04 February 2011
Kicking my ass
Aside from that, things have been mixed to be honest. I'm torn as to what my next move will be. I feel that my time in DC is ending, and I'm ready for a change. It's been good living here, but at times, I just hate it so much for a mix of reasons. They always say there's a deeper reason why you feel the way you feel about things and I'm still trying to determine what they are. Work-wise, it's good for the most part but at times, when politics gets mixed in, I just wanna bolt out of the door. It irks me when people try to pull ranks and stuff, like seriously, what kind of person does that!? Or if not that, say one thing then turn around and make a 180 flip and make me (department) look bad in the process. My boss is telling me to try to stick out another year so that's that, will see how the next few months pan out. I'm applying to jobs all over and might make the leap wherever I get hired first. I've said on my profile that I'd be interested to move overseas even, or in another part of the country. Cali would be nice though, i think. I'm ready for sunny year around hehe
Definitely could use a vacay so looking into my options next month. With being in school and all, I can take off one week at the most. I have two places in mind right now: one is where I'll see someone I've missed these past few years, or other is I'll get to meet someone who I've known for 8 years online. Need to decide though before it gets too close to the date and plane ticket prices go up. It'll be nice either way, just a change of environment and be around something familiar.
That's it mainly, just taking it slow this weekend after getting drunk two weeks ago that I threw up in a cab ride. Guess like they say, there's always a first :-o Am glad the taxi driver was nice about it from what I remember. I think I was chatty and friendly to her during the ride so maybe that helped. That's from my tiny recollection of how the evening went.
24 January 2011
Back to basics
It's 10 PM as I'm writing this and have one more hour to go that I stay up since I'm on 'stand-by.' They wanted us to be on call at work in case something happens IT-wise in our offices in the East Coast. It's been an interesting year having gotten this government job I'm currently in. I'm not sure what I was hoping to experience when I become one but I guess you kinda get over it once you become one.
2010 was kinda a blur overall, even in my personal life. It felt like I coasted through it I'll admit that when it's drawing close to an end, I wrote down things I'd want to change for the upcoming year. I didn't take classes, didn't do volunteer work, amongst other things. So far, I'm making progress with the 1st month of 2011 coming to a close. I'm signed up for two classes, Chemistry and Sign Language. Been going to the gym more as well, partly coz I have to now since I got a personal trainer, something I definitely didn't think I would do but I guess never say never. We did some checks today and I'm actually making progress, though not as much as I could be. Changing my eating habits is taking a little getting used to, since now I have to eat protein more than anything.
I'm soo sleepy, 24 more minutes to go (T_T)
28 December 2010
Getting back
It's quiet at work today since everyone's pretty much out which is a good thing. I need to do some stuff before the year's over but thought I'd take a moment to gather my thoughts, and write them down somewhere.
Yesterday was a good day overall, well it completely turned around since during the morning, I was so upset having to pick up somebody else's slack that I about cried and want to leave my job. I calmed down a bit after getting back to the office though, and normally I'd sulk and not talk to anybody, but with it being just my boss and I, it just felt like the wrong thing to do. Not so much wrong, but it's unfair at times to other people when I take out things on them when they didn't do anything to me. Sometimes, we need to have a social face that eventhough we're close to breaking down, we have to show otherwise to other people. I'll have to post something I read about this....
Going back to yesterday, my friend and I planned to see a movie at one of my fave places, the Drafthouse. It's a theater but they serve food and drinks before the show/event, and I've gone there numerous times since moving here. My coworker ended up coming along, will call her G-, along with my friends H- and L-. It was fun, we just had little banters until the movie started, them making fun of my 'indecisiveness' and how it should be my middle name...thing is it's true.
I've been making some changes in my life little by little. One of the main things was that I moved out of the apartment I was sharing with a roommate and found a place to myself. This is the first time in 4 years I've lived alone, and I did miss it. I'm still getting the apartment set up, but it sure is nice to have "my" place again. Will post pics eventually.
Will keep it short for now, since I figured I had to start somewhere. Hope everyone had a nice Christmas :)
09 June 2010
Changes
Today was good overall. A conversation with a coworker enlightened me over a decision I brewing on for a whole week. It was work related but still, it was doing me in. I'm given more responsibility at work now, and granted I do well, that thing known as doubt rears its head and makes me question my abilities.
I ended up not living work til 5, so much for living early! I ended up talking to one of the field guys for a good hour about work and our pasts. He's going through a divorce right now which breaks my heart, since it's never easy. But then what do I know, at times it's necessary to happen before the one.
Will write more tomorrow since I'm sleepy. Nite!
25 February 2010
Spoon or Fork
Found this a while ago but sharing to those who hasn't read it
INT. SILVERWARE DRAWER - NIGHT
A SPOON creeps toward an empty slot in a cutlery caddy.A lamp flickers on.
The Spoon GASPS.The FORK scowls at the Spoon, his tines shaking in anger. FORK
Where have you been?
SPOONUm ... I was taking a midnight dip ... in the sink.
FORKAlone?
SPOONI suppose you're going to accuse me of sneaking off with one of the knives from the butcher block again. And that you imagined that you heard us clinking together in the dark.
The Fork hands the Spoon a manila file folder.FORK
I hired the spatula to follow you. He took these pictures.
The Spoon slowly opens the folder. She finds photographs of herself frolicking with a dish on the dish rack.FORKIs it true? Are you diddlin' the Dish?
SPOONForky ...
FORK
(turning away)
Oh god ...
SPOONI didn't plan it. I was just lying in the spoon rest, and the next thing I knew, I found myself plunged into his hot, sticky --
FORKYou can tell me he dipped you. You can tell me he's stirred you, but please, please, tell me he didn't ...
SPOONSpoon me?
The Forks looks directly at her, but now the Spoon turns away.FORK
We were happy once. Remember the night when you first ran your fingers through my tines ... What happened?
SPOONI could say it's not you. I could say it's me, but it'd be a lie.
FORKIt's my agoraphobia, isn't it?
SPOONI can't spend the rest of my life shut away in this drawer, Forky. I want to see the world before I'm too tarnished to go anywhere.
FORKI'll change. I'll ... I'll ...
The Spoon smiles sadly, her oval head drooping.SPOON
I'd better go.
The Spoon pushes the drawer open and hops out.The Fork crawls after her.
FORK
Spoonie! Spoonie, come back!
The Fork tries to follow her, but freezes at the edge of the drawer. He folds over as if touched by the invisible hands of Uri Geller, collapsing into a sobbing heap of metal and tines.09 February 2010
Armour love
You pull on your armour And put up defences
Why do you want to? Because I'm here to protect you
So take it easy I'll make it so easy
You can lay your head down And we'll leave it til tomorrow
You seem to believe you belong to somebody else
When you leave me alone in this world You know that I'm in hell
When you know what it's like To be lonely and by yourself
When your life is tangled You wear your disguises
But why do you need to When I'm standing here beside you?
So take it easy I'll make it so easy
You can lay your head down And we'll leave it til tomorrow
You seem to believe you belong to somebody else
When you leave me alone in this world You know that I'm in hell
When you know what it's like To be lonely and by yourself
Slipping through my fingers And into another's
Tell me why won't you turn back?
You seem to believe you belong to somebody else
(You know what it's like you shouldn't have to be told)
When you leave me alone in this world
You know that I'm in hell
(It's hard enough when you're alone in the world)
When you know what it's like
To be lonely and by yourself
(x2)
You'll find a way
Work-wise, it's been going good. I've enjoyed being at my current job. I might have said it before but the folks are really awesome, and I'm given more responsibilities which I'm trying to do really well in. There's definitely room for growth so can see myself being there for a while. They have offices throughout the country so I'm gonna try to get reassigned somewhere warmer in the West Coast, or even Texas so will see.
Here comes the snow again. Gotta get cooking in case the power dies again.
25 January 2010
Leaving a mark
Life's a never-ending cycle. You laugh, you cry, you get hurt, you knowingly/unknowingly hurt others. You hate, and of course, you love. One can't exist without the other, just a matter of finding a balance and making peace with one's self. It's interesting how time changes you, things you thought that mattered, doesn't always in the end and vice versa, though it's not always easy to figure out which is which. I think I've come along since I started this blog few years ago, and am thankful for having a way to just let things out of my mind and my heart. I feel lighter on my shoulders now. I find myself censoring what to write and I didn't want to get to that point where I don't write about things that matter...even if it was just to me.
"Everybody wants to leave something behind them, some impression, some mark upon the world. And then you think, you've left a mark on the world if you just get through it and a few people remember your name. Then you've left a mark. You don't have to bend the world. I think it's better just to enjoy it. Pay your dues and enjoy it. If you shoot an arrow and it goes real high, hooray for you."
I am more me
'cause i heard some song i used to hear back then, a lone time ago.
I remember when, even further back, in another town,
'cause i saw something written i used to say back then, hard to comprehend
and the question is, was i more alive then than I am now?
I happily have to disagree;
I laugh more often now, i cry more often now, I am more me.
but of cause some days, i just lie around and hardly exist,
and can´t tell apart what i´m eating from my hand or my wrist.
'cause flesh is flesh, flesh as flesh as flesh, the difference is thin.
but life has a certian ability or breating new life into me, so i breathe it in.
it says here we are, and we all are here, and you still can make sense,
if you just show up and present an honest face, instead of that grin.
and the other day, this new friend of mine said something to me
just because something starts differently,
doesn´t mean it's worth less,
and i soaked it in, how i soaked it in, how i soaked it in
and just as to prove how right he was, then you came.
so i'm gonna give, yes i´m gonna give, i'm gonna give you a try
31 December 2009
The Missing Piece
I think it's true for everyone...in the end we hope to meet our Big O
08 December 2009
New Day
So yea, it's off to a good start working at the new job. Just a bit of a dilemma though. With the whole quitting thing, I actually didn't leave my company after having talked to the manager, I had her yank the separation paper and asked her if she can find me a swings or a night shift position with the company. I need to talk to the guy I was working with the past month or two since he'd be open to keeping me, but not sure if he would if he finds out I can't come in til like 4 or so. Normally the swings do 2:30 til 10 but will see. Another bump is that where I work, they really don't have a parking lot so they're saying I might want to just catch the metro which would be fine, except I'm not sure how I can get to a second job if ever so maybe it's not fine.
Just had to let it out since it's been in my head all day and people I normally would talk to about it might get tired of hearing any of it.
Oooh, got my new glasses today. I've had the same one for two years now and I opted for a plastic ones instead of metal. I think it looks nice, haha! I just tried it on but didn't wanna wear it yet, oh my godd, that's my mom talking. Whenever we used to buy stuff, we don't actually wear it or whatever until a "special" occassion, makes me laugh now.
She's no longer living with me as of yesterday. She's still in the area but she's with her man now haha. The guy's nice and all but I CAN'T stand having him at the apartment ALL the time, it just feels awkward for me somehow so derrrr. I'm on the fence about getting a roommate since I get aggitated with some little things, like if people use the sink and not watch the areas around it that's wet, people stepping out of the shower into the rug while still soaked instead of drying off before getting out, I'm not the only one am I?
Weekend was good overall, hang out with my cousin on my dad's side that moved here to DC. I need to reach out to him more, I've just been cocooning myself lately over some things that's happened. But I kinda slipped in our conversation that I was gay like real casual. It came up how my dad and I haven't spoken for almost 2 years now, and I told him our communication went to a halt when I came out to him over the phone, so I think my cousin got it.
It's 12:30 and I can't sleep it. I have to be up in 4-5 hrs but am awake now which is odd. I was dozing off in class BIIIIG time even my classmate noticed, heh. Will just go read a book then, ni ni :)
02 December 2009
It's a blue, black blue Wednesday...
Decisions
I just wanna ball up in a corner until I think it all through. It probably won't make much sense to others but I just needed to let it out.
24 November 2009
As far as the new job, I'm gonnabe starting much sooner than

expected since the process went through a lot faster, what with the background investigation having been done not too long ago. I actually used one of my blogger buddies as reference :D Thanks R! Ahh, the friends I've made through here really makes me smile, love 'em all. So Friday, I did put in my 2-week notice and will start the following Monday. I was actually gonna try to wait it out til after the holidays since I was considering going to Puerto Rico since C- was gonnabe there. I'm missing the dog sooo much which I never saw coming. Even C- and I talk about it sometimes and laugh about it now, since I'm not always so caring when I choose not to. So that, guess I'll see him when he comes back.
It's 2 AM as I'm writing this and I'm trying to stay up as much as I can since I'm working night shift this week. Will hit the sack in a bit though since I have to get up early to get the car looked at. It's been making this whirring noise on the left side at random times.
I was all happy today too after getting our quizzes back for Math. Mannn, I was making A's in the last few tests. If I'd have studied sooner, I won't have to retake it but durrr, I was a fool. I seriously considered skipping today since I was off, it felt like I had to be off from E-V-E-R-Y-thing, even school. Got home and mom ended up being in my room for a bit. She's a crier when she gets drunk, and was talking about the same stuff over and over. Just telling her to 'let it go' since she's holding on to things that one has no control over.
I've been making 'music videos' but nothing worth posting it yet. I need to find more male artists to listen to, somehow I mostly have girl. I wonder if being gay has got to do with it..What's love, but a second hand emotion. What's... Let me stop :D Here's the song I've been meaning to do, but somehow watching the vid makes me wanna find a big box to go in and "perform"
13 November 2009
Pick me, choose me
Just went home, and tried to fix my cousin's laptop. And just watched some TV. I seriously have to stop watching HGTV. The guy they had on was trying to find a place in Colorado Springs and it seriously made me wanna move there :D However, that will all depend with the potential job I was interviewing.
Well speaking of which, I got a call and an e-mail from them. I called the HR lady back and.... they picked me for the position! It won't be for another month or so before I can start with the paperwork and all. But I'm gonna take a break in between and maybe try to make my way to the West coast since it's been too long since I've been.
So that's what's going on. I'm watching Precious tonight so there's definitely gonnabe some crying. I'm looking forward to it, well seeing the movie :D The crying's just an extra which one needs time to time.
12 November 2009
States of Kris
So that, will see. If anything, come summer, I would consider relocating somewhere. TX, CA, AZ even. Weird as it may be, I just have this inkling to move to Arizona, granted I've never even visited, except for spending the night there en route to LA. So will see how this will pan out, my lease is 'til next summer anyways so who knows what will happen by then. I might try to live close to a city though, since I'm still in my concert-going phase, which has been quenched since moving to DC. I've gone to probably 20 concerts in 3 yrs I've lived here. That's one thing I love living here. If I do move though, it wouldn't be as rough as it was where you didn't know a single soul. This time, there will be two I'll go with so we'll manage somehow when the time comes.
I've sorta been in a funk these past few weeks, I dunno if the cold weather has partly do with it or what. but I've been reassessing things that have happened. Things I could have done better, times I could have been nicer, more loving, more thoughtful of others. But then, that's how one learns I think. You look back and do your best not to do those unloving things any longer. I think at times, I make things harder than they ought to be, and I really have to stop doing that.
The next shift's coming so will cut this short for now. Just need to drop something off at school, then will be making my way up to Baltimore to see The Cranberries, yay!! I've listened to them for like 15 yrs and it'll be awesome to finally see them live. I'm excited!!!!
A music vid's long overdue :D
29 October 2009
Epic fail
Gahhh, I did baaddddd on my Precalc test even the teacher told me he was perplexed when he saw it. Will stick it out though until this sem is over and that'll be that. I don't think I will be taking any classes next sem..
27 October 2009
Nailed it
I called work back and told them that I'm fine, and would make it in as soon as possible. I was getting ready to get on the car when I saw there's a bit of cars backed up so I called and opted to just call out. I pretty much spent Friday running and doing errands. Went to the mall and returned some things. It was a jacket that will be missed but I need to stop buying jackets. I seem to buy one or two every year so had to put a stop to that. When I got home, I actually waxed my car after the 'repair' the guy did. It took me a good hour to do it, during which I was jamming to my iPhone, when the music started slowing down. I was wondering what did that and alas, came to find out my battery died. I seriously didn't think that would happen but yep, my car died.
None of my neighbors were around so I tried getting the booster pack that I have that recharges from the outlet and would recharge the battery. But of course, it didn't work. Somehow in the process, I managed to leave the keys in the trunk and close it. I tried getting back in to the car but it locked itself already. I cannot believe that was happening!!! I'm glad my mom just left work and was able to get back in because of her.
Weekend was quiet for the most part. I drove up to Baltimore to meet up a guy I dated a while ago before I moved to DC. It was nice catching up with him in person after 2 yrs. We've kept in touch through occassional texting/phone call. He still had those beautiful eyes I fell for *blush
Today, I took a day off actually since I had an interview to go to. I was a bit nervous since I ended up interviewing with 3 people which was a first. The most I've had was 2. The interview lasted for a good 45 minutes. They asked me about my background, and asked me technical questions, and some customer oriented ones like what would I do if a customer is screaming, or was dissatisfied with the service, etc. I was chatting with one of the interviewers when I was leaving since I had to be escorted out, and he actually told me that he feels I'd be a real asset to the agency and would want me onboard. However, I'm the first person they interviewed and they'd have to interview folks for the next 2 weeks. It'll probably be a month from now before I hear back. It's the waiting that's the killer. I've applied to a bunch of government jobs and this is a first where I actually came in for an interview. I guess that's something. I'm not trying to get my hopes up but from what it seemed like, all 3 interviewers wanted me to join the team. One joked that I can step out of the building and go back in and start working, when I asked when would the new hire start. Usually when I leave an interview, feeling good and just get the thought like I nailed it, I have been correct. The three times that has happened, I was offered the position.
I was gonna go to the High Heel Race tonight but ended up just staying in since it was rainy/windy/cold. It's a yearly event where guys in drags race for like 2 blocks in DC. I've been to 2 already so that should be enough. I'm gonna get back to watching Away We Go . It's a good movie so far, not sure why I didn't see it in the theaters.
21 October 2009
For every action....
Yesterday, I did go to the gym after work, like I told myself I should be doing more of. I get off work at 2:30 and try to be home at 3. Get changed and try to head out, though a tube with an x gets in the way time to time. I tried to be out of the gym an hour and sorta had my evening laid out. Swing by the grocery store, cook, iron my work clothes, then study.
As I was driving out of the parking lot, a car was trying to get out of their spot so I stopped and let them through. The driver of the van ended up waving me down, and told me how he works at a car body shop and can do work on mine. You see, when I first moved here three summers ago, I initially was catching the metro to go to work. The first day I drove and trying to park in the garage, I miscalculated and drove into a white column. So pretty much, I’ve been driving a black car with white paint in the front bumper for 2 ½ yrs. I keep saying I’ll get around to getting it done but never did.
The guy told me he can do it for $270. That’s roughly how much I’ve been told when some other guy stopped me as well offering to do it on the spot. It, being to repair my car :D I called my coworker who knew about cars to check and he said that’s actually a pretty good price since body shops would charge $600 or so.
I just went ahead and got it done, waiting around in the parking lot with him, while his wife and son sat on their van. I’d have to say he did a pretty good job. It made me smile seeing my car the way it was when I first bought it since I’m planning to keep it for a while anyways. Now I just need to spend some time waxing my car since he told me it’s good to wax it every so often. I’ve had the car for 4 yrs come December and he said it looks good for it being that old. I take care of it as much as I can though getting that one spot fixed was never put on my to-do list.
So yeah, it kinda threw my night off and I didn’t get to cook. Still, something good can come out of it. Funny how one action changes things completely. I somehow can’t keep that in my head since usually, I don’t think of the consequences of things I do until someone brings it up.
I sooo wanna go home and nap and just skip class today… 7 ½ hrs before my day’s completely mine (T_T)