One day only

The blog looks the way it was years ago. My settings got really screwy so will use this in the meantime until I have more time to fix it.

In light of the concert I'm going to tonight, I'm putting this up again for just today.. I'm gonna see the Spice Goils *grins Yes!!! 11 yrs and it's finally happening. It's okay.. You can laugh... Girl power!



As promised to D-man, a vid I made singing and dancing to the SG hehe! It's all for fun *grins....

#^@%!!!

I deleted the layout that I had by accident and now, I don't have a link to a single blog I like. Trying to get this back like it was...

Update:
Yeah!!! Thanks to Dessie, I got a snapshot of how it looked like. Just a matter of copying and pasting... Someone needs to learn html

Quit while you're a head!!

I'm feeling better now, and watching this video certainly helped :D I told this at work and good thing my coworkers found it funny.

Random things (not any better than last)

Posting the pics of me wearing the jackets that I bought. I'm leaning more with the leather since it could go with dress and casual clothes. And this whole time, all I was trying to find is a water-proof jacket. Maybe I'll just get a rain coat! But D-man, here goes as you requested. I'm probably keeping the leather one. Whatcha guys think?

I guess this is how life works sometimes. Thursday went well as I caught up with a friend I haven't seen in a loong time, then it just went downhill from there. I'm a bit better than I was over the weekend. Friday just turned really shitty than I can't hold things in anymore. With the whole telling the dad thing, it just felt like I had to tell him that night. I could have waited til he actually picked up but I didn't. I ended up calling a fellow blogger, as to what i don't remember. I think I just needed to hear a friendly voice. I get in the dumps and it sucks I don't have a friend close by I can just go to. All I have here are acquaintances, and all the folks I'm good friends, they're either in Florida, Cali, Washington or Idaho.

But yeah, during our talk, I had to go to the bathroom really bad and instead of hanging up, I tried to do two things at once. Alas, my cell fell in the toilet and hasn't worked since. I'm waiting on a new one from AT&T that should arrive tomorrow. Here I was thinking I didn't need the insurance. Oh, when you call for a replacement for whatever reason, did you guys know you have to pay a deductible? I certainly didn't but they charge you $50 for doing so. They'll be sending me a Sony w580i since I have an older version of it I got two years ago.

But yea, that's about it really. Didn't do a whole lot Sunday, was on the computer mostly discovering new music, and reading Alice in Wonderland. Never got to read it or watch the movie though the quotations I've come across sounded interesting soo yea, that's about it.

Good thing I didn't get an iPhone yesterday as I was planning to, and spent all that money. An issue came up with the mom, and right now I'm not really happy with her. I've been telling her to go back to Florida but she won't listen, but after what happened today, she said crying that she might just have to. I doubt she will though. She'd say all this stuff trying to make me feel better, with someone moving in at the spare room at their apartment (my old one) so the rent will be less, that she's trying to find a full-time job, I tell her where to go but all she listens to are her Filipino friends. Maybe I haven't helped her as much as I could... We get into fights about this, that I'm not doing enough for her as a son. I say that I can only do so much, but she still has this mentality that I'm gonna help until the end. I'm just angry right now, and had to vent somewhere so derrr...

Hate me... (WARNING: Moping)

Well my brother told me sometime during our talk last week that my stepmom already knows about me being gay. He said she really didn't care which made me glad. I've never spoken to her about it but I'm sure she had ideas. Last night, I ended up going out to a bar when all I wanted to do was just stay home and rest. I was at the bar for a good 2-3 hours, and called it a night. It was fun, talked to some new folks and ran into a bunch of guys I hang out with when I just moved here. They'd have this parties and this one guy that I met invited me, with me not knowing anybody in the city. Anyway, I met this one woman named Mary and this whole time, she was asking one of the guys where I was. Mary and I really hit it off. She's this 50-something woman that's like a ball of energy, I loved her that night. But yea, I got one of the guys' number so will call them and maybe stop by where they work. I'm glad she remembers me.

Anyway, as I was saying, I ended up calling my dad on my way to the car just saying I was glad that they got the CD I sent them, and that all's well, amongst other things. Right towards the end of the vmail, I said something along these lines: "I went Ummm, Dad Oh yea, there's something that I should tell you. Ummm, I'm gay. But yea, that's about it really. I just thought you should know. So yea, just call me sometime."

I texted my bro and told him I ended up telling my dad through voicemail. He said I probably should have waited until I ACTUALLY was talking to him, but later on he texted that everything will be okay. I was planning to tell my dad before January ended but didn't get around to it. I got really, really close when he asked me who I was living with if it was neither my old roommates nor my mom.

Right now, I just have all these mixed emotions. Scared, excited, lonely, just all these emotions. I feel like I'm just wading through the days, not knowing what to do. With things in my life, you think I'd be happy. Have a good job I just started early January, have a bf, my mom's here, but I don't know, it just doesn't seem enough. It feels like there's just this empty spot that I cannot fill. I thought I love myself already but I actually have yet to get there. I really thought I did, granted I feel better about myself than I used to, but I guess I don't love me completely. I really wish I can integrate what other people see in me and the way that I see myself. They see this good, funny, smart kid and I'm probably some of those things, but when I look at the mirror, I don't see any of those things. I just see me, and that's it. I don't know if it's a blessing or a curse that I don't see myself like others do, maybe it helps to keep my feet on the ground or it's a curse that I can't see the good in me.

Am I still seeking my dad's love and approval after all this time? I really don't know. I thought I was past that but maybe I'm just fooling myself. I think I turned out okay with the things I've seen and done for 24 years. I don't think about it much. Things happened and that's just life you know!? Do I wish it was different? Sometimes I do from time to time. I just wonder... How it would have been if I grew up in the States? If I grew up in a sane environment? It wasn't that great but the family loved me, but it just didn't seem enough. There's this sad feeling that I just didn't belong as much as I want to. I felt like an outsider just looking in. I know that the family loves me but sometimes the things you were told kinda stays stuck in my head. My mom told me once that my grandma was just helping us out of pity. And granted that I felt her love, it's just in the back of my mind whether she really loves me or not.

I have this anger that I'm not sure what's stemming from. I'm a good, happy, go-lucky guy most of the times, and yet if someone does something not right in my eye, I'm just about to bite their head off. I took out my mom to the movies Thursday night, and I got really frustrated since when were trying to get something to eat, she seriously considered not eating since she didn't know what to get. I was just there thinking, how the fuck is this possible!? I sensed this rage just coming from within and I had to step out just not to be around her even for a few seconds.

I want love but at the same time, I don't. I'll do things to make people love me, and once they do, it seems like I just don't want it anymore. When I feel that people love me, I'll try to make them hate me. As if I'm asking them, "Can you love me a little less please?" I just want to be left alone, maybe I wouldn't feel bad because there won't be anyone I can do these things to.

I'm forgetting what matters....

How does it feel in my aaaarms..

Do you want it? Do you need it?

Kylie Minogue - In My Arms

Kylie Minogue WOW

Jackets

We were out in Tyson's Corner yesterday and ended up buying two jackets since I can't make my mind up. I'll be trying them on more to maybe help me decide more. The leather one actually has a detachable hood, and the fur can be taken off as well.
The one on the left, I like since it's water proof. Can't leather be made water-proof too? I thought they can be so will have to read up. The leather one's more versatile, don't cha think?

We might be through with the past....

I called in sick yesterday since I didn't feel too good. I got like 3 miles away from work, but really didn't feel like going so called the boss, and told her I was sick. I really am... though the pain is in more ways than one. I ended up chatting with a fellow blogger and that made me feel better. Once that was done, ate, then plopped in the couch and cried through Magnolia. The movie didn't hit me the first time, but yesterday was a completely different story. It hit home really close due to some things I'm dealing with. Anyway, here's a pic (pardon the jackets!) I took when talking to a fellow blogger. Appreciate the convo!

"We might be through with the past, but the past ain't through with us."

God please forgive Her...

Yea, this really isn't a post. I'm not sure where my mind is at the moment. Some of you know what's going on but maybe one day, I can explain it all. Anyway, one comment about this "found" made me chuckle.. "You have to have a license to fish...but any idiot can be a parent." The letter was heartbreaking though..

It's whatever you choose....

I figured from now on, I'll start to put in a quotation or some sort of devotion that has helped me go through the hard times. Or even, some sort of reminder so that I will never forget where I came from, and all the things I've learned in this journey called life. (I have a bunch of books and keep a sheet of paper where I write down the pages that just stirs something in me. I don't highlight the pages ever, or if I do, it's only because I have two copies of the book.) Anyway, here's one of them:

Life will accommodate you in any way that you choose. Life is always listening to the silent requests of your heart and mind. Life is always surveying the landscape of your heart, gathering the bits and pieces of the emotions buried there. Life is always monitoring the activity of your tongue, checking for ruins and sacred elements. Life knows that your mind, heart and mouth will produce the requests of your consciousness even when you are not aware of it.

Life can be an open book through which you can learn about great mysteries and wonders. Or life can be a mysterious and frightening pit through which you fear to tread. Or life can be an open basket into which you can place your treasures, in which you can carry abundant blessings. Or life can be a locked trunk from which you can retrieve or receive nothing. Life can be a journey or a struggle. A paradise or a prison. A calm sea or a turbulent ocean. It's all up to you. Life will accommodate whatever you choose, exactly the way you choose. And, whether or not you believe it, what you have in your life right now is a function of your own requests! Some of those requests you made openly. Others you made silently. Doesn't matter! Life is very accommodating, and the minute your requests change, your life will follow suit.

Until today, you may not have realized that life is answering your requests. You may not have believed that you have the power and the right to ask life for more than you already have right now. Just for today, be devoted to creating a list of positive, joyful requests. Create them first in your mind. Next, create them in your heart. Then speak them into existence. Be sure to remember what you have created. If it does not show up, check your counterrequests.

Until Today!
by Iyanla Vanzant

Kept my pants on

Well Saturday came and went and I ended up not going to the No Pants 2k here in DC. Ah well, laziness kicked in a bit and I ended up just staying home. Ah well, if there's one next time, then I would consider. It got me to sign up for Facebook though, so you know what to do if you're in it (I already have you added Robert!!) Ended up hanging out with our neighbor. Then later on that evening, went out to Lucky Strike and tried to go bowling. They won't let N- (next to V- in the pic) in though since he was wearing Timberland boots so we ended up stopping by our house so he can borrow my shoes. Went back, but by the time we got there, there was queue to get in to the bowling alley and the wait would have to be 4 - 5 hrs according to the guy that worked there. We were all supposed to meet at 8, and the other V- (the girl next to me in the previous pic). She was waiting on her daughter to get home which never happened :( So we ended up just going to Thai Chili in Chinatown, me, C-, N- and his gf. A good time was had by all, well I would hope so hehe, but it was nice to just sit down and have a chat. If you ever find yourself in the area, Thai Chili's the place to go!

Sunday, the bf took me to see Shear Madness at the Kennedy Center. This play was a riot. Reminded me of Strangers with Candy with their play of words, LOVE IT! Good thing I didn't yell out 'Girl Power!' when they mentioned the Spice Girls. The ending was such a shocker, who would have thunk...Thanks again kiddo!

Aside from that, I enrolled to some classes and started school today. I'll be taking 9 credits so if I do well, I'll try to pursue my studies full-time eventually. It's just something that I wanna be able to have done after putting it off for a few years now. It just felt like something always comes up, but I'm not holding anyone responsible but me. These were my actions and nobody else's but anyway like they say, it's never too late unless you're dead. I got close to actually not showing up to work EVER depending on how Friday would go, and it went well so here I am. The job's been really great so far, casual Fridays, free meals once a week, a really laid back team, I'm loving it. It's such an irony that this whole time, I hated folks who carries a blackberry around , and now yours truly has become one of them.

Anyway, a little quote for today: It's a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy

See me pantless!!?

Thanks to Rey, I was reminded about Improv Everywhere. I thoght it was a neat idea, and I remember being hysterics about the Redheads that protested Wendy's. Well, well, there's actually a No Pants 2k8 for Washington DC and I think I might go after all. Per Rey "the flashmob event that happens annually where an organized group of people get on the subway, take off their pants" and keep a straight face for the whole ride. Details are here, I'm seriously thinking about doing it.

New beginning

It was this time last year that I started working at my current job. I think I might have mentioned recently that I put my resume up on various sites just to test the waters, and see what the reaction will be. It was pretty good I'd have to say since come next week, I'll be working at a different job. I just kept it hush-hush at the old job though, and it's mostly the people I was closest to that knew about it. Everything really happened too quick. The interviewing, the hiring process, and of course, starting the new job after the holidays. I definitely will miss the USM however. Not so much the work, but the helpdesk folks I worked with and some of the folks I've gotten to know the year that I was there. I find myself crying on some days, I guess just with the thought of not getting to be there anymore. Granted I brought this change upon myself, but still it's always bittersweet when change happens.

This is a group pic taken on our Christmas party (I got permission to keep their faces on this pic). It's us three at the bottom, N-, V- and I that really clicked so it made the workdays bearable at least. We'd laugh about the little things, about the customers, the questions that we get, and in some instances, in each other's expense. It was all for good fun though. I'll really miss them and I hope I'll get to see them every once in a while at least.

Another person I've become fond of is Ms Ver- that works at HR. I came by her office and told her just this past week, and she was shocked about it as well. She actually got teary hearing about it, which made me cry in the process. She's sorta become like a mother to me, I ended up crying at her office once when I wasn't able to hold some things in any longer. During that time, I really haven't blogged much since I was trying to keep positive on the things I write about, forgetting the fact that I use this blog as an outlet. Anyway, it was still a surprise since I didn't think I'd be that vulnerable to someone who barely knows me. But I think it did us both good since we were able to be more open about things. I even let her in to the fact that I'm gay and everything, and she said she could have cared less about it. Friday, she took me out to lunch which was a nice gesture. She's trying to get me to go back to the USM already, and I haven't even left! But will see how everything goes in the future.....

I used this lines (took some parts out) from The Office around this time last year and I'm glad it came true in a sense, and here's hoping that it'll happen again for the next one, and the one after....

"The people you work with are people you were just thrown together with. I mean, you don't know them, it wasn't your choice. And yet you spend more time with them than you do your friends or your family. But probably all you have in common is the fact that you walk around on the same bit of carpet for eight hours a day. And so obviously, when someone comes in who you have a connection with it can mean a lot. But if I'm really being honest, I never really thought it would have a happy ending. I don't know what a happy ending is. Life isn't about endings, is it? It's a series of moments."

Guess that's it for now. Just having a hard time sleeping so thought I'd write a bit. So much has happened, but that'll be all I'm writing for now. Have met a fellow blogger, D-Man, and his partner this month and it was great, I feel honored they spent just about every weekend they were here hanging out with me. It really means a lot just getting to hang out and talk to them, getting to know them more in the flesh, no less! Thought I'd just throw that out there, just in case I didn't get to tell them how much it meant.

I confess...

Confession
Okay Rob! I know it's waaaay overdue but sometimes I forget that I get tagged with memes. But here goes...

--
Taken a picture completely naked? Yeeeeeah! But it's been deleted years ago.
Made out with a friend on your MySpace/Facebook page? Nope.
Danced in front of your mirror naked? Yea, when I'm getting dressed sometimes after showering
Told a lie? Yes. Who hasn't really!? I know, it's not something to be proud of.....
Had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? Yeah, when I just first started dating guys. There was this one guy who was in Tokyo and he never saw me again. It hoit, I got drunk and was the talk at work since it was unusual for me to do that
Been arrested? Yes
Made out with someone of the same sex? Pretty much all I've done
Seen someone die? Yes. He was a carpenter I was friends with when I was young. He got himself tangled in a live wire
Slept in until 5pm? I'm sure I did cuz I worked night shift for a while
Had sex at work? Naww.
Fallen asleep at work/school? Yep.
Held a snake? Umm, no and doubt I will anytime soon
Ran a red light? I probably have and not realize it
Been suspended from school? No.
Totaled your car in an accident? No.
Pole danced? No, the occassion hasn't happened yet. I haven't even gone to a strip bar sooo...
Smoked? Nope, the family smoked so vowed I wouldn't
Danced? Of course. In private and IN PUBLIC. Yea, I give in to pressure *grins
Been fired from a job? No.
Sang karaoke? Yes, when I was in Japan and the Philippines last year.
Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? Oh of course.
Laughed until a drink came out your nose? Actually, I threw up from laughing too hard in 6th grade
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? I don't think I have
Kissed in the rain? No
Sang in the shower? Of course
Given your private parts a nickname? Hmm, no. Just never gave it much thought
Ever gone out without underwear? Yes.
Sat on a roof top? Yes.
Played chicken? Play as in "choke"? So many times, it's prolly up in the thousands *teehee
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? No
Broken a bone? Popped one? Yes. Bent one? Yes. Broke one? Yep, I fell off of a tree and landed on my right arm
Mooned/flashed someone? No and no.
Shaved your head? Many times.
Slept naked? Yes. When I was too tired after.....
Played a prank on someone? I would have to say yes. I've done unto others what others have done unto me
Had a gym membership? Yes. I have yet to use it consistently
Felt like killing someone? I'm sure I have
Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? Yes
Cried over someone you were in love with? I don't think so. I got drunk, but don't think I cried
Had sex more than 10 times in one day? No.
Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? Nope. Not sure what they are to be honest
Been in a band? No.
Subscribed to Maxim? Nope.
Taken more than 10 shots of alcohol? I probably have. I blacked out eventually so I must have
Shot a gun? Yes
Had sex today? No
Played strip poker? I'd have to say no, I don't even know how to play poker
Tripped on mushrooms? No.
Donated Blood? No
Video taped yourself having sex? No. I just don't see this happening. This is a blackmailing material waiting to happen
Eaten alligator meat? No. Frog legs? No.
Ever jump out of an airplane? No.
Have you been to more than 10 countries? No.
Ever wanted to have sex with a platonic friend? Yes.
Five bloggers you're tagging that you don't know how much you like their blogs? I don't fully get this question but I'm tagging Cesar, JohnMichael, Jon, Arkano, and Steve

8 years today!

*breathes heavily. It's nice to finally just take a breather here at work. It's just been busy since this week started and I'm really close to just throwing in the towel. I put out my resume once again, and trying to see what's out there. It's kinda crazy that this time last year I sorta was in the same boat, getting ready to leave the military, and start my life as a civilian. There are times where I considered going back in but it's probably not gonna happen. I just miss the camarederie sometimes, and all the higher ups looking out for me (well mine certainly did). They really went out of their way to take care of any needs I had whether it be moving to an apartment off base so my mom can stay with me, or even offering to move me to a different position if I was unhappy with what I was doing. But that's about it, it just seems there's too much BS to deal with, and to be told what to do in pretty much most aspects of my life kinda got to me. Either way, I'm thankful for the experience.

Well, I turned 8 yesterday!! Okay, you're probably thinking like huh!? Well, let me splain. It was exactly 8 yrs ago that I made the move to the US, and started out a new life per say and it's been my our running joke (my dad and I) that we started to count my age after coming here. Sometimes I just sit in awe and gets boggled with how all those years have been. It's hard to believe sometimes when at one point, I really gave up on getting to come here. It wasn't even so much to live here, the main thing was getting to see my dad again since I was maybe 3 yrs old. I've written a lengthy history but really don't feel like linking and stuff.

Thanksgiving came and went but that day, things weren't exactly alright, not that I'm saying it is now, but it was a struggle a little to come up with things to be thankful for. It really shouldn't be forced but today, I've got that feeling and hence this post. These 8 years has been a learning experience for me, not that it ever stops. But things I've seen and done, people I've met and crossed paths with, all I hold dearly in my heart. Even just a simple act that they might not even realize, it could have been something simple as a smile, or a conversation, or a lift to the post office when I needed a ride, it all made a difference to me. Some of those people, I probably would never see again but regardless of that, they've touched my life and I'll never be the same again because of it.

I'll admit in my early years, there were times I considered just ending it all since life got to be too much. Of course in life, you can't always have all joy and happiness. Sometimes going through pain and suffering might be necessary since without them, how would we get to appreciate all the good things that happen to us. I'm glad I didn't and just held on to the idea that there's always tomorrow, and that everything will be fine. Though sometimes that tomorrow might take days, weeks, months or even years for some, but regardless things do work out. Easier said than done since I'll admit, sometimes it's hard to see past through what's happening and try to find the lesson in it. Either way, things happen and we just have to find whatever it might be that would get us through the day.

I don't think I would have traded this for anything else, and I'm glad I got to see this day. All I know is that at this point in my life, this is where I exactly needed to be. Asto why, maybe the answer might come, it might never but it's all part of the process. I'll know when it's time for me to know, and for now I'm alright with that.

I'm grateful to my family who's always been there for me, my parents of course, which I'll always love in my way and not what they think I should love them, to C- for being with me eventhough I can be quite difficult (well sometimes), and for all my friends, near and afar, including my blogger friends. My life is richer with you all in it, I can attest to that. To the ones I've met, aren't you lucky you met me? hahaha! To the ones I haven't met, it'll happen *grins . To these people, thank you for seeing the good in me when I can't see it myself.

All these coming from an 8-yr old...

Vote for me!

That's Caeden when he was just a few weeks old. He's about 3 1/2 months old now and you can see a more recent pic when you click on the picture on the left. The bf asked me to post this so whoever looks can vote for Caeden at the MyFox DC's Pet Page hehe. Thanks :D

Heels on the ground

Had it been not for JM, I would not have even bothered to watch Charlotte's Web. Granted I've watched kids movies: Monsters Inc, Finding Nemo, etc and I really enjoyed, I've never bothered with Charlotte's Web. I'm glad I got to sit down and watch it since I surprisingly liked it. On Thursdays, I usually watch tv with My Name Is Earl, and other shows being on but I made the exception tonight. I'll admit I cried in some parts of the movie, since watching it made me think of all my friends. Eventhough some I haven't seen in years with them living in other parts of the world, it doesn't cause me to love them less, but instead treasure those moments I spent time with them. Same with bloggers, I've met quite a few and eventhough I spent only a day with some, it still makes me smile to have met them.

Wow, so it's been two weeks since I last post. It felt like that was only a week ago. Things have been good for the most part so can't really complain. Ok, maybe it was only one week now that I've looked at a calendar. We ended up not going to NY last weekend, and just stayed home mostly. For Sunday, we went to the National Gallery of Art to have a look since they have an ongoing exhibition of Edward Hopper's work. It was nice getting to see his paintings up close and personal. It just amazes me what some folks can produce with a brush and paint, or pen and paper. They had a film about his life as well, interesting to actually hear more about what he was like as a person. Nighthawks' actually my favorite painting of his, and I use it from time to time as my wallpaper.

Monday, I switched shifts with my coworker so I can drop Cs- off at the airport. He went to Orlando to see his family. After dropping him off, I had a few hours to kill before coming in to work. Cs- got a navigation system from his mom, and thought I'd let it guide me home. Cs- kinda played with it a little before I dropped him off so I "assumed" that he was setting to take me home. I did what it told me to do, though maybe 20 mins or so, I was starting to wonder since I was driving through streets I've never been to before. I was just thinking how nice it was to see more of the area. I was on the main highway, and started seeing signs to the airport and I thought how odd that was and upon looking at the nav system, it was giving me directions back to the airport!!! I just spent an hour driving back to where I started.

Tuesday, I went to Dupont Circle to watch the High Heel Race which is annual thing here in DC the Tuesday before Halloween. It was one of the funniest things I've seen. Drag queens racing a few blocks wearing high heels and pumps, and it was just great seeing all the people that came. Even the mayor stopped by, and I got to shake hands with him too. They got folks dressed up as Larry Craig, the "Leave Britney alone" guy on youtube, Princess Di, etc even the Spice Girls. Maybe next year....*grins Found a clip to give you an idea




Wednesday, I ended up calling in sick to work. I was actually walking to the train station already, and felt that I really didn't wanna come in. So instead of fighting it, I just went with it and called my boss to let her know I didn't feel too well, which is true to an extent. Ahh, the beauty of being a civilian. Odd thing was a little bit after going back in, this is what it said on my horoscope for the day:

"You might need to connect with Mother Earth, Kris. Lately, you've been feeling less than grounded. You might have
the sensation that your mind is drifting somewhere above your body. If your work is mostly of the mental variety,
and if you spend a lot of time on your computer, you might experience some feelings of disconnection from your body.
Correct this by going for a long walk in a park, or sit by the ocean or other body of water."

Granted I didn't go by an ocean or anything, it was nice to just stay home and do as I please. Cleaned up some, did the laundry, listened to some music and went running. Trying to get in shape like I once was a few years ago. I didn't realize that my body changed much but with a few folks saying something about it, yea maybe I did lose some weight. Time to go to the gym again. I'm crazy for not going since I really can't get out my contract with Bally's, so way to fix it is to just go. Not that I'm not okay with my body, but guess it could use some improvement. It wasn't 'til I was about 19 or so, when I finally realized that I wasn't bad looking at all. I confided this to a friend and she said how crazy I was for even thinking that I was ugly. Not that I think I'm a hunk, it's just that I've learned to love myself and smile at the guy I see at the mirror, and not to constantly think of what can be changed on the outside.

I guess now, just finally having faith and believing in myself is what it all comes down to. I'd like to think I'm still the same person, eventhough some people might think I changed. Is it not possible though, for one to change but yet remain the same? Maybe I did change, but I would not have done so if it wasn't necessary. Some of it was by choice, some was sorta forced due to circumstances that I got myself into. I just have to stay true for me, and try not to let other people's perceptions get in the way.

Who I am is not who I used to be. But who I am is all of who I used to be.

I'm gonna see the Goils in Concert....

I got tix to see the Spice Goils :D The show won't be 'til February though and the tour starts in December so gotta find me tickets to LA if possible.

I know, I know *shocks horrors* The Spice Girls of all people. They got me started though in paying more attention to music. Granted I listen to them, I don't listen much to boybands or Britney. But these girls though, ooo lala, I don't know what they do to me. But yea, I can do their songs and dance to a tee. The chances of those videos showing here!? Maybe never but then, never say never. Listening to them brings me back to when I didn't have a care in the world. I cringe a bit when I remember how I used to dance around in school, and around the family.to them, yeah how ___ but I was young. Oh wait, I can't say that since I still do to these days. Let's just say, these girls make me smile..

Things are finally settling. Been going on some trips: to NY, then to SC to attend a friend's wedding. I'll try not to promise to update but I really haven't sat down and have deep thoughts like I used to. Maybe that's a good thing.

I blued myself

Well it's Tuesday and just got back from lunch. Just ate at my desk today since I've been bringing food in to work, or try to at least. These past weeks have been good. The previous weekend, we actually had a spur of the moment trip and ended up going to Philadelphia which was about a 3-hr drive. We were gonna see The Bodies Exhibit like I mentioned but ended up just making the trip. It was nice up in Philly. We got to see the original House and the Senate building, and got to see the Liberty Bell as well. We just passed by it since halfway through, we had to evacuate the building since somebody thought the Fire alarm thing was the exit button. So yeah.. We walked around in the South Street which was really nice. It reminded me of Harajuku. The feel of the clothing stores, and them being actually open 'till 11 pm or so. Definitely unlike DC where everything shuts down around 9.

This weekend, we found ourselves in NYC. It was just me and Cs- though since I wasn't sure how my mom would feel about staying at a hostel so we didn't take her with us. Cs- and I just caught the bus that leaves from DC to NYC for $35 which I thought was a good deal. It saves us the hassle of driving which I am NOT doing in New York anytime soon, and we get to sleep during the ride if need be. We got there around noon or so. Not even 10 mins into getting there, I sorta got harassed.


While we were walking towards the Penn Station entrance, a woman that was a few steps behind patted my butt. Did I just feel someone on my ass? was what I thought, and I turned around and there she was grinning, her with her waist-long braided hair, headphones on with a grin on her face. She put my arms around me, and went walking with me and asked if I had some change. I said, No, I don't have any cash with me at the moment but she insisted. I was trying to feel around my pockets if I did, during which she's rubbed my face, and called me sexy with my shaved head, and pinching my nipples. Cs- was a few feet away and was just cracking up. I asked him if he did and he had some change at least. So he handed her some, but before walking away, she went for a final swoop and actually grabbed my crotch. I just giggled since it's kinda silly to be mad about it.


After that, went to the hostel and tried checking in but we can't check in 'til 3 pm and we got there around noon. Just put our stuff in storage, and stepped out since we're starving. We went to Carnegie Deli and had one of the best sandwiches ever, and I don't like sandwiches too much! Sat next to a mother and daughter we ended up talking with about different cities, restaurants etc. After that, just walked around as to where I don't know exactly. We stopped by H&M (I know they're everywhere but the one in NY's different). I finally found the perfect pea coat I've been looking for. Later that evening, we met up with our friend and had dinner at an Italian place. Just talked with him and got to hear more about when he lived in New York.

After the meal, we made our way out to Astor Place to watch the Blue Man show. It was an interactive show, and it was really fun when they pick someone in the audience and make them a part of the show. Once that was over, we met up with Rey down at Hell's Kitchen. Looking cuute Rey! It was great seeing him again after meeting him the first time over a year ago. He's the first blogger I ever met*smiles I had a good time with him, and Darryll and Rob. Hey Darryll!! They later on took us to The Eagle *grins I've actually enjoyed going to the one here in DC so it's cool to see where it actually started. Left around 3 to get some sleep since we've been up since 5 am.

Woke up. Had breakfast, and walked around Chinatown, SoHo, St Mark's Place and tried to see the Statue of Liberty but there were too many people in queue. Took Cs- to the Uniqlo which has changed a LOT since Jon took me there a last summer. It was awesome to be back again. Really don't have pics yet since we left the cam at our friend's car. Guess that'll be it for now. Enjoy the rest of the week!

Made a funny

They probably think I've been smoking some joint here at work since I've been a scatterbrain these past few days. Today, I tried calling a customer back. Instead of asking for the person I needed to talk to, I told the guy who picked up:
___ Helpdesk. This is Kris speaking. How can I help you?
I realized it after the fact and asked nonchalantly for the customer. My boss did a double take and came back to see if she did hear what she thought she did. She just laughed and told me to lay off the doobie.