow, I got a callback for a company I phone interviewed with last week. The recruiter who contacted me for this position called and said that the company would want to do another interview, this time in person. It's in the DC area which is about three hours away from where I live at the moment. Will write more later.
Hope everyone's having a Great Tuesday \(^_^)/
Errr.. it's 3 am as I'm adding this and would have to sleep soon. Hmm will elaborate later, but a last minute face interview I got scheduled for..THIS THURSDAY!!! Ended up cancelling on a date? so I can pick put a suit. I've bought shirts and slacks before but didn't get around to buying a suit until today. It'll be a three-hour drive for a 30-min interview, and not sure yet if I'll have to make my way right back home for work come Friday. Will call my office and see if I can use a freebie. Hmm, ended up hanging out with a different guy come evening.. Barnes and Noble.. Phone call from a fellow blogger (that was unexpected! Really glad you did!)
Hope everyone's having a Great Tuesday \(^_^)/
Errr.. it's 3 am as I'm adding this and would have to sleep soon. Hmm will elaborate later, but a last minute face interview I got scheduled for..THIS THURSDAY!!! Ended up cancelling on a date? so I can pick put a suit. I've bought shirts and slacks before but didn't get around to buying a suit until today. It'll be a three-hour drive for a 30-min interview, and not sure yet if I'll have to make my way right back home for work come Friday. Will call my office and see if I can use a freebie. Hmm, ended up hanging out with a different guy come evening.. Barnes and Noble.. Phone call from a fellow blogger (that was unexpected! Really glad you did!)
17 September 2006
Getting around to it
JaG (a blogger I hang out with back in July) tagged me a month ago and I'm just getting around to it. Sorry!
I have to write a post with 8 facts/things/habits about myself and say who tagged me. In the end, you will need to choose the 6 people to tag and list their names. I'm not going to (^_^) I don't know that much bloggers any longer.
She wants me to list EIGHT things she doesn't already know about me, which I thought was pretty easy. Lemme see....
1. I pooped in my pants when I was in the first grade. Ms Lorena, my teacher wouldn't let me go to the bathroom after my pleading and begging. We were grading our tests that morning which was apparently more important than letting a student use the bathroom. I was only able to hold it so long hehe
2. For a field trip, we went to a children's game show and I was part of the winning team. It ended up being a different kid that got my prize since I didn't know where to go to claim it
3. I know the choreography to the performance below by heart. It was my anthem for quite a while when I lived in the dormitories back in '04. My suitemate (guy I shared the bathroom with) ended up liking the song he asked me what the name of it was so he can get it
4. There was a time I was wishing for a brown baby powder so this won't happen
5. I was a purikura whore when I lived in Japan. It's a type of photo booth but you can do soooo much more on your picture, like this one
6. My friend's plant almost died when he had me take care of it
7. I blacked out the first time I drank rum and coke. I was 20 (legal age since I was at an overseas base)
8. I've written a more extensive list once
I have to write a post with 8 facts/things/habits about myself and say who tagged me. In the end, you will need to choose the 6 people to tag and list their names. I'm not going to (^_^) I don't know that much bloggers any longer.
She wants me to list EIGHT things she doesn't already know about me, which I thought was pretty easy. Lemme see....
1. I pooped in my pants when I was in the first grade. Ms Lorena, my teacher wouldn't let me go to the bathroom after my pleading and begging. We were grading our tests that morning which was apparently more important than letting a student use the bathroom. I was only able to hold it so long hehe
2. For a field trip, we went to a children's game show and I was part of the winning team. It ended up being a different kid that got my prize since I didn't know where to go to claim it
3. I know the choreography to the performance below by heart. It was my anthem for quite a while when I lived in the dormitories back in '04. My suitemate (guy I shared the bathroom with) ended up liking the song he asked me what the name of it was so he can get it
4. There was a time I was wishing for a brown baby powder so this won't happen
5. I was a purikura whore when I lived in Japan. It's a type of photo booth but you can do soooo much more on your picture, like this one
6. My friend's plant almost died when he had me take care of it
7. I blacked out the first time I drank rum and coke. I was 20 (legal age since I was at an overseas base)
8. I've written a more extensive list once
10 September 2006
It's Only Vid...Yoyoy
JaG tagged me with a meme I have yet to do, here's one of the things she doesn't know about me. It's something I do when I get bored.. This one's a Filipino song called Butsekik by Yoyoy Villame, however it's just made up words through out.
This one's a song by The Magnetic Fields' It's Only Time. One of my friend's favorite song :):(
This one's a song by The Magnetic Fields' It's Only Time. One of my friend's favorite song :):(
07 September 2006
To the world you might be one person...
It's 2 am and I still haven't gone to bed. I was feeling sleepy but it sorta went away once I started getting ready for bed. There's just been so much going on inside me that I just have to let it out. I just feel a bit sad and kinda wish someone's here to hug me and tell me that it's going to be alright. I didn't think I'd ever write these thoughts down, and yet here I am. I was thinking how embarassing it'll be for others to kinda peek into my mind, but then that was why I started this blog, something that I could put them down in and help me kinda figure out where I stand at this point in my life. I sometimes wish I was still anonymous nowadays, but at the same time, if I was, I would have wanted to be acknowledged even by a single person out in the world.
I've just kinda been thinking how everything's going to be in a couple of months. Thing is I'm three months out of separating from the military, and a bit nervous how it'll turn out. I guess I can't not say that I'm not worried about it, because if I was, it wouldn't have kept me up at this wee hour. I think it might have been hanging out with my friend that kinda threw me off a little. He made a comment as to how it looked like I was so calm about all the changes that will be happening come the end of this year. I kinda felt bad that he's trying to get me to stay here in the area, but I highly doubt it. Even if I do end up moving to the DC area which is three hours away, I'm not really sure if I would keep in contact with him. I've become good friends with him, but sometimes when I get to think about how I met him, I get second thoughts about our friendship. It's kinda complicated how we became friends with how that came about, but it was something based on a lie on his part, not mine. It hasn't been too bad living here in VA but there's nothing really here that will make me stay. I've made friends since arriving here, but those relationships have ceased existing it would seem like, since I haven't seen some of them in months. It's a bit hard having friends that live in another city. Maybe I just tell myself that as an excuse. Either that is the case, or I've kinda stopped caring. I just find ways to keep myself occupied. I make plans with them, but it kinda fizzles after a lack of follow through. They'd leave comments on myspace but not respond to my calls or text messages, stupid myspace. I just find ways to keep myself busy, read a book, watch movies, or do some chores around the house, things to keep me busy. I hate it when I ask people how they're doing and respond that they're bored. Instead of me offering to hang out with them which I know would help make it go away, I get annoyed instead and just think read a book or something [this only applies to ones I would encounter if I choose to]. We probably would have had a good time but at times, it happens where they'd make a remark that just turns me off completely and makes me regret seeing them in the first place. It might be something in me though which I am aware of, so can't really always blame that person for what they say. Hence shutting myself out, and sorting things through.
I love and hate being still since it gets me thinking about all sorts of things when I do. It happens even when I'm at work which I'm not too fond of. I could just be sitting there waiting for the phone to ring again, and I'd think about people. I'd wonder how my family's doing, what this or that friend is doing at that instant, what's happening to this or that blogger's life, things of that sort. I sometimes wish I can just stop caring, and just think about me, and no one else. It makes me angry sometimes knowing that will probably never happen. It's just one of those things I've learned to accept though still hope from time to time, that it would change. I think I'm getting close though, with turning 23 playing a role in it. I've kinda become at peace with the way things are, and has barely spoken with the family or friends. It worries them I'm sure but it can't be helped any longer. I've put them ahead of my needs, and where does it get me? That proud feeling I have is no longer there, it's felt more like a burden that I just want lifted off of my shoulders. I can sense the change, and it worries me sometimes. I've barely spoken to my cousin which I used to talk to on hours end on the telephone. We've made plans before of me moving to Colorado once I get out of the military, but I'm not so sure any longer.
It's going to be happening in three months, and I'm a bit torn as to where to go to. I suppose I can move back to Florida for a little bit to get my footing, but I don't think I'd want to move back in at my aunt's and uncle's. As much as they're good people, I told myself I'll never live in that house ever again. Sometimes you have to step backward to take a leap forward but it won't be in my case. Staying with them would make me feel like 16 all over again which is something I don't wanna go back to. I have grown a lot since then, but that kid will always be in me and I'm sure that coming back to the same environment, he's bound to come out and take me back to a time and place that has passed.
I can perhaps stay with my dad in the East Coast which he's kinda expecting will happen come December. I'll admit I still yearn for that sometime, to actually live with them, make up for all the time lost. It makes me glad that it's a possibility that it could happen. I actually bring it up every time I'm on the phone with him which I didn't realize until he mentioned it. I guess I just wanted reassurance, that eventhough I'm not gonna actually do it, knowing that he's okay with me staying with them makes me glad. There is the child in me playing a role once again. Me and my dad has a running joke where I was only 6 yrs old when I moved to the US back in '99, so that makes me 13 at this time (will explain this later). We're working on building a relationship, with him along with his side of the family, as some of you are aware of.
I'm considering actually going to school full time which I was meaning to do, hence coming back stateside on my last year in the military to kinda give me a feel of how things work here. It'll be one of the states in the Pacific, and possibly living together with one of my good friends from Yokota. I'm kinda excited about that happening. One of my friends back in Japan will be coming back stateside and it was him that I've talked to about being roommates. We get along really well, so it shouldn't be a problem. I know we can't duplicate the Japan experience, but we can have more fun times. Going to the same school, maybe even drive to Canada or go backpacking to Europe even. G- loves Japan too, so we might actually find ways to go back there.
However, I've kinda been tempted to just work full time once again after my separation (end of contract). The paycheck is enticing, and I suppose I can take classes part time, but yet it's not going to be the same. It's probably gonna be different being a civilian, then going to school part time, but I kinda wanna experience what it's like otherwise. Being a full time student, and just working on the side. I could have had an Associate's by now at least, but I wasn't on top of it as I should have been. This past four years has been a learning experience, and looking back, I think I could have done things a bit different. I could have taken more classes, etc etc. It's not really laziness, but I became apathetic back when I was living in Japan. There was just so much going on inside me, that it got hard to even focus on the classes I'm taking. It was like I developed an ADD of some sort. Living by myself for the first time gave me a lot of time to think things through and actually try to make sense of it all. Despite of it, I think I still did pretty good, well except for saving up *smiles I got along with everybody I worked with, and I think I was liked. I never really got into trouble of sorts, and the leadership tended to leave me alone since I was good at what I do. Doing my job, keeping my dorm room clean, amongst other things. I just did what I can to the best that I could.
I smiled a lot too which has helped in it's own way. My superiors were amazing in trying to help me in anyway that they can when I needed it. One of them commented how I always have a smile on my face whenever she sees me. I tried to make it a point of smiling whenever I pass someone by. I really think a smile is a gift you can keep on giving to anybody, even to strangers and it doesn't even cost a thing. I could be close to breaking down on some days, and yet kept on smiling. We all have our own story, and someone else can be having a worse day than you are and might need that simple act to get them through the day. You never know who can that be. I'm sure you've felt lost or invisible at some point in your life. I know I have. ''To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world." It's so cliche hearing and reading that quotation, but it rings true, when you sit and think about it.
It was a blessing really, getting paid to live in Japan and not having to worry about a roof over my head, or as to where my meal will be coming from. With that, I'm really thankful. I sometimes forget how lucky I am, to even have the things I do now and to be where I currently am. I seriously pinch myself from time to time to remind myself that the life I'm living is just not a dream. There was no way in hell I ever thought I'd be where I am right now. I just wasn't much of a dreamer, I just try to live one day at a time, never knowing what life will bring.
I've just kinda been thinking how everything's going to be in a couple of months. Thing is I'm three months out of separating from the military, and a bit nervous how it'll turn out. I guess I can't not say that I'm not worried about it, because if I was, it wouldn't have kept me up at this wee hour. I think it might have been hanging out with my friend that kinda threw me off a little. He made a comment as to how it looked like I was so calm about all the changes that will be happening come the end of this year. I kinda felt bad that he's trying to get me to stay here in the area, but I highly doubt it. Even if I do end up moving to the DC area which is three hours away, I'm not really sure if I would keep in contact with him. I've become good friends with him, but sometimes when I get to think about how I met him, I get second thoughts about our friendship. It's kinda complicated how we became friends with how that came about, but it was something based on a lie on his part, not mine. It hasn't been too bad living here in VA but there's nothing really here that will make me stay. I've made friends since arriving here, but those relationships have ceased existing it would seem like, since I haven't seen some of them in months. It's a bit hard having friends that live in another city. Maybe I just tell myself that as an excuse. Either that is the case, or I've kinda stopped caring. I just find ways to keep myself occupied. I make plans with them, but it kinda fizzles after a lack of follow through. They'd leave comments on myspace but not respond to my calls or text messages, stupid myspace. I just find ways to keep myself busy, read a book, watch movies, or do some chores around the house, things to keep me busy. I hate it when I ask people how they're doing and respond that they're bored. Instead of me offering to hang out with them which I know would help make it go away, I get annoyed instead and just think read a book or something [this only applies to ones I would encounter if I choose to]. We probably would have had a good time but at times, it happens where they'd make a remark that just turns me off completely and makes me regret seeing them in the first place. It might be something in me though which I am aware of, so can't really always blame that person for what they say. Hence shutting myself out, and sorting things through.
I love and hate being still since it gets me thinking about all sorts of things when I do. It happens even when I'm at work which I'm not too fond of. I could just be sitting there waiting for the phone to ring again, and I'd think about people. I'd wonder how my family's doing, what this or that friend is doing at that instant, what's happening to this or that blogger's life, things of that sort. I sometimes wish I can just stop caring, and just think about me, and no one else. It makes me angry sometimes knowing that will probably never happen. It's just one of those things I've learned to accept though still hope from time to time, that it would change. I think I'm getting close though, with turning 23 playing a role in it. I've kinda become at peace with the way things are, and has barely spoken with the family or friends. It worries them I'm sure but it can't be helped any longer. I've put them ahead of my needs, and where does it get me? That proud feeling I have is no longer there, it's felt more like a burden that I just want lifted off of my shoulders. I can sense the change, and it worries me sometimes. I've barely spoken to my cousin which I used to talk to on hours end on the telephone. We've made plans before of me moving to Colorado once I get out of the military, but I'm not so sure any longer.
It's going to be happening in three months, and I'm a bit torn as to where to go to. I suppose I can move back to Florida for a little bit to get my footing, but I don't think I'd want to move back in at my aunt's and uncle's. As much as they're good people, I told myself I'll never live in that house ever again. Sometimes you have to step backward to take a leap forward but it won't be in my case. Staying with them would make me feel like 16 all over again which is something I don't wanna go back to. I have grown a lot since then, but that kid will always be in me and I'm sure that coming back to the same environment, he's bound to come out and take me back to a time and place that has passed.
I can perhaps stay with my dad in the East Coast which he's kinda expecting will happen come December. I'll admit I still yearn for that sometime, to actually live with them, make up for all the time lost. It makes me glad that it's a possibility that it could happen. I actually bring it up every time I'm on the phone with him which I didn't realize until he mentioned it. I guess I just wanted reassurance, that eventhough I'm not gonna actually do it, knowing that he's okay with me staying with them makes me glad. There is the child in me playing a role once again. Me and my dad has a running joke where I was only 6 yrs old when I moved to the US back in '99, so that makes me 13 at this time (will explain this later). We're working on building a relationship, with him along with his side of the family, as some of you are aware of.
I'm considering actually going to school full time which I was meaning to do, hence coming back stateside on my last year in the military to kinda give me a feel of how things work here. It'll be one of the states in the Pacific, and possibly living together with one of my good friends from Yokota. I'm kinda excited about that happening. One of my friends back in Japan will be coming back stateside and it was him that I've talked to about being roommates. We get along really well, so it shouldn't be a problem. I know we can't duplicate the Japan experience, but we can have more fun times. Going to the same school, maybe even drive to Canada or go backpacking to Europe even. G- loves Japan too, so we might actually find ways to go back there.
However, I've kinda been tempted to just work full time once again after my separation (end of contract). The paycheck is enticing, and I suppose I can take classes part time, but yet it's not going to be the same. It's probably gonna be different being a civilian, then going to school part time, but I kinda wanna experience what it's like otherwise. Being a full time student, and just working on the side. I could have had an Associate's by now at least, but I wasn't on top of it as I should have been. This past four years has been a learning experience, and looking back, I think I could have done things a bit different. I could have taken more classes, etc etc. It's not really laziness, but I became apathetic back when I was living in Japan. There was just so much going on inside me, that it got hard to even focus on the classes I'm taking. It was like I developed an ADD of some sort. Living by myself for the first time gave me a lot of time to think things through and actually try to make sense of it all. Despite of it, I think I still did pretty good, well except for saving up *smiles I got along with everybody I worked with, and I think I was liked. I never really got into trouble of sorts, and the leadership tended to leave me alone since I was good at what I do. Doing my job, keeping my dorm room clean, amongst other things. I just did what I can to the best that I could.
I smiled a lot too which has helped in it's own way. My superiors were amazing in trying to help me in anyway that they can when I needed it. One of them commented how I always have a smile on my face whenever she sees me. I tried to make it a point of smiling whenever I pass someone by. I really think a smile is a gift you can keep on giving to anybody, even to strangers and it doesn't even cost a thing. I could be close to breaking down on some days, and yet kept on smiling. We all have our own story, and someone else can be having a worse day than you are and might need that simple act to get them through the day. You never know who can that be. I'm sure you've felt lost or invisible at some point in your life. I know I have. ''To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world." It's so cliche hearing and reading that quotation, but it rings true, when you sit and think about it.
It was a blessing really, getting paid to live in Japan and not having to worry about a roof over my head, or as to where my meal will be coming from. With that, I'm really thankful. I sometimes forget how lucky I am, to even have the things I do now and to be where I currently am. I seriously pinch myself from time to time to remind myself that the life I'm living is just not a dream. There was no way in hell I ever thought I'd be where I am right now. I just wasn't much of a dreamer, I just try to live one day at a time, never knowing what life will bring.
02 September 2006
Under the Water
It was a start of the long weekend for the rest of the people that work here on base. Whenever a holiday falls on a Monday, this is usually what happens. We get a family day to kick things off early. It doesn't really apply to us since we have to have people at the helpdesk 24/7. Actually, I've been working a different schedule since the beginning of August. I gave up my weekends so I can have three days off. I work Fridays to Mondays, having to do 12-hr shifts on Sat and Sunday. It's been good.
I was expecting it to be an uneventful shift yesterday because of the down day but that wasn't so. There was a storm that hit VA early yesterday so we had to deal with power outages, buildings losing connectivity. It was pretty much raining nonstop the whole day, and around noon, the fire alarm went off for reasons we do not know. Of course, we had to evacuate and go across the street to the parking lot. When it rains, it pours and when it pours, it floods. It was about a foot high but which we had to go through to get to the other side. I had an umbrella which really didn't do much good, cause of the strong wind so kinda got soaked before getting to sit at my coworker's truck. The firemen came and did the sweeps and we got to go back in after about 20 mins. Took my boots and my socks off and was walking around the office barefoot. I'm not really supposed to since that's considered out of uniform but did it anyways. It just felt really gross, with it squeeshing everytime I walked. I wear a different kind of boots, where instead of it being leather combat boots, I have a pair made of canvas.
The rest of the shift, we watched more episodes of 24. I've been getting into 24 more and more after watching some of it on DVD here at work which we pretty much do on the weekends. My coworker finds it funny when I yell at the tv, as if the characters could hear me. Him and I ended up staying about an hour and a half than we were supposed to. The guy who was working the mid-shift didn't realize he had to come in at 1845, instead of 2345 which was his usual time to go to work.
Finally got to go home, had my dinner and watched more episodes of Seinfeld. The boxed sets were on sale for $20 each and ended up grabbing three seasons so got some dvd watching sessions to go. 'tis a really funny show though the laugh track can be annoying from time to time. I got used to not hearing any after watching the gem Arrested Development the past two years. Had to pause the dvd though to prepare my meal for the next few days. I TRY to get to bed around 10 but that us yet to happen. I've been sleeping about 4-5 hours during work days and just can't sleep early enough to get my required hours of rest.
That was how my day was. How was your Fridee?
I was expecting it to be an uneventful shift yesterday because of the down day but that wasn't so. There was a storm that hit VA early yesterday so we had to deal with power outages, buildings losing connectivity. It was pretty much raining nonstop the whole day, and around noon, the fire alarm went off for reasons we do not know. Of course, we had to evacuate and go across the street to the parking lot. When it rains, it pours and when it pours, it floods. It was about a foot high but which we had to go through to get to the other side. I had an umbrella which really didn't do much good, cause of the strong wind so kinda got soaked before getting to sit at my coworker's truck. The firemen came and did the sweeps and we got to go back in after about 20 mins. Took my boots and my socks off and was walking around the office barefoot. I'm not really supposed to since that's considered out of uniform but did it anyways. It just felt really gross, with it squeeshing everytime I walked. I wear a different kind of boots, where instead of it being leather combat boots, I have a pair made of canvas.
The rest of the shift, we watched more episodes of 24. I've been getting into 24 more and more after watching some of it on DVD here at work which we pretty much do on the weekends. My coworker finds it funny when I yell at the tv, as if the characters could hear me. Him and I ended up staying about an hour and a half than we were supposed to. The guy who was working the mid-shift didn't realize he had to come in at 1845, instead of 2345 which was his usual time to go to work.
Finally got to go home, had my dinner and watched more episodes of Seinfeld. The boxed sets were on sale for $20 each and ended up grabbing three seasons so got some dvd watching sessions to go. 'tis a really funny show though the laugh track can be annoying from time to time. I got used to not hearing any after watching the gem Arrested Development the past two years. Had to pause the dvd though to prepare my meal for the next few days. I TRY to get to bed around 10 but that us yet to happen. I've been sleeping about 4-5 hours during work days and just can't sleep early enough to get my required hours of rest.
That was how my day was. How was your Fridee?
31 August 2006
Family pictures
This blogsite has been acting funky from what I've been told so will have to look into it more later on the day.
This was me on my drive back from the reunion on my dad's side I went to two weeks ago. My hair was going to be longer now but I bothced the top of my head shaving it the week before, so ended up going with a skinhead.
I actually had a great time, knowing a little bit more about our background. Got to meet family from all over, even have family up in Brooklyn, and finally met my first cousins which was my main concern. One of them was cute too hahaha I wanted to hug him but had to settle for a handshake since he was eating when I woke up and met him in the kitchen damnit damnit damnit. I'm over it now *siicck Some of the pics are a bit blurry but my mom has yet to send me the rest. OOpps, almost forgot, here's the link
Have a great Thursday of what it's left for some!!!
This was me on my drive back from the reunion on my dad's side I went to two weeks ago. My hair was going to be longer now but I bothced the top of my head shaving it the week before, so ended up going with a skinhead.
I actually had a great time, knowing a little bit more about our background. Got to meet family from all over, even have family up in Brooklyn, and finally met my first cousins which was my main concern. One of them was cute too hahaha I wanted to hug him but had to settle for a handshake since he was eating when I woke up and met him in the kitchen damnit damnit damnit. I'm over it now *siicck Some of the pics are a bit blurry but my mom has yet to send me the rest. OOpps, almost forgot, here's the link
Have a great Thursday of what it's left for some!!!
29 August 2006
Best buy..
Ok, I went to Best Buy this morning to grab one of my all time favorite shows, Arrested Development :D If you haven't watched it, give me a reason why not hahaha People who knew me in person would know how much I loved this show, I was a spokesperson for this show at my old workplace. I had people sit down and watch some episodes and they ended up liking the whole thing. How great is that!! I just have this thing where if I enjoy something, I make sure people I know check it out as well. I get pissed if they don't hehe
When I was at the store, I saw that all the Seinfeld boxed sets are on sale too. Each box was selling for $19.99 so now I'm tempted to get the whole thing. I've seen the syndication and find myself laughing when I watch it on telly (sounds smoother than saying tv) I'm really thinking of picking some up along with Strangers with Candy. I gotta stop being a harharhar
I've been tagged by JaG and would have to get back to her with that. I have to put down things that she doesn't know about me, so here's one of the those. Something I do when I'm bored. Maybe some others too, if they'd admit to it. It's history lesson time, here's what it says:
When Philippines was discovered by Magellan
They were sailing day and night across the big ocean
Until they saw a small Limasawa island
When I was at the store, I saw that all the Seinfeld boxed sets are on sale too. Each box was selling for $19.99 so now I'm tempted to get the whole thing. I've seen the syndication and find myself laughing when I watch it on telly (sounds smoother than saying tv) I'm really thinking of picking some up along with Strangers with Candy. I gotta stop being a harharhar
I've been tagged by JaG and would have to get back to her with that. I have to put down things that she doesn't know about me, so here's one of the those. Something I do when I'm bored. Maybe some others too, if they'd admit to it. It's history lesson time, here's what it says:
When Philippines was discovered by Magellan
They were sailing day and night across the big ocean
Until they saw a small Limasawa island
Magellan landed in Limasawa at noon
The people met him very welcome on the shore
They did not understand the speaking they have done
Because Kastila gid at Waray-Waray man
When Magellan landed in Cebu City
Rajah Humabon met him, they were very happy
All people were baptized and built the church of Christ
And that’s the beginning of our Catholic life
When Magellan visited in Mactan
To christianize them everyone
But Lapu-Lapu met him on the shore
and drive Magellan to go back home
Then Magellan got so mad
Ordered his men to camouflage
“Mactan island we could not grab
‘Cause Lapu Lapu is very hard”
Then the battle began at dawn
Bolos and spears versus guns and cannons
When Magellan was hit on his neck
He stumble down and cried and cried
Oh, mother mother I am sick
Call the doctor very quick
Doctor, doctor shall I die?
Tell my mama do not cry
Tell my mama do not cry
Tell my mama do not cry
That’s the end of Magellan
in the island of Mactan long time ago
ladies and gentlemen
26 August 2006
Breaks my heart to say
A flood of emotion rushed over me after receiving an e-mail from my mom yesterday. Well, she sent me an e-mail since she thought there was something funky with the ATM card that she has. It's actually my card that I gave her so that she can get some cash out when she needs it on one of my accounts. I just do transfers to it every month insted of sending through Western Union and paying about a 10 % fee everytime. What happened was she checked the balance and saw that 6, 000 pesos (about $55) got deducted from it since the last time she took some money out around the middle of July. It really would not have bothered me too much just seeing what had happened so far. However, when she mentioned that she about went mad trying to figure out where the money went and just cried and cried not knowing what to do. Normally, I would feel bad hearing about that but instead, all that welled up inside me was anger which doesn't happen too often. It's rare that I get really angry but with the mother situation, it has been bottling up since the beginning of last year. I'm gonna write, I wouldn't say a bit, since I tend to spill my heart out when I do post.
As some would know, I was born to a Filipina mother and an American father twenty three years ago, July '83. My dad was in the Navy at that time, and got stationed in Korea few months after I was born. During his time in Korea, he met an American woman, P which soon became my stepmother, a year and a half after I was born. I don't remember the exact dates but after they got married, they ended up staying in Korea/Guam (?) until it was time for them to move back to the states in '87. My mom on the other hand moved back to her parent's house, a single mom with a son from a G.I. The only memory I have of my dad is swimming at a hotel pool with him, while I swim under the water while someone throws a lollipop and I try to get it. I think that was when I was about 2 yrs old, and it so happens to be my first memory as well. After they moved to California, my dad got out of the Navy and that's when he stopped supporting us. You'd think by then, my mom would get a job at least, to provide food for the table but instead she came to an agreement with my Grandma that she'll be the housekeep when my Grandma left for Norway to work. My Grandpa (the one that just died) used to be in the merchant marines and that was how he acquired Norwegian citizenship which he passed on to my Grandma. That is an Asian culture thing, some family members go abroad to help provide to their family which what happened in my case though the ones who were left behind didn't even get a job. In the house that we moved back to, I have two uncles, one younger auntie, an older auntie, with her husband and three kids in one part of the house and my grandpa and of course my mom. So that's all of us living together in one house. It had its ups and downs, and drama that went along with it.
One of the main things was my mom who had me, but with no husband. Add to that, that it was with a foreign guy who married somebody else after I was born. So that made me a bastard who in noooo way could pass for a Filipino. I think when I realized that I don't look like everybody else, that's when the sense of not belonging start to creep in. I did know my father, but after '87 the communication pretty much stopped. He never wrote after that, and it would always have to be us that initiates the phone calls on holidays and such. I didn't know anything about him, didn't know what his likes or dislikes were, didn't even know what he did for a living after he got out of the military. That kinda bothered me, I felt embarrassed getting asked by people what I'm doing in the Philippines if I was American, or what is it that my father does. Anyway, getting back to my Mom she pretty much took my Grandma's role, taking care of the house, cooking food, doing laundry, etc etc pretty much something a maid does now that I think about it. She says she did this so she can provide for me which I did believe and was thankful for at one point.
During those years we lived with the rest of the family, there'll be times that my grandpa or my uncle would get drunk and verbally abuse my mom, or even slap her or kick her out of the house. I don't remember being verbally abused but even if I was, I might just have blocked those times to protect myself. We stayed at other relatives' house for a bit, though a few days after, my mom would make the choice to come back to the house since she had "nowhere to go." This went on until I was about 13 yrs old. If you would have seen me at school, you wouldn't think that this kind of stuff was going on at my house. I kept a brave face, and I think I was too busy trying to please my dad. Trying to elicit some sort of response saying Hey, you're doing well in school son, I'm proud of you or even something to acknowledge my existence. I did really well in school, winning all sort of competitions, math, history, journalism, even part of the school dance team. There really was little I can do about the things that were happening. I just stayed out of everyone's way and kept my mouth shut.
I was hurting. I remember very vividly, being in the second grade and crying about the way my life was. There's a song that they used to play every morning before the flag ceremony called Maghintay Ka Lamang (Just Wait) by Ted Ito and there you'd see me in the corridors, looking out to the square, head over my arms, crying and telling myself to hold on, that things will get better. It was growing up that I put my mom up on a pedestal, and vowed to make her life better than the way it was. She blamed my dad for everything that had happened, if he hadn't done this, if he wouldn't have done that, our lives would be so much better. If he sent us money, it wouldn't have to be like this. Money money money. She used to tell me how she was getting ready to go abroad when she met my father, and how everything turned out the way it was after that happened. She used to tell me that she loved me so, but I think being told that her life would have been a lot different had she not met him, what does that tell me exactly? Eventhough she said she loved me, I felt responsible for the way things turned out and felt a little guilt in being born. I wished I would not have been born to prevent all of these, the pain, the despair, the heartbreak. Well, I blamed my dad too. How could he let this happen to his own son. I even hated God. Eventhough I prayed, I was questioning the existence if there even was God. Why would he let a kid go through all that pain? He's just a child, he didn't do anything to deserve this. Why can't he just have a 'normal life?
I moved to the US when I was 16 and was supposed to live with my dad permanently. It was an amazing feeling, finally getting to meet him after for so long. Weird how I still loved him in spite of all the things he did or did not do. I resented them though, him, my stepmom and my little brother seeing the way they lived. All I could think was fuck this, you guys are living real nice while I had to live in a 11' x 12 ' room with my mom and her husband. Having to take a shower with the rest of the tenants, having to get water from a pumping well. It didn't really bother me before but was a bit annoyed by it I guess after moving to the States. So......
As some would know, I was born to a Filipina mother and an American father twenty three years ago, July '83. My dad was in the Navy at that time, and got stationed in Korea few months after I was born. During his time in Korea, he met an American woman, P which soon became my stepmother, a year and a half after I was born. I don't remember the exact dates but after they got married, they ended up staying in Korea/Guam (?) until it was time for them to move back to the states in '87. My mom on the other hand moved back to her parent's house, a single mom with a son from a G.I. The only memory I have of my dad is swimming at a hotel pool with him, while I swim under the water while someone throws a lollipop and I try to get it. I think that was when I was about 2 yrs old, and it so happens to be my first memory as well. After they moved to California, my dad got out of the Navy and that's when he stopped supporting us. You'd think by then, my mom would get a job at least, to provide food for the table but instead she came to an agreement with my Grandma that she'll be the housekeep when my Grandma left for Norway to work. My Grandpa (the one that just died) used to be in the merchant marines and that was how he acquired Norwegian citizenship which he passed on to my Grandma. That is an Asian culture thing, some family members go abroad to help provide to their family which what happened in my case though the ones who were left behind didn't even get a job. In the house that we moved back to, I have two uncles, one younger auntie, an older auntie, with her husband and three kids in one part of the house and my grandpa and of course my mom. So that's all of us living together in one house. It had its ups and downs, and drama that went along with it.
One of the main things was my mom who had me, but with no husband. Add to that, that it was with a foreign guy who married somebody else after I was born. So that made me a bastard who in noooo way could pass for a Filipino. I think when I realized that I don't look like everybody else, that's when the sense of not belonging start to creep in. I did know my father, but after '87 the communication pretty much stopped. He never wrote after that, and it would always have to be us that initiates the phone calls on holidays and such. I didn't know anything about him, didn't know what his likes or dislikes were, didn't even know what he did for a living after he got out of the military. That kinda bothered me, I felt embarrassed getting asked by people what I'm doing in the Philippines if I was American, or what is it that my father does. Anyway, getting back to my Mom she pretty much took my Grandma's role, taking care of the house, cooking food, doing laundry, etc etc pretty much something a maid does now that I think about it. She says she did this so she can provide for me which I did believe and was thankful for at one point.
During those years we lived with the rest of the family, there'll be times that my grandpa or my uncle would get drunk and verbally abuse my mom, or even slap her or kick her out of the house. I don't remember being verbally abused but even if I was, I might just have blocked those times to protect myself. We stayed at other relatives' house for a bit, though a few days after, my mom would make the choice to come back to the house since she had "nowhere to go." This went on until I was about 13 yrs old. If you would have seen me at school, you wouldn't think that this kind of stuff was going on at my house. I kept a brave face, and I think I was too busy trying to please my dad. Trying to elicit some sort of response saying Hey, you're doing well in school son, I'm proud of you or even something to acknowledge my existence. I did really well in school, winning all sort of competitions, math, history, journalism, even part of the school dance team. There really was little I can do about the things that were happening. I just stayed out of everyone's way and kept my mouth shut.
I was hurting. I remember very vividly, being in the second grade and crying about the way my life was. There's a song that they used to play every morning before the flag ceremony called Maghintay Ka Lamang (Just Wait) by Ted Ito and there you'd see me in the corridors, looking out to the square, head over my arms, crying and telling myself to hold on, that things will get better. It was growing up that I put my mom up on a pedestal, and vowed to make her life better than the way it was. She blamed my dad for everything that had happened, if he hadn't done this, if he wouldn't have done that, our lives would be so much better. If he sent us money, it wouldn't have to be like this. Money money money. She used to tell me how she was getting ready to go abroad when she met my father, and how everything turned out the way it was after that happened. She used to tell me that she loved me so, but I think being told that her life would have been a lot different had she not met him, what does that tell me exactly? Eventhough she said she loved me, I felt responsible for the way things turned out and felt a little guilt in being born. I wished I would not have been born to prevent all of these, the pain, the despair, the heartbreak. Well, I blamed my dad too. How could he let this happen to his own son. I even hated God. Eventhough I prayed, I was questioning the existence if there even was God. Why would he let a kid go through all that pain? He's just a child, he didn't do anything to deserve this. Why can't he just have a 'normal life?
I moved to the US when I was 16 and was supposed to live with my dad permanently. It was an amazing feeling, finally getting to meet him after for so long. Weird how I still loved him in spite of all the things he did or did not do. I resented them though, him, my stepmom and my little brother seeing the way they lived. All I could think was fuck this, you guys are living real nice while I had to live in a 11' x 12 ' room with my mom and her husband. Having to take a shower with the rest of the tenants, having to get water from a pumping well. It didn't really bother me before but was a bit annoyed by it I guess after moving to the States. So......
14 August 2006
Guess we'll never know
It's been a good week settling back to day shift once again. I don't feel like a vampire any longer being awake during the night when I was working mids. After getting back from NY, I had to work that Monday and was off the next three days for my transition to days. I really don't remember doing much, I think I pretty much relaxed at home and not do a whole lot of things. Watch movies, get on the net, read a book? Some movies I saw was Beauty Shop which I thought was funny. I wasn't liking it at first but it was catfish Rita that won me over EEEEEEP! I giggle whenever I remember that scene. Hmm, other movies are Ikiru which has one of the most haunting scenes I've seen so far. It's about this one government worker Kanji who found out that he had six months to live for having stomach cancer. He's been pretty much a workaholic his whole life, and after coming across one of his subordinates Toyo, he tried to actually live with the little time that he had. Splurging his savings (well more of treating himself, not splurge), doing something good for others, and having passion once again for things that matter, and just having fun. It was a good movie , though I got freaked out a bit by the lead actor's eyes in some scenes. I cried obviously, since it's a sad movie and makes you reassess about things in your life. One "joke" in the movie went:
"You've never had a day off, have you?"
"No."
"Why? Are you indispensable?"
"No. I don't want them to find out they can do without me."
Got to see Little Miss Sunshine too, for free! They had a screening at Va Beach and I got to go, though ended up going by myself. I asked some guy a while back to check out the preview to see if it's something he might wanna see, but dunno what happened. Err, I deleted my account from this one site and that's where I kinda spoke to him but yea, his loss. Hahaha It was kinda dark, but hilarious nonetheless. It looks like I enjoy just about every movie that Toni Collette is a part of, though About a Boy is still my favorite with her in it. Her role reminded me of my mom who sorta was the same way but getting back. I believe Little Miss Sunshine is just coming out in some cities so check it out if you may. If you like it great, if not, at least you can say you got to see it (If you didn't, I owe you a movie if I'm EVER in your town)
And saw Strr...strraanngg.. Strangers with... guess you'll never know ;) It's great to finally see Strangers with Candy after waiting close to two months after it came out. It's a prequel to the tv show that came out back in 99 so guess that might be why not too many people are familiar with it. Here's a preview for you lot if you've never seen it. Give you an idea of what the humor is like.
Aside from that, hmm, I really can't say I had a quiet week. I met some new people which was good. It's been a while since I made acquaintances with people that live in the area. I spoke with three people on a Wednesday and ended up meeting two which wasn't bad. I really wouldn't call it a date since it's not. The first one I spoke to was D though he lived about an hour away. It's cool he loved Arrested Development [one of my fave shows EVER] but that's about it, hmm. I just hope he didn't blue* himself. I asked for his number but he said his phone is turned off at the moment. Maybe it was after all but who exactly goes around without a phone these days. He gave me his AOL ID and his e-mail add, so I guess that's still something.
The other one, W wanted to have lunch that same day I talked to him. I got too hungry though so ended up finishing cooking the pot roast which I had prepared the night before. I didn't get to eat 'til 3 something hours after W asked me to have lunch haha. Errr, I didn't think he was cute when he sent me his picture, so I was Hmmm, I'm eating in today! I jus went ahead and gave him my number, see how he is. He was an alright guy after all. I ended up meeting him later on the day when I was at the mall. I was at the mall since I had to pick up a book I had reserved at Barnes and Noble, Feel the fear and do it anyway by Susan Jeffers which I didn't realize until now is 18 years old. So off I went to the mall, but ended up stopping at JC Penney to check out some suits. W said he just happens to be in the area since he had to go pick up a furniture, so figured might as well meet and greet in person. Which we did, probably just for 30 mins or so, as we were checking out the suits, kinda asking the introductory questions. I think I'll be friends with him if nothing else. He said the same thing too, so I guess that's good. He's one who actually hosts little gatherings of friends which is soo not like me. I would, but don't expect me to cook.
The second one, A, he called me up the next day, Thursday to see what I was doing. I didn't get to pick up the first time since I was getting ready to go to a briefing. Just listened to his voicemail message, and I swear he sounded like he's high. I didn't call him back until 90 mins later after getting out of the briefing. We just talked about what I'm up to, what he's doing etc etc. He was trying to find his way to get to the Oceanfront but sorta got lost. I really wasn't much of a help either since I get lost myself around the area. When he said Oceanfront, I thought he meant just walking by the ocean and having lunch or something since it was overcast that day. Instead of going home, I just went straight to Va Beach which is about 20-30 mins from where I was. This made me happy. I kinda got excited meeting new people which is kinda odd. I guess I have my shy moment and aggressive moment coz there are times where I'd up and just ask for somebody's phone number the first time I spoke with them.
Getting back, so made my way to VA Beach and had jeans, polo shirt on because of the briefing. Well with A said going to the Oceanfront, it actually meant getting into the water and going swimming. I didn't intend to swim that day, but after passing by a store, all I thought was I'm here, might as well go all the way (not with the guy!) so went ahead and bought the cheapest swimming shorts and a pair of flip flops. Off back to the parking lot I went, and got changed in my car. Ended up moving to a different parking building since A was about sixteen blocks from where I was. I had to go commando since I didn't have a spare underwear either.
Off to the Oceanfront I walk, but now it was just a matter of finding A. I've been trying to call him for half an hour (probably less) but he's not picking up. If he doesn't call back at this time, I'm just gonna call it a day and go home. I stayed around though, since I didn't wanna waste all that driving and it be in vain. I went down to the area where A said he will be and I was just looking at the people ou in the sun, trying to pick A out. Saw this one guy got out of the water and heading back to the shore. I had a feeling it was A, but really can't be too sure either. Niice, he's cute hahaha The guy went to his spot and sat down. I actually came up to him and uttered Ummm, Are you? Nevermind and walked away. I got nervous since it felt like I was trying to pick the guy up and I wasn't even sure it was him so I went by the lifeguard station and stood there glancing at the guy I briefly talked to. I saw him messing with his cellphone, and seconds later my phone rang. I looked over and the guy had a grin on his face. I knew it was him. I'm just good like that [kiddin!]. I had a great time, well WE did, just letting the waves carry us, swimming, and splashing each other with water. He's really funny so I was laughing most of the time we hang out. Find it funny though, how at first he commented how I didn't look like I did in the picture. He said I looked more buff from the pic which was taken three years ago, which I'll post one of these days. These are things I don't recognize, I've stayed around the same weight for the past three/four years and didn't see much difference really. It's odd, friends and family will say You're skinny, gain some weight. Then, You're fat, go running and do exercise. After A said that, You think so? was all I could utter. I'm fine with my built really, though I got a bit self-conscious after he said that.
After that weird comment, we just went about swimming in the ocean again. A was really friendly, I'd look and he'd be talking to people from all ages, kids, couples, teenagers, grandparents which I thought was sweet. He kinda grew on me, and he was someone I felt I could be friends with, if nothing else. He kept calling me sexy which is a surefire way to make me blush. So there I was, tanned and blushing walking along the shore with A. It was nice, we walked down a good half a mile I'd say just asking each other questions, and talking about random things. He mentioned how my pic doesn't do me justice. All I could say was thanks but I still felt like a fatty hahaha after he said so at the beginning. Ju on beach!! He had to go meet his friend later on the day so we went our separate ways. He said, Give me a hug which I obligingly did, in spite of all the people at the boardwalk. Told him I had a great time which I really did. Spoke to him a little bit after that since he called to let him know he got a parking ticket. His meter ran out and those Va Beach Cops sure do their jobs. Then he called since he didn't know how to get to Olive Garden so looked it up for him. I swear he uttered, That's really sweet like ten times during our two-hour meeting. I probably am, without realizing, but I cringe when people call it out haha I just do what comes natural and I've never been sure as what the line is between doing regular things and being sweet about doing 'em. After I gave him the directions, he had to hang up so that he can concentrate on the road. He said that the traffic's backed up, so on my way home, I stopped by Chic Fil A and grabbed a sandwich. Oh my god! Chic Fil A is sooo good. That was my first time ever having their sandwich and the potato thingies yum yum yum.. Dip it in a mixed ketchup and mayonnaise
sauce, mmm it's sooo good. I was grinning ear to ear driving as I was eating since it was damn good.
I didn't bring my cell with me since it really wasn't gonna take long. It was at that brief period that he called and with me not picking up, assumed that I was angry or something. I'm not avoiding you, I just have to find my way around that's why I had to go. I understood completely about him having to end the convo, but I didn't think of it as him avoiding me. Really haven't spoken to him since then, so will probably call him sometime this week and see if he's paid his ticket yet, or just say hey. He lives three hours away, though he mentioned he's considering moving to the area :D He's thought about this before we met so yeahh..And I might be moving some place else come December anyways.....I'm a bit nervous about calling, Gahh he might think I like him too much.. If I don't call though...guess we'll never know
Ohh..Dad and 'Mom' is coming tomorrow too *Shuxxxx I thought it wouldn't be until midweek at least but will tell more later on. Time conflict and what not.. Got to see a girl I went to tech school with back in '02, eventhough she left VA just this past weekend. Spoke with a friend I haven't talked to for about eight months Gooood times Good times Oh, and Daniel resurfaced too (-_-)
Gotta get some sleep now.
"You've never had a day off, have you?"
"No."
"Why? Are you indispensable?"
"No. I don't want them to find out they can do without me."
Got to see Little Miss Sunshine too, for free! They had a screening at Va Beach and I got to go, though ended up going by myself. I asked some guy a while back to check out the preview to see if it's something he might wanna see, but dunno what happened. Err, I deleted my account from this one site and that's where I kinda spoke to him but yea, his loss. Hahaha It was kinda dark, but hilarious nonetheless. It looks like I enjoy just about every movie that Toni Collette is a part of, though About a Boy is still my favorite with her in it. Her role reminded me of my mom who sorta was the same way but getting back. I believe Little Miss Sunshine is just coming out in some cities so check it out if you may. If you like it great, if not, at least you can say you got to see it (If you didn't, I owe you a movie if I'm EVER in your town)
And saw Strr...strraanngg.. Strangers with... guess you'll never know ;) It's great to finally see Strangers with Candy after waiting close to two months after it came out. It's a prequel to the tv show that came out back in 99 so guess that might be why not too many people are familiar with it. Here's a preview for you lot if you've never seen it. Give you an idea of what the humor is like.
Aside from that, hmm, I really can't say I had a quiet week. I met some new people which was good. It's been a while since I made acquaintances with people that live in the area. I spoke with three people on a Wednesday and ended up meeting two which wasn't bad. I really wouldn't call it a date since it's not. The first one I spoke to was D though he lived about an hour away. It's cool he loved Arrested Development [one of my fave shows EVER] but that's about it, hmm. I just hope he didn't blue* himself. I asked for his number but he said his phone is turned off at the moment. Maybe it was after all but who exactly goes around without a phone these days. He gave me his AOL ID and his e-mail add, so I guess that's still something.
The other one, W wanted to have lunch that same day I talked to him. I got too hungry though so ended up finishing cooking the pot roast which I had prepared the night before. I didn't get to eat 'til 3 something hours after W asked me to have lunch haha. Errr, I didn't think he was cute when he sent me his picture, so I was Hmmm, I'm eating in today! I jus went ahead and gave him my number, see how he is. He was an alright guy after all. I ended up meeting him later on the day when I was at the mall. I was at the mall since I had to pick up a book I had reserved at Barnes and Noble, Feel the fear and do it anyway by Susan Jeffers which I didn't realize until now is 18 years old. So off I went to the mall, but ended up stopping at JC Penney to check out some suits. W said he just happens to be in the area since he had to go pick up a furniture, so figured might as well meet and greet in person. Which we did, probably just for 30 mins or so, as we were checking out the suits, kinda asking the introductory questions. I think I'll be friends with him if nothing else. He said the same thing too, so I guess that's good. He's one who actually hosts little gatherings of friends which is soo not like me. I would, but don't expect me to cook.
The second one, A, he called me up the next day, Thursday to see what I was doing. I didn't get to pick up the first time since I was getting ready to go to a briefing. Just listened to his voicemail message, and I swear he sounded like he's high. I didn't call him back until 90 mins later after getting out of the briefing. We just talked about what I'm up to, what he's doing etc etc. He was trying to find his way to get to the Oceanfront but sorta got lost. I really wasn't much of a help either since I get lost myself around the area. When he said Oceanfront, I thought he meant just walking by the ocean and having lunch or something since it was overcast that day. Instead of going home, I just went straight to Va Beach which is about 20-30 mins from where I was. This made me happy. I kinda got excited meeting new people which is kinda odd. I guess I have my shy moment and aggressive moment coz there are times where I'd up and just ask for somebody's phone number the first time I spoke with them.
Getting back, so made my way to VA Beach and had jeans, polo shirt on because of the briefing. Well with A said going to the Oceanfront, it actually meant getting into the water and going swimming. I didn't intend to swim that day, but after passing by a store, all I thought was I'm here, might as well go all the way (not with the guy!) so went ahead and bought the cheapest swimming shorts and a pair of flip flops. Off back to the parking lot I went, and got changed in my car. Ended up moving to a different parking building since A was about sixteen blocks from where I was. I had to go commando since I didn't have a spare underwear either.
Off to the Oceanfront I walk, but now it was just a matter of finding A. I've been trying to call him for half an hour (probably less) but he's not picking up. If he doesn't call back at this time, I'm just gonna call it a day and go home. I stayed around though, since I didn't wanna waste all that driving and it be in vain. I went down to the area where A said he will be and I was just looking at the people ou in the sun, trying to pick A out. Saw this one guy got out of the water and heading back to the shore. I had a feeling it was A, but really can't be too sure either. Niice, he's cute hahaha The guy went to his spot and sat down. I actually came up to him and uttered Ummm, Are you? Nevermind and walked away. I got nervous since it felt like I was trying to pick the guy up and I wasn't even sure it was him so I went by the lifeguard station and stood there glancing at the guy I briefly talked to. I saw him messing with his cellphone, and seconds later my phone rang. I looked over and the guy had a grin on his face. I knew it was him. I'm just good like that [kiddin!]. I had a great time, well WE did, just letting the waves carry us, swimming, and splashing each other with water. He's really funny so I was laughing most of the time we hang out. Find it funny though, how at first he commented how I didn't look like I did in the picture. He said I looked more buff from the pic which was taken three years ago, which I'll post one of these days. These are things I don't recognize, I've stayed around the same weight for the past three/four years and didn't see much difference really. It's odd, friends and family will say You're skinny, gain some weight. Then, You're fat, go running and do exercise. After A said that, You think so? was all I could utter. I'm fine with my built really, though I got a bit self-conscious after he said that.
After that weird comment, we just went about swimming in the ocean again. A was really friendly, I'd look and he'd be talking to people from all ages, kids, couples, teenagers, grandparents which I thought was sweet. He kinda grew on me, and he was someone I felt I could be friends with, if nothing else. He kept calling me sexy which is a surefire way to make me blush. So there I was, tanned and blushing walking along the shore with A. It was nice, we walked down a good half a mile I'd say just asking each other questions, and talking about random things. He mentioned how my pic doesn't do me justice. All I could say was thanks but I still felt like a fatty hahaha after he said so at the beginning. Ju on beach!! He had to go meet his friend later on the day so we went our separate ways. He said, Give me a hug which I obligingly did, in spite of all the people at the boardwalk. Told him I had a great time which I really did. Spoke to him a little bit after that since he called to let him know he got a parking ticket. His meter ran out and those Va Beach Cops sure do their jobs. Then he called since he didn't know how to get to Olive Garden so looked it up for him. I swear he uttered, That's really sweet like ten times during our two-hour meeting. I probably am, without realizing, but I cringe when people call it out haha I just do what comes natural and I've never been sure as what the line is between doing regular things and being sweet about doing 'em. After I gave him the directions, he had to hang up so that he can concentrate on the road. He said that the traffic's backed up, so on my way home, I stopped by Chic Fil A and grabbed a sandwich. Oh my god! Chic Fil A is sooo good. That was my first time ever having their sandwich and the potato thingies yum yum yum.. Dip it in a mixed ketchup and mayonnaise
sauce, mmm it's sooo good. I was grinning ear to ear driving as I was eating since it was damn good.
I didn't bring my cell with me since it really wasn't gonna take long. It was at that brief period that he called and with me not picking up, assumed that I was angry or something. I'm not avoiding you, I just have to find my way around that's why I had to go. I understood completely about him having to end the convo, but I didn't think of it as him avoiding me. Really haven't spoken to him since then, so will probably call him sometime this week and see if he's paid his ticket yet, or just say hey. He lives three hours away, though he mentioned he's considering moving to the area :D He's thought about this before we met so yeahh..And I might be moving some place else come December anyways.....I'm a bit nervous about calling, Gahh he might think I like him too much.. If I don't call though...guess we'll never know
Ohh..Dad and 'Mom' is coming tomorrow too *Shuxxxx I thought it wouldn't be until midweek at least but will tell more later on. Time conflict and what not.. Got to see a girl I went to tech school with back in '02, eventhough she left VA just this past weekend. Spoke with a friend I haven't talked to for about eight months Gooood times Good times Oh, and Daniel resurfaced too (-_-)
Gotta get some sleep now.
04 August 2006
Snake Pit
Gosh, I came across this and it brought me back four years ago to Basic training. I tried with all my might not to get pulled into this 'Snake Pit' as we called it. This is where the instructors try to fuck with your head lol, I laugh about it now but gosh, the horror of just being there.
I remember shaking the whole time I was having meals, legs closed together, face down to your plate, not even a word to the guys in the table you eat in.
I remember shaking the whole time I was having meals, legs closed together, face down to your plate, not even a word to the guys in the table you eat in.
03 August 2006
Not so new New York
I actually turned 23 this past 27th instead of 22 like I miscalculated hehe. I can't believe it's been a week now but it has been. It was nice. Definitely a complete turn around from my birthday last year which sucked, no other way to put it. But then when I took a walk and got to think about it, that the was the first time that I didn't have a family around EVER, not even a single one of them. So much has changed in one year, new home, new job (sort of), new environment, everything just completely different. As you can tell, I do reminisce quite a lot. I like that word, reminisce, I oughta be the reminisce man ala da Vinci the renaissance man, except all I do is think and not actually make or produce things.
I spent my birthday sleeping since I had to work that evening before I get to have my 3 days off. There's this policy where we couldn't be off for more than 72 hrs so didn't get my free pass yet. I got off work at 0300 Friday morning, but didn't leave my house 'til about 0600 to make my drive to New York. Figured I'd take a little trip instead of just buying something such as a computer like I was considering. I guess I don't wanna look back later and when I think of what I did for my 23rd, all I can say I did was I bought a computer and played with it all day. Great! Experiences are nicer since you always (well most of the time), you can try to relive that moment, and remember the way you felt, the joy of being alive, or being surrounded by people you love or care about (both old, or new in some cases). So yea, made the 6-hour drive to VA, dozing off for a sec on the road (not a good thing), but made it there fine. Excited, and nervous since I'm gonna have to figure out how the subway system worked. Arrived in New York 90 mins later after parking back in Jersey and catching the train. I have this thing where I think everything will work out as planned, but it's not often the case. I got to the Hamilton Station, where I intended to park and ride, and come to find out that ALL the parking spots were taken. Hmm, right on a working day, smart move Dee. So I had to drive around, and parking by a restaurant and asking a man how to get to the Trenton station. Finally made my way to Trenton, parked, paid for two nights of parking, and hopped on the Northeast Corridor Line. Naks, I feel like a veteran hehe. Well not after going to the wrong line, and having to cross the street to get to where I needed to go. Thank goodness for angels dressed in the form of humans.
One of them took shape in a blogger named Jon. I do not know what I would have done without his expertise in just about anything New York. Gaaaahhh! was all I could think of when I imagined getting around the subway, but he walked me through it and made sure I got on the right line. I looked a bit touristy trying to figure out how to get a ticket that I ended up chitchatting with a lady, telling me how the system worked, directions to where I was going, etc etc That was before she asked me if I'm mixed Filipino. I was a bit stunned that she guessed, so I asked if it was because of the way I talked. She said no, It just looked like you're mixed with it Don't you realize? I said Not really and just smiled, batting my eyes at her.
I reserved a bed at a hostel so made my way there, after trying to figure out where it was located. I walked one block down, then went back the other direction after I realized how the system works. If the street number goes up, go the other way if you need to get to a lower street number. The info was a bit misleading since it said they're just a block away from the subway, but in actuality it was more like 3 blocks down, 2 to the left. It was alright, if you just need somewhere to sleep in, it's not too bad for the price. I thought I was gonna have the room all to myself, since it was all just me when I got up there. Took off my pants and laid down since my eyes just wanted to close since I've been up for 24 hrs by the time I arrived. Fighting it off though since I'll spoil my trip if I end up sleeping during the day. I was laying down, when I heard someone trying to enter the room. Door unlocked, two guys walked in that's gonna be staying in the same room which is set up for six people. Kinda weird, trying to put on shorts, and shaking hands and introducing yourself to the newcomers. Didn't talk to them much after that since my brain wasn't functioning right until after I ended up napping. Forced myself to get up, and wandered around Union Square for a bit, trying to find Yoshinoya which I come to find out was 28 blocks from where I was. I got to witness a group performing Capoeira as well, which I found really intriguing. Just listening to the beat made me wanna up and move up there, the vibe was just really great. All the audience just encircling them, clapping along to the beat of the drums. Funny thing I found too, was I looking around and some of the faces looked familiar. I can't explain how and where but it felt like I've seen a bunch of them before. I think I stood there close to an hour just watching the performance and had this good feeling inside, just being there at the moment and experiencing something new.
Well, come Saturday I met up with Jon around noon at Union Square. I was there the previous night, just to be sure I'd know where I needed to be and not be late. We did a bit of walking, wait I take that back, it was a LOT of walking but it was nice. We went to different neighborhoods, and he explained what makes one different from another. Downtown, SoHo, Chinatown, The Village, etc. I was really giddy and in awe just listening to him. The man sure loves his city. We went to a ramen place for lunch (eventhough it was hot) and they actually have Calpis. Umm, Calpico is what it's called outside Japan. I used to get looks when I told my coworkers what I was drinking. Here's a picture, but don't let the name fool ya. It doesn't taste like pis (not that I'd know) but it is goooood. I can send ya one if you wanna try hehe We also stopped by to the business district, and that was a nice touch that between all the high-rising buildings is the St Patrick's Cathedral. I've never gone to a cathedral before, so I was just in awe once again. (Yea, I get amazed easily) I just felt at ease just walking inside it. After a stop at H&M which was our main reason heading midtown, I didn't buy anything though since there's too much stuff that I got overwhelmed. My indecisiveness kicks in and I never know what to get.
We then went back to The Village and had a meal at a yakitori (barbecue) restaurant Yakitori Taisho. It is sooo good, and walking in, you'll be transported to Japan. That's what it really felt like, took me right back to the streets of Japan. It just had a nice atmosphere to it. I about cried but I didn't since I'm out in public. We had yakitori obviously, okonomiyaki (japanese pizza) and had Asahi cold beer (which I never had until that evening). Goood times, good times. On our way to meet Jon's blogger friends, we stopped by the Japanese grocery so I can pick up some Calpis. I got two bottles of the concentrated ones. I only had a messenger bag so that's where I put them in, though a backpack probably would have felt lighter carrying them around.
We then met up with his blogger friends, Freddie and Just a Girl, with her friend Naz. I normally would not have gone, but I'm trying to come out of the shell more. I'm cool with meeting new people, but if it's meeting their friends, bf's/gf's or whatever, I freak out. Oh my god, they might not like me. Gosh, I'm gonna bore these people is what comes to mind. But I fought it, and ended up having a good time. Jon didn't go to the Roxy with us, since he was tired, and I got close to just going back to the hostel and getting some rest for the next day. But figured, what the heck, I can sleep when I get back to VA which I sure did. Twelve hours straight. It was fun. Just dancing along, having a few drinks but I think I came to the realization I might not be a big fan of clubs after all. Sure, I do like to dance but I prefer just 'avin a drink or two with friends, just talking about what random things that come to mind. Just a girl suuure can dance, and both her and Naz is pretty. There were gay? boys chatting 'em up and everything which I found quite funny.
Come 0330, we made our way back to own's haven to get rested for Sunday. They had flights to catch, whilst I had to drive home. I had a good time overall, and the trip is sure worth it.
Yours with a happy face
I spent my birthday sleeping since I had to work that evening before I get to have my 3 days off. There's this policy where we couldn't be off for more than 72 hrs so didn't get my free pass yet. I got off work at 0300 Friday morning, but didn't leave my house 'til about 0600 to make my drive to New York. Figured I'd take a little trip instead of just buying something such as a computer like I was considering. I guess I don't wanna look back later and when I think of what I did for my 23rd, all I can say I did was I bought a computer and played with it all day. Great! Experiences are nicer since you always (well most of the time), you can try to relive that moment, and remember the way you felt, the joy of being alive, or being surrounded by people you love or care about (both old, or new in some cases). So yea, made the 6-hour drive to VA, dozing off for a sec on the road (not a good thing), but made it there fine. Excited, and nervous since I'm gonna have to figure out how the subway system worked. Arrived in New York 90 mins later after parking back in Jersey and catching the train. I have this thing where I think everything will work out as planned, but it's not often the case. I got to the Hamilton Station, where I intended to park and ride, and come to find out that ALL the parking spots were taken. Hmm, right on a working day, smart move Dee. So I had to drive around, and parking by a restaurant and asking a man how to get to the Trenton station. Finally made my way to Trenton, parked, paid for two nights of parking, and hopped on the Northeast Corridor Line. Naks, I feel like a veteran hehe. Well not after going to the wrong line, and having to cross the street to get to where I needed to go. Thank goodness for angels dressed in the form of humans.
One of them took shape in a blogger named Jon. I do not know what I would have done without his expertise in just about anything New York. Gaaaahhh! was all I could think of when I imagined getting around the subway, but he walked me through it and made sure I got on the right line. I looked a bit touristy trying to figure out how to get a ticket that I ended up chitchatting with a lady, telling me how the system worked, directions to where I was going, etc etc That was before she asked me if I'm mixed Filipino. I was a bit stunned that she guessed, so I asked if it was because of the way I talked. She said no, It just looked like you're mixed with it Don't you realize? I said Not really and just smiled, batting my eyes at her.
I reserved a bed at a hostel so made my way there, after trying to figure out where it was located. I walked one block down, then went back the other direction after I realized how the system works. If the street number goes up, go the other way if you need to get to a lower street number. The info was a bit misleading since it said they're just a block away from the subway, but in actuality it was more like 3 blocks down, 2 to the left. It was alright, if you just need somewhere to sleep in, it's not too bad for the price. I thought I was gonna have the room all to myself, since it was all just me when I got up there. Took off my pants and laid down since my eyes just wanted to close since I've been up for 24 hrs by the time I arrived. Fighting it off though since I'll spoil my trip if I end up sleeping during the day. I was laying down, when I heard someone trying to enter the room. Door unlocked, two guys walked in that's gonna be staying in the same room which is set up for six people. Kinda weird, trying to put on shorts, and shaking hands and introducing yourself to the newcomers. Didn't talk to them much after that since my brain wasn't functioning right until after I ended up napping. Forced myself to get up, and wandered around Union Square for a bit, trying to find Yoshinoya which I come to find out was 28 blocks from where I was. I got to witness a group performing Capoeira as well, which I found really intriguing. Just listening to the beat made me wanna up and move up there, the vibe was just really great. All the audience just encircling them, clapping along to the beat of the drums. Funny thing I found too, was I looking around and some of the faces looked familiar. I can't explain how and where but it felt like I've seen a bunch of them before. I think I stood there close to an hour just watching the performance and had this good feeling inside, just being there at the moment and experiencing something new.
Well, come Saturday I met up with Jon around noon at Union Square. I was there the previous night, just to be sure I'd know where I needed to be and not be late. We did a bit of walking, wait I take that back, it was a LOT of walking but it was nice. We went to different neighborhoods, and he explained what makes one different from another. Downtown, SoHo, Chinatown, The Village, etc. I was really giddy and in awe just listening to him. The man sure loves his city. We went to a ramen place for lunch (eventhough it was hot) and they actually have Calpis. Umm, Calpico is what it's called outside Japan. I used to get looks when I told my coworkers what I was drinking. Here's a picture, but don't let the name fool ya. It doesn't taste like pis (not that I'd know) but it is goooood. I can send ya one if you wanna try hehe We also stopped by to the business district, and that was a nice touch that between all the high-rising buildings is the St Patrick's Cathedral. I've never gone to a cathedral before, so I was just in awe once again. (Yea, I get amazed easily) I just felt at ease just walking inside it. After a stop at H&M which was our main reason heading midtown, I didn't buy anything though since there's too much stuff that I got overwhelmed. My indecisiveness kicks in and I never know what to get.
We then went back to The Village and had a meal at a yakitori (barbecue) restaurant Yakitori Taisho. It is sooo good, and walking in, you'll be transported to Japan. That's what it really felt like, took me right back to the streets of Japan. It just had a nice atmosphere to it. I about cried but I didn't since I'm out in public. We had yakitori obviously, okonomiyaki (japanese pizza) and had Asahi cold beer (which I never had until that evening). Goood times, good times. On our way to meet Jon's blogger friends, we stopped by the Japanese grocery so I can pick up some Calpis. I got two bottles of the concentrated ones. I only had a messenger bag so that's where I put them in, though a backpack probably would have felt lighter carrying them around.
We then met up with his blogger friends, Freddie and Just a Girl, with her friend Naz. I normally would not have gone, but I'm trying to come out of the shell more. I'm cool with meeting new people, but if it's meeting their friends, bf's/gf's or whatever, I freak out. Oh my god, they might not like me. Gosh, I'm gonna bore these people is what comes to mind. But I fought it, and ended up having a good time. Jon didn't go to the Roxy with us, since he was tired, and I got close to just going back to the hostel and getting some rest for the next day. But figured, what the heck, I can sleep when I get back to VA which I sure did. Twelve hours straight. It was fun. Just dancing along, having a few drinks but I think I came to the realization I might not be a big fan of clubs after all. Sure, I do like to dance but I prefer just 'avin a drink or two with friends, just talking about what random things that come to mind. Just a girl suuure can dance, and both her and Naz is pretty. There were gay? boys chatting 'em up and everything which I found quite funny.
Come 0330, we made our way back to own's haven to get rested for Sunday. They had flights to catch, whilst I had to drive home. I had a good time overall, and the trip is sure worth it.
Yours with a happy face
28 July 2006
I started a trend
merely 22 years ago *ehem I wasn't gonna post but then I realized it's all about me today hahaha Had to work though but it's all good. Got to speak to the family at least so that's all that matters. And my dad actually called!! Unlike before where I called and asked him if he remembered what day it was. I'm thankful I got to see this day, and looking forward to more of this thing called life. Places to see, things to experience, and people to meet.
23 July 2006
Close to Heaven II
I don't remember much of what else happened that Friday evening. Come Saturday, one of my friends Avon came out to see us. She's one of my dearest friends since we go way back. I've known her since I was 7, since we went to the same elementary school and were in the same class for the six years we spent there. I actually had a crush on her the first three years, though the closest I got was to kiss her on the hand when we were riding the school bus. We really didn't become too close until we were in the 6th grade (this is what they told me), along with two other folks Victor and Liezel. Here's the four of us seven years ago a before I left for the U.S. She's in the yellow t-shirt, with me standing next to her hahaha. It was certainly nice to see her again. Oh god, I just remembered how we used to call ourselves Spicer's Company. I'm not gonna say who it was after, even if you ask, I will not tell you what you want, what you really really want. We caught about what each other has been up to, she being with like her sixth or seventh gf, and me nothing; laughing about the younger days; and telling me what the other two has been up to. I do miss all four. We had all these plans, renting a place and living together, have fun just singing and dancing, those kind of things. Liezel and Avon get their girly moments singing along to the Spice Girls and dancing to it as well. Errm, I can say I have a knack for learning choreographies from music videos and so I teach them the steps when we used to get together after school or during the weekend.
So going back.. Avon and I were at the funeral home though, so I excused us from the family and told them we're gonna go up in the hotel room so I can get showered. I think I might have showered earlier that day, but it was soooo hot and humid. We went up to the room, and ended up staying there for a while, watching some Spongebob episodes and talking some more. Only time I took a shower was when my cousin Haunani came to check on us, since I told the family I won't be gone for long. After some coaxing, I got Avon to converse with my cousin eventhough she was a bit shy. My cousin only spoke English so yea, Avon had no choice really hehe They got along pretty well though so that's a good thing. One of my uncles thought that Avon was my girlfriend which was really funny. Well maybe, the baggy clothes gave it away but still. My mom's side of the family knows better hehe, even my grandma. When my uncle made that comment, my grandma said softly to my cousin there's nothing that will happen between those two, she's a tomboy and Dee's a billyboy (that's my nickname to the family, dee of course not billyboy!!)
We made our way back to the funeral home which was just across the street. Some of the old neighbors were there too so it was really nice. You changed so much you look so different you're so manly now is pretty much what I heard coming across them. And the questions are you married yet? got any kids? do you have a girlfriend how many I just kept on smiling and say naw, I'm too young or no not at the moment.. though thinking and never will. A lot of them are surprised how I turned out. Umm thing is I used to be really feminine when I was kid now that I think about it. I never thought much of it, but I guess people around me were otherwise. Some would comment when I had my backs on them, or when they thought they couldn't hear me Buti hindi bumigay ( Wowww, I'm glad he didn't go gay all the way) I'm not sure how to say this in English. I really didn't find those questions too personal or maybe that's just me, but my cousin got aggravated getting asked those the majority of the trip. She felt a bit out of place too (she confided) since she really can't speak Tagalog. She was getting bored too, so I asked her if she'd wanna go somewhere like the mall or something. She did, so after getting permission from my mom, and the aunts we were able to go.
There was a shopping center Ayala, not too far from where we were. It was me, my cousin Haunani and Avon that went. We just walked around Greenbelt which is an outdoor mall, and looked at some of the shops. They have all these restaurants as well, but we, well more like I decided that we'll go to a Japanese restaurant to try it out. They both had dinner back at the home, so really didn't wanna get a heavy meal. I ordered some sashimi for them, but they really didn't eat it. I had my tempura and sushi so I was all set. During the course of the meal, we got to talking about this one guy I briefly dated when I visited back in 2004. Haunani was kinda curious about him too, since she thought he was cute. To do a little test, Avon texted him and asked if he remembers a guy named Kris
Which Chris? I know a couple
You met him back in '04
Oh the mixed black
Yea him
Is he here? Where is he?
Close to where you guys met, he's in front of me having dinner
He said he'll be heading out then, to come see. I was kinda laughing but got nervous when Avon said that he would actually come. Oh man, you're an idiot What am I gonna do now!? Just talk to him my cousin said What am I gonna say!!? You'll figure it out I was really nervous, that I laid down on the bench around this one fountain with my head on my cousin's lap trying to duck so Gary won't spot me. He eventually showed and so, shook hands, then sat down and had a bit of a talk. The usual hey, how have you been? at the beginning. After a while we actually discussed about what happened between us.
You see, I met him when I was visiting back in '04. We only got to see each other twice however. First, was when we had coffee where I actually met him for the first time, then second was when he joined me and my friends for dinner on my birthday. After that dinner on my birthday, we all five of us walked around and just made the time pass, talking, goofing off and taking pictures. While it was just us two, he mentioned something about really liking me a lot, perhaps even being in love, and that he thinks I'm the one. I told myself to not expect anything out of this really since I'm just on a holiday. I'll admit, I liked the feeling of liking someone and them liking me back. I just didn't think anything would come out of it really since what, I've only met him one time prior to that, and since I don't even live in the same country, let alone.
I think he was either 24 or 25 at that time, and was a teacher at a technical college. I thought he was cute too hehe, especially on the one who sent me the first time we spoke (which he ended up giving me a laminated copy of, and I still keep to this day) I was just nodding along, since I'm not gonna confess that I feel the same way when I don't. The big mistake I did though was promising that I would keep in contact when I knew that I wouldn't. He gave me his phone number, and three e-mail address just to be sure it'll get through if I did e-mail. I didn't throw it away, or anything. It's still in my little notebook but I just didn't do anything with it. I considered getting in contact but then a few months have passed already, so I thought what's the use, you've let months pass already without getting in contact with the guy. I never contacted him again, until now. I was an ass for doing that, and I knew what I did was wrong.
He pretty much asked me things that I knew he would. Why did you that, how come you never got in touch like you promised. All I can say was you know, I'm not sure why either, I'm really sorry for what I did. That was a messed up thing to do, and I apologize. He said it was alright, you were young, probably just confused I did love you, you know. I can't say yep, sure did. I'd feel arrogant saying that, so did what I do best and just smiled sheepishly at him. He ended up leaving few minutes after since him and his friend were gonna go out clubbing. Wished each other the best, and a meeting of just the two us again came up briefly. It never materialized but then, it was probably better not to after all.
So going back.. Avon and I were at the funeral home though, so I excused us from the family and told them we're gonna go up in the hotel room so I can get showered. I think I might have showered earlier that day, but it was soooo hot and humid. We went up to the room, and ended up staying there for a while, watching some Spongebob episodes and talking some more. Only time I took a shower was when my cousin Haunani came to check on us, since I told the family I won't be gone for long. After some coaxing, I got Avon to converse with my cousin eventhough she was a bit shy. My cousin only spoke English so yea, Avon had no choice really hehe They got along pretty well though so that's a good thing. One of my uncles thought that Avon was my girlfriend which was really funny. Well maybe, the baggy clothes gave it away but still. My mom's side of the family knows better hehe, even my grandma. When my uncle made that comment, my grandma said softly to my cousin there's nothing that will happen between those two, she's a tomboy and Dee's a billyboy (that's my nickname to the family, dee of course not billyboy!!)
We made our way back to the funeral home which was just across the street. Some of the old neighbors were there too so it was really nice. You changed so much you look so different you're so manly now is pretty much what I heard coming across them. And the questions are you married yet? got any kids? do you have a girlfriend how many I just kept on smiling and say naw, I'm too young or no not at the moment.. though thinking and never will. A lot of them are surprised how I turned out. Umm thing is I used to be really feminine when I was kid now that I think about it. I never thought much of it, but I guess people around me were otherwise. Some would comment when I had my backs on them, or when they thought they couldn't hear me Buti hindi bumigay ( Wowww, I'm glad he didn't go gay all the way) I'm not sure how to say this in English. I really didn't find those questions too personal or maybe that's just me, but my cousin got aggravated getting asked those the majority of the trip. She felt a bit out of place too (she confided) since she really can't speak Tagalog. She was getting bored too, so I asked her if she'd wanna go somewhere like the mall or something. She did, so after getting permission from my mom, and the aunts we were able to go.
There was a shopping center Ayala, not too far from where we were. It was me, my cousin Haunani and Avon that went. We just walked around Greenbelt which is an outdoor mall, and looked at some of the shops. They have all these restaurants as well, but we, well more like I decided that we'll go to a Japanese restaurant to try it out. They both had dinner back at the home, so really didn't wanna get a heavy meal. I ordered some sashimi for them, but they really didn't eat it. I had my tempura and sushi so I was all set. During the course of the meal, we got to talking about this one guy I briefly dated when I visited back in 2004. Haunani was kinda curious about him too, since she thought he was cute. To do a little test, Avon texted him and asked if he remembers a guy named Kris
Which Chris? I know a couple
You met him back in '04
Oh the mixed black
Yea him
Is he here? Where is he?
Close to where you guys met, he's in front of me having dinner
He said he'll be heading out then, to come see. I was kinda laughing but got nervous when Avon said that he would actually come. Oh man, you're an idiot What am I gonna do now!? Just talk to him my cousin said What am I gonna say!!? You'll figure it out I was really nervous, that I laid down on the bench around this one fountain with my head on my cousin's lap trying to duck so Gary won't spot me. He eventually showed and so, shook hands, then sat down and had a bit of a talk. The usual hey, how have you been? at the beginning. After a while we actually discussed about what happened between us.
You see, I met him when I was visiting back in '04. We only got to see each other twice however. First, was when we had coffee where I actually met him for the first time, then second was when he joined me and my friends for dinner on my birthday. After that dinner on my birthday, we all five of us walked around and just made the time pass, talking, goofing off and taking pictures. While it was just us two, he mentioned something about really liking me a lot, perhaps even being in love, and that he thinks I'm the one. I told myself to not expect anything out of this really since I'm just on a holiday. I'll admit, I liked the feeling of liking someone and them liking me back. I just didn't think anything would come out of it really since what, I've only met him one time prior to that, and since I don't even live in the same country, let alone.
I think he was either 24 or 25 at that time, and was a teacher at a technical college. I thought he was cute too hehe, especially on the one who sent me the first time we spoke (which he ended up giving me a laminated copy of, and I still keep to this day) I was just nodding along, since I'm not gonna confess that I feel the same way when I don't. The big mistake I did though was promising that I would keep in contact when I knew that I wouldn't. He gave me his phone number, and three e-mail address just to be sure it'll get through if I did e-mail. I didn't throw it away, or anything. It's still in my little notebook but I just didn't do anything with it. I considered getting in contact but then a few months have passed already, so I thought what's the use, you've let months pass already without getting in contact with the guy. I never contacted him again, until now. I was an ass for doing that, and I knew what I did was wrong.
He pretty much asked me things that I knew he would. Why did you that, how come you never got in touch like you promised. All I can say was you know, I'm not sure why either, I'm really sorry for what I did. That was a messed up thing to do, and I apologize. He said it was alright, you were young, probably just confused I did love you, you know. I can't say yep, sure did. I'd feel arrogant saying that, so did what I do best and just smiled sheepishly at him. He ended up leaving few minutes after since him and his friend were gonna go out clubbing. Wished each other the best, and a meeting of just the two us again came up briefly. It never materialized but then, it was probably better not to after all.
19 July 2006
Close to Heaven Pt I
It's been a little over a month since I left and came back from the Philippines. As some of you were aware, it was due to a recent death in the family, my Tatay (grandpa) to be exact. During my brief stay in LA at Robert's, I was able to secure a flight that will let me catch the same flight as my cousin's. We left the US on Tuesday 6 Jun and off we flew to Manila. We ended up losing two days, arriving there on a Thursday morning, eventhough the flight was just around 15 hrs. Got to the airport alright, though we didn't get out of the terminal for another hour waiting for our luggage to arrive.
It was my mom, my stepdad and one of my aunts that came out to pick us up. It was nice getting to see them again though I thought they looked differentl the last time I saw them. Well, they thought the same too, since they commented how 'skinny' I was which was kind of funny. [Months earlier, they saw my pictures and mentioned how I probably should be should be going to the gym since I've gotten kinda fat] I swear I'll develop a disorder if I listen to them! It was the usual, hugs and kisses, nice to see you again stuff, though they commented on the T-shirt that I had on. It was a red one, and they say it's not a good idea to be wearing one since it's not exactly a joyous occassion that I came back home for. I'm not even sure what the colors stood for, but I just put on a white one after getting on the van that'll take us back to Laguna which is about an hour outside Manila, the capital. It kinda felt odd being there, especially for the reason we came home for. This was the first time that something like this has hit home, so it's a bit of a shock really.
We finally got to the house and a couple of the family is up already eventhough it was only 7 am. Hugged one of them one by one, kisses, and let some of them, mostly my aunts, cry on my shoulder. I really didn't think I'd be crying but it's completely different after actually being put into that position. [Oh one thing, the wake was actually being held at the house in the time being. My grandpa's remains has been there for about a week, and would be moved to a funeral home later on that same day] A couple of them are awake to keep the remains company, so to speak. I looked at my grandpa and I was just thinking that wow, he's really gone. The usual went on, having a little breakfast, and waiting on the rest of the household to get up, and just talking to the family. We were really happy at the same time, just laughing and joking, making fun of each other, the usual things a family does. Some of us haven't seen each other in seven to eight years even so it definitely was a good thing. Picture taking, with some sleeping, since they've been awake all night. The rest got up the next hour or so, so played around with the young cousins, walked around the neighborhood a little bit. Sort of an odd thing, during this time, a butterfly landed on my sleeves and stayed there for close to an hour. Tried shaking my arms but to no avail, it just stayed put. Filipinos have this belief that a brown butterfly during a wake is actually the spirit of the deceased and so, the family told me to just leave it alone and let it fly off on its own.
In between all this, Sonny the oldest cousin, hasn't been feeling well and been running back and forth to the bathroom. He then went back to the living room, laid down on the couch, and just started shaking so some of the family laid a blanket on him, trying to keep him warm. I'm not exactly sure what was happening after just having arrived there a couple of hours ago. But there was something definitely wrong. I look at my cousin when he passed me by, and it was as if he doesn't even recognize some of us any longer. He has changed too, from the last time that I saw him. There's just been some issues going on, and they were saying how the night before, he drank two long neck liquor. I'm not exactly sure what long neck is, but I think it's this bigger bottle of alcohol that they sell for about a $1. People I've known usually drank just hard liquor, no chasers or anything, just put some ice and nothing else. They said that's what he had the previous night which obviously just worsened his condition, since he was sick already as it is. He ended up getting rushed to the hospital later on that morning.
2 pm rolled around, and that when my Tatay's remains is going to get moved to a funeral home in Makati City (where I grew up) so our old neighbors can pay their respect. It took a bit longer for us to get there since it was raining. We arrived, and ended up renting two rooms in the motel across the street, somewhere to sleep in when some of us get tired or just a place for some to take a shower in. The 'grown ups' usually stayed with my Tatay since somebody has to keep it company usually, even during the night time. It's still good however, reminiscing about the old times or they talk about just random things that they think of throughout the night. After that, some of us went to McDonald's nearby so that the kids can eat, kids being my younger cousins aged between 3-10 yrs. I'm familiar with the area so I was pretty much the navigator for the rest hehe since some of my family lives abroad, and not too familiar with the area. It was fun, the kids all playing with their new toys since Cars just came out, and McDonald's has toys that came with the Happy Meals. Took a bunch of video clips which I uploaded in youtube (for anyone who cares) Left and went back to the funeral home, hanging around with the family. Come 6 pm, Norman (Sonny's younger brother) got a phone call from his Mom. We thought it was just so my Aunt can tell us how Sonny was doing.. Thing is that wasn't the case. With tears in his eyes, he said Kuya's gone! (Kuya = older brother) Everybody got quiet, and just started crying. It was awful. My aunts, grandma, especially my Mom. She took care of Sonny when he was growing up and he's the one she was closest to. She sorta froze, and just kept repeating He's gone over and over I sat down and held onto one of my cousins, and was just thinking wow, this is really happening. It went on like this for a bit, and everybody finally calmed down. Just listened while the grown ups talked about things, the why's what if's if only's what could have been's
Sonny's sister Milani was at a friend's house during this time, and my mom and I went to go get her. We really didn't have any problem finding her since she was sitting outside when the tricycle passed us by. Mama told her 'ning just come back with us. On the way back she kept asking What happened tita? Is there something I should know? Is it bad? We were just about 10 minutes away from the funeral home. The tricycle got there, we got out, and Norman met her on the entrance and told her that their brother's gone. This was even worse than all the others combined. Her knees just buckled, and she ended up sitting on the stairs outside not crying but wailing I knew that nothing I can say would be comforting at that instant. I just hugged her though she was stomach level, muffling some of her screams at least. It was seeing her like this that did it for me. I didn't cry upon hearing my cousin's death a while ago, I was kinda annoyed I'll admit seeing how my mom reacted. This time though, that's when it finally hit me. Just listening to her cry out I don't have my brother anymore, what's gonna happen to me now? that my shoulders started shaking, then tears started falling from my eyes. He was only 30.
It was my mom, my stepdad and one of my aunts that came out to pick us up. It was nice getting to see them again though I thought they looked differentl the last time I saw them. Well, they thought the same too, since they commented how 'skinny' I was which was kind of funny. [Months earlier, they saw my pictures and mentioned how I probably should be should be going to the gym since I've gotten kinda fat] I swear I'll develop a disorder if I listen to them! It was the usual, hugs and kisses, nice to see you again stuff, though they commented on the T-shirt that I had on. It was a red one, and they say it's not a good idea to be wearing one since it's not exactly a joyous occassion that I came back home for. I'm not even sure what the colors stood for, but I just put on a white one after getting on the van that'll take us back to Laguna which is about an hour outside Manila, the capital. It kinda felt odd being there, especially for the reason we came home for. This was the first time that something like this has hit home, so it's a bit of a shock really.
We finally got to the house and a couple of the family is up already eventhough it was only 7 am. Hugged one of them one by one, kisses, and let some of them, mostly my aunts, cry on my shoulder. I really didn't think I'd be crying but it's completely different after actually being put into that position. [Oh one thing, the wake was actually being held at the house in the time being. My grandpa's remains has been there for about a week, and would be moved to a funeral home later on that same day] A couple of them are awake to keep the remains company, so to speak. I looked at my grandpa and I was just thinking that wow, he's really gone. The usual went on, having a little breakfast, and waiting on the rest of the household to get up, and just talking to the family. We were really happy at the same time, just laughing and joking, making fun of each other, the usual things a family does. Some of us haven't seen each other in seven to eight years even so it definitely was a good thing. Picture taking, with some sleeping, since they've been awake all night. The rest got up the next hour or so, so played around with the young cousins, walked around the neighborhood a little bit. Sort of an odd thing, during this time, a butterfly landed on my sleeves and stayed there for close to an hour. Tried shaking my arms but to no avail, it just stayed put. Filipinos have this belief that a brown butterfly during a wake is actually the spirit of the deceased and so, the family told me to just leave it alone and let it fly off on its own.
In between all this, Sonny the oldest cousin, hasn't been feeling well and been running back and forth to the bathroom. He then went back to the living room, laid down on the couch, and just started shaking so some of the family laid a blanket on him, trying to keep him warm. I'm not exactly sure what was happening after just having arrived there a couple of hours ago. But there was something definitely wrong. I look at my cousin when he passed me by, and it was as if he doesn't even recognize some of us any longer. He has changed too, from the last time that I saw him. There's just been some issues going on, and they were saying how the night before, he drank two long neck liquor. I'm not exactly sure what long neck is, but I think it's this bigger bottle of alcohol that they sell for about a $1. People I've known usually drank just hard liquor, no chasers or anything, just put some ice and nothing else. They said that's what he had the previous night which obviously just worsened his condition, since he was sick already as it is. He ended up getting rushed to the hospital later on that morning.
2 pm rolled around, and that when my Tatay's remains is going to get moved to a funeral home in Makati City (where I grew up) so our old neighbors can pay their respect. It took a bit longer for us to get there since it was raining. We arrived, and ended up renting two rooms in the motel across the street, somewhere to sleep in when some of us get tired or just a place for some to take a shower in. The 'grown ups' usually stayed with my Tatay since somebody has to keep it company usually, even during the night time. It's still good however, reminiscing about the old times or they talk about just random things that they think of throughout the night. After that, some of us went to McDonald's nearby so that the kids can eat, kids being my younger cousins aged between 3-10 yrs. I'm familiar with the area so I was pretty much the navigator for the rest hehe since some of my family lives abroad, and not too familiar with the area. It was fun, the kids all playing with their new toys since Cars just came out, and McDonald's has toys that came with the Happy Meals. Took a bunch of video clips which I uploaded in youtube (for anyone who cares) Left and went back to the funeral home, hanging around with the family. Come 6 pm, Norman (Sonny's younger brother) got a phone call from his Mom. We thought it was just so my Aunt can tell us how Sonny was doing.. Thing is that wasn't the case. With tears in his eyes, he said Kuya's gone! (Kuya = older brother) Everybody got quiet, and just started crying. It was awful. My aunts, grandma, especially my Mom. She took care of Sonny when he was growing up and he's the one she was closest to. She sorta froze, and just kept repeating He's gone over and over I sat down and held onto one of my cousins, and was just thinking wow, this is really happening. It went on like this for a bit, and everybody finally calmed down. Just listened while the grown ups talked about things, the why's what if's if only's what could have been's
Sonny's sister Milani was at a friend's house during this time, and my mom and I went to go get her. We really didn't have any problem finding her since she was sitting outside when the tricycle passed us by. Mama told her 'ning just come back with us. On the way back she kept asking What happened tita? Is there something I should know? Is it bad? We were just about 10 minutes away from the funeral home. The tricycle got there, we got out, and Norman met her on the entrance and told her that their brother's gone. This was even worse than all the others combined. Her knees just buckled, and she ended up sitting on the stairs outside not crying but wailing I knew that nothing I can say would be comforting at that instant. I just hugged her though she was stomach level, muffling some of her screams at least. It was seeing her like this that did it for me. I didn't cry upon hearing my cousin's death a while ago, I was kinda annoyed I'll admit seeing how my mom reacted. This time though, that's when it finally hit me. Just listening to her cry out I don't have my brother anymore, what's gonna happen to me now? that my shoulders started shaking, then tears started falling from my eyes. He was only 30.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)