It finally snowed here in the DC area the first time on a Sunday. I need to watch the news more. I slept it once again, and watched a movie, Lovely and Amazing if I remember correctly. It was an okay movie, I was watching it and thinking why am I still watching this, but still finished the whole movie. It was made by the same director that made Friends With Money which I liked. The movie was about a mother and her two daughters just going through stuff. I'd say they're in the valleys of their life, working through their insecurities, and trying to find ways to feel better about themselves, even with the help of others at some point. Of course, I didn't think of that the night I watched it. What it made me think of....is McDonald's. There's this adopted black girl that had weight issues, and she got hungry one evening so she left the house without telling her sister and walked the streets to get to McDonald's. It made me crave for a Big Mac but really can't do anything since it was like 1230 am when this happened. There won't be any open I know. This happened too when I was in Japan. I'd get the munchies for a Big Mac like really late and one time, I actually drove around to find one open and I got lucky, I got there
Of course, when I woke up, I had to satisfy my craving and off to McDo I go. Sunday became my eat anything I want day. With going to the gym, I shouldn't be really going to fast foods and such, but I had a craving, and sometimes you just have to give in to it, whatever the craving's for. This was also the time I found it it was snowing, as I was leaving. And with nothing planned really, I figured I'll head out to Ikea and pick up a shelf. Well, I was debating between two shelves, but ended up going with an actual bookshelf rather than a bookcase. I'm trying to use up whatever space I have in my room so went with a Billy bookshelf. I can't ge the picture, but it stands about 80 inches in black brown color. I'm getting close to getting my room set up, just need to get somethign to put up on the wall to give it a homelier feel. It is my crib, and probably will be for the rest of the year. I kinda enjoy living with roommates right now, though I'd need to speak with one about his cleaning habits. Ok, it amazes me that I put a paper towel in the microwave, and when the roomy heats his food up, not use the paper towel to cover it up. Guess one of those things where I'll have to tell them. I just find it odd how I'll have to tell someone something obvious already. Guess I forget we all don't think alike. I ended up spending a few hours during which it snowed way more, and on the way back, I skidded in the interstate. Good thing I didn't hit anybody though I messed up my bumper a bit.
At the beginning of the week, one of the coworkers was sick so I was manning the phones by myself for like three hours at the beginning of the shift. Ugh, all these calls coming in. It was stressing me out.Lord, make it stop! I like the schedule though, but I think eventually I'll find one where I do more behind the scenes work rather than dealing with all the calls.
Hitting the gym's actually been making me sleepy earlier than usual. I feel sleepy around 9, but do I go to bed? Of course not. I still stay up 'til 11 or 12, then get up around 5 to get ready for work. I might need to change that soon though since this week, I'd hit the snooze and wake up at 6 am, 6 minutes before I was supposed to catch the bus. I usually catch the 6:06 bus, and get to work around 6:45 am. There's a metro stop two miles away, and I've been driving to it this week, then catch the metro from there. I could leave the house around 6:25 and catch the 6:30-something train so hmm, will give that some thought over the weekend. Maybe I just need to sleep earlier, or take some vitamins.
It's two days since I last spoke to my cousin. This is the longest we haven't talked on the phone I think. Just annoyed a little with her with some stuff between her and her gf. Really won't tell her what to do since she's a grown woman, so will just keep my mouth shut and stand from a distance.
Last night, I invited my friend J- to have dinner. This is just the second time we've hang out, pretty much a month after we first met. He lives like three miles but yea, need to work on that. Hopefully we'll become friends. It felt weird though, it felt like a date when it really isn't. He was dressed up in slacks and everything, and I showed up wearing jeans and sneakers. He's a nice guy, considering we were driving around for half an hour trying to find the restaurant. It was pretty new, it won't even show up on mapquest yet. It was Pei Wei that we went to, and I think they have those chains in other states as well. Sister company of PF Chang's which I've never gone to before either. It was nice, just sitting there talking. We laugh most of the time so that's a good thing. He's never seen Strangers with Candy so I had him watch it on the way back. We probably could have talked more but silly me had him watch Jerri. Looks like he liked it so that's a good thing. He told me he wanted to go see a movie, but I forgot what it was. I was gonna offer to come along but held back since it felt like I was asking him out. What to do what to do.
With C- though, it's been almost a week and really haven't talked to him. Will just see I guess. Headin to lunch now, but maybe I'll write more later, just clearing my head.
26 January 2007
I can stand me
Halfway through the week already, yay! The week sure just flew by. Pretty much stayed in all weekend which is a first since I've moved here. The past few weeks, I managed to find things to do, catch a movie with someone, go out to the clubs, and that's about it. I really haven't seen the touristy parts of DC since I don't like walking in the cold, I avoid it at all cost.
Friday, C- did come over as we planned though he ended up having to go home for the night. I had him over and all I made was spaghetti. I really didn't know where to go for dinner, and he wasn't gonna come by 'til like 10 pm so pretty much all the restaurants are close. And with me trying to save, figured I'll just make dinner instead of buying. As I was finishing up, I just thought Why am I making spaghetti out of all the food in the world. And remembered, I can barely cook. He arrived around 10 as agreed, and I got his plate set up and a drink. We just went back to my room and ate since me and the roommates really don't use our dining area yet. Just sat in the futon and pretty much just talked while eating, asking questions, getting to know each other more. It felt a bit weird since I usually don't have guys come over, I dunno since I was in Japan, I never had one come by, not even once. After a while, I eased up and stopped worrying about it. He liked the way I had my room set up, so that was goood. He looked through my closet a little (since I keep it open) and mentioned how he'd wear the ties that I have. He was saying how his roommate buys ties, and doesn't really go together with anything he wears. That was nice, so guess that means I have a good taste in clothing. I pretty much worked on it after the first guy I dated ditched me (well we just went out once but with that being my first time ever, it was a big deal). I was 20 at that time. But yea, all I said was thanks or probably just smiled at him, taking the compliment for what it's worth. I still have some issues when I get compliments. As much as it's nice to hear, I get all weird in the inside when I hear them. It's a boost to one's esteem, but still *smiles
Pretty much, we were just talking throughout our meal. We were gonna put on Little Miss Sunshine, but he was probably too hungry to care about it at first. He came back for seconds so the spaghetti can't be bad then, ok it was good. A bit better than good, gooder since I put some Ikea meatballs on it as well. After eating, I put on Strangers with Candy but he really wasn't watching it hehe I'm thinking pay attention to Jerri dude! How could you not watch this!? Oh well, can't make everyone like her I guess. He left around 12:30 since he had to work that Saturday morning. He called me at 5 pm to tell me about it, and at first it bothered me a little. But that all went away when he left for the night, at least I got to see him even for a bit.
I didn't go to bed 'til probably 3 am and slept in 'til about 11 am. That was nice, and got dressed to go to the gym. I started going just this past week. I was dressed and maybe waited 2-3 hours before I left haha. I was sitting there debating whether to go or not. Chatted with the roommate, surfed the net, listened to music before finally telling myself You have to go, it's all about discipline. It felt good once I was done though, and was proud of myself *pat in the back. I left maybe an hour after, and stopped by Marshall's and looked around. I saw some stuff I liked, though didn't buy anything until last night where I got everything I wanted but the knit cap with the ear covers. Booo! And that's what I wanted, well needed since it's cold here *hummm Maybe I'll just buy the ear muffs since the skull caps just flatten my hair completely. I used one few days ago, and I ended up having to wet my hair to get my curls back. Or maybe I should just shave my head again, but then I'll miss my hair right after I do.
After the gym, I stepped out and just felt light. I was just happy of being, didn't make plans with anybody, or considering going out just because. Ah, this isn't so bad after all. It was bothering me before not having anybody to hang out with on weekends, but it was different not having that wanting, ya know. I can stand me.
*Started this post Wednesday at work but got sidetracked working hahaha
19 January 2007
Retro night
Am sure glad it's Friday.. Six more hours to go and I'll call it a day :D It's actually been quiet here at work this morning which is quite surprising. Considering my coworker called in sick so I'm running the ship here. Most of the calls I've gotten, I actually know what the user needed or wanted. Yesterday was another story. They sent out a company-wide training and didn't tell us in advance what problems the users would run into. I had NO idea what they were calling about at first, and wasn't even sure how to troubleshoot. It's a bit frustrating when they do that. They would push out new softwares, some computer courses, etc etc and not let us know what it's all about, yet put the Helpdesk down as the main POC for any problem people run into. I was a bit pissed but oh well, just had to take it in stride and not let it get to me which I succeeded in doing later on the day. Am not too sure where it came from but I was happier towards the end of the day.
Around 10 or so, I stepped out of the office and went over to different offices and fixed whatever problem they were having. It actually is nice, getting to talk to all sorts of people. Ones who think they're so important the world will stop without them, and the really down to earth ones that just laughs at the situation since they're aware that things do just happen sometimes. Some lady actually gave me a Snickers bar when she saw me on her floor. I helped her out two weeks ago maybe and she said that she meant to ask me what candy bar I liked. I had to go to another woman's office though to fix something, but when i came by the reception desk, a Snickers bar was waiting for me. That was sweet.. Well the lady too.
We actually cover the whole US so we get lots of calls throughout the day. It's mostly account lock outs, and you start to recognize a pattern when the same people call about getting them unlocked. Heehee, some callers are a darling. Mostly from the South, and the Midwest. Though I fall in love whenever someone from Puerto Rico calls. I'm a sucker for accents from time to time. I think that's why I can have D- talk to me all day, and me not say a word.
I had about two hours of sleep again yesterday and I'm not really sure why that happens. I was tired but just can't fall asleep.I think I have shorter patience when that happens, since callers get on my nerves pretty quickly. I got to google talk with C- yesterday and we're set for today. We're just gonna hang out at my crib, and that's probably gonna give away to my roommates that I'm gay with him spending the night at my place. It's never really come up and I didn't want to just bring it up out of the blue. So yea, C- has some volunteering to do and won't get out 'til 9:30 pm. I'm not sure whether to just make some spaghetti (with the ikea meatballs which are a killer!) or just pick up a dinner, as to where I do not know.
I forced myself to run eventhough I was sore from going to the gym. It's even worse today, so not sure yet if I'm going today either. I hang out with a new friend yesterday, though we just met up in Adams Morgan which is an eclectic part of DC. It was nice, though I didn't get to walk outside much since it was freezing. We went to this one bar, Heaven and Hell, and they had the 80's theme on Thursdays. It was nice, though we left by 11 since I had to catch the metro back, since I work today. Him and I got along well, Strangers with Candy fan, listen to the same music, laughs at the same things so there's common thread. He's straight, but I told him upfront I'm gay but he said he could care less. I wanted him to know upfront before we became friends.
It was a good night, I got home, took off my clothes and was out for the night. And I told C- I was gonna call him too. Oh well, I'll see him today. I'm soo looking forward to it, talking to him and just getting to know him more. It's been two weeks since I've seen him. Looks like he's a good guy, he's even lived in China for a few months when he was in school.
Well, lunch is almost over and I think I've written down what's in my head. Nothing mindblowing though it's still longer than I intended it to be. Eh, I think I drag sometimes but oh well, I forget I'm doing this for me. Two more hours to go baby.....
17 January 2007
Making it happen
Ok, it's been a week now and I haven't posted. I'm trying to post more often with the new year and everything, and working on it but I'm getting there.
It's good overall, just trying to be thankful for everything that's come my way. With the job, I'm liking the schedule which is 7:00 am to 3:30 pm (there ya go Matt :) Last week was the introductory stage so was kinda getting a feel of what it's like. It is good seeing the sun again when I leave for the day, though I'd end up doing overtime, well just about 5-10 minutes extra at times. I'd pick up the phone few minutes before I'm supposed to leave, and it always isn't the fix and hang up type of problems. Anyway, with any other job, there are both sides and the bad stuff got a little to me last week. Some guy kinda got me in trouble by telling the IT chief that he's problem hasn't been taken care of and it's been close to a month. Thing is I've called him a few times trying to find a good time I can come by to take a look at the printer, and he never even called me back so I ended up closing the ticket. It was just a paper jam, but it would have been fixed if he had called me at least. Just a courteous thing, ya know but I guess some people think they're above all that. The guy was a Chief in the other division, and is considered a "VIP." VIP my butt. Ugh, anyways, it upset me a little I started looking at other companies already haha. Well that, and I was thinking how it's time for the nice guys to be in charge. Someone like me *grins But yea, with this happening, it made me want to go back to school to better myself. I know it'll sound an excuse but I'm still waiting for a document before I can start applying for benefits, G.I. Bill for school mostly, but without that paper, I really can't prove that I'm a veteran. I was supposed to get it a month ago after the day I separated but the Separations neglected to do so. Going back to school will have to wait a bit. Perhaps summer or the fall. That should be enough time to completely get situated here, acclimated where everything is, and getting used to this new way of life. I think I might give up my Florida residency soon. I'm keeping it for scholarship purposes, but I'm not really sure if I'd want to live there again. Moving's a pain.
Weekend was good. I met up with Kr- last Saturday. He's someone I've kinda known, spoken to him for a few months, but never actually met him when I lived in Hampton, and he in Williamsburg. It's only 30 mins away but our schedules never coincided. It was good, we were gonna go see Dreamgirls but ended up not going since it was a longer walk from where we were than HE thought. We just walked back to Dupont Circle and went to a pub, Biddy Milligans I believe. We hang around there for a bit, and there I was smiling at a girl again lol. Had some shots of Yager and I was a bit tipsy after just one shot, the buzz felt good though so me like it. Ended up just getting a burger since we didn't know where else to go, and the food wasn't pricey so that was nice. We sat at the bar, and sometime during the evening, I was looking at a guy all the way across the other end of the bar. I thought he looked familiar, but I can't think of where I knew him at first. I was staring at him here and there, and thought that he might have been someone I knew in my military days, but that can't be, not here in all places. On our way out, the guy I was looking at was there smoking and I asked him, Didn't I know you somewhere? Yea, that's something I should really be asking strangers. But sure enough, it was him. I actually had a crush on him once upon a time, but that was cause he used to hug me all the time, and say how they had the cutest bay chief, not sure what the term is in the dormitories but it's the person in charge of the hall. I did roll calls and such, making sure all the people in my bay are accounted for, and that I know where they are if they're not there. But yea, he had a girlfriend and everything so he can't be gay, or so I thought. Not that I'm wishing now that he is. Anyway, we just spoke for a little while but told each other that we'd keep in contact. Kinda sucks how he was homeless, after getting out of the Air Force. I could have offered but it's one of those things. I really didn't know him that well, and with me just being new here in the apartment, it might not bode well with the roommates. Will call DW- though, and see how he's doing at least. He was smoking with this one woman, and I ended up getting her number too. She said she goes to that pub usually on Saturdays, and I should give her a ring if I'm around.
After the pub, we went out to this bar JR's, then to Chaos where they had drag queens performing. It was fun, I also saw someone that I met the week prior but didn't come up to him and say hi. We had a meet and greet a few days ago, since I've talked to him since March 06 but never got a chance to meet him. There were talks of hanging out more, now that I actually live here but we'll have to wait and see. I guess dating can't really be avoided, but oh well, along with it comes games and stuff. I like you, but I'll play it off like I don't. Yea, say let's hang out but never call back. I'm guilty of it myself. I now know how it feels when guys I met wanted to see me again, but I never did. I didn't realize how sucky that must have felt. All I thought was meh, they'll get over it. They'll meet someone better than me. Either that, or I used to think why would they wanna see me again? I'm sure I bored them to death already, and they want more? Oh well, this all got me thinking after meeting Ch-. I've wanted to hang out again but he seemed "busy" so I just let it be. It's been two weeks already! Ah well, he texted earlier this evening if I wanted to hang out Friday. I said yes, though might just speak with him about this tomorrow.
I went to the gym the first time today, after years I think. I had an appointment with a trainer who showed me what machines to use and such. I got lightheaded since I didn't have anything to eat since noon, and I went to the gym at 5. I had to sit in the car for 10 mins before I went home since I can barely move after the session. I'm gonna have to give it some thought whether to get a trainer for a few months, then doing it on my own. Just to get me a headstart, and actually keep at it. Thoughts? My body's fine, but there's room for improvement. Oh, and so my dad will stop ribbing me about the flat stomach that I don't have. He told me to just get defined at least. I see where he's coming from though, he has a back injury and just wants me to take better care of myself. But yea, I saw his pic when he was my age, and I'd have to say, I wanna have that kind of definition. It'll take work, but gotta do it if I want that. I fell asleep right after getting home, I was too weak to even make a sandwich at least. Laid down, and was out before I know it. I slept for about 3 1/2 hours, then woke up and had some peanut butter sandwich, no jam, and dipped it in hot cocoa. Yea yea, my friends say it's gross doing that. It's a Filipino thing. There's a joke how we do that since we wanna make sure the bread is clean. Yea, really funny. I was really picky when I was younger, and people thought I was spoiled because of that. My mom usually prepares something different just for me. I just liked simple things. Ok, I'm letting it known that I used to eat fruits and rice together. Banana, or a ripe mango with rice. I doubt I could do that now but it tasted good. My mom would slice up the mango, then she makes this one pattern on one cheek of the mango (is that the word, cheek?) She'd cut it lengthwise and crosswise, then push it outwards to make it look like a flower. Ah, the good ole days. She's a good mom, though I think I forget that sometimes. She's my complete opposite. People would make comments as to how she managed to raise me. Even my uncle by marriage laughs when he asks her that. She raised a fine young man. Hahaha, I wanna smack people, even her, when she tells me I'm a good son yada yada. Is that an insecurity not wanting to hear about it?
Hope everyone's had a good week so far. I can't wait 'til the weekend though *grins I've become a TGIFer, and I'm liking it. I know my post is kinda all over, but I just let it flow when I sit and write. Isn't that how it should be? It's really hard to pick a topic and write about it. Maybe one day I'll give it a try, oh wait either I do or I don't huh, there is no try. So probably not.. If it ain't broke, why fix it eh?
It's good overall, just trying to be thankful for everything that's come my way. With the job, I'm liking the schedule which is 7:00 am to 3:30 pm (there ya go Matt :) Last week was the introductory stage so was kinda getting a feel of what it's like. It is good seeing the sun again when I leave for the day, though I'd end up doing overtime, well just about 5-10 minutes extra at times. I'd pick up the phone few minutes before I'm supposed to leave, and it always isn't the fix and hang up type of problems. Anyway, with any other job, there are both sides and the bad stuff got a little to me last week. Some guy kinda got me in trouble by telling the IT chief that he's problem hasn't been taken care of and it's been close to a month. Thing is I've called him a few times trying to find a good time I can come by to take a look at the printer, and he never even called me back so I ended up closing the ticket. It was just a paper jam, but it would have been fixed if he had called me at least. Just a courteous thing, ya know but I guess some people think they're above all that. The guy was a Chief in the other division, and is considered a "VIP." VIP my butt. Ugh, anyways, it upset me a little I started looking at other companies already haha. Well that, and I was thinking how it's time for the nice guys to be in charge. Someone like me *grins But yea, with this happening, it made me want to go back to school to better myself. I know it'll sound an excuse but I'm still waiting for a document before I can start applying for benefits, G.I. Bill for school mostly, but without that paper, I really can't prove that I'm a veteran. I was supposed to get it a month ago after the day I separated but the Separations neglected to do so. Going back to school will have to wait a bit. Perhaps summer or the fall. That should be enough time to completely get situated here, acclimated where everything is, and getting used to this new way of life. I think I might give up my Florida residency soon. I'm keeping it for scholarship purposes, but I'm not really sure if I'd want to live there again. Moving's a pain.
Weekend was good. I met up with Kr- last Saturday. He's someone I've kinda known, spoken to him for a few months, but never actually met him when I lived in Hampton, and he in Williamsburg. It's only 30 mins away but our schedules never coincided. It was good, we were gonna go see Dreamgirls but ended up not going since it was a longer walk from where we were than HE thought. We just walked back to Dupont Circle and went to a pub, Biddy Milligans I believe. We hang around there for a bit, and there I was smiling at a girl again lol. Had some shots of Yager and I was a bit tipsy after just one shot, the buzz felt good though so me like it. Ended up just getting a burger since we didn't know where else to go, and the food wasn't pricey so that was nice. We sat at the bar, and sometime during the evening, I was looking at a guy all the way across the other end of the bar. I thought he looked familiar, but I can't think of where I knew him at first. I was staring at him here and there, and thought that he might have been someone I knew in my military days, but that can't be, not here in all places. On our way out, the guy I was looking at was there smoking and I asked him, Didn't I know you somewhere? Yea, that's something I should really be asking strangers. But sure enough, it was him. I actually had a crush on him once upon a time, but that was cause he used to hug me all the time, and say how they had the cutest bay chief, not sure what the term is in the dormitories but it's the person in charge of the hall. I did roll calls and such, making sure all the people in my bay are accounted for, and that I know where they are if they're not there. But yea, he had a girlfriend and everything so he can't be gay, or so I thought. Not that I'm wishing now that he is. Anyway, we just spoke for a little while but told each other that we'd keep in contact. Kinda sucks how he was homeless, after getting out of the Air Force. I could have offered but it's one of those things. I really didn't know him that well, and with me just being new here in the apartment, it might not bode well with the roommates. Will call DW- though, and see how he's doing at least. He was smoking with this one woman, and I ended up getting her number too. She said she goes to that pub usually on Saturdays, and I should give her a ring if I'm around.
After the pub, we went out to this bar JR's, then to Chaos where they had drag queens performing. It was fun, I also saw someone that I met the week prior but didn't come up to him and say hi. We had a meet and greet a few days ago, since I've talked to him since March 06 but never got a chance to meet him. There were talks of hanging out more, now that I actually live here but we'll have to wait and see. I guess dating can't really be avoided, but oh well, along with it comes games and stuff. I like you, but I'll play it off like I don't. Yea, say let's hang out but never call back. I'm guilty of it myself. I now know how it feels when guys I met wanted to see me again, but I never did. I didn't realize how sucky that must have felt. All I thought was meh, they'll get over it. They'll meet someone better than me. Either that, or I used to think why would they wanna see me again? I'm sure I bored them to death already, and they want more? Oh well, this all got me thinking after meeting Ch-. I've wanted to hang out again but he seemed "busy" so I just let it be. It's been two weeks already! Ah well, he texted earlier this evening if I wanted to hang out Friday. I said yes, though might just speak with him about this tomorrow.
I went to the gym the first time today, after years I think. I had an appointment with a trainer who showed me what machines to use and such. I got lightheaded since I didn't have anything to eat since noon, and I went to the gym at 5. I had to sit in the car for 10 mins before I went home since I can barely move after the session. I'm gonna have to give it some thought whether to get a trainer for a few months, then doing it on my own. Just to get me a headstart, and actually keep at it. Thoughts? My body's fine, but there's room for improvement. Oh, and so my dad will stop ribbing me about the flat stomach that I don't have. He told me to just get defined at least. I see where he's coming from though, he has a back injury and just wants me to take better care of myself. But yea, I saw his pic when he was my age, and I'd have to say, I wanna have that kind of definition. It'll take work, but gotta do it if I want that. I fell asleep right after getting home, I was too weak to even make a sandwich at least. Laid down, and was out before I know it. I slept for about 3 1/2 hours, then woke up and had some peanut butter sandwich, no jam, and dipped it in hot cocoa. Yea yea, my friends say it's gross doing that. It's a Filipino thing. There's a joke how we do that since we wanna make sure the bread is clean. Yea, really funny. I was really picky when I was younger, and people thought I was spoiled because of that. My mom usually prepares something different just for me. I just liked simple things. Ok, I'm letting it known that I used to eat fruits and rice together. Banana, or a ripe mango with rice. I doubt I could do that now but it tasted good. My mom would slice up the mango, then she makes this one pattern on one cheek of the mango (is that the word, cheek?) She'd cut it lengthwise and crosswise, then push it outwards to make it look like a flower. Ah, the good ole days. She's a good mom, though I think I forget that sometimes. She's my complete opposite. People would make comments as to how she managed to raise me. Even my uncle by marriage laughs when he asks her that. She raised a fine young man. Hahaha, I wanna smack people, even her, when she tells me I'm a good son yada yada. Is that an insecurity not wanting to hear about it?
Hope everyone's had a good week so far. I can't wait 'til the weekend though *grins I've become a TGIFer, and I'm liking it. I know my post is kinda all over, but I just let it flow when I sit and write. Isn't that how it should be? It's really hard to pick a topic and write about it. Maybe one day I'll give it a try, oh wait either I do or I don't huh, there is no try. So probably not.. If it ain't broke, why fix it eh?
10 January 2007
It's a damn cold night...
The new work schedule's been okay so far though this week, I've been having a hard time getting to bed on time. And with that, I mean getting eight hours of sleep. I had maybe two the day before, yesterday about five, and tonight another two more than likely since I try to get up at 5 am with the new schedule. With the one I was working this past month, I come in at 0830 and leave at 1700, but now, I do 0600-1530. I certainly prefer the earlier one, getting to see the sun at least when I leave for the day. It made me smile the first time when I was walking to the bus stop that will take me home. Going up the escalators, and seeing the sun beaming made me glad.
Monday, I actually considered going down to DC after work, to walk around a bit, then go drinking. One guy e-mailed about getting together for drinks, but I didn't call him that day to say yay or nay. I wasn't feeling too well so just thought I'd go home first, then go from there if I feel a bit better. Made it close to home, though I got off a few blocks down to pick up some oatmeal and get a haircut as well. It looks like I'm gonna have to get one once a month, since around three weeks or so, the sides grow out and I would be sporting an afro if I let it be. I think I'm just going to grow the top out like I used to, and not shave my head again, which I seem to do whenever I see/visit my cousin Nani. I shaved it the first time when she visited me in Japan, then left it alone for about two and a half years, then having it cut off few weeks before I came back to the U.S. She thinks it's sexier, but oh well, it's my hair and I should do what I please. On the walk home, figured I'd call my friend CG a call and say hi. He called a couple of days ago but I let the voicemail pick up since I was already in bed....with ted (kidding). Well, not Ted but Ch-. Someone that I had dinner with Thursday. We didn't get to meet 'til around 9:30 pm, and he lived like 30 mins away and I was too tired to drive back around midnight. We just started e-mailing each other on the 2nd, and met up with on the 4th. I'd just say it's dinner since I don't like calling it a date somehow. Ever since I started meeting with guys, I just call it hanging out or having dinner, instead of saying I'm going on a date. This was last Thursday though, and I haven't seen him ever since. There's a talk of catching a movie sometime so will see how that'll go. As one blogger is aware, I have a habit of not seeing the same guy twice. But I'm trying to work on that, thanks K *winks
After I got home, got on yahoo and ended up chatting with D- again. I really haven't chatted with him after we met, we've spoken a few times on the phone but that was that. Just got caught up a little with what's been going on in our lives, and we talked about the stay again. Same stuff from Friday that I mentioned, and some extra things, that he hugged me from behind when I was sleeping which really got me. Ugh, I guess I did/do like him since I've written about him a few times now. We talked about meeting up again, but this time, it'll be his turn as we agreed upon when we just started talking.
I wasn't up for drinking Monday, so just did the laundry and got rid of more little things. I'm such a packrat and trying to break out of it. I don't have much space really, so the more space, the better. Just watched Strangers with Candy again, not that I haven't seen it before but Jerri never fails to make me laugh. With my failed attempt to sleep, I ended up watching Friends with Money as Matt mentioned in his blog. I did like the movie, and it certainly rings true with friends talking about each other about the one that's not there. I certainly am guilty :-) It's weird how one character has so much anger that she snaps just about with anything. It's insane if you ask me, but some people do just that. Walking around with all these anger. Of course, I feel bad for them but still, it's gotta be rough for some. Well with the character, it was due to hormones with her getting older and stuff. Now I could kinda see how my mom was the way she was. Ugh, you can spill water and instead of just letting me wipe it off as if nothing happened, she would go on a tirade going all the way back to when she met my dad somehow. Never fails. I guess I still harbor some resentment for things since I would not have brought that up if I didn't. Oh well, I'm a work in progress and always will be. I'm glad I saw the movie, you should too. Thanks Matty.
Tuesday I woke up late again which I hate. I hate rushing to get ready for any events, that it leaves a bad taste to me all day. I ty to shake it off, but I don't feel right completely. Usually I get up about an hour before I have to leave, giving me enough time to get ready, and then just do nothing. My mom used to comment about it but I didn't pay her any mind. Guess it's the phlegmatic in me. I like taking my time doing things. I ended up driving today since I missed the bus, and with it being the first time I drove to work, I went to the wrong garage. I went to the Permit Parking when I should have gone to the Visitor Parking since I really didn't have a monthly pass or anything. Got lost too in the garage, trying to find my car. I just had to laugh at myself. Even the security guard was probably chuckling, watching me walk all over trying to figure out where my car was supposed to be. Well, found it and here I am.
Haven't been feeling too well so ended up napping. It was nice doing so, though now it's pay back by me being up this late. Gotta try to get some sleep though, since three hours to go before I have to leave for work. I don't know why this is happening, it's not that I have had things in my mind lately. I try not to overthink things anymore, just accept it for what it is. I'll find friends when the right time comes, though I sure miss having friends around. The ones I made in Hampton, not sure where those are going. Eventhough I live only three hours way, I don't think I'll muster up enough energy to make that drive. Just don't see the point, and I need to focus on the now. Try to explore more of where I am, though I sure wish my friends were here. I was trying to get my mil buddies to move here, but that's probably not gonna happen. They say they prefer the West Coast, but really I can't tell what the difference is. Maybe one day, I'll figure it out but right now, I'm good where I am.
The heater for the apartment's broken right now, but I have a portable heater so it's noo too bad. Funny how I kinda wished Ch- was here with me even after I've only met him once. I'm getting to a point where I wanna have somebody to share..
It's a damn cold night trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are but I'm with you...
Monday, I actually considered going down to DC after work, to walk around a bit, then go drinking. One guy e-mailed about getting together for drinks, but I didn't call him that day to say yay or nay. I wasn't feeling too well so just thought I'd go home first, then go from there if I feel a bit better. Made it close to home, though I got off a few blocks down to pick up some oatmeal and get a haircut as well. It looks like I'm gonna have to get one once a month, since around three weeks or so, the sides grow out and I would be sporting an afro if I let it be. I think I'm just going to grow the top out like I used to, and not shave my head again, which I seem to do whenever I see/visit my cousin Nani. I shaved it the first time when she visited me in Japan, then left it alone for about two and a half years, then having it cut off few weeks before I came back to the U.S. She thinks it's sexier, but oh well, it's my hair and I should do what I please. On the walk home, figured I'd call my friend CG a call and say hi. He called a couple of days ago but I let the voicemail pick up since I was already in bed....with ted (kidding). Well, not Ted but Ch-. Someone that I had dinner with Thursday. We didn't get to meet 'til around 9:30 pm, and he lived like 30 mins away and I was too tired to drive back around midnight. We just started e-mailing each other on the 2nd, and met up with on the 4th. I'd just say it's dinner since I don't like calling it a date somehow. Ever since I started meeting with guys, I just call it hanging out or having dinner, instead of saying I'm going on a date. This was last Thursday though, and I haven't seen him ever since. There's a talk of catching a movie sometime so will see how that'll go. As one blogger is aware, I have a habit of not seeing the same guy twice. But I'm trying to work on that, thanks K *winks
After I got home, got on yahoo and ended up chatting with D- again. I really haven't chatted with him after we met, we've spoken a few times on the phone but that was that. Just got caught up a little with what's been going on in our lives, and we talked about the stay again. Same stuff from Friday that I mentioned, and some extra things, that he hugged me from behind when I was sleeping which really got me. Ugh, I guess I did/do like him since I've written about him a few times now. We talked about meeting up again, but this time, it'll be his turn as we agreed upon when we just started talking.
I wasn't up for drinking Monday, so just did the laundry and got rid of more little things. I'm such a packrat and trying to break out of it. I don't have much space really, so the more space, the better. Just watched Strangers with Candy again, not that I haven't seen it before but Jerri never fails to make me laugh. With my failed attempt to sleep, I ended up watching Friends with Money as Matt mentioned in his blog. I did like the movie, and it certainly rings true with friends talking about each other about the one that's not there. I certainly am guilty :-) It's weird how one character has so much anger that she snaps just about with anything. It's insane if you ask me, but some people do just that. Walking around with all these anger. Of course, I feel bad for them but still, it's gotta be rough for some. Well with the character, it was due to hormones with her getting older and stuff. Now I could kinda see how my mom was the way she was. Ugh, you can spill water and instead of just letting me wipe it off as if nothing happened, she would go on a tirade going all the way back to when she met my dad somehow. Never fails. I guess I still harbor some resentment for things since I would not have brought that up if I didn't. Oh well, I'm a work in progress and always will be. I'm glad I saw the movie, you should too. Thanks Matty.
Tuesday I woke up late again which I hate. I hate rushing to get ready for any events, that it leaves a bad taste to me all day. I ty to shake it off, but I don't feel right completely. Usually I get up about an hour before I have to leave, giving me enough time to get ready, and then just do nothing. My mom used to comment about it but I didn't pay her any mind. Guess it's the phlegmatic in me. I like taking my time doing things. I ended up driving today since I missed the bus, and with it being the first time I drove to work, I went to the wrong garage. I went to the Permit Parking when I should have gone to the Visitor Parking since I really didn't have a monthly pass or anything. Got lost too in the garage, trying to find my car. I just had to laugh at myself. Even the security guard was probably chuckling, watching me walk all over trying to figure out where my car was supposed to be. Well, found it and here I am.
Haven't been feeling too well so ended up napping. It was nice doing so, though now it's pay back by me being up this late. Gotta try to get some sleep though, since three hours to go before I have to leave for work. I don't know why this is happening, it's not that I have had things in my mind lately. I try not to overthink things anymore, just accept it for what it is. I'll find friends when the right time comes, though I sure miss having friends around. The ones I made in Hampton, not sure where those are going. Eventhough I live only three hours way, I don't think I'll muster up enough energy to make that drive. Just don't see the point, and I need to focus on the now. Try to explore more of where I am, though I sure wish my friends were here. I was trying to get my mil buddies to move here, but that's probably not gonna happen. They say they prefer the West Coast, but really I can't tell what the difference is. Maybe one day, I'll figure it out but right now, I'm good where I am.
The heater for the apartment's broken right now, but I have a portable heater so it's noo too bad. Funny how I kinda wished Ch- was here with me even after I've only met him once. I'm getting to a point where I wanna have somebody to share..
It's a damn cold night trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are but I'm with you...
07 January 2007
Even if
I'm lounging here in a long sleeve tee, and my boxer brief and socks on though I'm gonna take the socks off when I go to bed. I can't just sleep with my socks on, never has, and probably never will. I just got back from Bethesda after seeing The Good German. It was a good movie, though it was something I would not have seen by myself otherwise. This was actually my first time going to Maryland since moving here a month ago. Bethesda's about 40 mins away by car and eventhough I've been hearing good things about Bethesda, I haven't made it a point of going there yet. Until tonight. It's a nice area, and I would have stayed longer if I was in a drinking mood. I planned on going out after catching the movie, but was too tired when we stepped out that I just decided to call it a night.
It's been good here at my new place, and I finally got to talk more with the girl roommate today. Come to find out, she's actually Filipina so I thought that was neat. Looks like we'll get along okay, (even with her boyfriend who's a big Ranma fan, yay!), and it just made me glad when I had one of those moments when I thought to myself, I'm glad I'm here. We're still trying to get the apartment set-up to look like a home, instead of a crack house look it once was couple of weeks ago. Empty living room, and we pretty much just come to eat and sleep. I'm still trying to purge of excess things which I have yet to do, but will in due time.
Work's actually been good but this week's just been bleh. Am not really sure if it's because of something that happened at the beginning of it. You know, how they say if your Monday didn't turn out right, the rest of the week wouldn't either. I've made a mistake and it's something that kinda bit me in the ass. It's been fun since a few days before New Year's, I actually went out to the club, met new people, and hang out with some friends. I let something happen however, and with that, I've made and lost friends in the process, in a span of 72 hours. (I will write more about this later). Friday got the best of me, and I seriously just wanted to get drunk after leaving work. With one guy leaving, he was slacking off his last day, and I had to take care of one of the jobs assigned to him, and answer the phones. With my present job, we get calls througout the US and some callers can be trying with one's patience. I'm pretty patient though at times, people set out to just ruin someone else's day. I know they don't set out to do that, but that's what some customers do. Though some callers actually had me bust out laughing so I guess it gets all balanced out, the ying and yang if you will, or maybe it's just something I tell myself.
After getting off work, I ended up just going home first then considered going out afterwards. I got mayonnaise on my shirt and pants and I had a messenger bag on, and so I wanted to get refreshed and not have anything with me when I go out. So caught the bus home, and logged on for a bit, and few minutes after, a message from D- came in which surprised me. D-, as some of you would know, was the guy I met last winter. We've only spoken a few times after that meeting, mostly me giving him a call, but we never talked on messenger ever since. I guess I still have feelings for him, but that could never be since he lives in Europe anyways. Just caught up on some things, but it was nice to hear him say that he missed me and he keeps thinking about the time I was in London. He apologized also since we didn't get to do any sightseeing during my stay, since he said he was worrying over some things back home. I'm just glad to talk to him I suppose, and there were talks of him visiting soon. We had an agreement that he'd visit me after I visit him, and he's yet to fulfill his end of the bargain. It'll be nice to see him again, though sometimes I wonder if it would have been better to just leave things as they were, and have those three days a memory in the past. Can't say it's love really, but we do like each other, or it's just lust, as my friend (hater) said it was. Will just have to see how this goes, though won't keep my hopes up too much so I just wouldn't get disappointed if he ends up not coming. This made me glad.
It's been a new year though I have yet to write down my thoughts and wishes for this year and the year that passed. Well, I've been thinking it but just need to jot them down. My dad said it's better to see your plans in writing, instead of just thinking them. Maybe I'll reflect back on 2006 one of these days...or not. Though this year, I'm gonna try to post more than I did this past year. It's funny how I told myself that a year ago and look where it got me. But still, I'll just have to start doing it, taking some action instead of just wishing.
So much has happened this past month, been good mostly though the loneliness gets the best of me from time to time. Trying to meet new people, making friends in the process, and the effort it takes seems to be too much sometimes. With it came self-doubt, and questioning your worth. I thought I've grown more than that, yet when I thought someone was gonna bail out on me, all these self-defeating things just crept in. I thought how I'm not even worth of getting a call telling me what happened, thinking what's wrong with me that people would do such a thing? It turned out good though, got to hang out with J- and he showed me around the area a bit :) Ok, I just had a moment and was gonna write it down, but it left me. Oh, maybe it's that we owe ourselves to be happy? That we can't let others control our emotions on any given day? I forgot where I read it but it's something to the effect of how people can't really make us happy or sad, since they really don't. Nobody can make me happy but me. Well, it's true to an extent but people sure bring me some happiness. I don't think I would have made it those far without them, family, friends, even strangers, some I've only touched shoulders with, and some that became friends. It takes time, but you can always get someone to love you, even if you have to do it yourself.
It's been good here at my new place, and I finally got to talk more with the girl roommate today. Come to find out, she's actually Filipina so I thought that was neat. Looks like we'll get along okay, (even with her boyfriend who's a big Ranma fan, yay!), and it just made me glad when I had one of those moments when I thought to myself, I'm glad I'm here. We're still trying to get the apartment set-up to look like a home, instead of a crack house look it once was couple of weeks ago. Empty living room, and we pretty much just come to eat and sleep. I'm still trying to purge of excess things which I have yet to do, but will in due time.
Work's actually been good but this week's just been bleh. Am not really sure if it's because of something that happened at the beginning of it. You know, how they say if your Monday didn't turn out right, the rest of the week wouldn't either. I've made a mistake and it's something that kinda bit me in the ass. It's been fun since a few days before New Year's, I actually went out to the club, met new people, and hang out with some friends. I let something happen however, and with that, I've made and lost friends in the process, in a span of 72 hours. (I will write more about this later). Friday got the best of me, and I seriously just wanted to get drunk after leaving work. With one guy leaving, he was slacking off his last day, and I had to take care of one of the jobs assigned to him, and answer the phones. With my present job, we get calls througout the US and some callers can be trying with one's patience. I'm pretty patient though at times, people set out to just ruin someone else's day. I know they don't set out to do that, but that's what some customers do. Though some callers actually had me bust out laughing so I guess it gets all balanced out, the ying and yang if you will, or maybe it's just something I tell myself.
After getting off work, I ended up just going home first then considered going out afterwards. I got mayonnaise on my shirt and pants and I had a messenger bag on, and so I wanted to get refreshed and not have anything with me when I go out. So caught the bus home, and logged on for a bit, and few minutes after, a message from D- came in which surprised me. D-, as some of you would know, was the guy I met last winter. We've only spoken a few times after that meeting, mostly me giving him a call, but we never talked on messenger ever since. I guess I still have feelings for him, but that could never be since he lives in Europe anyways. Just caught up on some things, but it was nice to hear him say that he missed me and he keeps thinking about the time I was in London. He apologized also since we didn't get to do any sightseeing during my stay, since he said he was worrying over some things back home. I'm just glad to talk to him I suppose, and there were talks of him visiting soon. We had an agreement that he'd visit me after I visit him, and he's yet to fulfill his end of the bargain. It'll be nice to see him again, though sometimes I wonder if it would have been better to just leave things as they were, and have those three days a memory in the past. Can't say it's love really, but we do like each other, or it's just lust, as my friend (hater) said it was. Will just have to see how this goes, though won't keep my hopes up too much so I just wouldn't get disappointed if he ends up not coming. This made me glad.
It's been a new year though I have yet to write down my thoughts and wishes for this year and the year that passed. Well, I've been thinking it but just need to jot them down. My dad said it's better to see your plans in writing, instead of just thinking them. Maybe I'll reflect back on 2006 one of these days...or not. Though this year, I'm gonna try to post more than I did this past year. It's funny how I told myself that a year ago and look where it got me. But still, I'll just have to start doing it, taking some action instead of just wishing.
So much has happened this past month, been good mostly though the loneliness gets the best of me from time to time. Trying to meet new people, making friends in the process, and the effort it takes seems to be too much sometimes. With it came self-doubt, and questioning your worth. I thought I've grown more than that, yet when I thought someone was gonna bail out on me, all these self-defeating things just crept in. I thought how I'm not even worth of getting a call telling me what happened, thinking what's wrong with me that people would do such a thing? It turned out good though, got to hang out with J- and he showed me around the area a bit :) Ok, I just had a moment and was gonna write it down, but it left me. Oh, maybe it's that we owe ourselves to be happy? That we can't let others control our emotions on any given day? I forgot where I read it but it's something to the effect of how people can't really make us happy or sad, since they really don't. Nobody can make me happy but me. Well, it's true to an extent but people sure bring me some happiness. I don't think I would have made it those far without them, family, friends, even strangers, some I've only touched shoulders with, and some that became friends. It takes time, but you can always get someone to love you, even if you have to do it yourself.
04 January 2007
We got to carry each other
Ok, the holidays is finally over and things are back to normal. Not that I've really busy since I didn't go spend it with the family, not being sure where to go exactly. It wasn't too bad though I'd have to say my emotions got the best of me on some days. One moment, I was thinking how it's no big deal that just because it's the holidays, I had to go see the family etc etc. Either that, or Whew, am glad I had a few days off at least.
I really didn't do much on the actual Christmas day. The night before, I went to a midnight mass as I mentioned with some girls [or should I say women] that I just met. Getting to the cathedral after managing to cross the border to Maryland, and turning right back around to get back to DC. I was in three states in less than an hour! Got a free tour of the area, looking at the bright side of things. I didn't get to see Dreamgirls either since the guy I was supposed to go with, cancelled. He's not really my date so it's okay. I'm just trying to find people to be friends with, and I'm trying to be understanding that things happen, which they do. I'm sure if I lived with my parents, then with the grandparents down the block, it can get hectic. Here and there, I'd wish it would have been like that for me now that I'm older, but at the same time, I'm not sure if I can handle that. Who am I kidding? Of course, I can. There'll be drama, but I think that's what families are for. Hahaha. He said, she said, they told me, I heard....With all the things that went on, it never got to me surprisingly. Ok, I digress. I just found an excuse to use that word *grins
So got home from the mass, and I ended up making a video once again. I thought about uploading it since the song has a really good message. It's the song "(I Wish I Knew How It Would Feel To Be) Free/One originally sang by Nina Simone, and remade by Lighthouse Family. It said it was crossed with U2's One though of course, I wouldn't know what they're talking about. Now I do. I just looked up and now see what the cross was. You always learn something new everyday.... After doing about three takes since I didn't know the damn words, I think I went to bed. I might have drunk a little but I don't remember.
Woke up around 8, so that's about 5 hrs of sleep, and there waiting on my phone was a message from D-, which some of you would know was the one I met up with last winter. That made my day [here I was thinking I was over him], it was just nice to know he thought of me though I don't know why felt the need to remind me that he's my italian friend. As if I would forget him *winks Laid around for a bit, then called the family up, and maybe a friend or two, Jim in England and I think that was it. I sent some text messages out but felt lame after that. The things I tell myself I tell ya... I forgot where I read it but I came across something where the author says how we can be too self-critical sometimes. How things we tell ourselves, we would go as far as to hurt somebody if they're the ones who'd say those to our face. Am I making sense? So yea, I felt like a bit of a loser lol. I wish I can just not care, but holidays roll around and I think about people. I wonder how she's been, I wonder what he's doing, ugh. I have too much free time thinking about other people.
Listened to some christmas songs, then took a moment to write some greeting cards. It's better late than never. There's this one angel card that I got, and I dunno, it kinda inspired me to send some cards out. I sent one out to a teacher I had when I was a sjenior (get it junior, and senior in one). I've been meaning to write him a letter since I joined the military and I got out and everything, and had yet to do that. It was pretty much a note thanking him for believing in me. I was really quiet in school, as I mentioned in the 100 i's, and so, for people to notice, that makes one glad. With quiet folks, eventhough we're not calling out for attention, it still feels nice to be noticed. Well that man, Commander Lawless, was our JROTC commander when I was in Florida. He called me to his office one time and told me that he's choosing me to be one of the two representatives (I forgot how the slots opened) to the Florida Boys State. I forgot how the slots openedI was thinking oh lord, why'd he pick me? I barely utter a word in class, how in the hell does he think I'll do at that? Well that was after he explained to me what it was about. He explained to me why he thought I was a good fit. For a boy with a not so high self-esteem, it makes a difference, a BIG difference, to actually have someone point out what his qualities are. I just always thought I was okay, ya know, doing what I can to get by. Trying not to brag, but when I was in school, I won a bunch of awards for being in the honor roll, winning some academic competitions, etc etc but I really didn't think much of it. Maybe it was to impress daddy, and get his attention.
Getting back to CDR, he went on and told me how eventhough I was quiet, he can see that I'm digesting everything around me, and some other things. Ok, to be honest I don't remember what else he told me. How I'd make a good leader maybe!? Anyway, what was said doesn't matter too much now. All that matters is that it helped me to start believing in myself more. It's what helped me get through some tough times, getting through basic training and all. I'll write about that one day, with whatever bits and pieces I can recall. Odd how at boot camp, a guy made a comment how I always made him laugh by just being there. Gee thanks, did I look that funny? Another one said how I smiled the whole six weeks we were there, and I really don't recall smiling, let alone that much. Lord, get me through the day!! That's all I remember thinking. Oh by the way, boot camp turns even atheists into church goers. Now you know who he is. He really made a difference in my life, and I figured now would be a good time to let him know that. I'm thinking he might not even remember me, though I'm hoping that he does. I have a feeling he will but even if he doesn't, it wouldn't matter too much. He's touched somebody's life and that's all there is to it. I was crying the whole time I was trying to sum up in a few words how much he's affected me. Did that, and wrote a few other cards, then I was okay again.
One minute, I was like bawling, and next thing ya know, I was laughing like a hyena. Cracking up over some songs, then singing and dancing along to some christmas carols. It's the little things. I'd die if somebody sees these videos I made, yet here I am telling the world I make them. Ok, when I was back in Japan, I didn't realize I stored some pictures on our network. I think I was gonna put it up until I get to send it to my cousin, then just delete it. But that slipped my mind, and come a year and a half later, those pictures bit me in the ass. They were doing a network wide scan for all pictures (that shouldn't be on the shared drives) and lo and behold, that damn scan pulled up those pictures. It was a whole office that saw it, and one of the guys I knew from that shop, called me over and said he wanted to show me something. I head over to their office, and there up on the screen was one of my pics. I just stood there, and was embarrassed to death. The 'warm' feeling that came over me, well more like hot while I stood there in disbelief that these folks saw my pictures. Ok, it was kinda girly. I'd say kinda gay, but let's not forget I am one already hahaha. But yea, you got a 20-yr old "soldier" blowing kisses to the camera, and pouting his lips, holding a peace sign with his fingers. After that happened, people I've never spoken to knew me as the guy 'in those pictures."
I'm sharing the song coz who wouldn't wish they knew how it would feel to be free
I wish I knew How it would Feel to be free I wish I could break All the chains holding me
I wish I could say All the things that I should say Say 'em loud Say 'em clear For the whole Wide world to hear
I wish I could share All the love that's In my heart Remove all the bars That keep us apart
And I wish you could know How it feels to be me Then you'd see and agree That every man Should be free
I wish I could be like A bird in the sky How sweet it would be If I found I could fly
Well I'd soar to the sun and Look down at the sea And I'd sing 'Cause I'd know How it feels to be free
I wish I knew How it would Feel to be free I wish I could break All the chains holding me
And I wish I could say All the things that I wanna say Say 'em loud Say 'em clear
For the whole Wide world to hear
Say 'em loud Say 'em clear For the whole Wide world to hear
Say 'em loud Say 'em clear For the whole Wide world to hear
One love One blood One life You got to do What you should
One life With each other Sisters Brothers
One life But we're not the same We get to carry each other
Carry each other
Woah, woah, woah, woah
I wish I knew How it would Feel to be free
I wish I knew How it would Feel to be free
I really didn't do much on the actual Christmas day. The night before, I went to a midnight mass as I mentioned with some girls [or should I say women] that I just met. Getting to the cathedral after managing to cross the border to Maryland, and turning right back around to get back to DC. I was in three states in less than an hour! Got a free tour of the area, looking at the bright side of things. I didn't get to see Dreamgirls either since the guy I was supposed to go with, cancelled. He's not really my date so it's okay. I'm just trying to find people to be friends with, and I'm trying to be understanding that things happen, which they do. I'm sure if I lived with my parents, then with the grandparents down the block, it can get hectic. Here and there, I'd wish it would have been like that for me now that I'm older, but at the same time, I'm not sure if I can handle that. Who am I kidding? Of course, I can. There'll be drama, but I think that's what families are for. Hahaha. He said, she said, they told me, I heard....With all the things that went on, it never got to me surprisingly. Ok, I digress. I just found an excuse to use that word *grins
So got home from the mass, and I ended up making a video once again. I thought about uploading it since the song has a really good message. It's the song "(I Wish I Knew How It Would Feel To Be) Free/One originally sang by Nina Simone, and remade by Lighthouse Family. It said it was crossed with U2's One though of course, I wouldn't know what they're talking about. Now I do. I just looked up and now see what the cross was. You always learn something new everyday.... After doing about three takes since I didn't know the damn words, I think I went to bed. I might have drunk a little but I don't remember.
Woke up around 8, so that's about 5 hrs of sleep, and there waiting on my phone was a message from D-, which some of you would know was the one I met up with last winter. That made my day [here I was thinking I was over him], it was just nice to know he thought of me though I don't know why felt the need to remind me that he's my italian friend. As if I would forget him *winks Laid around for a bit, then called the family up, and maybe a friend or two, Jim in England and I think that was it. I sent some text messages out but felt lame after that. The things I tell myself I tell ya... I forgot where I read it but I came across something where the author says how we can be too self-critical sometimes. How things we tell ourselves, we would go as far as to hurt somebody if they're the ones who'd say those to our face. Am I making sense? So yea, I felt like a bit of a loser lol. I wish I can just not care, but holidays roll around and I think about people. I wonder how she's been, I wonder what he's doing, ugh. I have too much free time thinking about other people.
Listened to some christmas songs, then took a moment to write some greeting cards. It's better late than never. There's this one angel card that I got, and I dunno, it kinda inspired me to send some cards out. I sent one out to a teacher I had when I was a sjenior (get it junior, and senior in one). I've been meaning to write him a letter since I joined the military and I got out and everything, and had yet to do that. It was pretty much a note thanking him for believing in me. I was really quiet in school, as I mentioned in the 100 i's, and so, for people to notice, that makes one glad. With quiet folks, eventhough we're not calling out for attention, it still feels nice to be noticed. Well that man, Commander Lawless, was our JROTC commander when I was in Florida. He called me to his office one time and told me that he's choosing me to be one of the two representatives (I forgot how the slots opened) to the Florida Boys State. I forgot how the slots openedI was thinking oh lord, why'd he pick me? I barely utter a word in class, how in the hell does he think I'll do at that? Well that was after he explained to me what it was about. He explained to me why he thought I was a good fit. For a boy with a not so high self-esteem, it makes a difference, a BIG difference, to actually have someone point out what his qualities are. I just always thought I was okay, ya know, doing what I can to get by. Trying not to brag, but when I was in school, I won a bunch of awards for being in the honor roll, winning some academic competitions, etc etc but I really didn't think much of it. Maybe it was to impress daddy, and get his attention.
Getting back to CDR, he went on and told me how eventhough I was quiet, he can see that I'm digesting everything around me, and some other things. Ok, to be honest I don't remember what else he told me. How I'd make a good leader maybe!? Anyway, what was said doesn't matter too much now. All that matters is that it helped me to start believing in myself more. It's what helped me get through some tough times, getting through basic training and all. I'll write about that one day, with whatever bits and pieces I can recall. Odd how at boot camp, a guy made a comment how I always made him laugh by just being there. Gee thanks, did I look that funny? Another one said how I smiled the whole six weeks we were there, and I really don't recall smiling, let alone that much. Lord, get me through the day!! That's all I remember thinking. Oh by the way, boot camp turns even atheists into church goers. Now you know who he is. He really made a difference in my life, and I figured now would be a good time to let him know that. I'm thinking he might not even remember me, though I'm hoping that he does. I have a feeling he will but even if he doesn't, it wouldn't matter too much. He's touched somebody's life and that's all there is to it. I was crying the whole time I was trying to sum up in a few words how much he's affected me. Did that, and wrote a few other cards, then I was okay again.
One minute, I was like bawling, and next thing ya know, I was laughing like a hyena. Cracking up over some songs, then singing and dancing along to some christmas carols. It's the little things. I'd die if somebody sees these videos I made, yet here I am telling the world I make them. Ok, when I was back in Japan, I didn't realize I stored some pictures on our network. I think I was gonna put it up until I get to send it to my cousin, then just delete it. But that slipped my mind, and come a year and a half later, those pictures bit me in the ass. They were doing a network wide scan for all pictures (that shouldn't be on the shared drives) and lo and behold, that damn scan pulled up those pictures. It was a whole office that saw it, and one of the guys I knew from that shop, called me over and said he wanted to show me something. I head over to their office, and there up on the screen was one of my pics. I just stood there, and was embarrassed to death. The 'warm' feeling that came over me, well more like hot while I stood there in disbelief that these folks saw my pictures. Ok, it was kinda girly. I'd say kinda gay, but let's not forget I am one already hahaha. But yea, you got a 20-yr old "soldier" blowing kisses to the camera, and pouting his lips, holding a peace sign with his fingers. After that happened, people I've never spoken to knew me as the guy 'in those pictures."
I'm sharing the song coz who wouldn't wish they knew how it would feel to be free
I wish I knew How it would Feel to be free I wish I could break All the chains holding me
I wish I could say All the things that I should say Say 'em loud Say 'em clear For the whole Wide world to hear
I wish I could share All the love that's In my heart Remove all the bars That keep us apart
And I wish you could know How it feels to be me Then you'd see and agree That every man Should be free
I wish I could be like A bird in the sky How sweet it would be If I found I could fly
Well I'd soar to the sun and Look down at the sea And I'd sing 'Cause I'd know How it feels to be free
I wish I knew How it would Feel to be free I wish I could break All the chains holding me
And I wish I could say All the things that I wanna say Say 'em loud Say 'em clear
For the whole Wide world to hear
Say 'em loud Say 'em clear For the whole Wide world to hear
Say 'em loud Say 'em clear For the whole Wide world to hear
One love One blood One life You got to do What you should
One life With each other Sisters Brothers
One life But we're not the same We get to carry each other
Carry each other
Woah, woah, woah, woah
I wish I knew How it would Feel to be free
I wish I knew How it would Feel to be free
25 December 2006
Merry Christmas
On Christmas Eve, I went to the midnight mass for a change. This is the first in a very long time that I attended one. We used to go when I was younger, they have what's called simbang gabi (misa de gallo in Spanish) in the Philippines where you go to mass every night starting on the 16th all the way to the night prior to Christmas if I remember correctly. That was actually the main thing as far as dinners go, when midnight strikes,that families get together and have noche buena. It's usually after dinner that kids open their presents.
One of the things that I miss was getting up early the next day, and making our rounds in the neighborhood. Us kids go to people's houses, knocking on their doors saying Mamamasko Po and the owners in turn would us give us cash money ($_$) It's also a tradition that godparents would usually buy you gifts, and I remember getting jealous since I only have 1 pair of grandparents and neither one of them lived in the country so no gifts for me. I knew better to believe in Santa Claus too hahaha. Not that I was jaded, but I never bought that. And one thing I wished wasn't really a toy or anything. If you'd read my blog, I think you'd know what my only wish was. And with the midnight dinner, of course, comes my favorite dessert of all. Leche flan, or flan, as most people in the U.S. knows it as. Egg yolks mixed with brown sugar, and milk.. yum yum...Will post some old holiday pictures up once I unpack all my things, I think I have a few I can show. There's one with me wearing a neon green t-shirt and shorts *horror..
Tonight, with it being my first Christmas in the DC area, I could have done two things. Stay home and think of just another day, or actually celebrate it in a way. Fellow blogger, One 3ye, made me think back of when I used to look forward to the Christmas season. I was getting melancholy and got teary eyed with being in a new city, not knowing too many peoople yet, and not having anywhere to go. It's not that I minded, I could have flown to Vegas, and spend time with Dad and the family, but I opted to spend Thanksgiving instead. I dunno, Vegas really didn't do anything for me last time I visited. I spent a dollar on some game I don't even remember now.
Anyway, some woman was trying to find people to go to mass with. I saw her post but was having second thoughts about actually e-mailing her. Was thinking of it being weird, going to a midnight mass with strangers but I ended up e-mailing her, and she responded. I didn't call her at once though, was still contemplating about it when I left to go to the store which were all closed. Good thing Subway was open since I was starving. Got me a sandwich, went home and ate and ironed my clothes for the mass. After getting dressed, I gave D- a call and said I'll be making my way out to DC. DC probably isn't as confusing as it was, but with it being my first time driving there, I of course managed to get lost. I was trying to go downtown, and ended up in Chevy Chase, MD which was just right over the border. There I was thinking Am I supposed to drive through this town? so I pulled over and gave D- a call. She was really helpful though as far as trying to get me to get to Dupont Circle where the cathedral is located. Finally got there like 45 mins after I last spoke with D- since where I parked was about 10 blocks from the cathedral. You can see me sprinting in the streets every so often just to be sure I wasn't gonna miss the mass.
It was nice, getting to attend a midnight mass in a cathedral nonetheless. Though I think I missed part of the sermon for who knows how long [well God does lol]. I got woken up when the booklet I was holding hit the floor so yea.. Oh yea, D- was also with another girl C- and I ended up sitting next to her, and we made small talk. Just really brief since we were seated already inside. It was great overall, I was really glad I went. And after the mass ended, and we were going our separate ways, all three of us got to talk at least. Them telling me how I did good trying to find my way, after having just moved here three weeks ago. We all had the same interests as far as movies go so there were talks of getting together, and having lunch or something. I was thinking it, but it was D- that brought it up, after which C- said if we can exchange numbers too. Awesome!!! So we'll see how this will go. Funny how I always get girls' numbers. Even at a party I went to Saturday night, all those guys there and I left with a girl's number instead. The guys were a bit older, but still.... I'm not a big fan of parties, but kinda forced myself to go just because... Some guy I knew, well earlier in the day, invited me to his friend's party. I was having second thoughts at first, but my cousin urged me to go, telling me the things I usually tell her if I feel she's being anti-social. Had a bit of a drink, but it was fun. Glad I went to that one too.
Though for tomorrow, hmm, not sure yet. Might go see Dreamgirls with an acquaintance, can't say we're friends yet, if he doesn't cancel on me a third time. We were gonna go hang out but with it being his birthday Saturday and all, his dad wanted to see him at least. So we'll see how that goes. I actually didn't care much about Dreamgirls, but after seeing the preview of it Friday when watching Babel, I reconsidered. I think it was Jennifer Hudson singing but it seriously sent goosebumps through my body hearing that clip. I have no idea how that happened, but it really did.
Well, bed's calling my name so will get rested now. Here's some Filipino christmas songs:
Pasko Na Naman
Simbang Gabi
Pasko Na Sinta Ko
Merry Christmas y'all and wishing you a great year ahead!
One of the things that I miss was getting up early the next day, and making our rounds in the neighborhood. Us kids go to people's houses, knocking on their doors saying Mamamasko Po and the owners in turn would us give us cash money ($_$) It's also a tradition that godparents would usually buy you gifts, and I remember getting jealous since I only have 1 pair of grandparents and neither one of them lived in the country so no gifts for me. I knew better to believe in Santa Claus too hahaha. Not that I was jaded, but I never bought that. And one thing I wished wasn't really a toy or anything. If you'd read my blog, I think you'd know what my only wish was. And with the midnight dinner, of course, comes my favorite dessert of all. Leche flan, or flan, as most people in the U.S. knows it as. Egg yolks mixed with brown sugar, and milk.. yum yum...Will post some old holiday pictures up once I unpack all my things, I think I have a few I can show. There's one with me wearing a neon green t-shirt and shorts *horror..
Tonight, with it being my first Christmas in the DC area, I could have done two things. Stay home and think of just another day, or actually celebrate it in a way. Fellow blogger, One 3ye, made me think back of when I used to look forward to the Christmas season. I was getting melancholy and got teary eyed with being in a new city, not knowing too many peoople yet, and not having anywhere to go. It's not that I minded, I could have flown to Vegas, and spend time with Dad and the family, but I opted to spend Thanksgiving instead. I dunno, Vegas really didn't do anything for me last time I visited. I spent a dollar on some game I don't even remember now.
Anyway, some woman was trying to find people to go to mass with. I saw her post but was having second thoughts about actually e-mailing her. Was thinking of it being weird, going to a midnight mass with strangers but I ended up e-mailing her, and she responded. I didn't call her at once though, was still contemplating about it when I left to go to the store which were all closed. Good thing Subway was open since I was starving. Got me a sandwich, went home and ate and ironed my clothes for the mass. After getting dressed, I gave D- a call and said I'll be making my way out to DC. DC probably isn't as confusing as it was, but with it being my first time driving there, I of course managed to get lost. I was trying to go downtown, and ended up in Chevy Chase, MD which was just right over the border. There I was thinking Am I supposed to drive through this town? so I pulled over and gave D- a call. She was really helpful though as far as trying to get me to get to Dupont Circle where the cathedral is located. Finally got there like 45 mins after I last spoke with D- since where I parked was about 10 blocks from the cathedral. You can see me sprinting in the streets every so often just to be sure I wasn't gonna miss the mass.
It was nice, getting to attend a midnight mass in a cathedral nonetheless. Though I think I missed part of the sermon for who knows how long [well God does lol]. I got woken up when the booklet I was holding hit the floor so yea.. Oh yea, D- was also with another girl C- and I ended up sitting next to her, and we made small talk. Just really brief since we were seated already inside. It was great overall, I was really glad I went. And after the mass ended, and we were going our separate ways, all three of us got to talk at least. Them telling me how I did good trying to find my way, after having just moved here three weeks ago. We all had the same interests as far as movies go so there were talks of getting together, and having lunch or something. I was thinking it, but it was D- that brought it up, after which C- said if we can exchange numbers too. Awesome!!! So we'll see how this will go. Funny how I always get girls' numbers. Even at a party I went to Saturday night, all those guys there and I left with a girl's number instead. The guys were a bit older, but still.... I'm not a big fan of parties, but kinda forced myself to go just because... Some guy I knew, well earlier in the day, invited me to his friend's party. I was having second thoughts at first, but my cousin urged me to go, telling me the things I usually tell her if I feel she's being anti-social. Had a bit of a drink, but it was fun. Glad I went to that one too.
Though for tomorrow, hmm, not sure yet. Might go see Dreamgirls with an acquaintance, can't say we're friends yet, if he doesn't cancel on me a third time. We were gonna go hang out but with it being his birthday Saturday and all, his dad wanted to see him at least. So we'll see how that goes. I actually didn't care much about Dreamgirls, but after seeing the preview of it Friday when watching Babel, I reconsidered. I think it was Jennifer Hudson singing but it seriously sent goosebumps through my body hearing that clip. I have no idea how that happened, but it really did.
Well, bed's calling my name so will get rested now. Here's some Filipino christmas songs:
Pasko Na Naman
Simbang Gabi
Pasko Na Sinta Ko
Merry Christmas y'all and wishing you a great year ahead!
22 December 2006
Be in the moment
OK, don't drink Mountain Dew when in the evening if you wanna get some sleep on time. I had two cans of it for dinner, and now I'm not sure if it's what's keeping me up or what. It's been a few weeks since I made the move, and I'm glad that I finally get to have a whole weekend off. The past two weekends, I've had to come back down to Hampton to try and take care of some things. I finally got everything moved out of the old apartment, though had some issues with the leasing office last week. Err, what happened was that I didn't give them the rent on the 1st which is normally when the rent is due since they said that the rate for December would be prorated. I dunno what got in my head that they would just bill me all together once they send me the final fee. Unknowingly, they sent me a mail on the first week of December saying that I was supposed to pay rent and I have 'til the 6th to pay rent. Well, with my moving and all my mail getting forwarded, I didn't get the letter until the 13th which was past the newer deadline they set before they'll evict me. I know I'm partially to blame for this, or maybe even the only one at point, but I got a bit angry about how all of this happened. You'd think the accounting office would have checked with the leasing office first and see what's going on, before trying to evict me. They could have called at least, instead of just assuming I'm not gonna pay and just evicting me. Not that it would matter lol, considering I wasn't living there anymore. I'm being apathetic but I'm gonna have to see whether this will affect my standing in any way. I've had to pay attorney's fee and all that junk, but oh well, it's just money. Not that money's not important, but it's not the end of the world now, is it?
With living here for about three weeks, hmm, maybe I've hang out with people like three times this whole time. First was with this guy, D- whose place I crashed at for the night when I came up here to get the lease taken care of, then Ke- an IT professional, and Go- a full time artist. During the week, I've pretty much been trying to get my room organized at least. I didn't have chest drawers or anything at first, so it was hard not having anywhere to put my things in. But now, I got a sofa bed, the chest dressers, and a desk which I'm debating whether or not to keep. It feels like it's taking up more space than it should, and considering I'm just renting a room, gonna find ways to maximize space. I'm in the process of going through my things and sorting them through and pick which to keep or just get rid of. It feels like I have too many things, and really have nowhere to put them, so yea..
Work's been good, though I'm still in the learning stages. I've slacked off here and there, not taking care of issues people called/e-mailed about until after they call again checking what the status is. I kinda zoned out since the past week, my main concern was trying to meet new folks to be friends with in the area. It hasn't gotten to me yet, since I've been busy, but now with having a full weekend here, it'll be nice to spend it with someone. It's good to be alone and all, but sometimes, interacting with fellow humans is more enriching hahaha.
I'm actually enjoying commuting. I have been since I started working and doesn't miss driving much. It's just nice to catch the bus or the metro and observe, watching how people interact, or with some, avoid contact altogether. Keeping a look out on the cute guys too, but I think where I live it's mostly family man that I've seen. Booo! I am sooo moving! If only I like moving hahaha, it's a pain doing it all by yourself. I think I took it too literally when I told the military that I'd do a DITY [Do it yourself] move, I did just that, move everything ALL by myself, with no outside help whatsoever. I was just thinking, You're an idiot for not hiring people. Well when I was getting frustrated packing. Gah, it was such a pain but that's over now, and I did me proud. My mom used to tell me how I was born here in the world alone, and so that's how it usually is. Well she used to tell me that since before, I always had this thing where I HAVE to take somebody with me wherever I go, or whatever I do. I used to equate me being out there by myself as being unloved. But I know that isn't true that just because you're out there alone, you don't have anybody in your life and how lonely that must get.
The roommate's have been good so far, I'll have three in all though the one girl hasn't started living here yet. Need to work on the cleanliness level though. I haven't had time to do a major clean up, so been cleaning up here and there. I was just thinking, Lord! How can they live like this!? Lol, but oh well, I live here now so definitely will fix the cleanliness issue. They're two good guys though, so glad about that at least. Pretty much took my chances, but don't we all, just about everyday? Just gotta have faith that everything will be alright. Still trying to figure out some things but it's all part of the process.
Since last month, I've barely spoken to the family actually. Trying to work on that since with some things, you have to force yourself to do even when you really don't want to. There were some things said to each other when there was really a need for it. Well, my thoughts about the whole mother issue. I love her and all, but I can't help not to question some things anymore. I'm trying to make peace with everything, though with doing that, I feel the need to at least distance myself from all the drama, and start focusing on me. Not that I haven't been, but my dad thinks I oughta . Think about the future son, which I really haven't planned out. Shoot, I might not even be here tomorrow. But just in case I am, yea I need to start planning more :D
I ramble on and on.. Oh, with the commute too, there was actually a blind guy that got on. I admire them, making their way around with the help of the guide dog if that's what those pets are called. Anyway, I just stared there in awe when the dog was guiding the man to the seat in the bus. The man got to sit down, and the dog did the same on the floor of course, in front of the guy and just looking out the driver's view. I seriously wanted to just grab the dog, and hug it. The dog had it's back to where I was sitting, but I dunno, the way that it just sat there, with it's ears down, like it's in a deep thought, 'knowing' what his (or her) purpose was. The love, you can just sense it, if what I'm saying is making sense. It made me smile to have been a witness to something like this.
With living here for about three weeks, hmm, maybe I've hang out with people like three times this whole time. First was with this guy, D- whose place I crashed at for the night when I came up here to get the lease taken care of, then Ke- an IT professional, and Go- a full time artist. During the week, I've pretty much been trying to get my room organized at least. I didn't have chest drawers or anything at first, so it was hard not having anywhere to put my things in. But now, I got a sofa bed, the chest dressers, and a desk which I'm debating whether or not to keep. It feels like it's taking up more space than it should, and considering I'm just renting a room, gonna find ways to maximize space. I'm in the process of going through my things and sorting them through and pick which to keep or just get rid of. It feels like I have too many things, and really have nowhere to put them, so yea..
Work's been good, though I'm still in the learning stages. I've slacked off here and there, not taking care of issues people called/e-mailed about until after they call again checking what the status is. I kinda zoned out since the past week, my main concern was trying to meet new folks to be friends with in the area. It hasn't gotten to me yet, since I've been busy, but now with having a full weekend here, it'll be nice to spend it with someone. It's good to be alone and all, but sometimes, interacting with fellow humans is more enriching hahaha.
I'm actually enjoying commuting. I have been since I started working and doesn't miss driving much. It's just nice to catch the bus or the metro and observe, watching how people interact, or with some, avoid contact altogether. Keeping a look out on the cute guys too, but I think where I live it's mostly family man that I've seen. Booo! I am sooo moving! If only I like moving hahaha, it's a pain doing it all by yourself. I think I took it too literally when I told the military that I'd do a DITY [Do it yourself] move, I did just that, move everything ALL by myself, with no outside help whatsoever. I was just thinking, You're an idiot for not hiring people. Well when I was getting frustrated packing. Gah, it was such a pain but that's over now, and I did me proud. My mom used to tell me how I was born here in the world alone, and so that's how it usually is. Well she used to tell me that since before, I always had this thing where I HAVE to take somebody with me wherever I go, or whatever I do. I used to equate me being out there by myself as being unloved. But I know that isn't true that just because you're out there alone, you don't have anybody in your life and how lonely that must get.
The roommate's have been good so far, I'll have three in all though the one girl hasn't started living here yet. Need to work on the cleanliness level though. I haven't had time to do a major clean up, so been cleaning up here and there. I was just thinking, Lord! How can they live like this!? Lol, but oh well, I live here now so definitely will fix the cleanliness issue. They're two good guys though, so glad about that at least. Pretty much took my chances, but don't we all, just about everyday? Just gotta have faith that everything will be alright. Still trying to figure out some things but it's all part of the process.
Since last month, I've barely spoken to the family actually. Trying to work on that since with some things, you have to force yourself to do even when you really don't want to. There were some things said to each other when there was really a need for it. Well, my thoughts about the whole mother issue. I love her and all, but I can't help not to question some things anymore. I'm trying to make peace with everything, though with doing that, I feel the need to at least distance myself from all the drama, and start focusing on me. Not that I haven't been, but my dad thinks I oughta . Think about the future son, which I really haven't planned out. Shoot, I might not even be here tomorrow. But just in case I am, yea I need to start planning more :D
I ramble on and on.. Oh, with the commute too, there was actually a blind guy that got on. I admire them, making their way around with the help of the guide dog if that's what those pets are called. Anyway, I just stared there in awe when the dog was guiding the man to the seat in the bus. The man got to sit down, and the dog did the same on the floor of course, in front of the guy and just looking out the driver's view. I seriously wanted to just grab the dog, and hug it. The dog had it's back to where I was sitting, but I dunno, the way that it just sat there, with it's ears down, like it's in a deep thought, 'knowing' what his (or her) purpose was. The love, you can just sense it, if what I'm saying is making sense. It made me smile to have been a witness to something like this.
17 December 2006
11 December 2006
Life's been good....
It's 0428 and I'm awake after getting woken up by a phone call around 0300. I kinda got drunk dialled by my friend M- in our Air Force days. He lives in Washington, along with my other friend C-. As some of you were aware, I considered moving to WA right after I got out of the military. Was gonna go to school full time, and become roommates with C-. But of course, that didn't happen as I am now in Northern Va.
It's actually been good so far. I got back to Virginia Saturday night around 2230 (10:L30 pm) though I didn't get to home 'til about midnight or so since my car had problems starting. I ended up having to call the security to have them jump start it for me. Got home, and went straight to bed (if I remember correctly) since I'm gonna have to make a 3-hour drive to move to my new place. That, and pack too for I didn't do it before I left for Cali. Got up the next day, and sorted through my things and figure out what stuff I'm definitely gonna need the first week, mostly work clothes, and such. I'll admit, I was getting stressed since I had all the time in the world and waited the last minute to pack my things. My plan was to leave first thing in the morning, but I didn't get to leave til about 4 in the afternoon. I made it to my new home around 1930 and pretty much hauled my stuff in and got my room set up. I don't have any furnitures yet, so took my air mattress with me so I'll have something to sleep on.
Thing was I didn't sleep AT ALL the night before my start date. The first day was pretty much an orientation at the company HQ. I really don't know why I couldn't sleep, I don't think I was that anxious about everything that's happening that it'll keep me up all night. The briefing was an all day event, and it went by smootly. It was really cold outside and the wind was blowing really hard too. Good thing I brought my overcoat. I finally found the jacket that I've been wanting to get. It's a knee-length camel overcoat, and I've been wanting one since 2003. Came across it at H&M so grabbed it since it was 50 % off too. Wow, guess clothes do make a difference. I felt good just walking around with it on, I felt like an exec. I can't help not to giggle when I pass by my reflection. I was just thinking Who is that staring at me? It felt like a dream, me walking around all adult-like and doing grown up things. At the orientation, I met one woman that I was gonna be working with, and she seemed pretty nice. She's a bit older, but it was nice to have a woman in the department. Since I started, she's kinda like the mother hen for us four guys that work for her. She usually calls us babe if we ask her questions, which I thought was just sweet. I got my company badge too. I thought it was just a temporary ID but good thing I smiled since it was something I'm gonna be keeping for who knows how long. Well, God does *grins but yea, maybe I'll scan it so you can see. Topher's first real world job.
It's actually been good so far. I got back to Virginia Saturday night around 2230 (10:L30 pm) though I didn't get to home 'til about midnight or so since my car had problems starting. I ended up having to call the security to have them jump start it for me. Got home, and went straight to bed (if I remember correctly) since I'm gonna have to make a 3-hour drive to move to my new place. That, and pack too for I didn't do it before I left for Cali. Got up the next day, and sorted through my things and figure out what stuff I'm definitely gonna need the first week, mostly work clothes, and such. I'll admit, I was getting stressed since I had all the time in the world and waited the last minute to pack my things. My plan was to leave first thing in the morning, but I didn't get to leave til about 4 in the afternoon. I made it to my new home around 1930 and pretty much hauled my stuff in and got my room set up. I don't have any furnitures yet, so took my air mattress with me so I'll have something to sleep on.
Thing was I didn't sleep AT ALL the night before my start date. The first day was pretty much an orientation at the company HQ. I really don't know why I couldn't sleep, I don't think I was that anxious about everything that's happening that it'll keep me up all night. The briefing was an all day event, and it went by smootly. It was really cold outside and the wind was blowing really hard too. Good thing I brought my overcoat. I finally found the jacket that I've been wanting to get. It's a knee-length camel overcoat, and I've been wanting one since 2003. Came across it at H&M so grabbed it since it was 50 % off too. Wow, guess clothes do make a difference. I felt good just walking around with it on, I felt like an exec. I can't help not to giggle when I pass by my reflection. I was just thinking Who is that staring at me? It felt like a dream, me walking around all adult-like and doing grown up things. At the orientation, I met one woman that I was gonna be working with, and she seemed pretty nice. She's a bit older, but it was nice to have a woman in the department. Since I started, she's kinda like the mother hen for us four guys that work for her. She usually calls us babe if we ask her questions, which I thought was just sweet. I got my company badge too. I thought it was just a temporary ID but good thing I smiled since it was something I'm gonna be keeping for who knows how long. Well, God does *grins but yea, maybe I'll scan it so you can see. Topher's first real world job.
The first week has been good so far. The first day went fine. I got up really early since I wasn't sure how long the commute will take. To get to work, I actually catch a bus that's right by the apartment complex where I live. Catch the Metro Bus and after that, it makes stops at a few more places before getting on the HOV lane to take us to the Pentagon station. From there, I catch the Metro to get to work. It's awesome, they have an underground mall and across the street from our building, there is even a park. It was the location that won me over too. I wanted to get a city feel where I'm working and I sure got it. Though I really haven't been eating outside because it gets really cold, and I'm still trying to get used to the cold weather. I heard it snows here too so will see. I'm getting the hang of commuting now, and it is so much better than driving to and from work. I'll be commuting unless I absolutely have to drive. I'm actually happy at this point in my life. I think being out of the military, I feel more in control now. Before, I had the family to make decisions for me. Then, when I joined the military, it was out of fear since I didn't feel like I had a way out. It's not that it was bad living with my aunt and her family, but I dunno, it's not the same living with your mom or dad. I really wanted to go back live with my dad again, but somehow I thought that everything that was happening was my doing and that I deserved even the bad things happening to me. Anyway, since I started my terminal leave on the 16th, I just had this feeling of calmness. I feel more at peace, though there's still family issues that is going on. Maybe I can talk about it later since I just wanna keep this post relevant to my move. It's been good though. I actually have had a smile on my face getting to and from work.
I have yet to explore more of the area but I'll get to those in due time. This past weekend, I went back to Hampton to pack up more of my things. I have 'til the 20th to vacate the apartment, so will take care of the rest this upcoming weekend. Eventhough I ended up spending the night there, I really didn't get to do much. Just sat there, or laid around just thinking a whole lot of nothing. The Christmas spirit even caught me, and I was there donwstairs, laying down in the carpet around midnight, with a Bacardi in one hand and listening to some Christmas music. When the Jackson 5 song, Give Love On Christmas Day came on, it's what got me. I cried a bit just listening to it. I'm not really sure why, but guess it just happens sometimes. After that though, I was laughing like a hyena, watching some America's Funniest Home Videos clips. I also checked out some Wii clips, and playing one seems really exciting. I think I might get one eventually. I'm trying to get my dad to get me one, so will see. I was saying it in a joking way, but it'll be neat if he does get me one. He's called a few times just to check up to see how I was doing so that's really quite something. It's a complete turn around from not getting a letter, or even a call from him.
Anyway, why am I telling you all this? Just kiddin. Good thing I'm wide awake right now, eventhough I slept like four hours this morning. That was really unexpected and I'll admit it made my day. That was really random, but they said they were chatting and I came up in the convo, so they figured they'd wake me up and have me join in. It made me miss hanging out with them. It seemed like it was yesterday we were all living in the same building, then now we're across the continent. They're trying to get me to visit so I just might...maybe next month!?
I'm still trying to get caught up with the things that we do here. Two days into the job and I'm answering calls already. It doesn't look like it's too bad, though I don't like it how our power is very limited and I can't help out the customer as much as I'd want to. It's too early to say, I'll give it a year and see how it goes. It's been good though so for all I know I might end up staying in this area. I also like having a Mon-Fri schedule. I can get used to that. This way, I can make commitments and not have to back out due to a schedule change or something. Do some volunteer work, take classes even, and go to the gym too. That way my abs would finally show. I never really bothered with getting a flat stomach, but from what I've been reading, it'll be good for my health. I'm sure if I do some sort of exercise, the love handles would go away. And to think I used to say how cute they were, I guess they still are as long as it's not mine. I'm okay the way I am but if there's some things that can be improved, why not?
Aside from that, gotta work on meeting new people too. I've met one guy to be friends with, but I oughta branch out more and try to meet peeps from all walks of life. There's always something to learn from everyone, I always thought. Maybe a boyfriend soon? Not that I'm looking, but if it happens that'll be grand. I got close to having one and I sure do like the feeling.
Well, hope nobody had a case of the moondays... Me going home now.
04 December 2006
Seven years....
It's 0407 and I'm supposed to get up about an hour for now to start a new page in this so called life. My plan was to get to sleep around 10 or 11 last night, yet here I am. I actually just got back last night from California, and I really can't say it's jetlag coz I thought that only worked flying from one country to another, no!?
It's been a week since I last posted and there's much that has happened eventhough we we didn't do much. Me and the family really didn't go anywhere aside running errands here and there, going to the store, pick up some groceries, taking my brother to school. At least now, I don't make it a point saying my half-brother. In between, I'd get into conversations with my dad about things that transpired pretty much ever since I was a child. I know they say we can't change the past, you gotta move on, look ahead to the future but I'm not one of those who follow those. Well, I know we can't change it, but I enjoy looking back, seeing where I came from, and trying to make peace with all the things that has happened.
I'm really happy though the way I'm sounding, it's quite the opposite. But it isn't. It's really hard to keep my post short but oh well. I need to let my story out, as to why I'm not exactly sure. Anyway, the 27th of November was a big day for me. I have a thing about celebrating 'anniversaries,' pretty much dates that mean something to me. Day I joined the military, met someone, things of that nature. Well, the 27th, seven years ago was the day I finally got to see my dad. Err, he visited when I was two or three but it really doesn't count since I don't remember anything. I do but I don't. It's weird how my first memory was with him, considering I spent my infancy and childhood with my mom and her side of the family. That was my biggest dream, to finally meet him, and when I come to think about it, I didn't know where else to go from there. It was Marilyn Manson, if I'm not mistaken, who said "When your wishes are granted, your dreams will be destroyed," and just that is what happened to me. It's not that mine were destroyed, it's more of forgetting to figure out what came next.
With that, as much as I was happy being with my new family, I was a bit freaked out. I jumped right in to school that Monday after I arrived, not even thinking of how much adjusting I'm gonna have to go through. School didn't even cross my mind when I was so anxious to leave for the US, I just thought heh, that's no biggie. School's school, no matter what. First off, I hated how I started the school year and I had to take P.E. The class really didn't bother me, but it was just playing basketball EVERYday that did me in. I HATE that sport! Or as my dad says now, it's my act of rebellion since I hated things he enjoyed, i.e. sports. I used to skip class, or if I do attend it, just walk around the court over and over. Talk to some other kids, or walk around by myself. I also didn't realize how the language would be a bit barrier. I can understand English perfect, and even can comprehend it better than the other kids. I found it ironic how those who can't comprehend it that well are all outgoing and talkative, and then you had me who was struggling a bit talking, hence having issues making friends at school which lasted 'til about I graduated from high school after moving to Florida. But that's another story.
Another thing was the identity crisis. No, it's not about whether I was gay or straight. Teehee! Being of mixed race actually came into play. Growing up in the Philippines, I really couldn't say that I was one of them since I didn't look like one. Eventhough my mom is Filipina, I really didn't fit the asian features, you know, straight hair, fair complexion since I took after my dad period. Just one look, and you'd think Oh, he's black. So with that, I think that's where my sense of not belonging kinda came into play. Some would ask me questions Why are you here? Shouldn't you be in the States since that's where you're from? Even the family would say sometime how it'll be better for me to be with my dad since the US is my homeland, things of that nature. I'm sure they didn't mean no harm, but I think hearing those words growing up, it does something to you. It makes you question things. You'll ask yourself Why did I have to be different? Why can't I just look like them? Or what it came down to was what's wrong with me. Of course, now I know there isn't any. Those feelings came into play again eventually. After moving to the US, where my kinds are haha! I kinda went through the same thing. Now, eventhough I look black, I really can't say I am one. I do look like one, but I'm Asian on the inside. It got reversed. I remember thinking Why can't I be like them? Trying not to be stereotypical but back then, I was thinking If only I dressed hip hop or listen to rap, I could be cool. Lol Up to this day, I still don't dress hip hop. I dunno, I just don't have that air, whatever that is, and I can't carry the clothes the way everybody else did. But you know that's okay, can't be someone I'm not. It's kinda funy though how at the family reunion, every one had baggy clothes, and I was thinking Gah, if only I'd have grown up here, I'd dress the same. Well actually, even my friends in the Philippines did, but I just never cared much for it.
So now, I lost the point of what this post was about. That I'm back here in Virginia? About to get ready in a bit to leave for a briefing that won't start until 0830? Yet, I'm leaving around 0645 though it's only 30 mins away where I need to be. Traffic's horrible here from what I hear, so will just play it safe and get to my destination early. I got my iPod so I can watch Seinfeld or something while I wait. I'm gonna be attending the company briefing today, then tomorrow I'll start my new job. I guess I'm anxious, and excited about things. Being the new guy which can suck sometimes. Heh, I'm not even sure if this is what I'd wanna do. Well I do, but not sure how long. I suppose I could have stayed with the military until I figure out what I wanted to be when I grow up but ummm, NO to the hell No! It's not that it's bad, it did me good too but I did my time :D
Or with what happened these past seven years, me and my dad laugh about things now? We can look back with laughter, but in between those, there's an unspoken sadness. Regret for times lost, memories we could have made. Well, actually it's my mom's fault. I was supposed to come here to the U.S. when I was six, and go back to the Philippines every summer to be with her. She got scared that my dad wouldn't do what he said he would, so she kept me. Great! Nah, just kidding. Pinpointing fingers isn't gonna do anyone any good. My dad points to my mom, she points to him, and I point to both of them! Hah! I know they tried the best they could, well my mom did, and now it's my dad's turn.
The picture above, I just got a hold of the disk version since with it being taken seven years ago, the studio doesn't proofs they can print out. Anybody know a way? I got a hold of some more pictures, ones when I visited months after I joined the military, and looking at one of them I was like damn! He and I look alike. Just about everyone we meet, first thing that comes out of their mouth was that I look just like my dad. I still don't see it, but people see a lot of things I don't. But it's better that way. My friend isn't too happy with my view on things sometimes. He said how I trust so easily, blah blah blah, but I dunno, I just have faith that nothing bad will happen, and putting my trust in the right things. Oh, that also goes with people. I think there's goodness in everybody, well not all, but you know what I mean. My friend said I'm just naive which is a cover up for stupid, but that's okay.
Anyway, whoever you are reading this, hope you have a good week ahead of you and you get enough of everything :) I'll tell more about Cali next time, getting a bit tipsy, doing touristy things, seeing the bushman even! Oh, I also saw a high school world music concert that almost brought me to tears. Man, the beauty of music from around the world. This is the song that'll remind me of this time, Over the Rainbow. I never actually listened to the whole song before until now. I haven't even seen the whole movie it was written for. Hehe. I will, I will. I promise. Just think to yourself, it's a wonderful world....
It's been a week since I last posted and there's much that has happened eventhough we we didn't do much. Me and the family really didn't go anywhere aside running errands here and there, going to the store, pick up some groceries, taking my brother to school. At least now, I don't make it a point saying my half-brother. In between, I'd get into conversations with my dad about things that transpired pretty much ever since I was a child. I know they say we can't change the past, you gotta move on, look ahead to the future but I'm not one of those who follow those. Well, I know we can't change it, but I enjoy looking back, seeing where I came from, and trying to make peace with all the things that has happened.
I'm really happy though the way I'm sounding, it's quite the opposite. But it isn't. It's really hard to keep my post short but oh well. I need to let my story out, as to why I'm not exactly sure. Anyway, the 27th of November was a big day for me. I have a thing about celebrating 'anniversaries,' pretty much dates that mean something to me. Day I joined the military, met someone, things of that nature. Well, the 27th, seven years ago was the day I finally got to see my dad. Err, he visited when I was two or three but it really doesn't count since I don't remember anything. I do but I don't. It's weird how my first memory was with him, considering I spent my infancy and childhood with my mom and her side of the family. That was my biggest dream, to finally meet him, and when I come to think about it, I didn't know where else to go from there. It was Marilyn Manson, if I'm not mistaken, who said "When your wishes are granted, your dreams will be destroyed," and just that is what happened to me. It's not that mine were destroyed, it's more of forgetting to figure out what came next.
With that, as much as I was happy being with my new family, I was a bit freaked out. I jumped right in to school that Monday after I arrived, not even thinking of how much adjusting I'm gonna have to go through. School didn't even cross my mind when I was so anxious to leave for the US, I just thought heh, that's no biggie. School's school, no matter what. First off, I hated how I started the school year and I had to take P.E. The class really didn't bother me, but it was just playing basketball EVERYday that did me in. I HATE that sport! Or as my dad says now, it's my act of rebellion since I hated things he enjoyed, i.e. sports. I used to skip class, or if I do attend it, just walk around the court over and over. Talk to some other kids, or walk around by myself. I also didn't realize how the language would be a bit barrier. I can understand English perfect, and even can comprehend it better than the other kids. I found it ironic how those who can't comprehend it that well are all outgoing and talkative, and then you had me who was struggling a bit talking, hence having issues making friends at school which lasted 'til about I graduated from high school after moving to Florida. But that's another story.
Another thing was the identity crisis. No, it's not about whether I was gay or straight. Teehee! Being of mixed race actually came into play. Growing up in the Philippines, I really couldn't say that I was one of them since I didn't look like one. Eventhough my mom is Filipina, I really didn't fit the asian features, you know, straight hair, fair complexion since I took after my dad period. Just one look, and you'd think Oh, he's black. So with that, I think that's where my sense of not belonging kinda came into play. Some would ask me questions Why are you here? Shouldn't you be in the States since that's where you're from? Even the family would say sometime how it'll be better for me to be with my dad since the US is my homeland, things of that nature. I'm sure they didn't mean no harm, but I think hearing those words growing up, it does something to you. It makes you question things. You'll ask yourself Why did I have to be different? Why can't I just look like them? Or what it came down to was what's wrong with me. Of course, now I know there isn't any. Those feelings came into play again eventually. After moving to the US, where my kinds are haha! I kinda went through the same thing. Now, eventhough I look black, I really can't say I am one. I do look like one, but I'm Asian on the inside. It got reversed. I remember thinking Why can't I be like them? Trying not to be stereotypical but back then, I was thinking If only I dressed hip hop or listen to rap, I could be cool. Lol Up to this day, I still don't dress hip hop. I dunno, I just don't have that air, whatever that is, and I can't carry the clothes the way everybody else did. But you know that's okay, can't be someone I'm not. It's kinda funy though how at the family reunion, every one had baggy clothes, and I was thinking Gah, if only I'd have grown up here, I'd dress the same. Well actually, even my friends in the Philippines did, but I just never cared much for it.
So now, I lost the point of what this post was about. That I'm back here in Virginia? About to get ready in a bit to leave for a briefing that won't start until 0830? Yet, I'm leaving around 0645 though it's only 30 mins away where I need to be. Traffic's horrible here from what I hear, so will just play it safe and get to my destination early. I got my iPod so I can watch Seinfeld or something while I wait. I'm gonna be attending the company briefing today, then tomorrow I'll start my new job. I guess I'm anxious, and excited about things. Being the new guy which can suck sometimes. Heh, I'm not even sure if this is what I'd wanna do. Well I do, but not sure how long. I suppose I could have stayed with the military until I figure out what I wanted to be when I grow up but ummm, NO to the hell No! It's not that it's bad, it did me good too but I did my time :D
Or with what happened these past seven years, me and my dad laugh about things now? We can look back with laughter, but in between those, there's an unspoken sadness. Regret for times lost, memories we could have made. Well, actually it's my mom's fault. I was supposed to come here to the U.S. when I was six, and go back to the Philippines every summer to be with her. She got scared that my dad wouldn't do what he said he would, so she kept me. Great! Nah, just kidding. Pinpointing fingers isn't gonna do anyone any good. My dad points to my mom, she points to him, and I point to both of them! Hah! I know they tried the best they could, well my mom did, and now it's my dad's turn.
The picture above, I just got a hold of the disk version since with it being taken seven years ago, the studio doesn't proofs they can print out. Anybody know a way? I got a hold of some more pictures, ones when I visited months after I joined the military, and looking at one of them I was like damn! He and I look alike. Just about everyone we meet, first thing that comes out of their mouth was that I look just like my dad. I still don't see it, but people see a lot of things I don't. But it's better that way. My friend isn't too happy with my view on things sometimes. He said how I trust so easily, blah blah blah, but I dunno, I just have faith that nothing bad will happen, and putting my trust in the right things. Oh, that also goes with people. I think there's goodness in everybody, well not all, but you know what I mean. My friend said I'm just naive which is a cover up for stupid, but that's okay.
Anyway, whoever you are reading this, hope you have a good week ahead of you and you get enough of everything :) I'll tell more about Cali next time, getting a bit tipsy, doing touristy things, seeing the bushman even! Oh, I also saw a high school world music concert that almost brought me to tears. Man, the beauty of music from around the world. This is the song that'll remind me of this time, Over the Rainbow. I never actually listened to the whole song before until now. I haven't even seen the whole movie it was written for. Hehe. I will, I will. I promise. Just think to yourself, it's a wonderful world....
26 November 2006
As good as it gets
Yesterday was when I decided to go to the city. We really weren't doing much and I was kinda getting bored being at the house all day. It's not that I mind just being here with them, but I wanted a little alone time to just go to the city, walk around for a bit, pick up some things, and maybe meet a friend.
I was up really early, around 0730 though we ended up not leaving until around 1000. I didn't wanna wake them up to have them take me to the ferry station so I waited. It was funny how around 0930, my mom called me from their room asking me weren't i supposed to go to the city and trying to catch the ferry. I told her that I was about done. She told me to have breakfast at least since the ride is about an hour long. So did just that, I had a toast and just put butter and sugar on it. I forgot that most people, when they make toast, they put jam or jelly on it. I remembered that after I've made mine, but oh well, mine's just as good. I went back upstairs and my brother was awake too and told me that they'll just drop me off at the train station so I can catch the BART that will take me to the city. He was wanting to go to the mall too, so he got our mom to drive instead so I can be dropped off, while they can go to the mall nearby. It's about a 15-min ride and it was funny how they were telling me how the train system works. I told them I've ridden them before in other cities, and it's works just the same but they wouldn't hear any of it. They still went on and explained it over so I just shut up and listened. They're just making sure that I didn't get lost or anything so that's sweet on their end. We got to the BART station and my brother actually got out of the car, came with me to the ticket booth, and looked up the times the train is leaving, make sure I get there on time. It felt like I was the little brother venturing to the city first time alone so I can't help to chuckle on the inside.
The train ride is about 30 mins long, and after getting to San Francisco, the first thing I tried to find was the Apple store to get my brother's iPod looked at. At first, he wanted to come along with me but I told him I'll take care of it since he can't come since I might meet up with somebody. Oh okay was all he can say. The parents were asking why wouldn't he just go to the city with me, and he told them that he really doesn't feel like it since San Francisco gets old with him living here all his life. Good brother. It was a while before I found the store though, since eventhough it was by Union Square, I struggled a bit trying to find it since I'm not too familiar where everything is. It was actually one block to the left, and just going down two blocks to get to it. I ended up taking the long way heading down the wrong direction, finding a free guide, then turning right back around to where I started. On my way, trying to find the Apple store, I passed by H&M so of course, I had to make a stop and have a look around. They had this one jacket I was eyeing for back in Virginia though both stores I went to were out of stock of it. They told me to come back and check but I really haven't ventured out to Norfolk or Virginia Beach since that's about a 30-45 min drive from where I lived. Anyway, the store had it. However, few feet from it was the jacket that looked just like the one I've been meaning to get from overstock. They had this knee-length camel coat that would go really well with suits or any business attires. With the new job, I'm gonna have to wear casual business clothing so been trying to add more of those to my wardrobe. The coat looks really nice. I feel dashing just wearing it so that should be a good thing :) I feel like a
grown up with it on. I told myself I'll think it through and just come back in the evening just in case I meet up with this one guy, then once we go our separate ways. Since if I do meet him, I don't wanna be carrying a shopping bag around with me.
Finally found the Apple store and was there for about 20 mins. They might have to replace my brother's iPod since it's the audio jack that has some issues. Had to call him though, since they're going to try to do a restore first which will pretty much erase everything on it. He didn't want that since he had some things he wanted to save firstm so I told the technician I'll just come back on Monday to get it taken care of. Gives me an excuse to go back to San Francisco yay! Once that was done, I got hungry so I walked around trying to find a place to eat. I was gonna go to Subway but they discontinued the sandwich that I've been getting the past few months, the Bourbon chicken. Tried looking for Wendy's but I think I went the opposite way of Market St so obviously didn't find it and ended up right by where my mom used to work. When I was about to cross the street, a homeless guy was approaching me so I walked a little bit faster. He was yelling out Hey Big guy but I ignored him and went on my way. I kinda felt bad, but I've crossed the street already when I turned around. There was a McDonald's so that's where I end up going. Yea, I know.. I'm visiting San Francisco and that's where I'm gonna have lunch. I really didn't know where to go since I don't take guides with me when I'm a tourist. I usually rely on somebody I know to take me to a good place to dine in like in LA and NY. After I got settled in a chair, and started eating some fries, that's when my phone rang and it was the guy I was gonna meet up with, saying he's about 30 mins away and can we please have lunch right when he gets there. I said okay, though I didn't tell him I was just about to have mine haha. I was debating whether to eat half of it, or just take it to go.
Throwing away would have been a waste though I can't believe that idea crossed my mind. I remembered the homeless guy, so I thought of just putting my meal in a bag and hand it to him since it's pretty much a new order, save some fries that I've eaten. Mann, it would have been so good though. I had the mayo and ketchup all mixed up to dip my fries in. But oh well. So did just that, and stepped out to the streets again. I went back to where the guy tried talking to me earlier and of course, he wasn't there. I hang around for a few minutes
thinking he might show up, but to no avail. He never did. I saw another guy kinda sorting through the trash bin, so I came up to him nervously, and stuck my hand out and asked him Would you want this? I just ordered it and you can have it. He took it from my hands, said Thanks and I walked away. I was nervous since some might have been offended for me doing that, but good thing he wasn't. I've read how some of them get pissed when you try to offer them food, instead of money like they asked you for in the first place.
After heading down to Metreon where I was gonna meet up with Alex, I got a call from him saying he's having problems trying to find a parking spot. I ended up just hopping on his car, while he tries to find a parking garage. We were driving around for an hour before he found one since the streets were packed and traffics are barely moving. It was kinda funny observing people in this situation. You still have the nice folks thankfully, though some people can be assholes when they're driving. Anyway, we finally found a garage and got to park. Ended up going to a Chinese restaurant and had some Hawaiian BBQ Chicken which was quite good. The woman got my order wrong but I was too hungry to care so I just ate it. I ended up having a mix of BBX Chicken, and some fried fish and shrimps, instead of just the chicken. Figured I'll have a variety to try so just ate it up. Talked with Alex for a while though I find it real funny when I'm hanging out with someone and they keep talking about how many times they've been hit on, etc. He's an okay guy and just let it slide. And no,
it's not a date or anything. He has a boyfriend, and I just met up with him just for the sake of meeting him since I spoke with him a few times when I was in Virginia. We just walked around, looking at some stores here and there. Had a Cold Stone Ice cream too. We went on our separate ways after about three hours, since I was getting tired with all that walking. He needed to get back too, since his bf was getting a little jealous of this new guy he's hanging out with. On the way back to the train station, I passed by a movie theater and they were playing For Your Consideration. It wasn't gonna start for another 80 mins and I really didn't feel like waiting that long so just went ahead and headed to the station. I wanted to go to Castro too but didn't wanna go to a bar or a club with all this stuff I had with me. Just called it a day and hopped on the train back. I had a funny feeling though how I should have tried to enjoy the city more by myself. I get like that sometimes. If I'm alone, wishing I was with people. And when I'm with people, wishing I was alone. It was good getting to meet a new friend though.
On the train ride, I can't help not to smile since I felt happy inside. Happy being home, back to the place where I could have grown. It was maybe a 30-min bus ride, and I was sitting there in the dark, thinking how I can get used to this. Here and there, I still get that desire of actually living with my mom and dad eventhough I'm what, 23 now!? There's more to it of course, which I will explain eventually. From the train station, I'm gonna have to catch the bus that'll take me back to Vallejo and from there, get picked up by either Mom or Dad since the bus stop was about 2-3 miles away. As I was nearing the bus stop, my brother called asking where I was. I told him we were in Vallejo already, and that I'm just gonna walk home tonight. He kept asking if I was sure, and I told him Yes I'm sure. He probably thought it weird but he said okay and just hang up.
Well Friday, we were leaving the mall and I got into an accident. I was driving my dad's truck, my brother along with me since we went to the mall for the Black Friday sale. We were leaving the mall area and was gonna make a left turn to get on the road, and that's when we got struck. I should have paid more attention, and saw the blue car that was coming from the opposite side. It was too late. Right when I looked, it was too late to do anything and he slammed right into the side of the truck. There was barely any damage to the truck, though the guy's was a different story. The front of his car was in bad shape. I can't think of the words to describe it but yea. Nobody was hurt. I was stunned I was just sitting there shaking, thinking Wow, did that really just happen? I've never been in one before so this was quite a shock. We just sat there in the car while it was my brother that called my dad up, telling him we got into an accident. I was really scared since he let me use his truck, and something like this happens. They drove out to wherever we were to get everything taken care of. We can't call the police since the other was actually here illegally, looks like. He didn't have insurance, registration or even a license and the language was a bit of a barrier too. We really can't file a claim since the insurance company would want every detail, and with the guy not having anything, it'll be their loss. Just had to settle with some cash, since that's all that could be done really. There were some discussions but that's what it came down to.
On the ride back, I made my brother ride with Mom while i got on the truck with my dad. I apologized to my dad, and he said don't worry about it since shit happens. I went on how I'm just visiting and I'd do that to his truck. He said So now, you're just a visitor? You're back home Kris. You're not just visiting. I told him I was really scared and he asked if I thought he would have thrown me out because of what happened. I said Umm Yes, and he laughed. That's why we have insurance Kris! We would have just filed a claim if this happened and you were living with us. I laughed though I was getting all teary during the drive. I'm still sorting through some things, but it's a good feeling knowing my dad really loves me. I get these stupid thoughts that he doesn't whenever I think of the past. Of course, he always has. The problem is that I have conditions on how I'd want to be loved, and when they're not met, I think that I'm unloved by this or that person, whether it be a family member, or even a friend.
I was still a bit shaken about the whole accident, and I needed the walk last night to kinda clear my head. Tell myself that things happen. Last night, I was walking down the same streets that I used to drive down when I rode my bike. You see, I've lived here for a brief period and I can say now that I was in turmoil when I did. I was really confused about everything that's happened previously. I was torn over my love for them (my dad, stepmom, and my brother), and missing the Philippines and everyone I left behind. I was questioning so many things, and I'm not reciprocating the love they were showing me when I just moved here. I do really love them, though my action spoke otherwise. I was confused about wanting to live with them, but at the same time thinking how it'll be best to just keep things as they were. Of course, what do I know? I was a just sixteen year old boy. To be honest, I didn't think it was gonna be that hard making the move from one country to another. Maybe it really wasn't. I had the love of my family here, welcoming me with open arms. Now that I think about it, maybe love would have been enough after all. But I wanted so much more, acknowledgement of what wrong was done, and all of the answers I need to find. It was a walk I so needed, and I can say I had joy in my heart on the way back. Of course, I still wonder about all the could have been's, what if's, if only's and I always will. But last night, I was thankful for just being where I was and just thought that maybe, this is as good as it gets and just enjoy life for what it is.
I was up really early, around 0730 though we ended up not leaving until around 1000. I didn't wanna wake them up to have them take me to the ferry station so I waited. It was funny how around 0930, my mom called me from their room asking me weren't i supposed to go to the city and trying to catch the ferry. I told her that I was about done. She told me to have breakfast at least since the ride is about an hour long. So did just that, I had a toast and just put butter and sugar on it. I forgot that most people, when they make toast, they put jam or jelly on it. I remembered that after I've made mine, but oh well, mine's just as good. I went back upstairs and my brother was awake too and told me that they'll just drop me off at the train station so I can catch the BART that will take me to the city. He was wanting to go to the mall too, so he got our mom to drive instead so I can be dropped off, while they can go to the mall nearby. It's about a 15-min ride and it was funny how they were telling me how the train system works. I told them I've ridden them before in other cities, and it's works just the same but they wouldn't hear any of it. They still went on and explained it over so I just shut up and listened. They're just making sure that I didn't get lost or anything so that's sweet on their end. We got to the BART station and my brother actually got out of the car, came with me to the ticket booth, and looked up the times the train is leaving, make sure I get there on time. It felt like I was the little brother venturing to the city first time alone so I can't help to chuckle on the inside.
The train ride is about 30 mins long, and after getting to San Francisco, the first thing I tried to find was the Apple store to get my brother's iPod looked at. At first, he wanted to come along with me but I told him I'll take care of it since he can't come since I might meet up with somebody. Oh okay was all he can say. The parents were asking why wouldn't he just go to the city with me, and he told them that he really doesn't feel like it since San Francisco gets old with him living here all his life. Good brother. It was a while before I found the store though, since eventhough it was by Union Square, I struggled a bit trying to find it since I'm not too familiar where everything is. It was actually one block to the left, and just going down two blocks to get to it. I ended up taking the long way heading down the wrong direction, finding a free guide, then turning right back around to where I started. On my way, trying to find the Apple store, I passed by H&M so of course, I had to make a stop and have a look around. They had this one jacket I was eyeing for back in Virginia though both stores I went to were out of stock of it. They told me to come back and check but I really haven't ventured out to Norfolk or Virginia Beach since that's about a 30-45 min drive from where I lived. Anyway, the store had it. However, few feet from it was the jacket that looked just like the one I've been meaning to get from overstock. They had this knee-length camel coat that would go really well with suits or any business attires. With the new job, I'm gonna have to wear casual business clothing so been trying to add more of those to my wardrobe. The coat looks really nice. I feel dashing just wearing it so that should be a good thing :) I feel like a
grown up with it on. I told myself I'll think it through and just come back in the evening just in case I meet up with this one guy, then once we go our separate ways. Since if I do meet him, I don't wanna be carrying a shopping bag around with me.
Finally found the Apple store and was there for about 20 mins. They might have to replace my brother's iPod since it's the audio jack that has some issues. Had to call him though, since they're going to try to do a restore first which will pretty much erase everything on it. He didn't want that since he had some things he wanted to save firstm so I told the technician I'll just come back on Monday to get it taken care of. Gives me an excuse to go back to San Francisco yay! Once that was done, I got hungry so I walked around trying to find a place to eat. I was gonna go to Subway but they discontinued the sandwich that I've been getting the past few months, the Bourbon chicken. Tried looking for Wendy's but I think I went the opposite way of Market St so obviously didn't find it and ended up right by where my mom used to work. When I was about to cross the street, a homeless guy was approaching me so I walked a little bit faster. He was yelling out Hey Big guy but I ignored him and went on my way. I kinda felt bad, but I've crossed the street already when I turned around. There was a McDonald's so that's where I end up going. Yea, I know.. I'm visiting San Francisco and that's where I'm gonna have lunch. I really didn't know where to go since I don't take guides with me when I'm a tourist. I usually rely on somebody I know to take me to a good place to dine in like in LA and NY. After I got settled in a chair, and started eating some fries, that's when my phone rang and it was the guy I was gonna meet up with, saying he's about 30 mins away and can we please have lunch right when he gets there. I said okay, though I didn't tell him I was just about to have mine haha. I was debating whether to eat half of it, or just take it to go.
Throwing away would have been a waste though I can't believe that idea crossed my mind. I remembered the homeless guy, so I thought of just putting my meal in a bag and hand it to him since it's pretty much a new order, save some fries that I've eaten. Mann, it would have been so good though. I had the mayo and ketchup all mixed up to dip my fries in. But oh well. So did just that, and stepped out to the streets again. I went back to where the guy tried talking to me earlier and of course, he wasn't there. I hang around for a few minutes
thinking he might show up, but to no avail. He never did. I saw another guy kinda sorting through the trash bin, so I came up to him nervously, and stuck my hand out and asked him Would you want this? I just ordered it and you can have it. He took it from my hands, said Thanks and I walked away. I was nervous since some might have been offended for me doing that, but good thing he wasn't. I've read how some of them get pissed when you try to offer them food, instead of money like they asked you for in the first place.
After heading down to Metreon where I was gonna meet up with Alex, I got a call from him saying he's having problems trying to find a parking spot. I ended up just hopping on his car, while he tries to find a parking garage. We were driving around for an hour before he found one since the streets were packed and traffics are barely moving. It was kinda funny observing people in this situation. You still have the nice folks thankfully, though some people can be assholes when they're driving. Anyway, we finally found a garage and got to park. Ended up going to a Chinese restaurant and had some Hawaiian BBQ Chicken which was quite good. The woman got my order wrong but I was too hungry to care so I just ate it. I ended up having a mix of BBX Chicken, and some fried fish and shrimps, instead of just the chicken. Figured I'll have a variety to try so just ate it up. Talked with Alex for a while though I find it real funny when I'm hanging out with someone and they keep talking about how many times they've been hit on, etc. He's an okay guy and just let it slide. And no,
it's not a date or anything. He has a boyfriend, and I just met up with him just for the sake of meeting him since I spoke with him a few times when I was in Virginia. We just walked around, looking at some stores here and there. Had a Cold Stone Ice cream too. We went on our separate ways after about three hours, since I was getting tired with all that walking. He needed to get back too, since his bf was getting a little jealous of this new guy he's hanging out with. On the way back to the train station, I passed by a movie theater and they were playing For Your Consideration. It wasn't gonna start for another 80 mins and I really didn't feel like waiting that long so just went ahead and headed to the station. I wanted to go to Castro too but didn't wanna go to a bar or a club with all this stuff I had with me. Just called it a day and hopped on the train back. I had a funny feeling though how I should have tried to enjoy the city more by myself. I get like that sometimes. If I'm alone, wishing I was with people. And when I'm with people, wishing I was alone. It was good getting to meet a new friend though.
On the train ride, I can't help not to smile since I felt happy inside. Happy being home, back to the place where I could have grown. It was maybe a 30-min bus ride, and I was sitting there in the dark, thinking how I can get used to this. Here and there, I still get that desire of actually living with my mom and dad eventhough I'm what, 23 now!? There's more to it of course, which I will explain eventually. From the train station, I'm gonna have to catch the bus that'll take me back to Vallejo and from there, get picked up by either Mom or Dad since the bus stop was about 2-3 miles away. As I was nearing the bus stop, my brother called asking where I was. I told him we were in Vallejo already, and that I'm just gonna walk home tonight. He kept asking if I was sure, and I told him Yes I'm sure. He probably thought it weird but he said okay and just hang up.
Well Friday, we were leaving the mall and I got into an accident. I was driving my dad's truck, my brother along with me since we went to the mall for the Black Friday sale. We were leaving the mall area and was gonna make a left turn to get on the road, and that's when we got struck. I should have paid more attention, and saw the blue car that was coming from the opposite side. It was too late. Right when I looked, it was too late to do anything and he slammed right into the side of the truck. There was barely any damage to the truck, though the guy's was a different story. The front of his car was in bad shape. I can't think of the words to describe it but yea. Nobody was hurt. I was stunned I was just sitting there shaking, thinking Wow, did that really just happen? I've never been in one before so this was quite a shock. We just sat there in the car while it was my brother that called my dad up, telling him we got into an accident. I was really scared since he let me use his truck, and something like this happens. They drove out to wherever we were to get everything taken care of. We can't call the police since the other was actually here illegally, looks like. He didn't have insurance, registration or even a license and the language was a bit of a barrier too. We really can't file a claim since the insurance company would want every detail, and with the guy not having anything, it'll be their loss. Just had to settle with some cash, since that's all that could be done really. There were some discussions but that's what it came down to.
On the ride back, I made my brother ride with Mom while i got on the truck with my dad. I apologized to my dad, and he said don't worry about it since shit happens. I went on how I'm just visiting and I'd do that to his truck. He said So now, you're just a visitor? You're back home Kris. You're not just visiting. I told him I was really scared and he asked if I thought he would have thrown me out because of what happened. I said Umm Yes, and he laughed. That's why we have insurance Kris! We would have just filed a claim if this happened and you were living with us. I laughed though I was getting all teary during the drive. I'm still sorting through some things, but it's a good feeling knowing my dad really loves me. I get these stupid thoughts that he doesn't whenever I think of the past. Of course, he always has. The problem is that I have conditions on how I'd want to be loved, and when they're not met, I think that I'm unloved by this or that person, whether it be a family member, or even a friend.
I was still a bit shaken about the whole accident, and I needed the walk last night to kinda clear my head. Tell myself that things happen. Last night, I was walking down the same streets that I used to drive down when I rode my bike. You see, I've lived here for a brief period and I can say now that I was in turmoil when I did. I was really confused about everything that's happened previously. I was torn over my love for them (my dad, stepmom, and my brother), and missing the Philippines and everyone I left behind. I was questioning so many things, and I'm not reciprocating the love they were showing me when I just moved here. I do really love them, though my action spoke otherwise. I was confused about wanting to live with them, but at the same time thinking how it'll be best to just keep things as they were. Of course, what do I know? I was a just sixteen year old boy. To be honest, I didn't think it was gonna be that hard making the move from one country to another. Maybe it really wasn't. I had the love of my family here, welcoming me with open arms. Now that I think about it, maybe love would have been enough after all. But I wanted so much more, acknowledgement of what wrong was done, and all of the answers I need to find. It was a walk I so needed, and I can say I had joy in my heart on the way back. Of course, I still wonder about all the could have been's, what if's, if only's and I always will. But last night, I was thankful for just being where I was and just thought that maybe, this is as good as it gets and just enjoy life for what it is.
24 November 2006
Feels like home....
It's been five days now since I came to California and I would have to say it's been nice. Always, always good to spend time with the family. The weekend prior to leaving, I just mostly relaxed when I could be doing things. I've been putting off packing, and just sit around listening to music, even watching a DVD, when I could be packing. Oh well, I'll get to them when I go back. I have about a month left in the lease anyway so will just drive back one weekend and get everything taken care of. It's not really much left though, it's just some things I'm kinda torn about getting rid of. Just some Muji containers, and a futon that I bought when I was in Japan. I'm not even sure why I'm trying to hold on to them since they're just that, things. I guess something tangible that shows I DID live in that country for a while. Oh well..
So that, I've been here in Cali and tonight, we're just taking the night slow. Dad's on the phone downstairs, mom in the kitchen, brother in the room, and I, sitting here on the computer. I got in to Sacramento around 0130 Tuesday morning, with my flight totaling to about twelve hours, coming from Virginia with stop overs in Detroit, and St Louis/Minneapolis. Watching The Office, and Seinfeld on my iPod. Video iPod is sooo awesome. So Tuesday, and Wednesday, we pretty much just stayed home. Stepping out for a bit to go to the store to pick up some groceries. Wednesday, I got close to catching the ferry that'll take me to San Francisco, but after talking about it with my (step)mom, decided to wait it out. With it being the day before Thanksgiving, coming back might be a bit hard with everyone trying to get home. The ride is normally an hour but with the commuters, and everything, I'm gonna have to get in line an hour or so before the scheduled time for the ferry to come or go.
For Thanksgiving, we headed out to Fremont which is about an hour away from the house. We spent the day with my mom's cousin (I think). It ended up being okay though at first, I had that feeling of just not wanting to be there. It's weird sometimes how I'd be more at ease meeting up with strangers/bloggers, than being with family and/or relatives I've never met before. I eased up after a while since they were really good folks. The wine during dinner certainly helped too. I was buzzed though a little bit after dinner, us three young ones (my brother, his cousin and I) went to see Borat which makes it the third time I saw the movie. Went back to the house and called it a night.
Then Friday, went to the mall to catch the sale, getting into an accident on the way back.
So that, I've been here in Cali and tonight, we're just taking the night slow. Dad's on the phone downstairs, mom in the kitchen, brother in the room, and I, sitting here on the computer. I got in to Sacramento around 0130 Tuesday morning, with my flight totaling to about twelve hours, coming from Virginia with stop overs in Detroit, and St Louis/Minneapolis. Watching The Office, and Seinfeld on my iPod. Video iPod is sooo awesome. So Tuesday, and Wednesday, we pretty much just stayed home. Stepping out for a bit to go to the store to pick up some groceries. Wednesday, I got close to catching the ferry that'll take me to San Francisco, but after talking about it with my (step)mom, decided to wait it out. With it being the day before Thanksgiving, coming back might be a bit hard with everyone trying to get home. The ride is normally an hour but with the commuters, and everything, I'm gonna have to get in line an hour or so before the scheduled time for the ferry to come or go.
For Thanksgiving, we headed out to Fremont which is about an hour away from the house. We spent the day with my mom's cousin (I think). It ended up being okay though at first, I had that feeling of just not wanting to be there. It's weird sometimes how I'd be more at ease meeting up with strangers/bloggers, than being with family and/or relatives I've never met before. I eased up after a while since they were really good folks. The wine during dinner certainly helped too. I was buzzed though a little bit after dinner, us three young ones (my brother, his cousin and I) went to see Borat which makes it the third time I saw the movie. Went back to the house and called it a night.
Then Friday, went to the mall to catch the sale, getting into an accident on the way back.
19 November 2006
Box of words
I have a box full worth of quotations, jokes, short stories and poems I've been meaning to put up on a website one day. It's what's helped me get through the days. Matt got me thinking this morning. It's been a while since I've looked at this box, and now that I was moving and and sorting through my things, trying to figure out what to toss or keep, I think I'm gonna keep this box after all. I always thought I'd be good at saying goodbyes, but who am I kidding, that's just something I'm not going to be good at. I did at work, when one of my coworker Charles, was gonna be gone for six weeks to attend some leadership school. It was the end of the day, and as we were walking towards our cars, I was wishing him luck in the class and to enjoy it. Yet, there I was after getting in my car, with a blurred vision since I had tears in my eyes. Can't help not to laugh as to how silly I get at times.
Or even when I was in the Philippines this past summer and it was a day or two before I was leaving. We had the prerequisite karaoke in the house :D and everybody was just having a grand ole time. I was singing Close to Heaven by Color Me Badd. I've known this song since I was in the elementary, and I guess it's my trademark song. It's what the family has me sing whenever we get together. So there I was, singing and I look over to my left and there was my aunt wiping away her tears. I just hugged her and kept on singing. Though when somebody else was singing, my emotions got the best of me and I went to the other room and had a good cry. It was of pure joy, of course. Sitting there thinking why days like this have to end!? My 2-yr old cousin saw me and just stood there looking at me. It's not like we can talk since I don't speak Norwegian, but he stayed for a little bit patting my legs. I started laughing, the same time crying if that makes sense. Anyway, there were some things said this past week that angered me a LOT. I've calmed down ever since but I guess I forget sometimes that they're not perfect, and neither am I. Yet, here I am smiling at this moment thinking of them. I'm aware that everybody's not as lucky, there are folks who doesn't even speak to their family, and for that I'm thankful it hasn't gotten to that point. I get close sometimes to doing so, but probably not. Don't you wish you can fire family!? Hahaha.
Here's one of them:
'I Wish You Enough'
What to say when you don't want to say good-bye.
I never really thought that I'd spend as much time in airports as I do. I don't know why. I always wanted to be famous and that would mean lots of travel. But I'm not famous, even though I do see more than my share of airports.
I love them and I hate them. I love them because of the people I get to watch. But the people are also the same reason I hate airports: They're all always saying "hello" and "good-bye." I have great difficulties with saying good-bye. Even as I write this, I am experiencing that pounding sensation in my heart. If I am watching such a scene in a movie, I am affected so much that I need to sit up and take a few deep breaths.
So, when faced with a challenge in my life, I have been known to go to our local airport and watch people say good-bye. I figure nothing that is happening to me at the time could be as bad as having to say good-bye. Watching people cling to each other, crying, and holding each other in that last embrace makes me appreciate what I have even more. Seeing them finally pull apart, extending their arms until the
tips of their fingers are the last to let go, is an image that stays in the forefront of my mind throughout the day.
On one of my recent business trips, when I arrived at the counter to
check in, the woman said, "How are you today?"
I replied, "I am missing my wife already and I haven't even said good-bye."
She then looked at my ticket and began to ask, "How long will you...
"Oh, my goodness, you will only be gone three days!"
We all laughed.
My problem was I still had to say good-bye. But I learn from good-bye moments, too.
Recently, I overheard a father and daughter in their last moments together. They had announced her departure, and standing near the security gate they hugged and he said, "I love you. I wish you enough."
She in turn said, "Daddy, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Daddy."
They kissed and she left. He walked over toward the window where I was seated. Standing there, I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?"
"Yes, I have," I replied.
Saying that brought back memories I had of expressing my love and appreciation for all my dad had done for me. Recognizing that his days were limited, I took the time to tell him face to face how much he meant to me. So I knew what this man was experiencing.
"Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?" I asked
"I am old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is, the next trip back would be for my funeral," he said.
"When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough.'
May I ask what that means?"
He began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone."
He paused for a moment and, looking up as if trying to remember it in detail, he smiled even more.
"When we said 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them," he continued. Then, turning toward me, he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory.
"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye."
He then began to sob and walked away.
My friends, I wish you enough!
Or even when I was in the Philippines this past summer and it was a day or two before I was leaving. We had the prerequisite karaoke in the house :D and everybody was just having a grand ole time. I was singing Close to Heaven by Color Me Badd. I've known this song since I was in the elementary, and I guess it's my trademark song. It's what the family has me sing whenever we get together. So there I was, singing and I look over to my left and there was my aunt wiping away her tears. I just hugged her and kept on singing. Though when somebody else was singing, my emotions got the best of me and I went to the other room and had a good cry. It was of pure joy, of course. Sitting there thinking why days like this have to end!? My 2-yr old cousin saw me and just stood there looking at me. It's not like we can talk since I don't speak Norwegian, but he stayed for a little bit patting my legs. I started laughing, the same time crying if that makes sense. Anyway, there were some things said this past week that angered me a LOT. I've calmed down ever since but I guess I forget sometimes that they're not perfect, and neither am I. Yet, here I am smiling at this moment thinking of them. I'm aware that everybody's not as lucky, there are folks who doesn't even speak to their family, and for that I'm thankful it hasn't gotten to that point. I get close sometimes to doing so, but probably not. Don't you wish you can fire family!? Hahaha.
Here's one of them:
'I Wish You Enough'
What to say when you don't want to say good-bye.
I never really thought that I'd spend as much time in airports as I do. I don't know why. I always wanted to be famous and that would mean lots of travel. But I'm not famous, even though I do see more than my share of airports.
I love them and I hate them. I love them because of the people I get to watch. But the people are also the same reason I hate airports: They're all always saying "hello" and "good-bye." I have great difficulties with saying good-bye. Even as I write this, I am experiencing that pounding sensation in my heart. If I am watching such a scene in a movie, I am affected so much that I need to sit up and take a few deep breaths.
So, when faced with a challenge in my life, I have been known to go to our local airport and watch people say good-bye. I figure nothing that is happening to me at the time could be as bad as having to say good-bye. Watching people cling to each other, crying, and holding each other in that last embrace makes me appreciate what I have even more. Seeing them finally pull apart, extending their arms until the
tips of their fingers are the last to let go, is an image that stays in the forefront of my mind throughout the day.
On one of my recent business trips, when I arrived at the counter to
check in, the woman said, "How are you today?"
I replied, "I am missing my wife already and I haven't even said good-bye."
She then looked at my ticket and began to ask, "How long will you...
"Oh, my goodness, you will only be gone three days!"
We all laughed.
My problem was I still had to say good-bye. But I learn from good-bye moments, too.
Recently, I overheard a father and daughter in their last moments together. They had announced her departure, and standing near the security gate they hugged and he said, "I love you. I wish you enough."
She in turn said, "Daddy, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Daddy."
They kissed and she left. He walked over toward the window where I was seated. Standing there, I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?"
"Yes, I have," I replied.
Saying that brought back memories I had of expressing my love and appreciation for all my dad had done for me. Recognizing that his days were limited, I took the time to tell him face to face how much he meant to me. So I knew what this man was experiencing.
"Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?" I asked
"I am old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is, the next trip back would be for my funeral," he said.
"When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough.'
May I ask what that means?"
He began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone."
He paused for a moment and, looking up as if trying to remember it in detail, he smiled even more.
"When we said 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them," he continued. Then, turning toward me, he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory.
"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye."
He then began to sob and walked away.
My friends, I wish you enough!
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